"You're going paintballing, am I hearing that right?" Yunyi asked as I tied my hair into a tight coil down my neck. The morning was filled with a surge of excitement and rush of adrenaline, I adorned a simple T-shirt and second hand cargo pants. I knew Yunyi was gawking, this was the first time she saw me in something she defined as 'less girly'. 

"Of course, did you think I was that much of a softie?" I questioned.

"No, it's just odd to hear it for once," she replied. "FYI, you look pretty badass in boy's clothes. It's so strange, it's kinda attractive."

"Okay, you are not going to start crushing on me now Yunyi." I said before picking up my stuff. "I'm not taking breakfast here, gotta go-"

"Almost forgot," and she produced a note from her pocket. "Your mom called this morning."

That grabbed my attention, "Huh? When?"

"Er, like three in the morning," she said grogily. "She couldn't get through yours so she tried calling me."

I was horrified, "What did she say to you this time?" I sighed exasperratedly.

"Er, something about ferrets and your uncle Frederick's twins arriving - I don't know actually. One thing's for sure, she told you to call her soon." and she proceeded to fill with another scoop of morning ice cream. 

I rolled my eyes, "Got it, sorry for disturbing you Yunyi. You know moms, always having some kind of weird reason to call in the middle of the night."

"My mom hardly calls, says phone calls are expensive." she answered. "Not that I don't like the privacy though."

"Okay, I really gotta go," I said as I was reaching for the door. "I'll be back by seven! Bye!" and I left.

---

---

"Emma Alexandra Victoire Song, I thought I told you to call days ago!" my mom screeched through the phone. Her voice was the worst when she used it to scream, which was eighty percent of the time. 

I flinched as soon as I heard it, "Hi mom..." I said nervously.

"Don't 'hi' me, young lady!" she continued. "If I knew you were going to be this distant from all of us, I wouldn't have let you come all the way to Korea all by yourself."

"Mom," I sighed. "I'm not being distant, I just - I'm just kind of busy lately. You know how creativity works, when it comes I can't just stop and pause while I do something else."

"That's not an excuse, do you know how worried we all are here? To this day I still ask myself the very same question about your reason to apply for a place in Seoul, there's Berkeley and Julliard here, but you had to apply for Seoul!"

"Mom, it's not the same - you won't understand." I said. 

"Hmm, for all I know you always make me and your father worry. With all the decisions that we would never understand and you would never think about explaining to us - are we really to blame, Emma?"

"Well," I tried thinking about something new to make as an excuse. "I wanted a new environment to work on music, LA was getting dull for me anyway. It's not like I'll stay here forever, besides my roots are here. I look more Asian than I look American."

"Don't you bring up racism, missy!"

"I wasn't, it was a joke," I said. "And please, don't call my roommate when you need to talk to me. Yunyi was nice enough to pass you guys her number, but it's not for you to abuse it and call her in the middle of the night."

"I won't bother her if my daughter actually called back for once," and she paused for a second before continuing. "And your auntie Kwan visited last weekend, she was asking about you."

I knew the answer to that, I rolled my eyes, "No mom, tell her I'm not dating anyone yet - and there's no need for another one of her brilliant matchmakings when I get back this semester break."

"Her intentions are nice, Emma - even I'm worried about you getting a boyfriend. You know how your tastes never really suit you-"

"Oh my god, mom!" I said a little too loudly. "And what do you mean my taste don't suit me?"

"Well all the boys you brought back never really turned out right, honey. Maybe me and your aunt's arrangements would be better?"

"No, mom. If you do it I won't ever come back home, do you hear me?"

"Fine, but I don't want what happened between you and that Jung boy to repeat itself-"

"Mom, I thought we agreed to not talk about it anymore." I said harshly, the tone I use when I really want something to stop. My mother did shut up, she knew she had crossed the line. 

"...Emma, are you still thinking about him?" she considered after a while. "Oh sweetie, you know a boy like that's not worth your time thinking about."

"I wasn't until you brought him up, he's gone mom - he's not part of my life anymore. I am dating people, just not really taking seriously and all. See, I'm doing fine, trust me."

"That's good to hear," she sounded reassured, I knew it worked. "Call back, okay sweetie?"

"I know, I love you too." and I ended the call.

Now, it might seem ridiculous for me to get worked up because of some boy I used to like. But that was different, that one particular person was distinct from all the others - Yoo Daehyun was a minor issue compared to the one mom almost mentioned. I might have told her I was fine, but old wounds still burned when opened up. 

All it took was one big blow, with a night of pouring rain and heartache inside out. It hurt, a lot. It all happened in a blur, with a girl coming home drenched in rain and faded eyeliner and broken heels. I remembered the look on his face, that forsaken face of an angel. It took long for me to heal, to finally walk out of my room. It was the worst Christmas Eve I had ever celebrated. And to this day memories of it still haunted me, something that might have seemed small now but it was a lot painful back then.

Then again, first loves were always the hardest to let go.

---

---

Lia and the gang were already waiting in front of the paintball arena, and she beckoned me over as soon as she saw me. "Emma, you made it! So I think everyone's here?"

I glanced at Doyoung, whose hair was slicked back and he wore a black Metallica tank - complete with tracks and his brilliant smile. For some reason, it grew even wider when he saw me - I was a lot happier too. 

"So we'll divide into two teams, black and white," Lia arranged. "So Daniel. Yuki, Chanyoung and I will be on the white team while Emma, Doyoung, Isaac and Minjung on the black - is that okay with you guys?" 

"Sure." we all agreed. Thereafter, we all retreated into our own territories. I decided to hide behind the tree with my paintball rifle in hand, my heart pounding abnormally fast when there was nothing to fear. 

