If it ain't obvious enough, I have a thing for artist x muse stories because 1) I miss painting, 2) I hadn't had a muse in 5 years, 3) This is the only way for me to be connected to my past self.

More or less, writing this is self-indulgent. I want to let go but it's a little too difficult when for majority of my life my mind was set on being an artist (simply because everyone around me told me I was, the entire time I'd been growing up).

I am basically at that point in life when I question my own self and my passion but I'm glad I still have writing (and fandom) to accompany me through this dark time.