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Because it’s you, my heart beats (as you may not expect),
my heart doesn’t beat because of others
Similar to water a flower pot, your love allows me to live
Because it is you, I can smile, there’s no way I can smile because of others
Like the one remaining lamp is a storm, you’re a miracle to me

Though I loved you a thousand times, I want to say it again
A word that makes my heart beat
When I was meeting you, I was a really happy person

When I open my eyes, I don’t know if it’s a dream, I’m always anxious
My love, my destiny, I can’t lose you

Though I loved you a thousand times, I want to say it again
A word that makes my heart beat
In a way it won’t hurt me, a protective, thankful word

Really thankful for the person who will grab my hand on an exhausting day
That person is you
When I was meeting you, I was a really happy person

I’ll protect you, I believe you, I love you

Though I loved you a thousand times, I want to say it again
The sad and lonely me probably doesn’t exist now
You’re the only person for me
You, the person directly in front of me, came to me
You did it through our love

• Co-Ed’s I Love You A Thousand Times

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6JcjZ9D-R0)

“Did you marry me because you love me or to take revenge on my father?!”

Her heart was pumping hard. Her index finger tucked neatly on the trigger. She was breathing heavily. She took a quick peek and spotted her target. He was sitting in the room. She closed her eyes and that voice kept ringing in her ears.

“Why?! Why must you hurt me like this?! What did I do wrong to you?!”

She tried to shake that memory off but she just couldn’t. Her bloodshot eyes were resulted from endless crying for the woman whom she loves deeply. The woman she loves because she wanted to be with her forever. She wanted to have a family with her and to live happily till they grow old together. But all that came to a halt when she realized her ulterior motive to be with her.

“Maybe we should just get a divorce.”

Her last sentence scared her. She had all this planned carefully but it never came across her mind that her decision would scare her. She refused to let her go. She knew she could not. She meant the whole world to her. Because of her, her heart started beating and emotions found their way into her cold heart once again.

She closed her eyes; her image was vivid on her mind and her voice resounded in her ears. There was no way she could ever let her go. She has decided. She had to do this or she would risk losing the one she loves. Cautiously, she lifted the gun and rested on her cheek. Her hawk-like eyes were scanning the room for one last time. There were about 4 people but she just needed to shoot that one man. Once that man dies, she will be freed from this burden on her shoulders. She took a deep breath before standing at the doorway, raising the gun and pointing it to the designated target.

“Baby, I love you.”

The sound of gunshot vibrated against the walls. Everyone was scrambling for safety including the target that got shot in his chest. The old man was struggling to run but she came closer. She shot her target again. This time, the old man fell on his knees with his eyes wide open. The bullet pierced through his thick skull. But she remained stoic and behaved nonchalantly. She threw her gun onto the floor and slumped down next to the dead man. With her left leg stretched outwards and the other was bending forward, she turned to look at the dead man who raised her up after her family’s tragic murder.

-

“You must remember the man who killed your family. He was the cause of it! Kim Baek Hon is the murderer of your family. If you want to take revenge on him, you must be stronger than you are now. Not like this, you cowardice!”

She remembered vividly how her family died tragically. They were murdered. Her parents and her sisters were shot in front of her. Her family was having dinner together. She was only 10 years old when she witnessed the gruesome murder of her life. Her father managed to grab her and they ran for their lives but unfortunately, her mother and her two younger sisters were shot brutally. Her father was devastated but he managed to grab his pistol.

Sadly, the murderer caught up with him and shot her father in his heart. She watched as her father fell to the ground with his eyes wide open. She screamed and then her surroundings went blank instantly.

Since then, Moon Byul Yi, 25 years old was a void of affection. She was often dubbed as a “phantom”; a lady with a face but no feelings. She remembered waking up in a small room. She was rescued from the brink of death by an unknown man. The old man took her in but raised her with tough love. There was no affection; there was no benevolence; the old man was just someone who fed her to keep alive and the man’s home was the only shelter she could lean on. But at the back of her mind, there was only one thing that kept her going – revenge. She remembered that name “KIM BAEK HON”; she will remember this name for the rest of her life.

Eventually Byul Yi was trained to be an assassin. She went through military school and also graduated with a degree in Criminal Investigation. She was fueled with those harsh words from the old man. He was the fuel to the fire that was burning in her heart. The desire to kill “KIM BAEK HON” was Byul Yi’s only motivation.

