Sympathy (공감) – Jung Joon Young

언제부턴가 네가
보고 싶지 않았고
그 어느 샌가 네가
더 이상 필요한지 몰랐어
그래서 너는 떠났고
그렇게 갈라져버렸어

어쩌면 우린
아무런 감정도 없이
이별을 준비해야 했나 봐
서로 아플 것만 생각했지만
그랬던 기억마저도
이제는 사라지나 봐

돌이킬 수 없는 일을
내가 자초하고
모든 상황을 잔인하게 만들었어
똑같을 거란 그 말을
그 말을 인정해버렸어
끝났다는 그 말에
우리는 갈라져버렸어

어쩌면 우린
아무런 감정도 없이
이별을 준비해야 했나 봐
서로 아플 것만 생각했지만
그랬던 기억마저도
이제는 사라지나 봐

어쩌면 우린
아무런 조건도 없이
사랑만 했어야 했나 봐
먼저 아플걸 생각하는 것도
나눈 모든 얘기들도
그렇게 떠나가나 봐

어쩌면 우린
아무런 조건도 없이
사랑만 했어야 했나 봐
먼저 아플걸 생각하는 것도
나눈 모든 얘기들도
그렇게 떠나가나 봐

어쩌면 우린
미안한 감정도 없이
서로를 떠나야 했나 봐
사랑했던 우리의 추억들도
좋았던 기억마저도
그렇게 지나가나 봐

At some point, I stopped missing you
I no longer felt the need for you
So you left, we parted ways

Maybe we got ready to say goodbye without any feelings
We only thought about our own pain,
but even those memories
They’re going now

I asked for things I can’t turn back
I’m the one who made everything so cruel
I admitted to the fact,
the fact that nothing will change
We said it’s over and so we really broke up

Maybe we had to get ready to say goodbye without any feelings
We only thought about our own pain,
but even those memories
They’re going away now

Maybe we should have loved without any conditions
Worrying about getting hurt or the things we talked about
They all go away like this

Maybe we should have loved without any conditions
Worrying about getting hurt or the things we talked about
They all go away like this

Maybe we had to leave each other without ever feeling sorry
Good memories of times we loved and enjoyed
They all pass by us like this

“Are you sure you don’t wish to meet your wife?”

“Yes, I’m not doing it. Please tell her to forget about me.”

“Moon Byul Yi, she’s willing to wait for you. How am I supposed to fight with that?”

“Just tell her that I don’t need her anymore. I’m not going to meet her and that’s final.”

Moonbyul stood up and left her lawyer; in astonishment. It had been almost 5 years and Moonbyul still refused to meet Yongsun. She just couldn’t bring herself to face her wife. Even when her heart was aching so badly; when she yearned for Yongsun’s tender touches; she still wouldn’t budge. Her father in law had engaged a lawyer to assist Moonbyul. She was cooperative but when it was to about Yongsun, Moonbyul was as stubborn as a mule.

“Moon Byul Yi, I’m going to ask you for one last time.”

Her lawyer suddenly spoke up. She had enough of Moonbyul’s pretentious actions.  Moonbyul stopped at the door; hand gripped tightly on the knob.

“If you still refuse to meet her, I won’t hesitate to win her heart.”

Moonbyul turned immediately. Her lawyer was sitting down with her hands crossed. She was calm and almost unnerved when Moonbyul glared at her.

“It has been 5 years and 5 years you cruelly threw her away again and again. The moment I stepped out of this place, she would be desperately asking if she could see you but I would have to disappoint her time and time again. How long do you intend to hurt this wonderful woman who has been waiting for you relentlessly?”

“So what are you trying to tell me now?”

The lawyer stood up and grabbed her documents from the table. She stacked them nicely and stuffed them into the file. Moonbyul was still waiting for her reply. But the woman was keeping her things quietly. Moonbyul got impatient.

“Wheein-shi, do you happen to like her?”

Moonbyul’s voice was almost inaudible but the lawyer could hear her loud and clear. Moonbyul’s quivering voice was easily detectable. She still loves Kim Yongsun but Wheein just couldn’t understand why she was still denying the poor woman.

“Even if I do, she’s still all about you. But if you are still this incredibly arrogant and stubborn, then I will do anything to make sure Yongsun unnie will be free from this pain. It is time for her to be happy and it’s time for your child to have a feel of having a proper family.”

The lawyer said her last piece. She was hoping it would stir something in Moonbyul but she was appalled when the woman rebuked her instead.

“Then please make Yongsun happy. Please give a proper family to my child. Take it as I’m asking you for a favour.”

Moonbyul left immediately. And the lawyer couldn’t say anything. She gave up.

-

Yongsun waited patiently. Each time she came to visit this prison, she would end up disappointed. It happened all the time but the woman has a lot of patience. Moonbyul refused to see her but Yongsun would not give up.

She sat on the sofa; restlessly. She knew Moonbyul would refuse to meet her but the thought of being in the same place with the woman she loves gave Yongsun that comfort she needed. She heard the door open and her lawyer walked out; dejectedly.

Her heart sank but she was expecting it. 5 years on and nothing positive came out from the meeting. Moonbyul was co-operative with everything but she had never give in to Yongsun’s pleas. It was like a habit for Yongsun to be disappointed over and over again.

“I’m sorry, unnie.”

“It’s okay. We can try again.”

“I don’t think we should. She’s not going to give in.”

“I’m not going to give up on her.”

Yongsun stood up and walked away; the lawyer could only sigh and followed her from behind. She has been watching Kim Yongsun from behind. Yongsun has lost weight and her sunken cheeks resulted from the disappointment and heartbreak she got from Moonbyul.

She wondered. What was so special about Moon Byul Yi?  She frowned when she couldn’t see the reasons why. Perhaps only Kim Yongsun knew better.

“What are you doing there? Why aren’t you moving?”

“Ah, coming.”

