4: SOMETHING BEHIND THE SKY

"Walt," by Yoko Kanno

                Saturday mornings were the only ones when Naeil woke up to sunlight in her eyes. It was a nice feeling, even if it left her little drowsy. The sounds coming from the kitchen was another rare experience reserved for Saturday mornings.

                Naeil grabbed the bra she had stuffed in the edge of her bed the night before and slipped it on under her shirt, heading toward the kitchen.

                “Morning, eomma.” [eomma=mom]

                The woman standing at the sink turned around and smiled softly. “Good morning, ttal.” [Ttal=daughter]

                “Do you want me to make breakfast?” asked Naeil. “It’s too late, right? You have work soon.”

                “Let’s just have some of the stew from last night.”

                “Okay.”

                Naeil watched her mother as she sat down at the table and began lifting spoonsful of stew to her lips.

                “How are you doing?” asked Naeil, carefully.

                “Good. Do you want rice?”

                Naeil took the rice, but was bothered by her mother’s continued refusal to look up.

                She wasn’t okay. Even from this angle, she looked exhausted. That was one word which really described Ji Jaehee—exhausted. Naeil wondered if her mother had been born exhausted. There was no chance of asking her mother’s parents about it. They disowned their daughter long, long ago.

                It was just the two of them, Jaehee and Naeil. They almost hadn’t made it, but somehow, here they were.

                “Graduation is coming up soon, isn’t it?”

                “Uh…yes. I’ve kind of been avoiding thinking about that.”

                “Aren’t you excited?”

                “I guess so,” Naeil toyed with her spoon. “I’m nervous too.”

                “Have you finally decided on what you’ll be doing for college?”

                There it is. Naeil felt a pang in her chest. College. Is that really an option for me right now?

                “I’m…not sure, eomma.”

                “Well, you should decide soon. You’re very smart. You’re so good at the piano though, I wish you would study music.”

                Me too.

                “I should study something more useful.”

                How else will I ever be able to take care of you?

                Watching her mother’s proud smile just made Naeil’s heart hurt more. She wanted to get a good job. She wanted to live in a normal house. She wanted to have a family. Most of all, she wanted to know what it was like to take care of her mother, instead of watching her slave away at cleaning jobs all day. Nothing made Naeil burn with jealousy like watching children who could take care of their parents. She wanted to know what that felt like.

                Naeil didn’t have to teach piano until eleven-thirty, but she decided to leave early. Her heart felt on edge after talking to her mom.

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                If there was one place Naeil loved most in all the world, it was the church roof. There were two parts to the roof: the slanted roof above the sanctuary, and the flat roof above the annex. A doorway in the attic (presently occupied by Jimin) opened up to the flat roof, and it was there that Naeil spent much of her free time.

                Today she bypassed a conversation with Jimin on the way through the attic by glaring at him. She just wanted to be outside on her roof, with no one but herself and the sky.

                Naeil breathed in the air. Seoul’s air was generally stale, but she could almost swear it tasted just a little cleaner up there.

                The neighborhood around her was, by normal standards, ugly: the struggling little shop across the street, the restaurant selling semi-decent bowls of ramyeon, the old motel filled with young couples and es every weekend. But when she was on the roof, it felt like she could pause and look onto that world at a distance, just separate from all the mess, just for a little while.

                With a towel laid out on the rough surface, her backpack tossed to the side, and headphones over her ears, Naeil spread herself out and looked up. As the soft music trickled into her ears, it made her heart swell. There was something behind those clouds, beyond the melody, higher in her soul, that she knew she could find, if she just looked hard enough. Sometimes she wondered if she would never find it. But she wanted to. So badly.

                Naeil sat up and snuggled her back against the door of the attic, feeling calm, and safe, almost enough to fall asleep…

                Her eyes popped open. What was that strange sound? Naeil checked her phone, thinking the music was glitching. She took off her headphones. No, it wasn’t her music. It was coming from somewhere else. Someone was…rapping?

                Scooting over to the edge of the roof, Naeil kneeled down and peered over the edge. She raised an eyebrow.

                A man in a black hoodie was walking down the street, hands pushed down into his pockets, head bowed. She could see the earbuds peeking out from under his hood, his mouth moving to the music in his head.

                Naeil smirked at first, but as she listened more closely, and her smirk softened into a smile. He actually sounds okay.

                For some reason, it made her laugh.

                His head whipped around.

                Naeil stopped laughing. How had he heard her with those earbuds on? His eyes found her, glinting in the sunlight as he looked up at the church roof. Mint green hair poked out from under his hoodie. She didn’t know anyone like that, so why, somehow…why did he look so familiar...?

                After a moment of squinting at her, he shrugged and continued walking, picking up his rap where he’d left off.

                Naeil sat back and let out the breath she had been holding in. His voice faded as slowly as he did, disappearing down the end of the street.

                I wish I was as bold as he is.

Author’s Note

I kid you not, today was so insane I almost forgot to post even though I’d already written this chapter. I was about to just fall asleep and I got out of my bed……………….oh my gosh I’m so tired though.

Part of the inspiration for this chapter is the reason for my username. I sit on the roof and listen to music a lot. I also actually saw a random dude pass by rapping one time….but that dude wasn’t, well, you know….[semi-obvious spoiler deleted]

I know this chapter is muy short, but it’s okay, another chapter is coming in like three days or something (don’t ask me to actually count days because I at all numbers).