“The only way for you to get near him is to befriend his daughter, Kim Yongsun. She is his most precious person in his life. And she’s interested in women. So you have a chance to win her heart. And that would be easy for you to kill her father.”

That was the suggestion given by the old man. It was the only way for Byul Yi to infiltrate into the Kim’s home so that she could directly deliver the shot through Kim Baek Hon’s brain. Byul Yi agreed immediately. She doesn’t know the meaning of love. She had never experience it before. The whole mission was planned delicately. There was no room for mistakes. She was going for the kill. That’s when Byul Yi pretended to be the new kindergarten teacher to get close to Kim Yongsun. She was also a kindergarten teacher in a pre-school.

Falling in love was never Byul Yi’s intention. But she was determined to make Kim Yongsun to fall hard for her. That was the only way she could win Kim Baek Hon’s trust. Old Kim was a cunning and scheming man. That was her impression, fueled from the old man who raised her up. Byul Yi did plenty of research on how to make someone fall in love. She had never done that before but she diligently read from those self-help books and also observing from watching movies.

However Kim Yongsun was different. A bubbly person; smiling and laughing could come easily for her. She could act silly and still look pretty at the same time. She was well-loved by her colleagues and even her children in the class. They love Teacher Yongsun so much. They rather listen to her than their own parents. Byul Yi met her for the very first time when their chairman introduced her as the new kindergarten teacher.

Byul took a good look at Yongsun; for that very first time their eyes met. The other woman seemed to radiate light within her. Byul thought she was an angel and that smile was captivating. Byul’s heart was stirred. She felt afraid at first; worried that she might fail in her mission. Kim Yongsun couldn’t be Kim Baek Hon’s daughter. She was too angelic. There was no streak of devilish trait in her. How could she be a murderer’s daughter? But it was all done for. As days went by, Yongsun fell madly in love with Byul. Yongsun would call her Moonbyul affectionately. She thought it sounded cuter.

The couple was moving steadily in their relationship. Moonbyul was surprisingly enjoyed her moments with Yongsun. She was falling in love with Kim Yongsun especially with Yongsun’s voice. The woman could really sing. One day, Yongsun decided to introduce Moonbyul to her father. She was certain that Moonbyul would be the one she wanted to settle down with.

Moonbyul was weirdly nervous about the first meeting. Was he going to be Moon Byul Yi, the assassin or Moon Byul Yi, Kim Yongsun’s girlfriend?

“Appa, this is Moonbyul. She’s the one I have been talking about. She’s the woman I love.”

Moonbyul could still remember how Yongsun turned so shy when she introduced Moonbyul to her father. She spoke proudly of Moonbyul. In her heart, Moonbyul was her everything. Yongsun’s family had always been aware of the lady’s ual orientation. And her parents had never discriminate their daughter for being different.

Yongsun’s father was fiercely protective of his daughter. She was different from her sister and that made him even more determined to ensure that Yongsun would find someone who could love and protect her well. Moonbyul met Kim Baek Hon for the first time. Her eyes were filled with fury but the moment she laid eyes on the old man; she was skeptical.

Kim Baek Hon’s expressions were soft and his mannerism was gentle. He wasn’t nimble as an assassin. He reminded Moonbyul of that purple dinosaur, Barney more than of a murderer. The way he moved around; the way he portrayed himself – he wasn’t nimble enough to be an assassin. But she remembered her family and that triggered her innermost hatred for the man.

Kim Baek Hon was already a killer in her mind. And she was adamant to get her revenge on him.

But whatever happened for the next few months wasn’t something Moonbyul had planned. This was not even part of her drafted plan. It was not even lingering at the back of her mind when she plotted her revenge. Kim Yongsun, the murderer’s daughter, was the reason for this. Moonbyul spent more and more time with her. Moonbyul had slowly falling in love with Kim Yongsun. Kim Yongsun had become her everything and even if it could kill her; Moonbyul would do anything for her. Kim Yongsun was slowly penetrating through her soul; her cold heart. For the very first time in her life, Moonbyul felt emotions. Because of Kim Yong Sun, she could cry. She could laugh. She could feel love. Kim Yongsun became the light in her life.