Wheein quickly rushed to Yongsun’s side and walked next to her. She met Kim Yongsun 5 years ago. Mr Kim introduced Wheein to his daughter. Wheein was one of the most popular crime lawyers in the country. The lady topped her cohort during her university years and she had been in the top 10% ever since then. She was known for her assertiveness and her quick wit.

Wheein’s beautiful.  Furthermore she’s young. She had her fair share in the dating game; dated mostly women than men. Her last relationship was with a guy that didn’t ended up really well. But that didn’t deter the young lawyer. She moved on quickly and met Kim Yongsun.

Wheein had studied Moonbyul’s case before meeting up with Kim Yongsun. She sympathized with the woman and felt sorry for Yongsun. She learnt that both women were married and Yongsun was pregnant with Moonbyul’s baby. Wheein was surprised at first but technology was so advanced nowadays.

But she admired Yongsun’s perseverance to help Moonbyul. Sometimes Wheein wondered if love could really be that powerful that one would do anything for the one they love. Kim Yongsun’s undying love for Moon Byul Yi moved Wheein greatly. She agreed to take up the case.

Meeting Moon Byul Yi was a little challenge though. The woman was a void of affection and she was emotionless throughout the interview. Wheein wondered if this woman had given up on herself because if she did, then Yongsun’s efforts would be gone down the drain that easily.

So Wheein made a promise to herself that she would help Moon Byul Yi. Or rather she would help Kim Yongsun to get her wife out as quickly as possible. Initially, Moonbyul was reluctant to cooperate. She didn’t see the need for Yongsun to help her.

-

“Why would she do that?”

“She loves you?”

“Who are you anyway?”

“I’m Jung Wheein. I thought I have introduced myself like an hour ago. Kim Yongsun hired me to assist you.”

She kept quiet. Wheein was observing her from where she stood. Yongsun had pre-empt her earlier on that Moonbyul might be acting like an . She had always been like that.

“Look. Let’s do this for Miss Kim. She has hired one of the best lawyers in this country and I don’t wish to waste my time. You don’t deserve to stay here. You need to get out there and be with your wife and your unborn child. Think about them at least.”

Initially, it was going smoothly. Moonbyul co-operated well with Wheein. But somehow Moonbyul suddenly had a change of heart. She stopped meeting Wheein. She refused to meet the lawyer and even if they did, it would end up badly.

“You should stop seeing me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not going to do this. I’ll stay here.”

“What? Are you going to waste my time now?”

“Tell her that she doesn’t need to do this for me. I’m not going back to her.”

Moonbyul stood up and walked away. A female guard was waiting for her and she signalled that she wished to leave the room. The female guard nodded. But before she left, she whispered again.

“Tell Yongsun to move on. I’m not going back to her.”

-

“Let me send you home.”

Wheein offered and Yongsun nodded. Wheein could sense that Yongsun was getting tired of this waiting game. She was tired of Moonbyul playing hard with her but she was adamant not to give up on that woman. Wheein was infuriated sometimes but Yongsun was still her client. She needed to respect her.

“Are you going to pick up Minhyuk?”

Minhyuk is Moonbyul’s child. They had a son. The only reason why Yongsun was still hanging on because of her son. When Minhyuk’s name was mentioned, Yongsun would break into a small smile. Wheein knew her son was the only one who could cheer her up immediately.

“Let’s go pick him up together.”

Wheein suggested. Yongsun nodded with a soft smile on her face.  It was because of that same smile that made Wheein determined to help Yongsun and Moonbyul. But it had been 5 years. Little Minhyuk had just started his first year at the kindergarten.  And the boy had seen more of Wheein rather than Moonbyul.

Yongsun brought Little Minhyuk to the prison to visit Moonbyul. She wanted to show Moonbyul her son but of course she was denied access. Moonbyul had sent instructions to the guard that she wouldn’t meet Kim Yongsun. Wheein remembered how furious she was with Moonbyul that after she had sent crying Yongsun home; she drove back to the prison and threw a picture of Little Minhyuk at Moonbyul’s face.

“Whether you like it or not, that’s your son. Keep it. And remember his face.”

She sighed as she recalled how broken Yongsun was on that very night. Minhyuk was only 5 months old and Wheein knew Yongsun struggled to raise her son by herself. Yongsun had since moved out from her parents’ place and lived on her own. There were times Yongsun doubted herself especially when she was clueless to Minhyuk’s cries. But the lawyer would go to her rescue. Wheein knew nothing about children but she had look after her cousin’s baby before. She picked up some child care pointers from there.

Since then, Wheein took upon herself to look after Yongsun and her son. Initially, she was convinced that she felt sorry for the mother and son. She sympathized with them and Minhyuk was such a cute baby. Wheein grew fond of Minhyuk and vice versa. The boy got closer to her and Yongsun sometimes had to rely on Wheein. But the woman was willing to help and then it struck her.

She wasn’t feeling sorry for Kim Yongsun. She was falling in love with Kim Yongsun. She just wanted to give Yongsun the happiness she deserves. So she made a promise to herself. She would find that happiness for Kim Yongsun even if it kills her.

-

“UMMAAAAAAAA!”

The 5 year old boy was excited when he saw his mother waiting for him at the gate. Yongsun smiled widely as she spread her arms out. The boy jumped in her arms. Yongsun tightened her arms around her precious boy.

“Have you been good in school?”

“I got A for my spelling!”

“That’s Mommy’s boy!”

The toothless boy smiled widely. No doubt Kim Minhyuk looked a lot like his mother. He was not even related to Yongsun by blood but Yongsun’s heart exploded each time Minhyuk hugs her.  

“Kim Minhyuk!”

A voice could be heard behind him. Minhyuk quickly turned and his lips curled into a grin. He gently pushed his mom’s arms away and ran towards that one particular person.

“Mommy Wheein!”

He jumped on her immediately.

“Oof!”

“How come you are here? What are you doing here? Did you come with Umma? Did you get me anything?”

