There for you

Cotton candy

Self-centric. Narcissist. That's what people labelled Hakyeon as, describes him. Thinking he's all good, that he aced when he's average. "This is okay. I'm good at this" Hakyeon mumbles to himself, staring at his own reflection on the mirror. "I'm good at this, I can ace this. Like always". Assurance, for him it is more like an assurance when he repeats the words. That it's gonna be okay. That he can do it.

"Here comes Hakyeon hyung and his confident" Jaehwan would say if he were here right now, used to Hakyeon's behaviour before going on the stage. In reply Hakyeon would laugh along, neck-chopped the younger while at it. But actually, deep down he really want to tell Jaehwan, it's not because he's confident. I'm not confident with myself, Jaehwan-ah. It's the opposite.

"Sunbaenim?" suddenly a voice called him, pulling Hakyeon back to reality. He turned his head to the door, there was his junior, also his dance partner for today's performance standing beside the door. "Let's go"

••••••

Hakyeon hates himself. If someone declares that he is Hakyeon's number one hater then he is wrong. No one in the world would hate Hakyeon like how he hates himself. Really.

No good. Flaws. Imperfect.

I should did the spin faster. I should have jumped higher. I ed up the whole dance. The words keep playing in his head. It hurts, it hurts. He hate his flaws, he hate how he would make mistakes. Why can't he be perfect like how he wanted to?

"Hakyeon-ah, let's go" The manager pulls him to force him to walk. Sometimes the manager would do this, forcing Hakyeon because sometimes, moment like this would happen. When he would easily switch to his own world, thinking or more like overthinking. He would get caught into that world that he would neglects the reality. Like right now, he was quiet, not saying anything, probably still thinking about the performance earlier. Hakyeon talks a lot, but when he doesn't the manager know something is wrong. 

He must be overthinking again. The manager thought to himself as he pulls the tanned man to the car, he's going to send Hakyeon home. Hakyeon needs a rest.

••••••

"We're here" The manager told him, turning his face to look at Hakyeon. "Hakyeon?" he calls the man again when he gets no reply. He touch Hakyeon's shoulder to get his attention. "Huh?" Hakyeon startles, face confused as he gazes at the manager. The manager shook his head, is it getting worse? "We've arrived" he informs again and Hakyeon nods. Hakyeon grabs his bag, shoved his phone into the bag and opens the door.

"Hakyeon-ah" the manager calls his name when he was about to stepped out of the car. "Hmm?" Hakyeon looks up on the manager. The manager smiles at him, an assurance smile like a parent did before giving their kids encouragement. "You did well today, Okay? Don't think about it" he says and pats the younger's shoulder. "Thank you for your hard work. You've done well" Hakyeon really did well. The manager didn't even realise that Hakyeon actually missed a step. It's just a small one step, no one would realise it but Hakyeon being a perfectionist, he's mad at himself because of that.

No. I did not. Hakyeon forces a smile. He nods and mutters a soft okay before he closes the door. His smile drop as soon as the van disappears out of his view. He began walking heading to the dorm.

••••••

Shut down.

It's what Hakyeon would do everytime this emotion hits him. He would usually 'shut down' for a day or maybe half a day. The longest it had happened was two days, that was years ago when he ed up his performance during MyDol. No one ever get to reach him when he's shutting down. He won't let them.

In the process he would lapse into gloomy self-absorptions. "I'll be okay, just let me be on my own" he tells the members when they asked in concern. Who wouldn't get worried when a person that smiles almost all the time suddenly turns into zero expression?

The members hate it when Hakyeon went to shut down. Especially Wonshik. "Hyung, express yourself more. Tell us what you're worried about" The younger man would said to him. Maybe because Wonshik is the oldest in his family, he tends to care for the other members a lot. Hakyeon know they were worried about him, they had a good intention and wants to help him, but he can handle this himself. It's not about he doesn't trust the members, but he doesn't want to burden them. He knew that they hate it when he shut down, he hates it too but he can't help himself from doing it.

Hakyeon locks himself in his room as soon as he arrived at the dorm. He lose his appetite and didn't eat dinner. The members tried to reach him, knocking the door, calls him, texts him but none of them gets a reply. Hakyeon wrapped himself with the soft comforter and curled up on the bed. This is great. He loves it, it feels like someone is hugging him. He feels safe. A soft music playing on his earphone as he stares at nothing and did it again. Think and think. 