They would spend so much time together. Moonbyul was smiling more. She was apprehensive to let her feelings go at first but Yongsun made it so easy for her. Yongsun’s soft touches; Yongsun’s loud laughter; Yongsun’s tender love; Yongsun’s melodious voice – everything was etched deep in Moonbyul’s mind.

For the very first time in her life, Moonbyul felt loved and she really enjoyed that warmth tremendously. She was amazed at how much Kim Yongsun could change her.

“You love me that much?”

 “Yes, I do, Moonbyul. I love you that much.

”I love you too, Yongsun. I love you so much until I’m afraid to let go of this hand.”

Her life revolved around her. Yongsun this, Yongsun that. She became the reason for her to live. Her heart was beating again after 10 years of silence. Eventually, they got closer and decided to marry overseas. Yongsun was certain that Moonbyul was the only one for her.

However right before the happy moment, the man who took care of Moonbyul went to look for her. He appeared unwelcomed and dragged Moonbyul to a quiet place. His face was scary and Moonbyul had always this immense fear for him. She would always be scared because she could recall the umpteen times she was beaten up before. Her childhood years were haunting.

“Have you forgotten about the revenge?”

The old man reminded her. He tormented her once more. Moonbyul stood emotionless as the man slapped her a couple of times. He would do that if Moonbyul disobeyed him.

“Do you want your family to die in vain? I thought you have always wanted that revenge? But what are you doing now? Aren’t you letting your father down? How could you betray your family for that woman whose father was the one who murdered your family. HE KILLED YOUR FAMILY! REMEMBER THAT!”

Moonbyul was sandwiched in between. Her heart started to turn cold once again. She remembered how her father died in front of her. She could vividly hear her younger sisters’ cries before they were shot to death. God, those tattered images of the massacre of her family’s death – how could she forget them?

After the meeting with the old man, Moonbyul changed. She quickly built a wall around her heart. She had unintentionally let Yongsun in and that was her biggest mistake. She shouldn’t repeat it again. She guarded her heart against Yongsun.

They still went on with their marriage in Canada before decided to settle down in Seoul. Yongsun was blissfully happy to be married to Moonbyul. She vowed she would love Yongsun for the rest of her life and she would do anything to make her woman happy.

Unfortunately, Moonbyul was slowly turning her back against her. She was behaving hot and cold with Yongsun; the other woman was confused. And Moonbyul had never spoken about her family. She was rather quiet and secretive about it. Yongsun had never asked her before but she got curious after all. Moonbyul had become her wife.

“Baby, do you have a family?”

That was an absolute wrong move. Moonbyul blew her top. That was the very first time she ever shouted at Yongsun. She even hurled abusive language at Yongsun. Yongsun was terrified; shocked beyond words. That gentle woman she used to know suddenly changed overnight. They fought more often and before the marriage; Yongsun had actually went for artificial insemination. Before Moonbyul’s drastic changes, the couple had decided to try for a baby.

So Yongsun opted to have the baby and had to undergo painful tests. But Moonbyul wasn’t by her side. She often gave excuses that she was busy and sometimes Moonbyul would yell at Yongsun for no reason. In short, Moonbyul treated Yongsun shabbily after the marriage. Yongsun was stressed out but she loves Moonbyul too much that she kept it inside.

She held on because she believes in Moonbyul. She kept it from her family but her father knew better. He was so protective of his daughter so of course he knew. He confronted Moonbyul one day.

“What did you do to my daughter?”

“None of your business. She’s my wife now.”

“Treat her with respect. She’s your wife but she’s also my daughter.”

“You have no responsibility for her anymore. She’s my responsibility now.”

Kim Baek Hon shook his head in dismay. He had allowed her daughter to be married to a woman who couldn’t protect her. Moon Byul Yi failed to meet up to his expectations. But of course, Kim Baek Hon knew. He was a man with power and he could easily dig into Moonbyul’s past. He knew that Moonbyul was plotting his death. He knew everything. However he pretended like he didn’t. He wanted to protect Yongsun, his beloved daughter.

On his wife’s birthday, Moonbyul had bought tickets to Maldives. Her excuse was to give Yongsun’s mother a grand celebration for her 60^th birthday. She bought tickets for everyone but Kim Baek Hon declined.  He opted to remain behind and Moonbyul plotted her revenge.  The day had come and everyone was at the airport.  