The 5 year old shot his questions like a machine gun. Wheein grinned as she pulled out something from her bag. The boy’s eyes sparkled and took the gift from Wheein’s hands.

“Wow! A new jigsaw puzzle?”

“Yup, I heard from your Umma that you had finished with the last one I bought for you. So this time I got something more difficult than the last one.”

The boy frowned before breaking into a cheeky smile. He loves puzzles.

“I could finish this in 2 days!”

“Really? There are more pieces than the last one.”

“What would I get if I can finish this in 2 days?”

“How about a kiss from me?”

“O.O”

Wheein was amused at Minhyuk’s reaction. She giggled before putting the boy down before pinching his chubby cheeks gently. She .

“You don’t like my kisses?”

“You have been giving me kisses since I was a baby. I’m a big boy now.”

“Ohhhhhh. So big boy cannot get kisses?”

Minhyuk’s cheeks turned red but he didn’t answer. He ran towards his mother and pointed his finger at Wheein.

“Umma, Mommy Wheein disturb.”

Wheein rolled her eyes. Minhyuk would always turn to his mother for help when he knew he couldn’t win Wheein so easily. Yongsun laughed before kneeling down next to her son. She gave him a soft kiss on his forehead. She smiled before straightening her son’s uniform.

“Why don’t we get home and we can put the puzzle together? If you can finish it in 2 days, I will get you a gift with Mommy Wheein.”

“Deal!”

Minhyuk ran towards Wheein and placed his small palm in Wheein’s. Wheein held on tightly before swinging their hands together.  Yongsun watched them from behind. Her heart was tugging painfully. The one whom should be in Wheein’s place was supposed to be Moonbyul, the mother of her child.

But the mother of her child had denied her right from the very beginning.

-

“Can I see Moon Byul Yi?”

Yongsun was 4 months pregnant when she made a trip down to the prison for the first time. She felt a little apprehensive. She had promised to visit Moonbyul but she could only do it now. Yongsun had a difficult pregnancy. She was almost bedridden because of the foetus’s fragility. The doctor had advised Yongsun not to move around unnecessarily. Her parents had advised her to stay in bed and to visit Yongsun when she feels better.

Yongsun had no choice. She was ecstatic with her pregnancy but she didn’t realize how much she had to go through. She felt weak and had been vomiting for the last two weeks. She felt like dying but she knew she had to keep this pregnancy going. This baby belongs to Moonbyul. So she had to take good care of this precious one. Their little one.

So she sent her lawyer on her behalf. She hired Jung Wheein at her father’s recommendation. She was surprised at how young the lawyer had turned out to be. She was grateful towards Wheein when she promised that she would help Moonbyul to get a lighter sentence so that she could leave the prison earlier.

But what happened that day wasn’t something Yongsun expected. She was denied entry. Moonbyul refused to meet her. Yongsun had to beg the guard to help her but he couldn’t do anything.

“If the inmate refuses to meet you, there’s nothing we can do. It is her choice.”

Yongsun was upset to hear that. She thought Moonbyul was mad at her for breaking her promises. She had promise to visit her earlier but due to unforeseen circumstances; she couldn’t. That was the reason why she sent her lawyer instead.

“Is she mad at me for not visiting her?”

Yongsun repeatedly asked this question to Wheein each time the woman visited Moonbyul in the prison. Wheein shook her head.

“She’s not ready to meet you. I’ll talk to her. So far, she has been cooperating with me so don’t think so much. I promise I’ll bring that woman out so that you can reunite with her.”

So instead of visiting, Yongsun wrote letters for Moonbyul. She wrote every day and sent them to Moonbyul. Unfortunately, her letters were returned back. The woman refused to accept them.

“What’s going on? Why is she doing this to me?”

Yongsun confronted Wheein one day. She knew something wasn’t right when Moonbyul refused to do anything with her. Wheein had no choice but to tell her the truth.

“She doesn’t want you to help her anymore. She has stopped cooperating with me. She left a message for you. She wanted you to know that she’s not going back to you.”

Yongsun was devastated. Her Moonbyul had changed. She was going crazy; her heart was breaking apart. At one point, she blamed herself for throwing the blame at Moonbyul without knowing what actually happened. If only she knew about Moonbyul’s tragedy; she would never throw out the woman she loves out of the house.

“Just give her some time. She’s going through a lot. She’s probably confused after she learnt about the truth. She’s probably lost.”

Her parents kept urging her to hang on. But it was too difficult for Yongsun to handle the pain in her heart. She could hear her own heart breaking into pieces each time Moonbyul rejected her visits.

Yongsun slowly became depressed and she lost weight drastically. She moved out from her parents’ house and lived on her own. She hid in her house all the time while being heavily pregnant with her baby. She stopped taking care of herself and then one night, Yongsun felt something wasn’t right.

She was on the bed when she felt fluid flowing out from her. She looked down and saw blood trickling down her legs. The sudden sharp pain in her abdomen made her realized that her baby was probably in a danger. She managed to grab the phone by her side table and just randomly pressed a number.

“Hello?”

She could hear a voice. And she recognised that voice.

“Wheein-shi!”

“Yongsun-shi? What’s going on? Why are you shouting?”

“Please help me.”

Her voice was desperate. She kept screaming on the line and Wheein was panicking. Fortunately, Wheein lived just few blocks away. Eventually Wheein burst into Yongsun’s house and found the woman lying on the bed. A thick pool of bloodstains were evident on the bed. Wheein was horrified. She couldn’t delay any longer. She rushed towards Yongsun.

“Hang on! I got you!”

Wheein picked up the woman in her arms and rushed to the hospital. Yongsun was crying so much. She clutched her hands on her stomach; begging her baby not to leave her.

“Please, please stay with Mommy. I cannot lose you either!”

-

Fortunately, Yongsun’s baby was safe. The doctors managed to fish him out before the worst happen. Yongsun was in distress and her body was in undue stress. That caused the baby to react and Yongsun almost had a miscarriage.

