Summary: Late night dance practices make Tiffany's angst demons come out.

Category: Canon-verse, failed angst, almost like a character study of Tiffany

Title Source: Only One by SNSD

Tiffany wipes the sweat dripping along the sides of her face with a slightly damp towel, still panting as her heart rate struggles to return to normal.
 

Struggling.
 

She takes a few hearty sips of water before setting the bottle down, along with her towel. Their new song still echoes through her mind, its nonstop replay in the dance practice studio for the past few hours preventing Tiffany from hearing anything else but nine unique voices coming together to create harmonies, to make music.
 

Over and over again.
 

Her thighs hurt, her calves burn, and it takes everything in her for her to grab her phone and earphones before she tiredly slides down the wall opposite the huge mirror, her head bumping against the hollow wood as soon as her hits the floor.
 

Tired. So tired.
 

She plugs the earphones in, in her phone and in her ears and plays any random song, as long as it isn’t any of their tracks and would drown out the nonstop echoing—not of their new song, but of her own thoughts buzzing louder than Tiffany can take.
 

She can’t take it anymore.
 

As the loudness of the song begins to trump her own inner voice, Tiffany closes her eyes and releases a shaky breath.
 

It’s been ten years. They’ve made a name for themselves, individually and together, and have been through practically everything: birthdays, anniversaries, wins, losses, storms, hurricanes, tragedies. And yet they’re still being held together by the strongest strings of fate. Nothing can replace what they have with each other.
 

But it’s during these days—between comebacks and live shows where she would rather be caught dead than without a bright, blinding smile on her face for the cameras—when Tiffany would feel it. Would really feel it.
 

Her mistakes. Her faults. Her inadequacy. Her lack of a right to even be a member of one of the greatest girl groups in the world.
 

It’s not as blatant during song recording. She may wince at the sharpness of her voice, biting back the urge to tell the producer to give the higher notes to Taeyeon or Seohyun or Jessica instead, but she easily gets comforted when her next lines don’t seem to sound so bad, when she can showcase her ability to use her lower register in paramount areas.
 

But nothing makes her feel worse than lagging behind during group dance practices, when Hyoyeon can effortlessly sway her hips and hit that kick while she’s still trying to remember which direction to sway first and which leg to lift.
 

She knows she should be used to it by now. It’s not like she doesn’t eventually learn the moves and execute it as best as she could, but the after-hour practices she reserves for herself while the rest of her members get to come home and take relaxing hot showers always take a toll on her and whatever self-esteem she still musters to have by the end of the night. The girls will always offer to teach her the steps again, and usually she gratefully accepts any help she can get, but tonight, Tiffany just wanted to be alone. She wanted to get the moves right and prove to herself that she can succeed on her own, and that she doesn’t have to take something precious from the girls any more than she should.
 

They can all do better than me. What do I even have to offer to them? My eye-smile? Rather than talent, are my physical attributes the only thing I can really contribute?
 

Someone’s always a better singer, a better dancer. Better in making people laugh, better in hosting, better in acting. Better, better, better.
 

The panic seizes until a complete turnover takes over her body, much like how waves recede and expose the beauty of the shore.
 

Calm.
 

She feels calm.
 

This is it. This will be her last comeback, her last song with them.
 

It’s not unideal; she’s definitely old enough to retire as a member of a girl group. She has enough money in her bank account to keep her afloat for many more years to come, and the girls will be fine without her. She can still visit them backstage, hang out with them. Nothing much will change.
 

Her thoughts become louder, telling her it’s the right decision. They overflow and drown out the song blasting in her eardrums.
 

She blinks her eyes open in shock when she feels warm palms clamping onto the sides of her face.
 

Taeyeon.
 

Her earphones have slipped off, and she’s sure Taeyeon must have removed them. Because Taeyeon looks worried—beyond worried. She’s crouching down and her eyes are panicky and they keep shifting around, taking in the entire expanse of Tiffany's face.
 

Tiffany realizes that she’s been crying. When she began to, she doesn’t know, but that’s why Taeyeon is looking at her the way that she is.
 

Taeyeon.
 

The better singer, the better dancer. So fluid, so captivating. Taeyeon makes her laugh too, even when she doesn’t really intend to do so. She hosts group meetings with them like a natural-born leader, and Taeyeon acts so well, acts like she’s not struggling and about to fall apart during certain times of darkness—all for the fans, and even for the members.
 

But Taeyeon can never be a good actress for Tiffany, because she always sees right through her, as if she were made of the clearest glass and Tiffany was born with 20/20 vision.
 

“What’s wrong?” Taeyeon asks her, wiping some of the tears that are still somehow continuing to drip down her face.
 

I’m leaving you.
 

Tiffany wants to say it. It almost slips out, but she thinks that it wouldn’t be fair to the other girls. Don’t they all deserve to know at the same time? Taeyeon may be her bias—in more ways than she can ever keep track of—but all nine of them are a team.
 

“Don’t.”
 

Tiffany looks at her, confused.
 

“I know what you’re thinking. And no. Don’t.” It’s almost a plea. Taeyeon's voice shakes, and her eyes fill with tears.
 

Tiffany forgets that she’s transparent to Taeyeon too, that Taeyeon knows her like the back of her own hand. “Tae-”
 

“I mean it, Fany. You’re mine. You can’t leave me.”
 

Tiffany's eyes blur when Taeyeon tackles her into a bone-crushing hug, and it’s almost pathetic how quickly she reciprocates.
 

“You’re mine, and I can’t live without you,” Taeyeon mumbles against her neck in between sniffles.
 

Tiffany's heart lurches at the repeated statement. She’s usually the more possessive one between the two of them, but now she thinks that she’s probably just the more vocal one about it.
 

“I’m yours, too,” Taeyeon adds, pulling back so she can look Tiffany in the eye when she says it, and Tiffany can’t help the hiccupping sob that rises in . “So please don’t leave. Don’t listen to whatever stupid things your insecurities are yelling at you. You’re amazing, and I love you.”
 

Taeyeon leans in and kisses her amidst the mutual snot and tears, and Tiffany thinks she’s never had a kiss more perfect than this.
 

Comfort. Home. Love.
 

Taeyeon makes the demons fade, turns her world from a musty gray to a calming white.
 

The ruthless voice gets pushed back, becomes buried underneath Taeyeon's love.
 

It’s not a definite fix, because Tiffany will always be Tiffany – a beautiful package marred by deep and personal insecurities – but her determination (or stubbornness, if you ask the other eight) always outshines these. Always.
 

And if you were to ask Taeyeon what Tiffany was better at than the rest of them, all she would tell you is that she’s stronger than the rest of them.
 

 FIN.

A/N:

I think I've been hit with these feels for a week, envisioning Tiff practicing alone, struggling, wanting to quit. I finally wrote it down, and now my thoughts won't be bothered with such angstiness HAHAHA.

I thought I wouldn't be able to write for months because I'm so busy (and believe me, I am. I have an exam tomorrow zzz), but I'm glad I got to type this out. ^^

This was seriously supposed to end angsty btw, with TaeNy not even being together together, and when Taeyeon hugs her, the comfort is temporary and Tiff just says that she'll quit tomorrow or something, but...apparently I am incapable of ending stuff like that anymore??? So...yay? I guess? HAHA