However Moonbyul backed out at the last minute.  But she promised she would join them after she has done with her work.   Yongsun was upset that her wife had to work. She made Moonbyul promised that she would join them the next day. Moonbyul promised.

The night after the family was away, Moonbyul went back to her in-laws place. She was utterly shocked to find Kim Baek Hon was waiting for her in the living room. He was calmly drinking his whiskey as Moonbyul stood squarely in front of him.

“Planning to silence me when my family is away?”

Moonbyul was glaring at him.

“Moon Byul Yi, I know who you are.”

She clenched her fists tightly by her sides as the old man was edging her on. The urge to shoot Kim Baek Hon was getting stronger.

“What makes you think I am your family’s murderer?”

Moonbyul remained silent.

“You listened to a despicable man who has blinded you with revenge and hatred, am I right?”

“You have no right to call him despicable. He raised me up.”

“With what?”

She couldn’t argue more. She wasn’t proud of that man either. But the old man wouldn’t stop. He went on; provoking her by the second.

“Do you know his name?”

No, she didn’t.

“Byul ah, do you know his name?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I have guessed it right.”

He continued drinking and remained eerily calmed. He just sat there; half smiling half enjoying his drink.  Moonbyul was taunted and she didn’t like it at all. She was right after all. This man was cunning. She was convinced that Kim Baek Hon was indeed her family’s murderer.

She couldn’t be bothered to play along with him. She took out her gun and pointed it the top of Kim Baek Hon’s head. Yet the man remained calm. Moonbyul was a little shaken but she knew she had to do this tonight.

“Before you pull the trigger on me, can you promise me something?”

“I don’t do promises.”

“But you have to do this time.”

Moonbyul was agitated. This man was obviously playing games with her. She pulled the trigger. The click sound from the barrel was a little intimidating but yet the man continued talking.

“Please, treat Yongsun beter.. She’s innocent.”

Moonbyul’s heart plunged. The mention of her wife got her insides swirled violently. Her heart was tugging and Moonbyul knew she could be defeated easily. She screamed at her father in law to stop the pain in her heart.

“YOU... You are using your daughter against me!”

Kim Baek Hon smiled.

“She’s my girl. Make sure you treat her well.”

Moonbyul shifted her shoulders restlessly. Suddenly she felt uneasy. She felt guilty. What would Yongsun think of her? What would Yongsun do if she found out that her wife was the one who shot her father? That was when Moonbyul realized how important Kim Yongsun was to her.

She slowly pulled back and put her gun down. She stood there; with tears swelling in her eyes. She was so tormented that she wanted to puke. This was insane. Why did this moment affecting her so much?

“You’re a good person, Byul ah. And I know how painful it was for you when you lost your family. I know that memories could never be erased. If you’re convinced that I’m your family’s killer; then go ahead and shoot me. But Yongsun is innocent. So please, treat her well. That’s all I’m asking of you.”

“SHUT UP! PLEASE STOP TALKING!”

Moonbyul suddenly lifted her gun and pointed at her father in law once again. Her index finger was still stuck neatly on the trigger. This moment drove her mad and it was chaotic. She felt like as though there was an angel and a devil at the back of her head. She slowly turned numb.

“Don’t make me shoot you. Please don’t make me pull this trigger.”

“Byul ah, please listen to me. I can help you. If you’re willing to put that fire out in your heart, I promise you I’ll make sure that you will stop feeling this pain.”

“I grew up with nothing. I lost my family in one night. How could you kill them?”

Kim Baek Hon shook his head and stood up. He came closer; not fearing for his life. He knew he had to approach his daughter in law cautiously and Moonbyul had become defensive.

“Don’t move!”

While in the midst of the intense argument, someone suddenly stepped into the house. Both Moonbyul and Kim Baek Hon turned their heads towards the door. They were stumped to find Yongsun. She was immensely shocked to see her wife pointing a gun at her father.

“What are you doing?!”

Yongsun screamed. Moonbyul was too shocked for words. Kim Baek Hon rushed to his daughter and held on to her. He sighed as he asked softly.

“Why are you back, Yongsun?”