Yongsun had a boy. The little one was only 6 months old. He was 4 months premature. He was such a tiny baby and he had to stay in the hospital because he was too small to be discharged. He was put in the ICU and under the purple neon light. Even the pampers was too huge for him. Yongsun’s heart ached so much each time she visited her son at the nursery.

Slowly but steadily, the boy grew stronger despite of his small size. He was eating well; his organs were functioning well. His doctor declared him as a little miracle. Yongsun was glad that her son was on the road to recovery. And she was thankful to one person who had been by her side all this time – Jung Wheein.

Wheein had moved into Yongsun’s place temporarily. Mr Kim had requested for Wheein to look after his daughter. So Wheein agreed and moved in. At times, Mrs Kim would be staying overnight with them too. They were watching over Yongsun. The doctor had warned them that Yongsun might have post-natal depression. The woman had shown symptoms of the condition.

One night, while Mrs Kim stayed over at the hospital nursery to watch over her grandson, Wheein took charge of Yongsun. Yongsun had been staying in the hospital for the last one week but her doctor advised the Kims to bring her home. She needed rest.

“Let’s take you home. Take a shower and have something to eat. Then have some sleep before I bring you over to see Minhyuk.”

Yongsun named her son, Minhyuk. Kim Minhyuk. She was reluctant to leave her son but Wheein was persuasive enough.

“You’re indeed a lawyer.”

“Wae?”

“You made your argument valid. I cannot believe that I agreed to follow you home.”

Wheein smiled widely before putting her arms around Yongsun. Wheein’s tender touch were slowly seething through Yongsun’s broken heart. She knew Wheein was just being nice but she couldn’t help but feeling needy.

“Thank you, Wheein.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m just doing this because I know you needed someone. We have become friends now. Don’t think so much.”

The moment they reached home, Wheein whisked her into the room. She helped Yongsun to prepare for her bath. Wheein even brought in some candles she bought earlier on.

“You need aromatherapy.”

“What?”

“You need to relax. You have been through so much lately. Now Minhyuk is growing fine and he’s on the road to recovery; it’s time for you to recover your strength so that you can look after Minhyuk properly.”

Yongsun kept her silence as she watched Wheein moved in and out swiftly. She was moving from her bathroom; to her bedroom then to kitchen before she stood in front of Yongsun. Apparently she had everything prepared but Yongsun kept still. Her eyes were still on Wheein.

The woman could sense it so she looked up to find Yongsun’s eyes welling up with tears. She knew Yongsun had too much pain that she kept inside. But the woman knew better not to make the wrong move. She was genuine when she said she wanted to help Yongsun. She was not going to change her mind tonight.

“You don’t have to look at me like that. I’m not here to replace Moonbyul.”

Yongsun was taken aback but felt guilty. She was about to look at Wheein as Moonbyul. It wasn’t her fault thought. She felt needy. She looked down but Wheein cupped both of her hands on Yongsun’s cheeks gently.

“But I’m not saying that I don’t welcome it. All I want to give you tonight is the break you deserve. You have been looking after Minhyuk and ignoring your own health. You’re slowly losing your mind to depression. And I don’t want you to lose yourself completely. I’m going to be here to keep you sane. I’m going to be here to hold on to you strongly until you can stand on your feet once again.”

“Why? Why are you doing this for me?”

“You deserve better than this. You deserve happiness. I’m not blaming anyone not even Moonbyul. But I just want you to know that you are allowed to cry if you need to.”

Without hesitation, Yongsun broke down and cried. The pain; the hurt and desperation she felt inside came undone. They melted immediately and Wheein became her pillar.

“Come to me when you feel you need someone. I’ll protect you.”

-

Day by day, Yongsun got better. Minhyuk was finally discharged and Yongsun was excited to take her son home. Wheein arranged for everything and the Kims and Wheein celebrated the little one’s arrival excitedly.

Little Minhyuk was almost 10 months old. He spent 4 months in the hospital. He was stronger and the little bundle of joy was nothing but happiness in Yongsun’s life. He gave Yongsun the reason to live better and she slowly picked up the pieces. For some reason, she wanted the best for Minhyuk. She sat quietly at the sofa; her baby was like her prized trophy. Everybody wanted to carry him. She finally got a break.

While everyone was fussing over Little Minhyuk, someone else focused her attention on Yongsun instead. She was observing Yongsun since just now. She knew the woman had a lot on her mind. Even though she smiled but she felt it was a grimace instead. She pulled out two beer cans and signalled Yongsun to go out. Yongsun agreed and informed her parents before leaving with Wheein.

The pair walked to the nearest playground; Yongsun sat on the swings while Wheein sat on the floor right in front of her. She passed the can to the older woman. Wheein finally knew Yongsun was older than her.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks.”

“I know you need it.”

Yongsun smiled before pulling the tab from the can. She took a quick gulp before slowly looking up to the sky. The stars were out tonight. They were shining so brightly.

“Byul..”

She whispered softly. Wheein heard it but she remained silent. Her silence urged Yongsun to speak up.

“She’s the only one woman I love with all of my heart. I could never feel the same way with any other woman. And she should know that she’s the one I want for the rest of my life.”

Wheein nodded and she took a sip of her beer. She was not going to say anything tonight.

“But why is she doing this to me? Am I not good enough for her? Have I failed her? Does she think it was my fault that she’s in prison?”

Wheein sighed before putting the beer can next to her. She went on her knees and knelt in front of Yongsun. Their faces levelled up and Wheein could see nothing but sadness in Yongsun’s eyes. Tears were evident and she hated this. She gently wiped those tear streaks from the corner of Yongsun’s eyes and pulled her in. She hugged Yongsun gently.

“This is not your fault. Sometimes people have complicated minds that we can never understand them. Perhaps Moonbyul is tired. She probably feels inferior and she just doesn’t wish to drag you down with her.”

“But I love her. I’m willing to wait. Isn’t that enough?”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

“So what am I supposed to do now? I cannot take this pain anymore. I wish to be free but the only one person who can do that is Moonbyul.”

