Sohyun’s POV

The night when Hyungjun-oppa told me the reason for Seung Ho-oppa leaving, I cried enough to last my lifetime. I knew that Oppa loved me deeply but I let the hurt I felt to my ego clouded my judgement. How childish!

I shall cherish our wonderful moments together and I will build a career that Seung Ho-oppa would be proud of, something that will made our separation worthwhile. And maybe, he would come back, even if it is not to me, that is ok.  I just want to be able to catch a glimpse of him. Knowing he is safe and healthy would be enough.

The next morning, I went to Omma and gave her a hug. I apologized for my attitude the past weeks. I went to school with an uplifted spirit as I prepared for my finals. There was an offer for a drama, a romantic comedy drama about youth on campus by the Producer of the earlier drama I did with Seung Ho-oppa. The synopsis was exciting and I can’t wait to do it. I brainstormed some ideas with CEO Man on how to further market the drama.

Studying for finals was a struggle. I can’t go to Oppa’s house to study and had to get to the school library early in order to get a seat. Minjun, Jieun and I took turn to arrive early to reserve the seats.  Right after exams, together with Sujin, we went on a short vacation to Jeju Island before I start filming my drama. I pointed out to the girls the beach where Seung Ho-oppa and I did our photoshoot. I looked at it, wistfully wishing for those days.

Filming the drama was a lot of work but the set was very fun. Most of the filming was set at Sujin’s university, Seoul National University. My co-lead is Ji-soo-oppa, a very cool, shy guy. The cast were mostly youths, the camaraderie was good and there was a lot of laughter. That period was stressful as I had to juggle filming for the drama and several other CFs and photoshoot. Sometimes when I feel tired, I hugged Mr Ryan to sleep and I imagined that it was Seung Ho’s oppa hard and warmth chest.  Anyway, I worked really hard and did my best. 

The effort and sacrifice was worth it as the drama hit the jackpot. It was one of the highest rated drama of the year, and with several countries asking for the rights to distribute it. It was my final year but I was often away from school as I had multiple offers for CFs and photoshoots. To ride the wave, fan meets were organized in various cities in Korea and also overseas.

Oppa didn’t return from overseas. He must have heard of my successful drama. I’m considered a Hallyu star now. Why didn’t he come home? At night, I played with the trinity ring, and wondered if his love is truly eternal.

One of the tv channels had started screening a half hour travelogue of Oppa’s travels. His travels covered the less frequently visited places, where he showcased the beauty of nature. I never failed to catch the show as soon as I can. I watched it repeatedly so that I could then see his face and hear his voice. I missed him so much. He looked a bit gaunt, in a rugged way. He kept his hair rather long and he had a light goatee. But my Oppa still looked handsome. Maybe he is not back yet because his travelogue kept him away.

I’m a graduate now! I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to complete the course. We had the usual graduation ceremony and then a combined dinner celebration with Minjun, Jieun and Sujin’s families at a 5-star hotel. After dinner, we dressed up and went to a club to join other friends to party the night away. Oh yeah, we did! We had so much fun till early morning. It would be perfect if Oppa is here.

Oh my! Its been a while but my life had been so busy lately. I have so many photoshoots and CFs that I get barely any breaks in between. Luckily school was over. I went to Paris, Florence and Amsterdam for photoshoots and attended fashion shows in New York and London. It was so exciting. The cities were beautiful. I want to go back to these cities with Oppa. I felt a dull pain in my heart when I thought of that. When I am overseas, I do sometimes look around, in case I can catch a glimpse of Oppa. I know it’s a slim chance since he travelled to far flung places, but I thought fate would help me. Hahaha, I have done too many dramas to still think that fate does intervened.

I can’t walk around Seoul anymore. My face is too recognizable. And, it was also embarrassing to see my face promoting so many products. Every 10 steps, you’ll see another picture of me promoting something. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but it is everywhere. I wondered if Oppa is in Seoul he would complain about that. He did whine about my face being everywhere at his fan meet before, and that was nothing compared to now. I don’t mind him whining, I want to hear his whine.

I am considering two scripts, should I do another drama or a movie? I love the directors and writers in both. Options, options, options… a first world problem indeed. Shall I be greedy and do both if they can manage the schedule? Hmm…

Oohh.. Seung Ho-oppa did a photoshoot in Baku, Azerbaijan for a magazine. Where on earth is Azerbaijan? That place looks beautiful though. He looked older, more rugged and so droolworthy handsome. Hahaha, droolworthy. I’ve invented a new word. Anyway, I got 3 copies of the magazine, just in case. Hehehehe. One is quite dog-eared already. That night, I dreamed of Seung Ho-oppa. We bumped in Itaewon and he kissed me senseless in the middle of the street. And I was ready to rip of his shirts. Goodness, I’ve become such a byuntae.

Sujin, Minjun and Jieun wanted to set me up on a blind date.  I know they meant well, but why don’t they get it. There is no point. Its my career or lovelife. I’m not interested in romance anymore.