Yongsun glared at Moonbyul. In her hand was a mammogram. Her father glanced down and his heart plunged. It was a photo of fetus. But his daughter replied; almost emotionlessly.

“I wanted to give her a surprise.”

Moonbyul stared at her before swallowing hard. But she managed to whisper softly.

“What surprise?”

“I’m finally pregnant.”

Yongsun replied indignantly. And Moonbyul dropped her gun to the floor instantly. Her hands trembled so badly. Her heart ached so painfully.

“I’m pregnant with your baby. Your flesh and blood. And I wanted to surprise you.”

Yongsun cried bitterly. The sight of Yongsun’s tears tore Moonbyul’s heart apart. But Yongsun went on with a tinge of disappointment.

“But what the hell. I don’t think it matters anymore.”

No! No, it matters! It matters a lot to Moonbyul. Tears, disappointment, pain – everything came at once. Moonbyul could see that Yongsun was greatly disappointed in her. Moonbyul staggered towards her wife but Yongsun pulled away. Her heart shut itself up.

“Yongsun ah…”

“Shut up.”

“Baby… I..”

“I am not your wife anymore. We should get a divorce.”

“No, I cant do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you.”

“YOU LIAR!”

Hell broke loose. Yongsun punched Moonbyul in the face and the woman just stood there in silence; letting her wife vent her anger on her. Yongsun was eventually stopped by her father and the damage was already done on Moonbyul. Her forehead was bleeding profusely and her upper lip was torn. But yet Moonbyul stood still. Moonbyul wanted to come closer but her father in law stopped her.

“Byul ah, leave first. I’ll talk to Yongsun.”

Moonbyul nodded. She looked at Yongsun for the last time but the woman refused to face her. Moonbyul could feel her wife’s heart breaking into pieces and it was her fault that it happened. She walked away dejectedly and Yongsun followed from behind.

“Leave, before I call the police.”

Yongsun slammed the door behind her; leaving Moonbyul standing like a fool outside of the house. Moonbyul was bewildered. She didn’t get her revenge. Instead, she has lost the one person she loves in her entire life.

Not wanting to provoke her wife further, Moonbyul decided to return to the man who brought her up. He was furious to learn that Moonbyul failed to kill Kim Baek Hon. He unleashed his anger at her.

“Good for nothing! You are just like your father!” Moonbyul stared at him; appalled.

“Your father was killed because he was a coward, just like you! A simple job like this couldn’t even execute perfectly. And I thought his daughter wouldn’t be like him. Who have thought, they came from the same flock of feathers!”

The girl was stunned. She couldn’t understand.  She grabbed him by his collar and shouted at him.

“What do you mean?!”

The man smirked before pushing her away. He was unbelievably arrogant and annoying at the same time. But eventually he confessed.

“I was the one who shot your father because he failed his mission. I guess, I have to kill you too.”

Moonbyul was beyond shock. She could feel her anger seething in quickly.

“I killed your family and I was the one who saved you. I thought I should make use of you to get my revenge. You are just a tool in my plan.”

Moonbyul’s body shook in anger. She bit her lips so hard that she could feel the metallic taste of her own blood. She clenched her fists hard. She was ready to lounge at the old man but he was quicker. He pulled his gun out and pointed at her.

“Now I’m going to kill you because you failed me. You and your father were just too weak. And after I kill you, I have to kill your wife too.”

“What?!”

“I killed your entire family, didn’t I? I will kill Kim Baek Hon myself. And then I will slowly kill your wife. Kim Yongsun is not only Kim Baek Hon’s precious person. She has become your most important person too. So, any last goodbye?”

But the man didn’t wait for Moonbyul. He shot her. Fortunately Moonbyul was trained professionally. She managed to run but her arm was bleeding badly. The bullet went through her flesh and she was in excruciating pain.  

Moonbyul managed to hide safely. The man’s henchmen were searching for her but Moonbyul was too smart for them. Once she knew she was safe, Moonbyul performed her own operation to remove the bullet from her arm.

She was a tough woman. The bullet didn’t hurt her. The knife that pulled out the bullet from her flesh didn’t hurt her. The antiseptic that stung her wound so badly didn’t hurt her. Nothing hurt her except for one.