Wheein closed her eyes as her heart stung at Yongsun’s words. She knew she could never replace Moonbyul. But yet Wheein wasn’t going to let Yongsun writhe like a dying flower.

“Take your time. Focus on Minhyuk. Let him fill you up with love and joy. He’s going to be the one who owns your heart. So give Little Minhyuk a chance, okay?”

Yongsun didn’t answer. She just pulled Wheein closer and hugged her tightly. She started sobbing and Wheein instinctively put her arms around the older woman. She promised her heart. She would stay by Yongsun’s side until the older woman would be free from this hurt.

-

Moonbyul gently swiped her thumb on the precious photo in her palm. It was a photo of Little Minhyuk when he was just 4 months old. It was the same photo Wheein threw at her when she denied Yongsun from visiting her.

It had been 5 years. Moonbyul finally realized it had been that long since she last saw Kim Yongsun. Her heart ached so badly just be mere thought of Kim Yongsun. It wasn’t easy for her to move on. She had to toughen herself up and froze her heart so that she could give Yongsun a chance to live without her.

She loves that woman. She loves her so much but Moonbyul wasn’t sure if she could do this. Yongsun deserves better. And Jung Wheein had just issued her a challenge. But Moonbyul wasn’t surprised.

Kim Yongsun is too beautiful to be ignored. And Wheein was right. Yongsun deserves happiness more than anything else. She sighed as she glanced down to the photo of her son.

Minhyuk. Kim Minhyuk. It was the name Moonbyul wanted if she had a son. She recalled those memories.

-

“Byul ah, do you want to have a child one day?”

“Huh? What?”

Yongsun giggled as she placed her palm over Byul’s. They were lying on the bed after their favourite night activity. They were under the covers and Yongsun was resting her head on Byul’s shoulder.

“I want to have your baby.”

Yongsun suddenly spoke up. Moonbyul was a little confused.

“How are you going to have my baby when I’m not even a man?”

“We can. I can be the surrogate mom. We can have your eggs and a donated by some kind man.”

“Some kind man?”

“They have the bank or something. We can select the guy we want.”

“And you have with him?”

“YA! EEYEW! NO!”

Yongsun smacked Moonbyul hard on her forehead. The woman flinched in pain.

“I will do artificial insemination. They will plant your fertilized egg in me.”

“Oh. But wouldn’t that be a tedious procedure? You will suffer so much because of it.”

“I’m willing to do that.”

“Baby ah, I don’t need you to go through this. We can just have each other and be happy.”

“But a child will complete our family. Besides, I really want to have your baby. I want to get pregnant and enjoy motherhood.”

Moonbyul studied her girlfriend’s face carefully. Yongsun was serious about this. She was a little sceptical but since the older woman wanted this so badly, she relented.

“I’ll take good care of you and our baby. I promise.”

“I don’t need you to promise me. I just want you to stay with me and we raise a family together. When we get married, I will try to have a baby as soon as possible.”

Moonbyul kissed her on the forehead. She pulled the woman closer and tucked her under her chin. She could feel the older woman sighed against her neck.

“I will name her Sarang if she’s a girl.”

Yongsun was clearly excited and Moonbyul played along. She quickly picked a name for a boy.

“I want Minhyuk for a boy.”

Yongsun frowned. She remembered this name. Minhyuk was Moonbyul’s high school crush.

“YA, MOON BYUL YI! Are you serious?!”

“What?”

“MINHYUK? LEE MINHYUK?! YOU’RE NAMING OUR SON AFTER YOUR CRUSH?!”

Yongsun elbowed the poor woman but Moonbyul was laughing instead. She really enjoyed teasing her girlfriend because Kim Yongsun had the best reaction.

“Minhyuk is a nice name.”

Moonbyul continued to tease Yongsun. But of course, Kim Yongsun had the best revenge on her.

“I should name our daughter after my last girlfriend then.”

“DON’T YOU DARE NAME MY DAUGHTER CHORONG!”

-

Moonbyul smiled as she recalled her memories. Yongsun really named their son, Minhyuk. She turned the photo over and there were some writings behind it. She remembered them by hard. Yongsun had written their son’s details for her.

Name: Kim Minhyuk

Date of Birth: 22 December 2012

Length: 50cm

Weight: 3.45kg

The baby was born on the same birthday as Moonbyul. They could have double celebrations. They could have shared many happy memories together but instead, Moonbyul was trapped behind these cold walls. She wasn’t there when Minhyuk was born. She wasn’t there when Yongsun had a difficult pregnancy.

Moonbyul felt like a fool. She felt like an idiot. She didn’t deserve Kim Yongsun. If only she could think for herself instead of following blindly to the lies she was fed all this time; then this wouldn’t happen. This heart wouldn’t be aching and Kim Yongsun could have been with someone else; someone better like Jung Wheein.

Jung Wheein. She came like a thunderbolt. Moonbyul remembered the first time she met the lawyer. She was wearing her black blazer and tight black power skirt. Her blouse was white and she wore a black Prada glasses. Her hair was tied up neatly and she was holding on to a file.

“Hi, I’m Jung Wheein. I’ll be representing you for the appeal. Our aim is to get you on parole and then to shorten your jail sentence. I’m confident that I’ll get you out earlier.”

Her firm hand shake was intimidating. Her eyes were transfixed on Moonbyul as she discussed the possibilities. Moonbyul admitted she was awed in front of Jung Wheein. As time went by, Moonbyul was confident that she could be released earlier. So far, the trial was going smoothly.

But something happened and Moonbyul lost her confidence.

-

A new inmate has joined Moonbyul in her cell. The inmate was quiet and sullen most of the time. Rumours said she had killed someone before she surrendered and then she was transferred here. Moonbyul minded her own business and had minimal interaction with the new inmate. She was aloof and cold. Moonbyul was uncomfortable at first.

