Luhan woke up feeling disgusted.

The first thing that came to his mind was what had happened the night before with Sehun.

With a drunk Sehun. 

The same Sehun who was now holding him tightly in between his arms, his face so close to Luhan's. 

Luhan stared at his husband's face. He was so handsome. He truly was.

Did Luhan deserve Sehun?

For the first time ever, his mind told him that he did not deserve Sehun.

Not when he didn't respect the fact​ that he had been drunk the previous night and still took advantage of it.

Luhan wasn't sure it was taking advantage because Sehun had actually started it and wanted to complete it, but to Luhan it felt like he had in fact taken advantage of his husband who only made love to him when he was drunk.

Was it even making love?

Because, again, the harsh truth was that Sehun hated him.

Luhan continued to stare at Sehun's calm sleeping face and suddenly it was too much to take. Without thinking twice, he got out from Sehun's warm embrace and the tangled bedsheets, and tiptoed out of the room.

He went to his own room's bathroom and quickly entered in the shower, without looking at his disgusting reflection in the mirror.

Even though, he couldn't see it because of the warm water running on his skin, Luhan knew he was crying.

And he felt pathetic for being like this. Crying clearly wasn't going to magically make life easier.

It did the opposite though. Crying reminded him how worthless he was. How the pain was always there.

Dirty. 

Luhan. Look what you did. You destroyed everything.

He night have actually liked you but now...

Why? 

Why, Luhan?

He always calls you and now you just proved it to him and to yourself too.

You have proved how much of a dirty you are.

"Stop..." Luhan shock his head to clear the voice away.

This wasn't the voice.

Not his friend, the voice, who always kept him company when he had no one.

This voice was evil.

Luhan felt it.

He knew this voice was going to destroy him sooner or later.

Had he enough force to fight this voice and get his friend back?

Luhan didn't know. He didn't have the energy to fight something which wasn't even real.

But I am real, you ing . How the dare you to say that I am not real.

I am ing real and I ing hate.

Don't get me wrong, Luhan. I was your friend. I wanted to protect you. I really did. And I did ing protect you all this time.

Buy now you're just being pathetic.

What you did last night just made me realize that you are truly what Sehun calls you.

Sehun is right.

You're a worthless piece of that got picked up from the streets.

I almost pity you...

Covering both ears with his trembling hands, Luhan slided against the shower wall and kneeled down.

How ridiculous it all was.

He just wanted the voice to be gone.

Why did it hurt like this?

Why did he take advantage of Sehun?

How disgusting...

"Stop!" Luhan screamed but it only came out as a muffled cry. 

Who was he trying to stop anyway?

A voice. A ing voice which he kept as friend for all this time and now it was turning against him.

For the first time ever, Luhan realized how twisted and sick his mind was.

Luhan was sick in the head.

Suddenly Luhan felt disgusted in his on body. He was ugly.

That's why no one wanted him.

That's right, Luhan. You're so ing ugly.

That's why Sehun didn't want him.

Luhan rubbed at his skin until it was red and sore. Conflicting emotions ran through his mind. While on one side he wanted to remember how Sehun's soft touches felt on his skin, on the other side he just wanted the memory to be gone because they were fake touches.

Touches that meant nothing in the end.

And now Luhan was sure of it.

He was ugly and worthless.

He didn't deserve Sehun.

You don't deserve anything.

Most of all, you don't deserve to live.

**********

Sehun woke up with a blazing pain in his head. He could actually feel the veins throbbing in his head and it was a disgusting feeling. As if, all of a sudden, it was all going to burst.

And then, to make things worst, Sehun felt like throwing up and was disturbed at the fact was that his body felt so sticky and tired.

Groaning, he rolled in the soft mattress a few times until he couldn't take it anymore and lazily sat up, rubbing the sleep out from his eyes.

Sehun knew he had to do the deed and only then he would feel slightly better. So he quickly got up and ran for the toilet, emptying the contents from his stomach, which was mostly made of alcohaol.

When he finally felt just slightly better, Sehun got up and groaned at the sensation of his skin burning on his back and on his arms. 

Ignoring it for the time being, Sehun lazily grabbed his bursh and started to brush his teeth to get the sour taste away from his mouth, replacing it instead with fresh mint which burned his tongue a bit.

When he was done Sehun washed his face a few time and then froze on the spot.

Realising only than he was stark , Sehun slowly examined his left arm and gasped in shock at the sight of the red, purplish marks which were in contrast with the white of the rest of his skin. 

When he examined the other arm he was not even surprised to find marks there too. But his back burned the most, so Sehun turned around and watched himself in the mirror that lay beautifully on the pastel blue wall of the bathroom.

Long marks ran from his neck to his lower back and Sehun was clever enough to understand that they were nail scratches.

A tremor passed through his body when a memory from last night came back to his still hazed, but completely sober, mind.

Okay, he had been drunk, but was it possible that Sehun had really done that?

Did he really have drunk with a random stranger?

Sehun sighed loudly and started to breathe in and out slowly to try and call his nerves which were screaming at his stupidity. He shut his eyes closed and leaned over the sink, desperately trying to take the burden that he felt on his shoulders, away.

He had gone through so much in his life, but he had never been reckless enough to do something like this. 

The fact that his first time had to be with a stranger and while he was drunk made everything much worse.

Sehun opened his eyes and anger hit him. Before he could stop himself, his hand fisted and he angryly  punc