nine

Do you know the moment you knew you’re making bad decisions, but couldn’t help but to go with it anyway?

Yeoreum felt exactly that.

She knew she was making bad decisions by agreeing to the deal – Mrs. Kim going to kill her and the fired her, but then – she looked at the boy and somehow, just somehow she thinks that it was fine. Everything is fine.

In the time that Yeoreum had ever taken care of Jongin, not once that she had ever seen him being so pleased before – like, he was actually happy. Even though he wasn’t actually smiling or do something that would indicate that he was feeling happy, she knew it – he just radiated of that aura and weirdly, she feel a tad proud that she was making him feeling that, but still she wondered what she had made him so happy.

“Is changing the meal plan so important to you? You seemed so happy about it.” she raised an eyebrow. She just hoped that she wouldn’t sound so rude by asking that.

Jongin snorted. “I’m not. I’m just glad.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“You go ahead and eat the same thing for almost five months and see how glad you will be when you could get away from it too.”

“Five months?” she blinked.

Five months?

He had been blind for five months?

Or is his mother just discovered the healthy plan thing and had forced him into eating it for five month already?

“Y – yeah…”

Yeoreum figured it was the time when he had been blind because Jongin seemed uncomfortable, as if he just realized his mistakes of telling something that he shouldn’t and he cleared his throat loudly.

That was a sensitive topic and she cleared too.

She respected his decisions if he doesn’t want to tell anything, not that she wanted to know anyway.

“So…what now?”

“I don’t know. Make something.”

Yeoreum rolled her eyes at the response. “Jeez, thanks. You’re very helping.”

“What? You don’t know how to cook?” Jongin asked and she sighed.

“No, I know how to cook. I just – there’s nothing in the kitchen…and…I have never cook for – ”

“A blind person?” he scowled.

“I’m just the same like you. The only difference is that I can’t see. Why? Do you think people with disabilities like me are alien or something?”

“I didn’t mean it like that! Why do you have to twist words like that and make me feel like a bad person?” she sighed.

“You’re the one that started it!”

Just when she thought that they would be getting along.

She palmed her face, sighing. “Just – just forget it.”

Jongin had also sighed, but didn’t say anything.

“So…what do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know.”

“How come you don’t know? You’re the one that wanted to eat!”

“Well, I just didn’t care! I will eat whatever you make, just not what my mom had made!”

“Well, I don’t know what to make! Just make your mind to eat something and I will cook it!”

Jongin had groaned, clearly annoyed but he took a deep breath and calmed himself down. “Okay, what do we have?”

Yeoreum sighed too. Opening the fridge, she spoke up,

“We have eggs, juices, some side dishes…and umm…yesterday’s rice?” she glanced at the rice cooker.

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, so…? I could make some fried rice if you want…”

“Is there any coffee?”

She blinked, closing the fridge and looked around the kitchen cupboard. “Well, I don’t see any coffee.” She closed the cupboards. “But I do see coffee machine.”

Jongin sighed once again.

“Is something wrong?”

“Nothing. Just cook the damn fried rice.”

Yeoreum frowned, glancing at the boy who had his head down for some reason.

Okay, is he sulking?

She doesn’t want to think much about it, but he sure does looks like it. Why? Is he sulking because he couldn’t get something that he wanted?

“You know you can’t drink any coffee right?”

He raised an eyebrow, eyes staring at nothing but she knew that he was directly speaking to her. “I didn’t say that I wanted it.”

“You look like you wanted it, though.”

“Whatever.”

“It’s bad for your sight. Your mom had told me that, along with other things that she prohibited for me to give to you.”

“Just shut up, okay? For your information, I don’t care. I’m already blind. What’s the point on taking care of my sight when it’s already damaged?!”

She was startled, eyes trailed to the boy. “Hey – ”

“Why do I even start this? You’re just the same like everybody else.”

Yeoreum didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but she was offended for some reason. To be compared with someone wasn’t really a good idea, and she really hated it. Does Jongin think that she was somehow different that the other people that he had met? Is that why he decided to make a deal with her?

“What was that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you’re just like everyone else that comes to help me. All thinks that they know what the best is for me and all that s when they don’t! Keep on talking about positive s, keep everything prohibited for me, keep on making me feel like I’m not even normal in the first place!”

Yeoreum had her arms dropped to her side when she heard Jongin’s blunt and sudden outburst. She was startled, of course – she hadn’t expected that.

She felt attacked – like, she was the reason for him being like this.

She knew why those acts were happening around him. She knew why he was being treated like that. It was like a normal thing to do for someone with disabilities like Jongin, but she didn’t know that it would make him feel like that.

She didn’t know that at all. He acted like a jerk, so she presumed that he would just lash out everything that is inside his mind and never thought that he would be hidden something like that inside him.

She didn’t know that he hated being treated differently.

Jongin seemed alarmed, suddenly brought his head lower. He looked like he regretted on saying those things and she didn’t know what she should say – should she comfort him and tell him that it was okay and all?

No, she couldn’t.

He breathed out heavily and slowly stood up. His fingers grazed on the kitchen counter, feeling it.

“Where are you going?” she asked cautiously.

“My room. I don’t want to eat, I don’t care anymore.”

She just watched him slowly make his way to the room. His hand palmed on the wall as he guided himself. She didn’t say anything.

She felt worse.

It was an hour later that Mrs. Kim had come back home, all bothered and worried – for Jongin and for her. Yeoreum felt relief when she had saw the mother, but didn’t like the feeling that she was going to leave Jongin again when the mother told her that she would take her back home and said that her mother was worried sick.

Mrs. Kim had told her that she had tried to call her, to say that she will be coming back and Yeoreum just sheepishly mumbled that her phone was dead. She only managed to give a slight glance at Jongin’s room when she walked out from the house with the mother.

“Aunty…can I ask you something?” Yeoreum spoke up and the woman smiled immediately, glancing to the girl beside her quickly before looking back at the road in front of her.

“What’s it, honey?”

She just watched as the woman drove on the road. She could see the wet ground – from the storm yesterday and people passing by to get to their works and all. “Was Jongin blind from birth?”

She had asked, praying that it wouldn’t sound rude or anything. She had known from Chanyeol of course that the boy was not blind from birth, but she just needed to hear it from the mother.

The woman seemed surprised and slightly uncomfortable at the sudden question. She stopped at the traffic and smiled slightly at Yeoreum. “Why? Did Jongin say something?”

“It’s not that. I just wanted to know. Did I make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry…”

The woman smiled nonetheless. “It’s okay. Do you want to buy something for breakfast or anything before going home? I could stop by…”

Mrs. Kim seemed to avoid the question and Yeoreum just smiled. It’s okay, she understands and respected that.

“It’s okay. My mom must have cooked something.”<