It was an accident.

He wants to convinced himself of that, because it is the truth. But he just couldn’t. He can’t, no matter how many times he mutters the words under his breath in sleep, convincing himself.

Yet it doesn’t work for his night is haunted by the memory…….

“Hyung, watch out!”

CRASH!!

“……Someone help us please!!!!”

“—Chanwoo stay a—wake!! Chanw—“

“PLEASE HELP US, PLEASE!!”

Please….

Help him please ……

He watches the nurse changing the IV bags to a new one, 2 hung up on the metal stand, water entering the maknae’s stilled body. After that, the woman slowly left the room but not without sending a warm smile to him. He replies back with a bow of respect and here we are again; alone at last.

The sound of machine turns deaf to his ears already after months staying there back and forth. He takes notice at how skinny Chanwoo has become. His face bloated a bit but he is fine with that, at least his chubby cheeks haven’t exactly gone yet. His limbs; both arms and legs, turning like skeleton and that scares him the most. He wonders how the maknae going to walk if it stays like that.

He even wonders if the maknae going to wake up either way.

The thought depresses Jiwon so much. He tries to send it away to the back of his mind and continues to stare at the younger before him. He laces his fingers with Chanwoo’s and plays with it. Smile placed on his face that hasn’t been shown for so long.

“It was raining just now.” He starts out. “It’s cold today because of the rain.” Jiwon speaking to himself, to the walls, but yet he knows that Chanwoo listens. Because that has always been what the doctor said. He listens. Although after months doing that without any signs of waking up from him turning the others disappointed and on the peak of giving up, they still want to believe in that. That somehow, inside the sleeping maknae’s head, he is still listening. Despite his comatose state.

He talks and talks, talking about nothing until his throat turns dry but he could care less. For Jiwon, this is his freedom. The freedom after months locking himself up in his room bawling his eyes out under the duvet or grasping under the seat of the chair in the church praying for the maknae day and night without fail. This is his freedom, to smile and enjoy the company of Chanwoo, the person who Jiwon knows he can’t live without if the younger gone.

The last thought, no matter how taboo it is, always comes uninvited, smashing his sanity to pieces.

And he cries again.

“I