Just as I peeked a little, a gust of yellow paint whizzed past just inches from my ear. I gasped and leaned against the tree again. I needed to rethink the strategy before doing anything stupid, I glanced at the tree on the other side, where Doyoung was already taking aim. He looked every bit manly as ever, the way he held his gun - it was as if everything seemed to slow down and it emphasized on him. 

Stop acting like an idiot, Emma Song, I snapped myself out of it. I proceeded to run over to hide behind a barrel where it was more strategic to shoot, planted my rifle atop the barrel and counted down the seconds before shooting for the first time. I heard someone yell, "Take cover!" on the other side. I knew I had shot someone.

Doyoung rolled over and crouched next to me, he leaned back his head before letting out a laugh, "Nice shot! Right in the chest!" he commented. 

"I got lucky, that's all." I answered. "So what's the next plan, captain?"

"Depends, if the coast's clear then we'll advance into their territory," he answered. "If I could just take a look on the other side-" but he was cut short with another shot of paint was fired to our side - it spread colouring against his dark hair. 

"Shoot, I'm spotted," he cursed and he looked at me with a sort of glee in his eyes, he grinned. "Gotta go - eyes open okay?" and he scurried away. 

I trudged forward, after Isaac had pulled a rapid fire, distracting the opposing team in the process. Doyoung and I were the moving knights, neck-and-neck and nearing enemy's territory. I was about to load my gun and shoot at Lia-

"Look out!" Doyoung yelled before shielding me from Daniel before he fired a shot, it hit Doyoung right in the chest. He grimaced, "Emma, go!" and I got up and ran, until I was at the enemy base. The horns sounded, signaling the game was over - and we had won. 

---

---

The losing team had to treat everyone to dinner.

Winners had the right to choose the location for dinner, so since we were in Busan - we couldn't miss the chance to have a grill near the beach. There was a grill shop near the ocean. While Lia and the rest of the losing team were grilling the food, I decided to retreat for some peace and quiet by the docks.

The water seemed nice but I was still skeptical about it with the unstable structure of the dock. So I merely gazed at moonlight sky as its image reflected onto the water, it calmed me down a lot when the breeze swept softly across my face. As I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine myself alone in a place where there were no bad memories. Then ideas for a new song came into my mind, my fingers were drumming to a new beat as I arranged the notes in my mind. 

When I opened my eyes, Doyoung was standing right beside me. "I didn't want to interrupt your moment." he said sheepishly, eyes facing the ground. And I thought I had imagined the wooden dock creaking under more pressure...

"You could've just called me, it's fine," I answered. 

"Thank you though, for coming today,"

"Haha, what for?"

"To be honest, the main reason why I agreed to come along was because you were coming here too," he looked at me. "I believe fate brings people together, Emma Song."

"And I you, Kim Doyoung," another thought came into my mind. "Also, why did you take that shot during the match? It was supposed to be me, not you."

He shurugged, "I don't know, it was just something I felt like doing at that time - I wasn't thinking about anything else." his tone was like he was signaling something else, as if he were expressing something unspoken. He pursed his lips, "Emma, I know we just met literally - but you know what, everything needs to have a start." he took my hand. "Emma-"

"Doyoung," I lightly jerked away, slightly shaking after flashback flooded in. "I-I can't."

He frowned, "Emma?"

"You wouldn't understand," I sighed. "It's not that I don't like you, I really do."

"Then what's the matter?" he asked. "Emma, I won't mind if you tell me. What's wrong?"

I pursed my lips, "You remind me a lot about a person, someone I used to love," the words were stinging too. "-but we never happened, it was all in my head. And you just remind me so much about him, Doyoung, come to think about it. Believe me," I took a big breath. "-if I didn't like you I wouldn't be so comfortable around you."

He was silent for a while, "So you're scared?" he said to me. 

I stuttered, "I-I'm not sure."

He took a step closer, "Emma, if you're pushing me away because you don't want to get your heart broken again - Emma, for how long are you going to stay scared?" his words echoed in my head. 

But before I could answer, Lia called out for us, "Emma, get out of there!" her tone seemed anxious.

It all happened so fast, the dock collapsed from under our feet - sending both of us plunging into the freezing water. Two things were running through my mind, 1) The question Doyoung had asked me and 2) I didn't know how to swim. 

So I sank helplessly in the water as I didn't know what to do. The freezing temperature had slowed down my mind, and I was stuck in the limbo without knowing what to do. I swore I had swallowed more than a gallon of water, and was slowly getting tired. I wasn't sure when I had given up and was already unconscious to begin with. Lately I had started to drift into my dreams more easily, and this was one of the example. Despite everything, in the dream I heard the familiar voice of the very boy who had broken my heart. His mellow voice repeated my name, then it suddenly switched to someone else's voice. 

The light swallowed me whole.

"Emma!" Doyoung's voice was the first thing I heard when I regained consciousness, his eyes staring into mine. I was choking out water, coughing out mouthfulls of it every time he performed CPR on me. I should have been sane and worried about whether I was still alive - but no, all I was thinking about was 'he was kissing me' even though it technically was a medical procedure. 

"Is she alright?" I heard someone ask. "Emma, talk to me!" Doyoung said sternly as he held me by the shoulder. "Someone get her a towel!" he was soaking wet as well. 

"I-I'm okay," I croaked, to their relief. I felt Lia put a dry towel across my shoulder, my eyes were glued on Doyoung who had gotten up after the boys pulled him away to dry himself. Lia and the girls brought me over to the side to change. 

"Oh god, what am I gonna tell your mom if she finds out?" I heard her say frantically. "It was a good thing he saved you, or you would've drowned..."

I swallowed hard, maybe it was time to move on.