The beginning of the end

zhīzi- Gardenia

Mark’s POV

I don’t know what’s going on with Jackson; he’s been so busy lately. I rarely see him outside JYP building, I have noticed he has lost lots of weight, his cheerful persona is also diminishing. It’s my fault and I know it. I pushed him, when I start dating Sana everything else disappeared, my relationship took my 100%, dating her is great, but we both know the dangers if we get caught. So naturally it takes an extra effort for both of us. Anyways, I started to talk less to Gaga and even though he says everything is alright I’m not buying it. I'm going to get to the core of it, I’m losing my best friend. I sure I’m the one to blame because he’s the most selfless person I have ever met, I’m screwing up. I promise you Gaga I make things right with you, we’ll be the same as we were before. I'll be coming closer to you, I need you Gaga.

Journal entry # 32

Mark, In front of you I pretend that I’m fine. I pretend that I’m okay. I have to. I can’t confess the reason behind my cold shoulder. I’m sorry but the more I see you the more I fall in love. I came to the conclusion that love is nightmare from which I’m unable to wake up. Just a little bit more, I’ll just look at you a little more Mark. Then I can put away my feelings…That’s what I believed, that’s why I’m doing this.

But my feelings are getting bigger and deeper. My heart won’t listen, it won’t get better. I’m falling too deep, it’s hard to breathe with these stupid lungs, and they’re giving up. I can’t continue like this. I love you so ing much. I want to be selfish and take you away from Sana but she’s so sweet and understanding, it is not her fault that you chose her, it’s not her fault but mine. I’m sorry Mark I love you. I love you and I’m scared, what would happen to me in the future?

J-

Mark tried, he tried to cheer Jackson but he refused all advances, all proximity. It was so wrong, Jackson felt guilty towards Mark, he wanted to spend time like they used to, but Jackson knew in the stage he was he couldn’t control the petal from being expel from his mouth. One day Mark cornered Jackson in the filming studio and invited him to watch a movie, he just wanted to fix his friendship. BamBam wasn’t around and there was no escape for Jackson so he had to accept the invitation. Unfortunately it was the beginning of the end.

Jackson made sure to take the triple of the dosage of pills before the movie; he mentally prepared himself while waiting for Mark. They went to the cinema. Even the smallest details sent Jackson to a nearly euphoric state, Mark paid for the tickets of the movie, and he bought Jackson popcorn with cheese, his favorites.

Smallest touches and warm words meant a lot for Jackson. Everything that came out of Mark’s mouth made Jackson feel more in love. Mark treated Jackson so well that evening. For a moment Jackson thought it could work, he could have Mark for him. After the movie they had dinner together at their favorite bbq place. For the first time, in a long time Jackson ate without throwing up petals.

They went for a walk near Han River.The moon was so bright; it was illuminating the sky of Seoul. Jackson allowed himself to drink every detail of Mark, every feature, every corner of his face which screamed perfection his almond- like eyes, his nose, his pinkish lips. The moonlight made Mark looked even more beautiful. His toothy smile was so precious: Jackson thought for a moment everything was perfect, his jokes were making Mark laugh, it was an intoxicating sound he wanted to listen forever.

Mark also thought for a moment he had his best friend back. Everything seemed to be the way it was before: the movie, the restaurant, the talk and the walk. Jackson was being himself again: cracking jokes, telling stories, laughing with his characteristic high pitch laugh, telling Mark his stories of China. Mark allowed himself to go back in time and revive their old memories. Mark felt he was completely happy, after seeing his best friend the way he used to be. Mark felt his mission was accomplished… but reality hit him, his phone rang while Jackson was talking, the caller ID: Sana. Mark didn’t want the night to end so soon he really wanted to keep on listening to Jackson, to see the sparks in those chocolate brown eyes, but his phone kept on ringing.

Hyung, you should pick up the call. It must be important. Go ahead I don’t mind it- said Jackson once he noticed Mark was making no movement.

It’s ok Gaga, this call can wait. Please tell me more of your stories- Mark’s phone kept on ringing.

Hyung, I really think you should pick up, it might be Sana, you have to talk to her- said a somber Jackson.

Ok, I’ll pick it up. Just give me a minute- with a heavy heart Mark answered his phone.

I’ll be walking ahead; you can have your own space, talk with no hurries- said Jackson while walking ahead.

This is it. I knew it was too good to be true, Mark Tuan you don’t love me. I know it, you won’t ever do it- Jackson thought while a burning sensation came to his throat, he knew exactly what it was and he ran to a nearest public restroom.

The moment he entered the stall he started to cough, it was uncontrollable. The petals were pale yellow but they came with a metallic-salty flavor. Jackson took a look at the petals and it shocked him, they were covered with drops of blood. He cleaned himself and flushed the toilet. He made sure to take a sample for sending it to China asap. Jackson knew the extent of this new symptom, He was reaching stage 3.

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INFTINSPIRIT97
#1
Chapter 9: Okay, I didn't need my heart anyways T_T
Quotezdaily
#2
Chapter 10: My Markson heart : ( Your writing is so so so good that I can feel the pain of characters myself. I would love to read your stories please if you have time write more ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Quotezdaily
#3
Chapter 3: Why ? Π _ Π
starlight_1004
#4
Chapter 9: WHAT IS THIS OMG TELL ME U DIDNT JUST
Anonymouhs_Ahgase
#5
Chapter 10: OMYGOD
Ijami12 #6
Chapter 9: Omgggg ???
YixingsBaoBei
#7
Chapter 9: WHAT THE ?! Hell no! Boiiiiiiiiii what the is this!!!! My heart- Noooooooooooooo.!!!!!!
x_jigoku #8
Chapter 9: This was so good ? And the END!! Whyyyyyyyy, my poor emotional heart ?♥️
Irtayag #9
Chapter 9: Omg! Beautiful!
evilyoungest #10
Chapter 8: OMG. . i love it, please don't end It like this