But as days went by, the new inmate spent most of the time on her mattress. Moonbyul could hear her whimpering every night. Moonbyul didn’t even know her name. Then one night, Moonbyul was preparing to sleep when the new inmate woke her up. Moonbyul was confused but nevertheless sat up and rested her back against the wall.

“Moonbyul, right?”

Moonbyul nodded but didn’t attempt to speak.

“I’m Hyuna.”

“Ah, I see.”

“I cannot sleep.”

“I know. You cried every night.”

Hyuna shrugged her shoulders and sat in front of Moonbyul. She appeared intimidating with those tattoos all over her body but yet her eyes were soft and gentle. They sat in silence and Moonbyul suddenly grew interested in her.

“Why are you here?”

“I killed someone.”

“Me too. I killed somebody.”

“Well, you had a sad history.”

Moonbyul was taken aback. How the hell did she know so much?

“Jung Wheein is your lawyer. She’s one of the high-flying lawyers so each case she undertook would be hot news. People sympathized with you. You were raised by heartless jerk and made you a murderer for his own gain. It is not entirely your fault. You can get out of here really soon. Jung Wheein is going to win this case for you.”

Moonbyul was clueless of what was going on outside. She was seriously surprised when Hyuna told her about her case.

“I have no idea. I thought it was just a normal trial for me.”

Hyuna smiled before looking up. She sighed before speaking up softly.

“I killed my girlfriend.”

Moonbyul was stunned.

“I was in prison for robbing a bank. I did that because I wanted to buy a diamond ring so that I could marry her. But I was caught instead and was imprisoned for 3 years. But my girlfriend stood by my side. She said she couldn’t leave me because she loved me. And she waited for 3 years.”

Hyuna’s eyes were watery. But yet she continued her story as Moonbyul listened attentively.

“But what I didn’t know how much she had suffered. She lost her job because of me. Nobody wanted to employ a prisoner’s girlfriend. She struggled to feed for herself. She was ridiculed and people looked down on her. But she didn’t tell me anything. She would visit me with a big smile on her face but inside her heart, she was dying.”

“And then what happened?”

“I was released and I went to visit her. But instead of seeing only her, I saw her with another man in bed. I went berserk and I stabbed her. While in remand, her friends told me what actually happened. They were so furious with me. They said I didn’t deserve her at all. I shouldn’t have even appear in front of her. And I lost her. I lost her without knowing the truth. And now this heart is dying. I don’t care. I don’t want to live anymore.”

-

The conversation with Hyuna struck a chord in Moonbyul’s heart. Hyuna’s late girlfriend suffered so much for being a prisoner’s girlfriend. Moonbyul’s mind went straight to Yongsun and their baby. What would people think of them? How would people react towards them?  She couldn’t bring them down because of what she did.

Moonbyul decided to stop this. So she stopped co-operating with Wheein and dropped the appeal case. She didn’t want to be a burden to Yongsun. She could live better without her. Even if her heart would yearn for Yongsun each time she knew the older woman wanted to visit her; Moonbyul hardened her heart.

“You don’t deserve Kim Yongsun, Moon Byul Yi. Let her go. Let her go now before she suffers even more.”

-

“Okay kids, please show this letter to your Mommy and Daddy. We will be having an outing soon.”

The teacher was reminding her kids. The school would be arranging an outing for the first year kindergarten children. And Kim Minhyuk was excited. He quickly stuffed the letter in his bag and once the bell rang, Minhyuk was the first to run out. He had already spotted Wheein at the gate.

“Mommy Wheein!”

“Hey, OOF! You should stop jumping on me. You’re getting heavier.”

Wheein teased the young boy but it didn’t deter him. He put his arms around Wheein and hugged her tightly.

“Shall we head home?”

The boy nodded and the pair went home. Yongsun was at home; preparing dinner for her son. She was late earlier on as she had some work needed to be completed. So she asked Wheein to fetch Minhyuk. The younger woman could never say no.

Yongsun was aware of Wheein’s feelings towards her. She knew that Wheein likes her but she was grateful towards the younger woman who had never acted on her feelings. The younger woman just wanted to help her genuinely and Yongsun couldn’t stop her anyway.

Minhyuk really adores his Mommy Wheein. Wheein became his god mother when he was 1 years old. Yongsun suggested the idea in the first place. And since then, Minhyuk grew closer with Wheein. He shared almost everything with Wheein. Things that he could never tell his Umma; he would tell Wheein instead.

Yongsun couldn’t tear Minhyuk away from Wheein. She knew she was selfish but she remembered what Wheein told her before.

“I’m never going to confess to you because I know I can never the one in your heart. But please, please let me take care of you and especially Minhyuk. He has not only become your bundle of joy; he has become my sunlight ever since I became his God Mommy. I promise you. I will never stop taking care of you and Minhyuk. I will only stop when you’re finally free from the pain and find your happiness that you deserve.”

Yongsun was selfish. She knew she was. But there were times when Yongsun’s heart would beat a little faster when Wheein did things that moved her. But she wasn’t ready to move on.

Moon Byul Yi is still holding the key to her heart.

-

“Umma, Teacher Han asked me to pass this to you.”

Yongsun took the letter from her son and read through the contents. She looked up to find her son riding on Wheein’s back as they ran around the living room. Minhyuk was pretending to be a plane. Her heart felt warmth at the sight of her son laughing happily.

“So what did it say?”

Wheein stood in front of her with Minhyuk on her back.

“There’s a school outing. This is a consent form.”

“Oh? That sounds fun.”

“Yeah, it is. Should I let him go?”

“You should. I’m sure the teachers will ensure the kids’ safety.”

“I guess so.”

“SO I CAN GO?!”

Minhyuk was clearly excited about the trip. It was just a day trip but children were generally excited about outings. Yongsun nodded her head and the boy leapt in joy.

“Thanks Umma!”

-

“Okay, we will be having an outing for selected inmates. We would be going to the beach as volunteers to clear up the place.”

Boo could be heard and some inmates were protesting. They rather prefer to stay inside.

