CHAPTER 36: Special Chapter

Jonghyun’s Point of View

-Is everything going back to normal now?- Dad gave me that note when we had breakfast this morning.

I was confused at first, but then I realized that what he mean is about the fight I have with Hanna and Minhyun. “I have apologized to one, but haven’t do it to the other.” I answered softly.

Dad gave me a questioning face.

I was silent. I didn’t know the answer of the question. I could only stare at the bowl of kimchi stew I had for the breakfast while asking myself the question. Why?

I rested on the sofa, still thinking about the question dad ask me at the breakfast.

Why haven’t I apologized to Minhyun yet?

I even punched him, I should apologize to him immediately. If I say because there's no time, I think I'm lying to myself. I still have time to go to his house after I went to Hanna's house. His house is very close, didn’t take long to get there. But I didn’t do it. What's holding me back?

Speaking of Minhyun it will be very long. Yes, it will be very long because of his kindness.

Hwang Minhyun. I can tell he is the man with the most sincere heart that I have ever met.

I know him already since childhood, so I understand his character. He is a man whose life is very straight. He never had the intention to break the rules. Never once did he ditch and cheat, even only the intention I guess he never have it.

Among all the Dobong-dong kids, Minhyun is the one who never neglect the orders of his parents. One example is when we were kids we often played together, if her mother suddenly came and asked him to come home, then he will go home right away. Different from me, Minki, and Hanna who might be pleading our parents to let us stay longer, or Dongho who grumbled as he was forced to go home. Minhyun obey his mother because it was his duty as a child.

Minhyun always interact with others sincerely. For him, there is no bad person in this world, there are only good people who are lost for a reason. He was the one who kept convincing me not to hate my mother. He always remind me that whatever my mother had done, she is still my mother, someone who has given birth to me into the world, someone who made me here. I often get annoyed at him because he's so easy to talk about things I find uneasy. I used to call him a smart for being know it all person. Yet at that moment, actually he was trying to understand me from his point of view, from the point of view of someone who may be much more mature than me.

But sometimes he is too naive. Yes, maybe that's just one of the terms I use when I disagree with him. For example like what happened recently, how he very naively asked me to accept Hanna's heart. Stupid and naive. Those are the words I will use to curse him. But really, he can do that because he sincerely likes Hanna. I don’t think anyone in the world would do that action, except Minhyun. Only him, who keeps thinking about Hanna without thinking about himself.

Speaking of Minhyun and Hanna. I already know Minhyun liking Hanna for a long time. I mean who can’t see the lovely of affection and the abundance of attention he gives to Hanna. Maybe only Hanna who cannot see it. Not no, maybe not yet. Minhyun is like plain paper. If he is happy, then he will look happy. If he is sad, then he will look sad. I don’t know if anyone else can see it, but at least I'm easy to read what he really feels. There are many examples I can give, like when he waited for Hanna in the winter of January. It was obvious that he was jealous to see Hanna coming home with me. Or when he caught me standing with Hanna outside the building on the night of the school festival. He reenacted my scene and Hanna on stage. I laughed when I saw him, he really couldn’t hide his jealousy.

But it's not only him who can be jealous, I'm also often jealous if he's too close to Hanna. I have to admit that Hanna is very close to Minhyun. Among Dobong-dong's kids, the person closest to her is Minhyun. Skin-ship became a natural thing for them, something she rarely did with me. Okay, I'm not only talking about physical attraction issues, but also because Hanna always shares her secrets with Minhyun. Not to Dongho, Minki, or me, but only to Minhyun. It makes the bond between them tighter, and I'm jealous of it. Can’t you share it with me too?

But I also can’t blame Hanna for that. Actually, I also just share my secrets with Minhyun. Minhyun is a good listener, he is also quite helping in giving solution. Talking to him is flowing, so it's easy to convey your secrets to him, which is hard for you to tell others. But most of all, it because he is trustworthy. I think he actually knows many secrets; my secrets, Hanna’s secret, Dongho’s secret or even Minki’s, but he never revealed it to anyone else. Except, Hanna’s feeling that he told me over his desperation.

Minhyun is my best best friend. Only him who knows how I experienced my toughest times. I always try to smile in front of others, but Minhyun always can catch me when I'm down. He is the only Dobong-dong kids whose with his own eyes, watched my mother leave. He also kept encouraging me to go through the days, assuring me that I’m not alone, that I have him and his family. His family also have a huge role in my life. His dad and mom take care of me like their own son, so sometimes I feel that I take their attention from Minhyun, making me feel guilty for Minhyun.

There's so much I can tell about Minhyun because of the many things I've been through with him, both at home and at school. I think more than half my life I spent with him. So when I am faced with a choice between Hanna or him, my heart is churning. I like Hanna, I know that. She also has an important role in my life, how she keeps reminding me to stop pleasing others and thinking of myself. How her attention and warmth filled the void my mother left behind. But if I choose to be with her, I will hurt Minhyun.

Stop pleasing others and start thinking about yourself!

Yes it should be like that, but will I be happy if I think of myself and don’t care about others?

I think I will suffer as I continue to blame myself.

Not only loving to blame myself, I am somewhat feeling insecure. I always had the thought that Hanna would be better with Minhyun than with me. I'm not worthy enough to get her. I'm always afraid of losing her even before she’s mine. I have a principle, the key to happiness is expect low. Do not expect too much, if in the future it does not work, then you'll get hurt.

That's also how I put on my feelings for Hanna. I love Hanna, but I don’t want her to be mine. Because if one day she leaves, I won’t miss her from my life. If she will never be mine, won’t I never feel hurt? Being able to love her from a distance is enough, especially if she is with the person I trust to make her happy more than I can do.

Ah, I've talked a lot about Minhyun. And I'm still confused how I apologize to him.

No, it’s actually not about apologizing, but how I can convince him that this is the best.

Because Minhyun is actually similar with me.

He thinks about others more than himself.

-00-

“Good morning, Auntie Hwang.” I greeted Minhyun’s mom as soon I entered his house.

“Oh, Jonghyun ah..” She greeted me back warmly.

I approached her as I asked, “Is Minhyun at—“

But before I finished my words, Minhyun showed up from the bathroom. “That’s him.” Auntie Hwang told me.

"Ah, Minhyun ah!" I greeted him cheerfully. But he looked at me weirdly. Don’t we in a fighting mode? His face said it.

But I ignored it. "Let's jog."

"Jogging??" He asked as he opened his small eyes widely.

I simply nodded. But then Auntie Hwang asked for a confirmation. "Do you want to jog together?"

I turned to see her and answered, "Yes, auntie .."

"When did I say I wanted to jog with you?" Minhyun responded fast.