If only I could be a perfect leader. A perfect Hakyeon. Why am I not good enough? When he first joined the company he never knew that he would be the oldest in the group. He was used to being taken care of not the other way around. He was the youngest in the family, to suddenly being the oldest and leads the younger, it's a big turns up for him. He was afraid, but he told himself to be positive. He did well though, to be able to reach till this point. But somehow, along the way, he gets hurt so many times. One thing leads to another, thinking for one thing suddenly turns to thinking about every bad things that happened. Without knowing tears already streamed down his face. "Ah, stupid" Hakyeon mumbles annoyingly. He hate this feeling. Hakyeon uses his end sleeves to wipe the stupid tears. This is stupid. Crying is stupid. Weak.

A knock brought Hakyeon attention back to the surrounding and pulled him out of his thought. "Hakyeonnie, open the door. Have you eaten? Let's eat?" Hakyeon heard Taekwoon's voice asked him. He can't talk now. His voice would sound broken, worst case he would be sobbing. Taekwoon would notice it.

Taekwoon might be silent, he doesn't talk as much as the others but he is good at reading people. He's very sharp to read someone's emotion. "You better open the door or I'll open it myself" Taekwoon warns. Taekwoon could get in if he wants to, even when Hakyeon had locked the door. He has a spare key to Hakyeon's room, for a safety purpose. Everyone actually has the key to every one's room. 

'I'm resting. Not eating. Thanks btw' he send a message to Taekwoon, hoping Taekwoon would give up and leave him alone. Other members would understand when he locked himself in the room and leave him alone, but not Leo. He's a little stubborn and wouldn't leave Hakyeon alone.

The message sounds okay, right? He doesn't want Taekwoon to know that he's in this state right now. Taekwoon would get worried. Everyone would get worried. A good leader wouldn't make s worried.

'Okay' Taekwoon replied shortly and Hakyeon sighs in reliefs.

It's not like he push the members away. He is not okay but he know he will be okay later. He can handle this feeling himself, no need to drag the others into this. It would be a nuisance.

Suddenly a clicked heard and the door were open wide. Hakyeon jolts awake and looks up with sharp eyes. He grabs a small pillow on his bed and throws it to the person. "TOLD YOU I'M RESTING! STOP INVADING MY PRIVACY!" he says, or maybe yells because his voice was a little louder and an annoyed tone comes with it. 

Taekwoon dodge the pillow skilfully and shook his head. "You're behaving like a teenager now" he made a stunk face and walks in. He holds a tray of food and a glass of water, warning Hakyeon to not throw anything to him, since he's holding the food. 

Taekwoon put the tray on the bedside tables, walks back to the door; closes and locks it because they need privacy. At least Hakyeon needs it. He sits himself on the bed without Hakyeon invites him to. 

He looks at Hakyeon and gestures him to eat. They made a staring contest for a few minutes, Hakyeon refuses to eat but he doesn't give a single damn on Hakyeon's protest. "Eat!" he says, sternly and firmly.

"I'm not hungry! Go away Taekwoon, I want to be alone. I'm okay, I promise" Hakyeon pushes his lifelong friend away, whispering the words. Suddenly he feels like crying again. He avoids looking at Taekwoon, afraid that Taekwoon might notice that he's been crying. He kept pushing and hitting Taekwoon to make him go away weakly. His energy has drained up after crying. In return Taekwoon caught Hakyeon's hand, preventing him from continue pushing him.

In a split he brings Hakyeon into his hand and hugs the slightly older man, his friend, his lifelong friend. "You've done your best, Hakyeon. You did well" he says softly like he was talking to a fragile person, afraid that Hakyeon would hurt. Taekwoon rubs Hakyeon's back soothingly. Hakyeon couldn't hold himself, in the end he broke into tears and sobs like a child.

It continues for almost half an hour and Taekwoon keep holding Hakyeon. Last two years it's Hakyeon that holds him when he was crying after they had their first win but now the plate has been turned. Hakyeon can rely on him. Taekwoon wants Hakyeon to know that.

"Sorry" Hakyeon mutters. His face swollen due to the intense crying. He now look like a mess. "It's stupid, I know" he continues and keep mumbling. "Ugh now I don't look cool anymore" he pouts.

