Gnossienne [Junmyeon]
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Autumn finally bided us farewell after draining the colors of all the leaves, and left the trees weak and fragile, exposed and alone to the rigid coldness of winter. The winter was finally upon us, and with it came the tranquility and alluring air breezes that I had longed for throughout the year. The winter season, when temperature goes below the heat of our bodies so we seek shelter, when cold chilly winds, which can freeze animals and plants to death, accompany this season happily to continue where autumn left off, when snow covers beautiful landscapes so they can no longer be seen by the desperate wanderers, when there is so much fog that even the dreadful sun fears, quickly bids farewell and leaves, when the enchanting blue color of the sky gloomily succumbs to the grayness of loaded clouds, when you ruin your favorite attires just because the sky decided to play a game and rain on your parade, when you shamefully press your fingers on your ears in thunderstorms, when sloppy ice ruins your day, when your favorite kind of petals loses its appetite for life, and when cold and devastating influenzas stops by to say hi. But winter, it is also when the end of season cycle calls out, when I get the opportunity to be charged and nourished, when I get to pull bonfire nights and allow myself to drown in the portrait of caroling flames slapping the cold away, when I feel relieved to finally get a grip on a big bowl of soup that draws its heat to me and shields me from the cold, when I feel content when drops of rain touch my very ticklish skin, when something whimsical hits me when the first winter breeze blows through the trees and makes me fall in love even more, when I get to watch the sun reddishly sweep the sky in baby hours of the day, when I yelp with delight when the first snowflakes collide with the ground, when I feel like it is finally the time to buy tons of hot pads, drink hot chocolate and catch up with crochet projects, when I smile genuinely upon hearing the soft sound of raindrops colliding haphazardly with the hard skin of my window, and the smell of rain penetrates my nose and calmly tucks my gloominess in to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You needn’t worry; everyone experiences such symptoms in seasonal changes. Usually, people can be helped within a few sessions and sometimes feel better even after a single session. But since this is our first meeting, we don’t want to jump to conclusions yet, do we?”

 

 

“I already feel much better after letting it all out. I really thought nothing alive would be able to lighten up my mood for the tiniest bit.” The sheepish teenage girl seated comfortably in front of my desk spoke up sotto voce, a peck of excitement glimmering her big dark brown eyes.

 

I placed a feeble, but genuine, smile upon my face. “Everything in this world is finite, so why not your bad mood?” The girl smiled silently, slightly hanging her head in shyness. My hands made a gentle collision to draw her attention back to me. “Anyhow, if this was a case that you handled, what kind of assignment would you give yourself?” The girl stayed quiet, studying my face carefully, probably awaiting me to start talking again, and so I did. “I mean, if I were you I would start letting the sunshine in instead of closing the curtains to hide from coldness, I would get moving and start working out, find some hobby that makes me feel happy such as writing, singing or reading, I would take all the medicine as prescribed and forsake taking any illegal drugs, I would make sure to make a schedule for myself to make sure I do not sleep more than 8 hours a day. Do you think this is the right way to overcome my bad mood?” I cocked my head to the side, grinning sweetly to try and sound friendlier to the girl who sat there as quiet as she had been for the whole session.

 

 

“Of course.” She asserted, smiling politely.

 

“So, when you go back home, do you give odds that you will do the assignment?" I opened the drawer of my desk, got a pen and started writing a prescription, still locking my eyes with hers, trying to convey that I still payed attention to what she had to say.

 

 

“I feel like I can do it.” She stated confidently, and quietly nodded her head, probably to convince herself of what she had said.

 

I handed her my prescription, to which she hastily stood up and extended her arm to get a grip of it as politely as possible. “You have to make sure you take all the medicine on time and do what I told you to. We do not need to have more sessions just because we were being a little bit too careless, do we?” I stood up too, extending my hand to shake hers. This session was not really a hard one to wrap up since it was not really something of great significance, or at least I thought. I had unintentionally specialized in such conditions since almost all teenagers feel gloomy and lifeless in extremely wintry days.

 

The girl nodded her head smiling, as she shook my hand. “When do I need to come here again?”

 

“Just follow this prescription for a week and if you don’t feel any better, please, do contact me for another appointment. But, if you start to feel better just come two weeks from now at the same time.”

 

 

“Okay. Thank you, doctor.”

 

 

“You can go now, I will make sure to have your appointment scheduled.” I smiled faintly at the girl who was already making her way towards the door. As soon as the girl closed the door behind her, the smile I held on my face the whole appointment dropped dead unhesitatingly. I rested my head on the desk as a sigh escaped my lips.

 

 

Today was the first day I started working again, and after postponing all the appointments I had, I had to cram up all the appointments of the past two weeks plus the appointments of this week, this week, which meant that I would have seven appointments per day for two weeks. And this being the sixth appointment today meant that I only had one more appointment to end this ever-lasting day of tiredness.

 

The door to my office was pushed open slowly and carefully making me raise my head only to be met with none other than Baekhyun who was holding an elegantly ornamented tray with a cup set in the midst of it.

 

“You haven’t eaten anything ever since you imprisoned yourself in this room,” I opened my mouth to protest but reclosed it when I was soon cut off by his loud voice as he menacingly pointed his index at me. “The next appointment is after half an hour, so you still have a plenty of time to pig out whatever you want! Don’t you dare refuse to eat!”

 

 

“Ah! Baekhyun! I already told you 100 times that my appetite is down the drains!” I raised both of my eyebrows, baying childishly as I clutched my stomach, which was already growing dizzy at the familiar nauseous smell of the mushroom soup he came in with. “You could have at least bought something that would stimulate my appetite!”

 

 

“Give me money and I will buy you something delicious.” The smirk of amusement sat comfortably upon his face as he placed the tray on my desk, and extended his hand in front of me, as a motion to give him money.

