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I would hold your hand and never hold mine because there is a possibility that you might let go. I no longer want that to happen so let me hold you instead. I love you for sure and there is no way I would let you go.

But then, something hindered those words I have stated above.

I vent out to you that I wanted to quit this world due to certain circumstances. I even gave you accounts so you would no longer have to lose contact with me.

You were gone again and I was so devastated. I was looking all over for you but the last thing you said is that you would want me to move on so we would not communicate with each other. I get it already, I told you I moved on even if it was just a ing lie. It is not an overnight process, after all. I just want you to stay. If we could not have a relationship then at least keep the friendship we both have. You told me I am special, so put it into actions like the way I keep on doing.

I blamed myself for venting out on you because I saw you infuriated because of those people and every cause which made me feel that way. Hyung, you need not to leave, you dumb . I just need to let it all out because like what I have said, you knew me so well better than I am.

Why did you have to leave when it is you who I need the most?

Why are you rushing me to move on? Because you do not want to hurt me? Hyung, I choose you even if you are not a pokemon. I knew love without pain is impossible and I choose to take risks of loving you. How can I say that I do not love you no more when all I ever wanted is you?

And here I am once again, devastated.

I need you.

I want you.

I love you.

I just need your presence in this cruel world.

Because even if people would turn away or situations would me up...

It is all good when I am with you.

Hyung, it is never the same without you around. I am lonely. You are the one who brightens up my day just by being here.

You are my person, nothing more, nothing less.

But I guess I will go back to waiting while moving on all over again.

So the process begins for the numerous time. Yet I continuously look for you.

And when I did...

You were back after all, looking for new friends to play and hang out with. You even have time to communicate with others and it tears me up every time I see your existence.

You returned a week ago and you never bother to look for me. I even gave you my personal Facebook account so it would be easier for you to look for me. I was so ing worried that you might not come back anymore because you told me. Yet you are able to sleep well and transmogrify everything that we had.

It was obvious that you no longer want to communicate or keep in touch with me. You messaged other people yet you cannot even give me a ing hello and send me a message request.

Tell me, is this a part of you helping me in moving on? Because it ing is not an overnight process. If it was that easy, no one in this world would suffer from being brokenhearted in the first place.

I never asked for your help, I can take care of myself.

Are you still not satisfied with all the sacrifices and efforts that I did all for you?

Do you need other girls to play with since I am just a kid to you?

I am already giving spoon-feeding towards you, hyung. I feel betrayed, replaced and infuriated and that is the reason why I wanted to write this ing novel.

Go on, call me dramatic, kid, poop or whatever names you got for me but I had enough.

Hyung, I was willing to become your everything. I can be a wife material. I am good with kids here. I am patient and understanding of your replies. I can do naughty stuff with you if you want. I can do a lot that you would ask for, but I guess it was never good enough.

I would never be good enough for you.

Or maybe you would never be good enough for me.

Or perhaps we are not good for each other.

Hyung, how could you?

All I want is for us to have communication. I usually do not become friends with my exes or people who dumped or rejected me but you were the exception to my general rule.

I even changed for you so you would notice me and tried to be mature and energetic. Get a girl who can do both, as they would say.

I even wanted you to rest instead of talking to me because I value your health and I want you to be healthy. I am extremely concerned of you.

Hyung, tell me. Why did you do this to me?

Again...

AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

PANGET BA KO? (AM I UGLY?)

KAPALIT-PALIT BA KO? (AM I REPLACEABLE?)

You said that even if I go away, I would not be able to escape from your grasps.

Is it because you would not let me go? Or is it because you are aware that it is hard for me to let you go?

Tell me, enlighten me.

I am tired of asking without getting any answers.

I am tired of winning your heart and affection.

I am tired of fighting for you among all the girls wanting and confessing to you.

Basically, I am tired of everything.

I wanna stop wondering what if, I want to know the answers.

You left me, just like everyone else.

 

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