Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song

Bittersweet. That’s how it felt. Utterly, unavoidably bittersweet.

Bo Gum felt a lump in his throat every time the MC joked or asked him questions about him and Yoo Jung and at times it was hard to keep smiling and not show how worried, sad and angry he was feeling. Most of all, he tried his best not to show how much he missed and loved her… First, because he didn’t want to be so obvious, but also because he didn’t want her to get more hate online. People could start rumors about anything he had to say about her, and he wanted to avoid that.

Still, it was hard, and sometimes he failed at it. He could be nothing but honest and transparent when it came to her. Bo Gum barely held back his tears as he saw the footage of their first kiss and remembered everything he had felt and all the happy moments they’d shared during filming, especially those that weren’t caught on camera, those that nobody but them knew about. The way their relationship had grown from simple work acquaintances to really close friends was the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to Bo Gum. He felt immensely grateful to know her and to love her.

God, how he missed her in that very moment! Watching their first kiss just made all the emotions come back. He knew they were filming his reaction, so he tried his best to act cool, but all he wished for was for her to be at his side so they could laugh and joke together. He was, once again, embarrassed and worried when the MC brought up the subject of that kiss and the many takes it took to get it right. Bo Gum tried to remain calm and collected, but watching Dong Yeon laughing at him made him smile and recall the scolding he gave him the day they filmed the scene.

“Aish, this dongsaeng. He keeps giving me away.” He thought as he dodged the MC’s question once again.

When it was time to announce the Female Excellence in Acting Award, his heart jumped. Yoo Jung was nominated, and he was confident she would win. She was just such a good actress! He looked at the crowd, where the Gurumi cast was sitting down, and wished -once again- Yoo Jung was there to collect her award. He didn’t have much time to think about it, though, because they quickly announced the winner.

“Seja, rejoice! It’s Kim Yoo Jung-ssi.” As soon as he heard those words, his heart was filled with pride and joy and he smiled bigger than he had all night. He clapped, feeling both happy and sad. Lee Jun Hyeok went up to collect the award in Yoo Jung’s name and Bo Gum looked down, suddenly overwhelmed by the pain of not having her there to bask in her greatest achievement so far. Still, once again, he tried his best to pull himself together quickly, and looked up again at the crowd.

“...Hong Sam Nom, I hope you quickly recover from your illness so that you can dance to ‘Bombastic’ with a handsome man”. Lee Jun Hyeok’s kind words for Yoo Jung warmed Bo Gum’s heart as he remembered the conversation he’d had with his co-star during their trip to Cebu. Jun Hyeok knew about his feelings and had always supported both of them, and for that, Bo Gum was incredibly thankful.

The biggest surprise was still to come, though, for that was the night when Bo Gum won his first Daesang. He couldn’t hold back his tears anymore as he thanked God, first and foremost, and tried his best to remember every single person involved in his acting career. He wasn’t expecting to win, but he had still prepared a small speech and was now given the chance to say it in front of the whole crowd.

“Oppa, I am sure you’ll win the Daesang.” Yoo Jung had told him a few weeks earlier, as they discussed the nominations over ice cream.

“Ani, baboya. I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience, but thank you for believing in me.” He said, and smeared her nose with ice cream. She laughed and looked at him in awe, before cleaning her nose with a finger and the ice cream in it.

“Aaaani, Oppa. You’ll win. And when you do, don’t forget to be thankful towards everyone in the project. Also, don’t forget to thank the people who helped you get where you are, and all your fans.” Yoo Jung finished up her advice. “Make sure you remember all of this when you win, because you’ll win.” She’d smiled at him like she knew what the future had in store for him. Bo Gum had thought then that he was really lucky to have her as his sunbae.

He thought of her as he walked up to the stage and stood in front of the mic, and then he couldn’t take it anymore. In front of everybody, Bo Gum broke down. He felt joy, sadness, despair, gratefulness and anger, all at the same time. He was so thankful for the award, but it wasn’t the same if Yoo Jung wasn’t there to share such a big achievement with him. He’d been so worried about her for the past days, that he hadn’t given any thought to the award and what it would mean for his career. All of the emotions he was feeling were just too strong, and he allowed himself to be vulnerable, even with the whole world watching. 

“...In order to stay an honest and sincere person, I will work hard.” Through the tears, he managed to finish his speech and say everything she told him not to forget. The night was finally over.

Yoo Jung-ah, he thought as he walked off the stage, thank you for everything. This is all for you.