Taekwoon shook his head and pinch Hakyeon's cheek lightly. "No. Nothing to be sorry for and you'll always be our cool leader" Hakyeon blushes but he tries to ignore it. "Okay I'm hungry now" Hakyeon changes the topic before it could be more awkward. He cried in front of Taekwoon because of his stupid anxiety, God! He points at the foods that probably had gone cold by now. Taekwoon stands up, he took the stray with him. "I'll heat it up. Come eat at the kitchen"

Hakyeon stays silent. He refused to go out of the room. Not in this state. The kids will see him they will- "the kids are not here. I've kicked all of them out" Taekwoon said as to answer Hakyeon's worry and walks out of the room.

••••••

Taekwoon doesn't really drink anything other than coffee. But tonight is different, he made two cups of hot chocolate and sat in the living room with Hakyeon. Hakyeon need to at least get out if the room, he needs air and leave the negativity out. Most importantly, Hakyeon needs a cup of hot chocolate after crying so much. Hakyeon almost tears up again seeing Taekwoon drinks hot chocolate instead of coffee because of him. What did he do to deserve such a good friend like Taekwoon?

"Ummm.. Thanks" Hakyeon broke the comfortable silence they were in. "For everything. This hot chocolate... and not leaving me alone" he looks down, mumbling while fidgeting the cup with his fingers.

"hmm? I can't hear you" Taekwoon furrow his eyebrows.

Hakyeon rolls his eyes. He tilts his head, looking at the man and talks in a louder voice "I said thank-" Taekwoon launch on to him and gives him a big hug, cutting his word. "You are welcome. You can always rely on me, okay? No need to be alone no need to handle everything alone. I'm here and will always be here"

Hakyeon nods, hugging him back tightly. "Thank you so much" he says as he closes his eyes. This is nice, to have someone to rely to is nice. Not being alone is nice.

*A/N*
Hiii everyone! First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I can't believe that 2017 finally ended, it was a one hell of a journey! But hey memories were created along the way so it's not that bad (I guess). I actually wanted to post this chapter on 1st Jan of 2018 but I have exam on the 2nd so I got busy studying (I'm still on finals btw). I just wrote this because I was stressed so... 

Btw I'm sorry that I starts this year with such a depressing oneshot but I'm just in the mood to write this, so yeah! Anyways, did you guys see vixx's performance on mbc gayo daejun? It's been so long since we last see vixx ot6 on stage right? and I actually really miss them! I'm so happy to finally see them performing on stage together ;-;

And then VIXX suddenly trending on naver!!! The view reached 100m views just now can you imagine?!!! They finally got the recognition they deserved 😭 I'm so happy for them 😭😭😭 THIS YEAR GONNA BE A GREAT YEAR FOR VIXX AND STARLIGHTS I TELL YA LET'S SHINE TOGETHER AND SUPPORT OUR BOYS!!! 🌟💓

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vixxvamp
I have another chapter for cotton candy ready to be posted. But I dunno If I should post it right now or wait for another two or three days or next week or what... I seriously don't know. What do you guys think?

Comments

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chika1611 #1
Chapter 13: among all ships, neo is the one that never fail to make me goes awwwww XD
thinzarys501
#2
Chapter 13: As a neo hardcore shipper here, I want to make a request about " when Hakyeon drunk " chap and "when Taekwoon drunk" chap!! After I watch their Dingo live, I've been searching that drunk theme with neo a lot! Yes! Thank you!
yuki_ira #3
Chapter 13: .can you make some chasang story???their story is so rare...and i can't get enough of them...please!!!
chinedup
#4
Chapter 13: OMG this is so cute ^^
i love it
zulilala #5
Chapter 12: My NEO ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ Author-nim, I need more chapters of this cute story
Dulanga #6
Chapter 12: My neo heart ❤ This is so sweet. Please write more authornim...
chiiyeoji #7
Chapter 12: my neo feel~~~♡
hakyeon and taekwoon had a date yesterday
thankyou for always make beautiful story of them
chiiyeoji #8
Chapter 11: this is sooo fluffy and cute><
I love neo sooo much
szchaha
#9
Chapter 11: Asjdjsjsks. That was so romantic plus listening to aoa's under the street light intensifies the mood *grinning from ear-to-ear