The tears in Kim Yongsun’s eyes hurt her. Yongsun’s disappointed voice hurt her. When Yongsun screamed at her; it hurt her to see how much pain Yongsun felt because of her.

Everything that was painful to Yongsun hurt her immensely. Tears filled her eyes immediately. She pulled out her wallet and opened it up. There was a photo of Yongsun and her during their happy days. Memories filled her mind as tears fell from the corner of her eyes.

God, why didn’t she see it? Why was she so stupid to believe in others so easily? She recalled the mammogram in Yongsun’s hand earlier on. It was a photo of their fetus; her baby. Yongsun was pregnant with her flesh and blood. Her wife was carrying her baby.

She smiled. Her baby. Their precious little one. Yongsun had waited so long for this day to happen. She went through so much and Moonbyul suddenly felt a sharp pain in her heart. She could remember those nights when she hid behind the wall and watched Yongsun writhed in pain on the bed. The whole process was tough and Yongsun was suffering so much.

Moonbyul’s heart ached when she recalled those times when she yelled at Yongsun. She slapped herself a couple of times for every memory when she put Yongsun through so much pain. She closed her eyes tightly before letting out a loud sigh.

“It’s time for me to be a good wife. I must pay back my misdeeds and protect Yongsun and our baby. I have to stop that man from hurting my family.”

Moonbyul was determined. She knew she had to make things right. The only way to do that was to protect Yongsun and her family. She dug out her phone from her back pocket. She stood up with difficulty as her left arm was hurting so badly. But this pain would not deter her.

She reloaded her gun with bullets and placed another back-up pistol at the back of her jeans. She was going to take her revenge. She dialed a certain number and it was answered quickly. She sighed softly before speaking up.

“I’m sorry, appa. Can you please look after Yongsun for me?”

“Byul ah, where are you? Come home and we can talk.”

Moonbyul chuckled softly. The man behind the call was so gentle. She should have known better. But she knew she had done much damage and so she needed to fix it right. She held her tears and spoke up again.

“I’m sorry, Mr Kim. I cannot keep my promise. But I will never let Yongsun get hurt anymore. So, please look after her while I’m gone.”

Moonbyul hung up on her father in law immediately. She turned off her phone and left it behind. She looked around her house and saw their wedding photo.  Moonbyul stood in front of their photo and tenderly caressed Yongsun’s picture. With her quivering voice, she whispered.

“I love you, Kim Yongsun. And I’m sorry.”

-

Moonbyul’s memory was replaying in her mind. She remembered what led her to kill that old man eventually. Her love for her wife was the motivation to pull the trigger. But at least she didn’t kill the wrong man. She shot the right man who didn’t deserve to live any longer.

She could hear the whirring sirens of a police car as she waited patiently for the police. They handcuffed her with no resistance. Moonbyul wasn’t going to fight back. She was just glad that the threat was gone. At least, Yongsun could live on. There was no turning back and she had no regrets.

Meanwhile Yongsun was all alone in her room, crying over Moonbyul. She didn’t mean to kick her out of the house but she just couldn’t believe what Moonbyul attempted to do. She pretended to be nice to her so that she could kill her father. She cupped her hand gently on her tummy. The new life within was still growing. She wasn’t too sure if she could raise the baby on her own.

“Baby, forgive Mommy. Forgive your Mommy Byul.”

Yongsun cried profusely as she whispered softly to her unborn child.

Her father was at the door. She wiped her tears and sat upright; facing her father. He held her hand and squeezed it tightly. He didn’t know where to begin but he had to tell the truth about Moon Byul’s background. Yongsun listened attentively; her heart was aching badly as the truth about her wife’s family tragedy was revealed. It wasn’t Moonbyul’s fault. It wasn’t her fault, right from the very beginning. She was just a tool. Everyone was scheming to topple the best man and they would do anything just to get rid of competition. Moonbyul was just embroiled in such mess without even knowing. She was taught to kill and who could have blamed her. Her family was murdered right in front of her eyes.

Yongsun’s aching heart was still squeezing. She felt sorry now. She felt pain for the woman she loves. If only she knew what Moonbyul was going through.

“Moonbyul was an innocent girl who was brought up by a nasty man with a wicked heart. He was the one who killed her family but yet raised her to hurt others. But Moonbyul  is just like her father; a kind­hearted person. She would have pulled the trigger, if she is that heartless. But when I mentioned your name, she just couldn’t shoot me. She resisted. From there, I could see how much you mean to her and how much she loves you.”

