The sun rose slowly into the skyline, spreading it's golden hue and turning the sky into the beautiful colours of dawn as Kiseop laid awake in bed, watching as his room filled with light and listening to the birds and the town awakening and starting the day. The forecast was perfect; a shiny summer day.

All in all, a dreadful day.

✵✵✵

He had tried to ignore the problem, to pay it no mind until it was out of the way. He had squeezed his mind dry to find a solution, an excuse to get out of it, to never set foot in that ceremony hall but whatever he came up with was not good enough and Kevin had shot down every and each one of his ideas.

"It won't be a good look for even a member to be absent." he had said the last time they had gotten together, looking at Kiseop with remorse and something akin to pity- but Kiseop knew better than to take that look the wrong way. "You have to go, Seoppie and I will be there for you. He might be my friend too, but you know where I stand, don't you?" he had asked, the sincerity in his gaze making Kiseop's chest feel tight.

He couldn't reply.

The only thing he could do was to drag his friend into a desperate hug.

Kevin would be there for him. Maybe he could do this after all.

✵✵✵

The time had slowly ticked by and it was so close Kiseop didn't have any excuse to procrastinate anymore. So he got up from the sofa and trudge his way to the shower. He washed methodically and then fixed his hair, put on his day cream, make up and eyeliner before he went to his bedroom.

"Tsk." he clucked his lips when his eyes fell on the black suit and the crisp white button up hanging from his closet's door- no tie, he wouldn't be able to take the tightness around his throat today. He got ready, pulling garment after garment of clothing on deliberately slow. Trying to push the impending doom as back as possible.

Then came the accessories; his favourite watch and earrings and a couple of silver rings on each index finger before slipping a silver chain around his neck, taking hold of the ring it held and bringing it to his lips.

He exited his home with slow steps and drove the long way to the ceremony hall.

✵✵✵

He wouldn't cry- no, he couldn't cry. He was numb inside for his heart had shattered when the man he loved had announced his wedding day.

✵✵✵

Kiseop couldn't help but wonder what had he done that was so cruel he deserved karma to him so bad as he stood with the other three members behind the bride to get their picture taken. Smile so fake on his lips he could feel it to his bones.

✵✵✵

"Go on." Kevin whispered to him, gently pushing him to follow the rest as they made their way to the small scene. Why should he sing too? Couldn't just Soohyun and Hoon- or even Jun -sing one of the many love ballads they knew and leave him the hell alone to secretly wallow in his corner of the table while he tried and failed to not look at the newlyweds?

But no, Kiseop decided, he must have done something trully bad in another life.

✵✵✵

Somehow he had ended up with a smiling Minsoo in his arms. He could feel his heart skirting from its numbed state as he looked at the baby with wonder.

Kiseop could only hold the baby over his bent knees while he took in the baby's features as it smiled and reached out its tiny hands to grab at Kiseop's cheeks, giggling at Kiseop's surprise. Minsoo was, with no demur, the exact image of his father.

"Isn't he cute?" a familiar voice asked beside him full of affection and wonderment, jolting Kiseop out of his trance. His eyes sought out the other's before he could stop them and there was this moment, this tiny moment when everything went away-the pain and dread and numbness- as they locked eyes and he was met with a warm smile. But it was only a moment. And like any other moment this too passed way too quickly.

"Yes, very. The exact image of you."

Eli laughed, reaching out his arms for his son -which Kiseop should admit he felt a little reluctant to hang over. Minsoo changed arms and Kiseop turned in his chair to face the empty table -everyone else was up and dancing not heading any mind to the both of them.

"Kiseop," Eli's voice sounded deep with emotion, his fingers giving a light caress at the back of Kiseop's neck and Kiseop couldn't do this, not right now, not right here and preferably not ever. So he stood up and pocketed his phone.

He gave a contrite smile at Eli, "tell the others I had a headache or something." he said hastily before caressing a palm over Minsoo's hair and turning on his heels. Leaving everyone behind him.

✵✵✵

Kiseop unlocked and made his way inside, shedding his suit jacket as he padded into his bedroom so he could flop into his bed, ready to leave the day behind him. Turning on his side he opened the bedside drawer and took out the sole item in there.

He traced his fingers over the carved frame and the glass, taking in the moment while tightening his palm over the ring dangling from his necklace so hard he could feel it digging into his skin; the couple had their cheeks mushed against each other, twin enormous grins stretching their lips while each showed their left hand to the camera. Identical rings shown in the light of the sun, holding everlasting promises of love and to hold on, never let go.

A promise he would keep for as long as it'd take, until everything had been seen through.

Eli: Seriously?! After all this time and you come back with THIS?! 
E.L: Well, we are still waiting for you to make a comeback so don't even start!
Eli: 
E.L:
Eli:
E.L.: thought so!

E.L.: Hey everyone, long time no see! Hope you liked this little angsty drabble and if you did leave a comment please it will be nice knowing your thoughts!