Dear Lee Hyukjae;

I can still remember the first time I laid my eyes on you. I thought you have the most exquisite jaw line, expressive eyes, and soothing voice that I’d seen and heard in my entire life. I was mesmerized by you. In an instant my heart that never beats to anyone, franticly beats for you—only for you.

I can still remember how I bother Kyuhyun to tell me everything about you. Your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your personality. I wanted to meet you badly. I wanted to know you. I wanted to hang out with you, but I don’t know how.

I can still remember how I tried to hide my happiness from my friends when you decided to messaged Kyu. You wanted to hang out with me as well. I could die from happiness on the spot, but I wanted to know you. I don’t want to die with regrets on not knowing you.

I was 10 years old when doctor Cho, Kyu’s father, told my family that my life has a time limit. 20 years to be exact. For almost 10 years, I live in agony. Afraid to die without telling those people that I love how they changed my life and how special they are to me. That was the reason why I kept on sending those messages at night before I sleep. I’m afraid that I won’t wake up anymore the next day.

At first, I questioned God. Why me? There were other people, bad people who committed crime every day. I was just a young boy that time and yet—He chose me. My Mama and Dada cried a lot all throughout my battle. Sometimes, I can’t look at them anymore.

I was 15 years old when I decided to give up on life. Nothing was happening. My condition was not improving. My Mama, Dada, Kyu, Wookie, and Heenim Hyung were the only reason why I diligently drank my medicine on time. Then everything changed.

2 months ago I met you. You have a very common name, but you were one of a kind. Suddenly I wanted to be with you every day. I even made so many excuses so that I can spend some time with you. I am happy whenever I’m with you. I feel alive, healthy, and worthy to be alive.

I don’t know when it started, but suddenly I woke up and said, “! I can’t live without him.