That was enough for Yongsun to reach out for her phone. She wanted to look for her desperately. She wanted Moonbyul back. She needed her by her side. The baby needs Moonbyul. As she was dialing for her number, her eyes were focused at the television. Both father and daughter were watching the news. Her eyes widen when she recognized the woman who was taken away by the police.

“The suspect has shot the victim twice without mercy....”

Those words kept ringing on her mind. Tears fell immediately; her heart was breaking apart.

“I guess she found out the truth about her family’s death.”

Her father pulled Yongsun closer and hugged her tightly. Her poor daughter kept crying; regretted that she pushed Moonbyul to the brink of desperation.

“It was my fault.”

-

Dear Yongsun,

I have never told you how I felt before. I wanted to but I just don’t know how to. How much you mean to me. How much I feel for you. Now, I am just sitting here, thinking of you and our baby. I don’t know why or where I found that courage to pull that trigger. But I guess I know the reason why – You. When he threatened to kill you, I know I have to save you somehow. I cannot let him kill the one person I love the most and I wouldn’t let him kill the person you admire the most – your father. Please tell father in law that I’m sorry for my actions.

Yongsun ah, my wife, my love, my baby – the only woman I have ever loved in my whole entire life. I will always keep your smile with me. I still can feel the warmth of your hand when you held mine tightly. The taste of your kisses are still lingering on my lips. I am sorry I can’t be there with you. I am sorry I won’t be there for our baby. Forget me. Find someone else who will love you with all of her heart.

It is so easy to love you. It is so easy to make you smile. I am sure a good woman will appreciate Kim Yongsun as who she is. Moon Byul Yi could have done that but she was too blinded by her own perception, stupidity and perhaps, her being naïve is equivalent to being dumb as well.

I can still feel your arms around me, Yongsun. The only thing that keeps me alive here is you. My heart is beating because of you. Thank you, for helping me to find my emotions back. Without you, I will probably that cold, heartless . And I don’t deserve you.

I am sorry if I put you through so much pain lately. I am sorry, I am really sorry. But, I love you. I don’t think I could ever face you again. But please believe me. I love you. I really love you, Kim Yongsun. Take good care of yourself especially our baby.

Never let him or her know about me. I don’t deserve it. You can tell our child that I’m dead or gone. I’m sorry that I’m pushing all the responsibilities to you but I know you can raise the child well without me.

Yongsun ah, be safe.

I love you.

From:

Moon Byul  Yi

Dear Baby,

I hope this letter reaches you somehow. I received your letter. I received it well but I just couldn’t stomach in all the contents. You know, I love you so much. How could you even ask me to find someone else? How can I ever be happy when the reason for my happiness is you? I could never, never ever let you go; even in death. I am sorry too. I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have.

Moon Byul, this is a picture of our unborn baby. I want you to have it. I am going to raise our baby up well. I promise you, I will be happy but I will never find another woman to fill in your shoes. You will always be the gentle, sensitive Moon Byul Yi I used to know. There is always this perfect image of you on my mind and I will never throw it away.

Baby, Appa said he will find the best lawyer to get you on parole. I don’t care if you’re imprisoned for 10 years or 20 years. I will not give up on you; on us. You have given me the best of everything and I know you were just caught by the moment.

Even the judge felt sorry for you. All this wouldn’t happen if not because of that one selfish man who made used of you. Appa knows you’re innocent. Even Omma tells me to visit you. She said she will cook your favorite food when I visit you next time.

Don’t you ever dare hide away from me. Be brave and face me. I will never push you away. This hand will hold on to yours and I’ll never stop loving you. I told you before that you’ll be the last woman in my life.

I love you, Moon Byul Yi. I love you so much that I’m not willing to let you go anymore. I’ll be waiting for you. No matter how long it takes, I’ll still wait for you. I will bring our baby to visit you. He or she deserves to know the woman who gives the chance to live.

I will update you everything on our baby; on my life so please don’t shun yourself away from me. You don’t have to do this.

Moon Byul Yi, I love you a thousand times. I love you forever and ever.

From,

Your Wife Kim Yong Sun.