“Only selected inmates will be going. Majority of you will stay behind.”

“YAY!”

The officer rolled her eyes but nevertheless she started calling out some names. Moonbyul was one of them. In fact, the selected inmates were more of the role models in the prison. They were easier to control.

Moonbyul wasn’t really excited but she welcomed the idea. She had been hiding behind these walls for the last 5 years and she hadn’t seen the new world outside since she was imprisoned.

“Okay, the 4 of you will have new set of clothes to wear tomorrow. We will gather here.”

The next morning, Moonbyul and the other 3 inmates were dressed and waited for their transport. Two welfare officers and two prisoner guards came along. Apparently they will be joined by other prisoners from the other prisons all around South Korea.

This was a joint exercise to reward inmates with good behaviour. And Moonbyul was one of those inmates waiting to be on parole. The moment they reached the place, Moonbyul felt at ease. It had been awhile since she saw the beach.

It was really beautiful and Moonbyul regretted not cherishing the beautiful nature more. Soon, they were given their tasks and Moonbyul gladly did her part.

She combed down the beach and picked up litter that were scattered along the coastline.  She took the time to appreciate the view and enjoy the breeze that blew gently on her face.  The clear skies and blue waves were just too majestic to be ignored.

Moonbyul was busy picking up the litter when she spotted a group of kindergarten kids playing nearby. She watched them with a smile on her face. Minhyuk would be the same age as them. The knife in her heart twisted once again at the thought of her son. While she was lost in her thoughts, a ball hit her feet. She glanced down immediately. A plastic soccer ball rested next to her.

“I’m sorry, Noona. My friend kicked the ball too hard.”

A boy stood in front of her; apologetic. Moonbyul picked up the ball and gave it to the child. She smiled and shook her head.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay. Run along now. Your friends and teachers are waiting for you.”

The boy looked over his shoulder. His friends were calling for him. One of his teachers was waving at him and he nodded. He turned to face Moonbyul and smiled. His toothless smile caught Moonbyul by surprise.

“I’m Minhyuk. Nice to meet you and have a nice day.”

The boy ran off quickly while Moonbyul was rooted to the ground. The boy reminded her of her own self. And his name was Minhyuk.

“Minhyuk..”

She whispered.

-

It was almost lunch time. All the inmates were gathered together. Lunch was provided and Moonbyul took her share. It was a packet rice with a bottle of water. She grabbed them and sat near the beach; not far away from her officers. She was tired and famished.

The food looked great and Moonbyul’s appetite was aroused. She took a quick bite and sighed contently. It was a good change. The prison food was too bland. As she enjoyed her lunch; she looked over the horizon. The blue skies were perfectly painted in the sky. She couldn’t help but to remember those times she shared with Yongsun.

Yongsun loves the beaches. They would spent their date at the beach; just holding hands as they walked down the coast line. Tears found her once again but Moonbyul kept them in. She smiled as she recalled those beautiful memories; one at a time.

-

Moonbyul held on to Yongsun’s hand tightly. They just had watched a movie and had a lavish dinner at one of the family restaurants. Moonbyul enjoyed holding Yongsun’s hand. She had always wanted to protect Yongsun and this was one of the ways she could do.

They walked in silent; enjoying the breeze and listening to the gentle splashes of the waves. They were barefooted and Moonbyul carried their sandals on the other free hand. Yongsun was beautiful. She has always been but that night; Yongsun was shining so brightly.

She was the only light Moonbyul could see that night.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Yongsun’s cheeks turned streaks of red as her eye smiles appeared. Moonbyul felt blessed to have Yongsun by her side. The couple strolled down the beach as their feet sunk into the sand each time it came in contact.

“Byul ah, will we always be together like this?”

“I hope so.”

“I will pray that we will always be like this forever. I cannot hold someone else’s hand anymore. The hand is the only warmth I’m familiar with.”

Moonbyul turned slightly to face Yongsun. They stopped halfway before facing each other fully. Moonbyul was slightly taller than Yongsun. The older woman looked up with a shy smile. Moonbyul was amused.

“We have been dating for a while now but you still feel shy around me?”

“You’re just as bright as the star, Byul. And I will always have this warm fuzzy feeling each time you look into my eyes. And that’s when I know I’m falling in love with you all over again.”

Moonbyul was moved to tears. Kim Yongsun was so easy to love.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“You don’t have to do anything. I’m yours right from the beginning because you’re my destiny God has created for me. You’re my fate. And I’m not going to let you go no matter what.”

“I love you, Kim Yongsun. God I love you so much.”

-

Minhyuk had done with his lunch. So he picked up his ball and went to his teacher. He wanted to play a bit more before they head back to school.

“Teacher Han, can I play for a short while?”

“Okay, but don’t go too far. Just stay nearby, okay?”

“Okay!”

Minhyuk went slightly further and started kicking his ball around. Minhyuk ate quite fast. He had this from Yongsun. Wheein used to remind him to chew his food properly but she gave up when she realized Yongsun was doing the same too.

But a child would always be a child. He kicked the ball further and it rolled to the beach. Minhyuk ran after his ball and his teacher wasn’t paying attention on him. She was busy handling the other kids. The ball rolled further away and Minhyuk had a hard time catching up with it.

Before he knew it, the ball went straight into the sea. And Minhyuk stopped immediately. He pouted his lips. That ball was bought by Mommy Wheein and it was precious to him. But he was confused as to whether he should go into the water to retrieve it or walk away.

After pondering for seconds, Minhyuk decided to retrieve it. But before he could get in, someone stopped him.

“What are you doing?”

Minhyuk was startled and terrified but managed to look over his shoulder. The same lady he met earlier on was the one who stopped him.

“Noona!”

“What are you trying to do? Why are you getting into the water without an adult?”

“Oh, my ball is drifting away. I need to get it back.”

“You know it’s dangerous to be alone at the beach, right?”

The woman went in instead and grabbed the ball before it drifted further away. She gave it to Minhyuk and the boy was grateful.

