Arriving at the cemetery, I went out of the car with the flowers on my hand. I know people always have this concept that cemeteries are scary and full of supernatural beings but to me, this place is the only one where I can see and talk to Seulgi; at least in my imagination. I’m not crazy…yet.

I went to the spot I have memorized ever since that day. How can I not memorize this spot when I used to come here every day? I would sit here for hours  just talking and staring at her tombstone until Yeri comes and fetches me and drag my unwilling body to the car.

I put down the flowers on top of the tombstone and sat down cross legged feeling the patches of grass under my and legs. I looked at the tombstone again, “Kang Seulgi, February 10, 1994-August 11, 2020”

“Hi Seulgi ah. It’s been a while since I last visited right? Pffft, who am I kidding? How long has it been? Five days?” I attemped to laugh at my own attempt at joking.

I continued to look at the tombstone and lifted my hand to trace her name. “Seul, how are you? I hope you’re doing fine wherever you are now; not like me who is living miserably without you.”

I sighed and tears started to build up in the corners of my eyes. I inhaled deeply and looked up at the sky to attempt and stop my tears from falling.

“Do you remember the times when we were together? Those happy and fun times that we had? The times when we would bicker with each other? The times when we would just sit and stare at each other’s eyes with dozens of thoughts running through our minds and communicate them without even opening our mouths? Well, mostly me because we both know you're talkative", I added with a laugh.

"The times when we would just randomly blurt out “I love yous’ to each other? Well, mostly you”, I added.

("I love you."

I looked up from the handful of papers in my hands and stared at her confused, "What's up with you?"

Then goes your eyesmile that will never stop to make my heart flutter.

"Nothing. I just want you to know that, in case you forgot.")

I continuously blinked my eyes to stop my tears but my they were just running freely through my eyes as if they have a mind of their own.

Damn it! Why can’t I stop this?!

I rubbed my tears with the back of my hand as I continued to speak out my thoughts.

“Just when I thought that those times would last forever like you promised…but…it…didn’t. You promised me you’d be with me forever Seul. You promised."

You promised me. You promised me forever.

("Hyun, you and I forever. I promise that.")

Slowly feeling that anger and regret again I could not help myself but start to just...explode.

"You promised! I'm sorry that I was stupid! A fool! Dumb! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs now. I didn’t care if other people would look at me and think I’m crazy but I don’t care. It’s true anyway; I’m starting to go crazy for missing you so much.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

After calming down, I started in a much softer tone, "I'm sorry okay? I'm...sorry. I know it was my fault but just...just come back..."

"...come back to me..."

After minutes of staring with nothing but the sound of my sobs, droplets of rain fell on my face. I looked up to the sky and put my palm out and rain came pouring down. It was a