“brother? I wasn’t aware Myungsoo has an older brother. Well not that I expect Mrs. Kim to say anything but I should just gave her a call.”

“ No need to worry teacher, I have my identification card and my school is nearby.”

“ oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be suspicious of you Sunggyu it’s just that I wanted to talk to your mom today.”

“about what?”

“well I was glad she thought you could pick him early today. I’d be glad if you could do it everyday from now on.” the teacher smiled and went to get Myungsoo’s bag.

On their way home walking it seems that Sunggyu’s little brother was enjoying the moment then they say kids with their parent lining up in a small shop.

“hyung, what are they doing?”

“ that? They line up to buy doughnuts.”

“oh, okay”

“do you want to have some”

“ oh no, they won’t probably sell us anything.”

“why is that?”

“ it’s because I don’t have a mom”

“What? Jeez come on. I’ll show you”

The two kids stood up in the line along with the mothers and their kids. One of the kid went to talk to Myungsoo but the little boy immediately hid behind his brother. Sunggyu laughed a little but encouraged him to play. By the time it was their turn Myungsoo was happily playing with the other kids his age.

“did you enjoy today?”

“uhn… it was fun” Myungsoo was smiling ear to ear.

They were walking close to their house they decided to use the back gate when suddenly their mom appeared from behind the gate a car was parked nearby. Upon instinct Sunggyu hid with his brother. A stranger came out from their house into the car.

“ he always come their when dad left for work. Then I would go up in the attic and wait til the car left before going down again. At first I was put in the closet but I like the attic better” Myungsoo innocently commented while eating his last bites of the food.

“hey…ei Myungsoo-ah look at hyung. Do you know that man? Who put you in the closet?”

“heu?She did”

Sunggyu paused for a moment. When Myungsoo answered it’s as if his little brother has been used on getting locked up“ I swear I didn’t know. I never saw bruises on my brother but what she did had put Myungsoo in trauma that until now he can’t get over it. That day I didn’t say anything. I persuade dad to let Myungsoo be transferred to my school but mom found out that I fetched him and she got angry. In the end she home schooled him again and that only made things worse.”

That night he let us sleep together. Myungsoo was happy but when dad asked him something it shocked me”

“What… what did he asked?” Sungjong finally asked.

“ he asked what did he do at school. And my brother answered that “mom took him to buy doughnuts and allowed him to play”

Father was surprised and smiled. He said that mom might be a bit strict but she loves us. After that I did things and brought Myungsoo new toys or secretly take him out to play and every time his memory would alter it. I wouldsecretly toys and he would say that it was mom who bought it or that time i brought him to a museum. I was shocked but if it makes him happy and least grow up with goof memories of our mom then I don’t mind.

It’s as if he was looking for all those things to be done to him by our mother. I saw his drawings when he was still at school and in the family he drew himself at the corner of the page. Then a week after that I got hospitalized. And things were never the same.

Mom forbade me to talk to Myungsoo and he never visited me. My mom would spend most of the time with me in the hospital. When I got back it seems I could never reach my brother again. I was in my room and he never came to see me. I would see him sitting on the tree just outside my room I wanted to call him but afraid mom would scold him.

The house changed too. Sometimes I would discover shards of glasses on the floor, at night thuds could be heard below but most of the time the whole place felt like there’s no nobody living in it. I knew every night mom and father would fight and Myungsoo would outside my door. I knew, he wanted me to be there but I too couldn’t get out. I focused on getting better but then one night my mom forgot to lock the door. I for the first time I witnessed how our parents fought and this time I knew it might be the last when I saw bags filled with out clothes sitting on my mother’s bed. I also found out why they were fighting. That moment I didn’t know what to think but I can tell it was the worst feeling I ever had.

I went to Sungjong’s room and hid him in the attic. I went into my room and pretended to be asleep then she came and took me to a car the same car we saw that day.

I wanted to look back but I knew he would be looking out the window. I didn’t asked her why we didn’t take Myungsoo. I don’t want her too, I will protect my brother even if it’s against my mom.”

“ I don’t get it why?”

“ just like what you saw today. Mom had a compatibility test for the both of us and it wasn’t just for a bone marrow transplant. I wish it only was” Sunggyu sighed.

“ what do you mean?” Sungjong was actually afraid to ask the question but he felt like he had to.

Sunggyu took a deep breath, “ it was also for a heart transplant”

“ but if she tested you two for a heart transplant then...”

“ Just so I could live my mom was willing to do anything. That moment when I realized what she did from the bottom of my heart I the both of us to die. Inside I was furious at first I thought to my mom but then I saw that I was angry at myself for being weak. I drove my mom to someting no one can forgive just because i was the son of the man he loved” Myungsoo’s brother paused as he felt tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

Turned out my dad found out what she did and fought with her. When she insist for a divorce and a full custody of the both of us father refused knowing what she will do with Myungsoo. In the heat of the moment she revealed who I really was and that she never loved him or my brother. For her Myungsoo was only a collateral damage so I could live. That was the first time I saw father hit mom and she turned away to leave him.

Then the accident happened and Myungsoo blamed himself. That time all I could was use my  head to keep our family afloat. Father took me back in and said nothing and I promised that I will do everything to pay for what my mom did. ‘cause despite everything she did she was still my mom but I will make sure Myungsoo will have the family he always dreamed of. I took everything away from him it’s only fitting I pay him back”

Sunggyu made a soft sad chuckle, “I decided to grow up and never wished anything for myself since then, I’ve always thought and believe I no longer need anything or anyone for that matter… then I met you. At first I thought of you as another way of Myungsoo’s rebellion. I've lost count of how many times i want to go back and change the past so that my family wouldn't turn out this way but now I would selfishly turn back time just so you could meet me first.”

“ and the world seemed to have known my selfishness and it's punishing me right now. I know Sungyeol was just trying to help but I’ve resigned myself to my fate. Only that I didn’t expect it to come sooner. Well maybe it’s divine punishment for wishing for someone who already belonged to someone else."

That’s the end of the story.

“ meeting me first wouldn’t guarantee anything. I have told you that before” Sungjong slowly said with a sad smile, “ you see before him there was no one else. I wish what you said could be true but for me if it’s not him that’s beside me then no one else can. I don’t know if these feelings will change but right now it’s what I believe in. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to help you either. You did nothing wrong,."

" yeah? didn't you hear me? My mother was willing to kill my younger brother! Myungsoo, just so could i live! and why did i lived and had to see my family suffer! no matter what I do I can't fix anything!" Sunggyu burst in anger but his tears were streaming down his face..

Sungjong didn't know what to do but he put his arms around Myungsoo's older brother.

" tell me what to do. i'll do anything! all the things i did, nothing happened. My brother wouldn't even look me in the eye. He hated me from the bottom of his heart. I gave up wishing I was never born. I stop wishing that  I should've died when my mom had me. then none of this would ever happen! but..."  why can't i still hate her?

" Myungsoo never hated you. He he's the one being hated. Every night he would cry in his sleep asking for your forgiveness." Sungjong quietly said, " I didn't how to actually fix everything but we can work everything out."

............................................................................IDeviant....................................................................................

there's the real truth at last