 

 

“You are a little too much shameless for a man who thinks he is so nonchalant and charming, aren’t you?” I raised my voice as I slapped his hand away and stretched my hand to get a grip on the small cup of tea when my hand was slapped away too making me sink into my chair and open my mouth agape in annoyance to let out a long-termed sigh.

 

“Shouldn’t you at least appreciate the time I wasted on you trying to make all of this?” He raised both of his eyebrows questioningly and crossed his arms.

 

 

“All of this?” My hand flew to my mouth as I let out a small snicker. “I am pretty sure you brought this from home! Do you even know that this is a mushroom soup? Which is also a definite no-no soup for me?”

 

“Forgive your friend who has a memory of a dying fish, please.” Baekhyun intertwined his fingers, tilting his head to one side as he pleaded in an adenoidal voice to sound cute, but, the only thing he received was a glare filled with confusion and disgust.

 

 

After staring at him for quite a few seconds, I extended my hand to get a grip on the tea cup once again. “Thanks for the tea. I have been longing to drink one all day.”

 

“I bought this bread for myself, but you can take it,” He dug his hands into the pockets of his baby blue medical coat, and brought out a neutral-sized piece of bread wrapped in plastic. “I will eat this soup instead.”

 

“Aw! What a considerate friend you are!” I cooed loudly, snatching the bread out of his loose grip, but before I could devour it all I stretched my arm to dishevel Baekhyun’s bangs by brushing my fingers carelessly through them but instead of slapping my hand away like he always does he just let me do it allowing a fruity laugh to escape his lips.

 

After a few minutes of silence and train of thoughts that engulfed both of us as we proceeded to eat, Baekhyun was the one to break the comforting silence. “Why have you been off work for two weeks though? I have been too busy being happy and having fun that I didn’t check up on you.” He smiled shamelessly, taking another spoon of his creamy mushroom soup, looking at me through his eyelashes.

 

“At first I caught a flu and had been lifeless for a whole week, then I wanted to eliminate anything hindering me to have enough time to start writing a new book because I felt like writing and I haven’t got this feeling for like a whole year?” My voice was so stable that if I didn’t know the truth I would have believed myself without hesitation, yet, Baekhyun’s expression did not really show any emotions and his eyes were void as he placed his spoon carefully on the tray and blankly looked at me.

 

“What did you write about?” His voice was monotonous, almost making me shiver. It felt like I was being interrogated for the way he looked at me, and the way he spoke so firmly and quietly, which was so unfamiliar to my ears.

 

“Huh?” I slightly widened my eyes. It was an expected question, yet, I never expected him to ask such a question considering he never really asked me before about my writings, but rather, it was me who would always palaver about them. “I still haven’t decided everything, I only have the main ideas of it in my mind.”

 

“So you spent two weeks, postponed all your appointments and piled them up just to write the outline in your mind? Not even on a paper?” Baekhyun put both of his elbows on the desk, intertwined his fingers so he could form a bridge on which he can rest his chin, still eyeing me suspiciously.

 

“Baekhyun, you know I will only tell you about it when I have everything settled.” I slightly raised my voice, wrinkling my eyebrows in annoyance of his strange attitude.

 

“At least tell me what you have in mind; I unexpectedly feel curious this time.”

 

“Baekhyun,” I heaved a sigh as I placed the last piece of bread I held on the tray, already feeling full and almost sick. “I already told you I do not like spoiling my ideas, when I officially write something worth reading, you will definitely be the first one on my list-to-show.” I sank into my chair as soon as I had a grip on the tea cup’s handle.

 

“About two weeks ago, I came to your hous-“

 

 

“So you checked up on me?” I hastily cut him but tried to keep my cool by asking as calmly as possible. I already sensed where this conversation was being led to, all the suspicion, the gazes and weird attitude had a significant reason behind them.

 

“Jamila told me that you were-“

 

“What the hell was she blabbing on again?” The tranquility that my voice had held on ever since this morning was gone by the wind and the only thing I felt penetrating my voice was the erupting emotion of anger mixed with slight fear. “Everything had been fine all week.”

 

 

“-at your parents’ house at that time, that was the only thing Jamila told me.” Baekhyun eyed me suspiciously, implicitly smirking. “And how had you been fine all week? You just said you caught a flu. Seriously, why did you panic all of a sudden? You thought she told me something you did not want me to know, didn’t you?” A look of suspicion filled with worry fell upon his features as his eyes ominously squinted his eyes at mine.

 

 

“Tsk! Baekhyun, I still have fifteen minutes until the next session. Can you please leave me alone so I can read the notes I took in his previous sessions so I can be prepared?” Instead of letting myself fall into his traps and subconsciously start spilling out everything, I just decided to throw him out of the room with my unbearable sudden change of mood.

 

The suspicion that once filled his eyes, was still there, lying comfortably as he placed everything scattered on the desk into its previous place on the tray, his void eyes never leaving mine. “Just keep running away from reality until you trip and find no one for help.” And with that, he left the room leaving me totally dumbfounded by his whole weird attitude.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ackerwoman
#1
Finally! I am a er for angst, heart-clenching melancholic storyline starring Suho as well, thank you for taking the time to write this. I really do appreciate your kind and careful consideration ❤️
Picklelover
#2
I just read your unimportant notes from your forward and I have never related to an author this much. “ because I, a Suho trash...” I am also Suho trash and can’t find good ff of him T__T thanks for being so considerate. If so, will you please write a Chanyeol one too
ShoveItUpMy
#3
Can i say that i love your notes for some reason
Princejooheon #4
I already like this
Princejooheon #5
Chapter 1: Need to read more of this!
Yoongification #6
!!!!
Yoongification #7
Chapter 1: Wow!