Reviews

Review by: ブラックジャック Review Shop

author: debaekyeol // reviewer: aquamarine-- // date of review: 08/30/2017

Title [ 5/5 ]
Despite being very short, it’s very fitting and very aesthetic, and it beats the notion that short titles can’t be eye-catching or suiting. I know that many authors prefer to have long titles that consist of 6+ words, but “Lucky” is perfect for this story and perfect in terms of length for me, so it’s honestly an easy 5 points!

Description/Foreword [ 9/10 ]
Your story gives off a very good first impression, most notably the description which features a summary that’s both well thought-out and very artistically written; your depiction of imagery is extremely graceful and, as a result, makes the description very captivating and pulls the reader in because it’s so beautifully worded, especially for only four sentences. This is a notable feat because for some people, writing an appropriate description is hard enough, yet you not only accomplish this but also make it sound very elegant and fluid, so I honestly applaud you. As for the foreword, it’s neither incredibly succinct nor verbose, and adding noting the mature content and trigger warnings is a smart touch. The only possible suggestion I have is that it may be useful to include a little more information regarding the circumstance of the story whether it’s about the characterization of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, the background that leads up to the main setting of the story, and/or what type of universe the setting takes place in (for example, is it non-au?). This can help your audience gain a clearer vision of what they’re about to read as well as engage them further, thus convincing them to continue past the foreword.

Plot [ 16/20 ]
At the beginning, I felt like the events progressed very slowly since it seemed to take two or maybe three chapters to cover just one event or one day, and as a result, it felt a bit dragged on in the initial chapters. For example, the concert in chapters one and two could have been combined into one chapter instead, and I felt like this could have been done for several events so that the storyline could progress more fluidly with possibly each chapter focusing on one major event or arc; although this is not required or heavily recommended at all, I do feel like it helps organize the plot events and highlights every new progress that’s made between Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and/or maybe even the members (ie. the rest of CBX discovering Baekhyun’s feelings for Chanyeol and etc.).
The flow, however, really began to pick up starting from about chapters 6 and 7, adding dynamics to the fic as more events started to occur and beginning to change Baekhyun’s relationship with not only Chanyeol but also with the rest of the EXO members (especially CBX). It was from here when I really started to get into the story because there was more action, more emotion, more descriptions, and more suspense and foreshadowing and I’m glad that you decided to change the plot pace.
Another point I would like to mention is that there seemed to be too many switches in perspectives with one moment being described by one character and the next being described by another and another and another. Although I see that the intended effect is to provide multiple viewpoints on the situation as well as to reveal what the audience would otherwise miss with dense!Chanyeol and in-denial!Baekhyun, the constant change in character perspectives came off as a bit too chaotic and disrupted the flow of the scene at certain parts. Since about perhaps half of the story follows the perspective of members other than Chanyeol and Baekhyun, it would be irrational for me to say that you should revise/delete all the scenes because frankly, that would be a lot of work and unnecessary to boot - however, one recommendation would possibly be to revisit these scenes and perhaps limit the number of POV changes in one chapter (for example, maybe only 2-3 other members for the concert in chapters 1 and 2 and 2-3 other members in another event). Doing so will definitely help the events progress more smoothly and even though it may seem like we’re losing several pairs of eyes on the situation, depending on how strategically you choose which characters to follow, we can gain the same amount of insight with two character viewpoints as we could with five or six.

Character Development [ 20/20 ]
I feel that your portrayal of the characters very well suited their in-real-life personalities, with Chanyeol being depicted as an energetic, tall puppy and Baekhyun as a kind, well-loved hyung who, despite his confident and outgoing nature, does have a unique depth constructed by insecurities and hidden feelings. Your story accomplishes its goal in exploring deep, realistic emotions experienced by idols who, even if they are famous and don’t necessarily live the same lives as we do, are still human just like us. Many fans tend to forget this fact but your emphasis on your characters’ experiences highlights the fact that even if this is technically considered fiction, love and affection and fear and regret are all true emotions that idols feel, and I think that’s an amazing feat that contributes to the depth of your story.
Another notable point is how great you develop Chanyeol and Baekhyun as several incidents unfold and Chanyeol decides to confront Baekhyun regarding the latter’s strange behavior toward him. I’m glad that Chanyeol is someone who takes initiative because it highlights the difference between his desire to know where his relationship with Baekhyun lies and Baekhyun’s desire to keep his feelings suppressed and hidden. Chanyeol is the much-needed accelera