Dear G-Rain,

My love lies in art but everyone tells me that I wouldn’t be able to make money with it being my major. I’m torn between doing what I love and what people around me are saying. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Artist in Pain

To: Artist in Pain,

Surviving comes first and foremost. 

Sincerely,
G-Rain

Through my running thoughts, I could hear Donghyuk, Sanghee, and Suah chatting out in the living room like all is good in the world (and boy, it is not). What are they talking about that is so funny and enjoyable? I almost want to run out there and join in to distract me from my rampant thoughts but my mind refuses to let me think rationally. 

So, I stir.

Flipping from one side to the other in my bed. Somehow hoping to ease my frustration. 

Have you ever felt like without a single doubt, you have made up your mind? Like, 100%. Completely. That’s how I felt the last nine months. I made a decision and sticking to it wasn’t supposed to be a problem. Then, someone had to say something (just a little something) and then, that same strong determination suddenly wavers like all those long nights of convincing myself didn’t even exist. 

So, what I am trying to say is- what the . 

***

I can see it written all over his face.

The surprise, the shock. 

It’s almost satisfying to receive such a response but the current situation and the impact it has on my pride keeps getting in the way. It seems that I can’t even enjoy nice things anymore. 

“Hi, Bobby,” I greet him as it seems he can’t yet gather his thoughts upon being graced by my lovely appearance. 

“Jiwoo?”

Duh. “Are you still drunk? I haven’t changed in the last 8 hours,” I comment before letting myself in. I slip off my shoes before making my way through the living room and with Bobby right on my heels. “I’m only going to stay for a bit,” I announce.

“No warning?” he asks. 

“This was it.” This was the warning. “Also, I’m here to collect.”

“Collect?” he repeats in confusion.

“You said you would handle the guy that is threatening my life,” I answer while directing my attention elsewhere. I didn’t think I needed to explain further- Bobby would never forget deals. He’s not the type to. 

So, where is he? I hum to myself as I eye one closed door after another- there are only three choices before me. Maybe guess and check is the fool-proof way to go. The worse that could happen would be coming upon a bathroom. Hardly a terrible consequence.

“Jiwoo, now isn’t a good time,” Bobby suddenly says and I spin around to face him, not yet deciding how I should respond to his statement. What exactly is he insinuating? “Maybe you should come back another time.” 

What the hell is that supposed to mean? “This is a bad time? Why?” 

“Well…,” 

Thinking the worst, I follow my gut instinct and head for the first door I see before Bobby had a chance to respond or prevent me further. I could feel my heart suddenly pounding in my chest but it goes unnoticed with my mind focused on figuring out the meaning behind Bobby’s words. What could possibly make this a bad time? 

“Jiwoo, hold on a minute. You won’t like what you’re going to see-,” 

What in the world could I possibly see that is so freaking bad? 

I throw open the door and Hanbin stares back at me from the bed- possibly just awoken from Bobby and I’s discussion outside the room. He sits there in silence, with sleepy and confused eyes, and with his hair sticking up all over his head. And most importantly, alone. I freeze, taking in the situation before turning to glare at Bobby behind me. His sudden wicked smile throws me for a loop. 

This asshat. 

“Got you,” he mutters under his breath before walking away, leaving me to watch him do so. 

What kind of joy does he get from this? 

Things like this always reminds me about how much I hate to deal with him. 

My hand on the doorknob tightens for a bit before I push the door wider to step inside. This is not the time to take on Bobby as well. I’ll put it aside for now but take that note that I won’t forget this. 

“Uh- Jiwoo, I’m not appropriately dressed,” Hanbin mutters through his grogg