Luhan neared the piece of glass to his wrist with his trembling fingers.

He held the glass so tight that it had cut through the fragile skin of his fingertips but he couldn't care less about that.

All he felt was emptiness.

Am I this weak?

Do I need to do this to save myself?

Lulu...sweet boy...you deserve it so don't think about it.

Just do it.

End it for once and all.

But...

There are no buts. No one wants you.

But you wanted me.

I wanted you. I don't want you anymore. You are dirty now. No one wants you.

Luhan pressed the sharp blade against the white of his tender wrist and painfully pressed it down.

Just like a good boy, yes. Just like this.

A muffled cry escaped his parted lips as a tremor travelled through all his body making him shake all over.

Red blood painted the white canvas of his wrist and Luhan watched mesmerized at the beauty of it all.

Yes, Luhan. This is beautiful.

It's... it's wrong.

It's justice. It's a way for you to pay your sins off.

"Shut the up!" Luhan shouted.

The voice suddenly stopped and Luhan screamed as he threw the bloodied broken glass away.

What the hell was he thinking?

He was in a situation now in which he was a danger to himself. He couldn't believe that he had just tried to hurt himself.

That he had actually hurt himself. 

Luhan couldn't believe that he was so weak that he would surrender to an imaginary voice which was part of his own sick mind.

But he could also not believe that Sehun did that to him.

If Sehun had wanted to degrade him, make him feel worthless, then he had succeeded. 

Bringing his knees closer to his chest, Luhan buried his face on them as bitter tears started to roam freely in his face.

Luhan wasn't sure why he was suffering this much.

But maybe he deserved it.

Maybe he deserved it for not being able to save the ones he loved.

He couldn't even save her own sister. That sweet girl who loved life and yet had thrown it away.

And here he was, about to do the same exact thing. 

Why could his sister do it but he couldn't. Why couldn't he, just like her, end all the pain at once?

Was her pain bigger than his?

Perhaps it was. 

Getting on his feet after stumbling towards the wall for support, Luhan quickly grabbed his torn away clothes and hastily wiped away the blood from all the places that were bleeding from his body.

To Luhan it seemed like his heart was bleeding too. He wondered if he could actually, somehow, wipe those blood stains away as well.

He wondered if he could ever get clean. 

As sobs rattled through his body and mind, Luhan covered himself with the towel that lay on the floor and walked lifelessly to his own room.

He felt just a little bit calmer and maybe that was because the voice had quitened down. 

The voice was scary.

Luhan wished it would never come back again.

Limping painfully to the shower, Luhan got inside and, for the second time in the morning, he started to wipe himself clean. But no matter how hard he tried, just the memory of Sehun pushing him down, ingnoring his pleas to stop and the blood, Luhan felt a revolting feeling of throwing up.

His stomach constricted painfully into knots and he gasped for air leaning against the wall.

Shutting his eyes closed, he breathed in and out. 

Something had broken that day inside of Luhan and he knew that he could never be mended again. 

Maybe he will end it soon. 

Not today. 

*******

After having a near accident, Sehun stomped his foot on the brake and stopped his car by the edge of the road. 

It wasn't worth it dying in a stupid  car accident. 

It was better if he stopped and thought about things. 

Maybe then the confusion and desperation will leave him. 

Luhan... 

Was he alright? 

Now that his mind was somewhat stable, Sehun felt the guilt hit him. 

He was aware of the fact that he had hurt Luhan man times before. 

But he knew that this was the worst. 

Sehun ran his hand in his messed up hair in frustration. 

He had been angry that Luhan had been his first even when he didn't love him. 

But truth be told he knew he had been drunk. And he remembered. 

He remembered the way he held Luhan in his embrace. Somewhere that he didn't belong. 

It wasn't entirely Luhan's fault that things escalated.

Everything was just so ed up it had to end this way. 

Sighing, Sehun shut his eyes and leaned back on the leather seat. 

Suddenly his phone rang startling him out of his thoughts. 

Groaning in frustration that he couldn't even get one minute to calm down, Sehun took his phone angrily out of his jeans. 

Chanyeol's name was flashing