“Thank you, Noona!”

“You’re welcome but you have to promise not to do this again. It’s dangerous.”

Minhyuk nodded obediently. He hugged the ball tighter in his arms; not wanting to let it go again. The woman was smiling in amusement.

“Does this ball mean so much to you?”

He nodded again.

“Did someone give it to you?”

“Yeah, it was a gift for finishing my puzzles in 2 days!”

“Oh, you love puzzles?”

“Yes, I love solving them. Umma likes to do it too.”

“That’s sweet.”

Minhyuk gave her the toothless smile once again and she was taken aback. The woman went down on her knees so that she could be on the same eye level with the boy. She studied his face carefully; she was surprised the similarities the boy has with her.

His eyes. His smile. Everything were like a carbon copy of hers.

“Your name is Minhyuk?”

“Yeah!”

“How old are you?”

“I’m turning 5 years old this year.”

The woman’s gentle gaze fell upon Minhyuk.

“What’s your full name?”

“I’m Kim Minhyuk. I’m turning 5 this December.”

The woman gasped before her quivering voice could be heard once more.

“When is your birthday?”

“22 December.”

-

Yongsun came to the beach with Wheein. The pair had arranged with Minhyuk’s kindergarten teacher to pick him up directly from the beach. They had decided to take the boy out since he had done well for his class tests.

“You go ahead. I’ll get some ice cream for the kids from the Mcdonalds. I will see you there.”

Yongsun nodded as she made her way to the kids. She spotted them from far and Teacher Han welcomed her warmly.

“Ah, Miss Kim, you’re here!”

“Hi Teacher Han. I’m here to pick Minhyuk up. Is he here?”

Yongsun started searching for her son when she spotted him playing nearby. She called out to him. The boy was surprised to find her there. He screamed out.

“Umma!”

Yongsun rushed towards her son with her arms wide open.  Minhyuk jumped on her and Yongsun gave tender kisses on her son’s cheeks. The boy was clearly happy to see her. He was getting excited and bombarded her with questions.

“What are you doing here? Why are you here? Have you eaten? Are you alone? Where’s Mommy Wheein?”

Yongsun chuckled softly as she put him down gently. She knelt down in front of him. She couldn’t help but gazed at the boy’s face. Her son is Mini Moonbyul.

Everything of him reminded her of Moonbyul. Minhyuk has always been very physically affectionate with his mother. He’s not shy to hug or kiss his mother in the public. He will not run away if Yongsun showers with him kisses. And this trait of his reminded her of Moonbyul. That woman was greasy sometimes. And she loves skinship so much.

“We will be going for a short trip today. Umma has taken the day off to bring you to Jeju Island.”

“Really!? We are going somewhere?”

“Yeah, and Mommy Wheein is joining us too.”

Minhyuk’s face lightened up. The moment he heard Wheein’s voice, he turned and spotted his Mommy Wheein. He ran to her and pounced on her almost immediately.

“Woah woah!~”

Wheein was struggling with the ice cream cups in her hands. Minhyuk literally jumped on her.”

“YA, hang on!”

“Mommy Wheeeeeinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn~”

“KIM MINHYUK! THE ICE CREAM CUPS ARE GONNA TOPPLE!”

Yongsun shook her head as she watched Wheein and Minhyuk struggled with each other. She ran up to Wheein to save her. She took the boy away from her. 

“What was that for?!”

Wheein was a little annoyed because the ice cream cups were rather heavy. She managed to pass to Teacher Han before turning around to find Minhyuk smiling widely at her.

“Ya, Kim Minhyuk. You almost killed me!”

“I’m just so happy that you’re here!”

“I just saw you this morning. Why are you so excited to see me?”

Wheein went on her knees and Minhyuk put his arms around her neck. He gave her a soft peck before happily declaring his love for her.

“I miss you, Mommy Wheein.”

Wheein’s heart melted. And Yongsun smiled widely. They were just like a happy family.

-

Unknown to them, someone was watching them from afar. Her heart was aching so badly and tears fell from the corner of her eyes.

“Minhyuk ah..”

The person recalled her conversation with Minhyuk earlier on.

“22 December??”

“Yeah, I was born on 22 December 2012.”

“Oh. So you live with your Mommy and Daddy?”

“Nope, I lives with Mommy only.”

“Oh? What happened to your Daddy?”

Minhyuk pouted his lips together. He shrugged his shoulders.

“I have never seen my Daddy before.”

Moonbyul was slightly taken aback. She was terrified to know the truth. This Minhyuk could be her Minhyuk. She just needed to confirm.

“Then what’s your Mommy’s name?”

“Yongsun. Kim Yongsun.”

Moonbyul’s heart fell immediately. This little child in front of her was indeed her child. Her own flesh and blood. Her son. Her son with Yongsun, Kim Minhyuk. Tears soon reached her eyes but she held them back.

“Your mother must be really beautiful. You’re such a handsome boy.”

“I guess so. But I think I look more like Daddy. Mommy’s way beautiful and I don’t look like her.”

“But she must have loved you.”

“She does! And I love her too. I love her so much!”

“You should. You ought to. She brought you into this world.”

Minhyuk nodded. Then he stood up after he realized someone was calling out for him.

“I think my teacher is looking for me. I should go now.”

Moonbyul nodded before she cupped her hands on the boy’s cheeks. Her heart was breaking apart as her skin touched her son’s cheeks. God, it burnt so hard. She felt like her soul was dying.

“Take good care of your Mommy, Minhyuk ah.”

But Minhyuk’s last sentence just tore Moonbyul’s heart further.

“I will! Don’t worry, Mommy Wheein is there too. She will look after Umma as well.”

-

“You have made your point, Jung Wheein. You won her heart. And you won my son’s heart too. I hope you will take good care of them, Jung Wheein.” – Moonbyul

-

This is not the ending. There will be an epilogue. But I will update that later. Once again, I’m a master of angst. Writing angst story is my speciality. J