Last night was the end of the year awards night. I won the Best Actress and Best Couple award with Ji Soo-oppa.  I should be on top of the world. But as I walked down the red carpet, I was hoping that Oppa was waiting for me, so that we could do the walk together like before. When I stood on stage to receive my Best Actress award, I could only mentioned a general thank you as I was holding back my tears. Because the only thing I really wanted to say was, Oppa, isn’t it time for you to come back. Please come back. It dawned on me that Oppa is not coming back. To me.

I’ve been filming for a movie for a couple of months now. Today, we did the scene when my lover left. I cried. For real. I couldn’t stop the tears even after the director said cut. We had to take a 5 minutes break for me to pull myself together. I know people were talking about it. I need to get a grip and moved on, just like the character of this movie. I can do it. Hwaiting!

What was I thinking??? Movie and drama filming that overlapped for 3 weeks. Its been two weeks of barely any rest and catching up on my sleep in the van whenever I can. One more week, one more week! Com’on Sohyun. Hwaiting!

I saw a magazine with Seung Ho-oppa on the cover with the headline, Shedding his boyish charms, Yoo Seung Ho is now a y, manly, charismatic hunk. He has always been that. Should I buy the magazine? I should, shouldn't I since I still watch his travelogue? I’m watching because the places that he visited are interesting. Only because of that. Not! I hate that I can't get over him. Why do I continue to torture myself.

I bumped into Shin Jaeha-oppa at the broadcasting station. We chatted. Later he messaged me asking if we could have coffee one day. I replied I don’t drink coffee when I know he was aware of my coffee habit during filming. He said ok with a sad emoticon. Oh well, I don’t need drama in my life!

Filming for the drama was over. I told CEO Man I need to take a break from filming. He agreed easily. I was pleasantly surprised until I glanced at the computer screen of his secretary and saw that my schedule was packed for the next 3 months with CFs, interviews, photoshoots and promotions for both the drama and movie. Short lived happiness! I need to tell Omma we need a vacation. But I don’t know when.

I had an interview today. The reporter talked about the beautiful love story in the movie. Then she asked if I am dating or would like to date. I don’t know why but I decided to open up to her. I talked about my relationship with Seung Ho-oppa. I’ve never talked about it in public before. I knew initially CEO Man must have stopped reporters from asking me about it, but till now, no reporters asked. I told the reporter that I was in a wonderful relationship. We were in love, very much in love but even then, our love was not enough to withstand the pressure of the industry. Nothing has changed in the industry since then. I don’t want to experience the same pain again. For now, my love is my career. When she asked whether I am lonely, I said I have my family and my friends with me and that I’m surrounded by their love, so it is enough. I lied. It is not enough. Only one person can fill the void, but he is not coming back to me. This is my life now.

Everyone is excited! I have been nominated for the best actress award in the film category for Baeksang. The nomination was already an honour. I don’t expect to win it though. But I am going to the event. Several fashion houses have been calling the agency, offering their dress for the event. It is exciting!!

I won! It was bewildering. I didn’t prepare any speech and so I had to scramble my already bemuddled mind while trying to stop myself from bursting into tears.

When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that the agency had been inundated with phone calls because of my win and also because the interview I did with the reporter also came out this morning. The one I mentioned for the first time about my only one relationship. My mum told me CEO Man was upset but fortunately, he was distracted by my win. Omma then hugged me. She cried. I know why she cried. But I don’t have it in me to console her and tell her it is ok. So, I stayed silent.

Seung Ho’s POV

She won!! My sweetheart won. I felt so proud of her. She must be jumping for joy. Oh, how I wished I could be there with her. I continued surfing for news of Sohyunnie winning the Baeksang Award when I saw a newly posted interview with her. She talked about us. This must be the first time, because I’ve not seen anything about us before.

Flashback

I looked outside the window of the plane and saw pitch darkness in the sky. Such a perfect picture of how I felt at the moment. I felt sorry for Omma and Appa. I’ve provided them financially but Noona will have to take care of them for now. I thought of Sohyunnie and my heart hurt. I know she is in pain too and I hope she forgives me. No, I don’t deserve her forgiveness.

I flew to Dhaka Bangladesh and visited BRAC, an organization that served the Rohingya refugees, to offer my service. The next day, I went with a few BRAC staff to transport food, water and other necessities to the refugees in Bazar, Bangladesh. It was hard work and long hours. It was good cos I had no time to think. When I finally get to bed, I was knocked out in minutes. Otherwise, during the few, free waking moments I had, I would think of her. And my heart would hurt. Badly.

I’m now in Colombo after 3 weeks in Bangladesh. I’m staying one night in Colombo, to get thoroughly cleaned and also get connected back home. I haven’t had a good wash for so long that I stink. I called home earlier and spoke to Omma and Appa. Omma cried on the phone. I had to explain to her that I was in a location where I could not call. I must remember to tell Omma if I am going to be disconnected again. Omma told me that Noo