Dad, Mom and I were having dinner when a servant came rushing into the room to announce the arrival of Auntie Cao and her son. They never came without Uncle Cao and never in the evening. The look on my parents’ faces told me there was trouble. Ping-Ping escorted me to my room so my parents could find out why the Cao’s arrived so late and without being escorted by Uncle Cao.

 

As I was preparing for bed, my mother came into my room crying silent tears. Her face was red and swollen from crying.  From this, I knew something bad happened to Uncle Cao.  She took both of my hands and guided me to the bed where we sat silently for few moments as she struggled to find the right words. She my hair as she broke the news to me.

 

“Uncle Cao is dead,” she said in a whisper. “Auntie Cao and Cao Feng will now live with us.”

 

“How?” I asked bewildered.  Silent tears were beginning to fall as I also could not understand now this could happen.  Uncle Cao was just as good a fighter as my father is.  He could beat 10 men easily.  This had to be a mistake.

 

“It’s not important how, Li-Li,” my mother stated as she wiped the tears from her eyes.  “Time for you to go to bed.  We will finish this conversation in the morning.”

 

My mother wiped the tears from my cheeks and pulled the covers up to my chin.  She my face as she sat on the bed beside me and waited for sleep to come and take me to a happier place.

 

The mood at breakfast was somber and heavy.  Lady Cao didn’t join us for this meal but Cao Feng did. The sad look on his face made my heart ache for him. In that moment I didn’t dislike him anymore. He had such a burden to bear being the only son of a famous hero killed in the line of duty.

 

As my mother was dressing me in my white mourning clothes, she explained Uncle Cao had been killed escorting jewelry to the palace for the Emperor's birthday. Uncle Cao had come to try and convince my father to join him on this fateful trip. It would be a chance for them to catch up and prove that they were still a dynamic duo when they worked together. My father did not want to go as my mother was expecting another child very soon. He did not want to be away from home when my mother, hopefully, delivered the son he wanted to pass everything on to in the future. My mother sounded relieved that my father had decided not to join his sworn brother on this ill-fated journey.

 

I usually sat on the bench to the left of my mother who shared a bench with my father, but today I chose to sit on the bench with Cao Feng. The stoic faced boy ate his meal in silence with the rest of us. I allowed silent tears to fall from my eyes as I ate my congee. Before I realized what I was doing my left hand grabbed his right one under the table and gave it a little squeeze of reassurance.  

 

After our meal, my father and Auntie Cao went to make arrangements to bring Uncle Cao home. Cao Feng and I were left to play in the compound under the supervision of Ping-Ping and Mr. Hu so that my mother could rest peacefully. We were escorted to the courtyard by Ping-Ping who carried my flute and a basket of fruit and other treats.

 

Cao Feng instinctively began to practice skill sets as I went over to the swing hanging in the large tree in the far corner of the courtyard. After setting her armload of goods on the table, Ping-Ping joined me at the swing.

 

“You should play your flute for young master Cao, Li-Li,” she whispered into my ear. “It will cheer him up.”

 

“He hates when I do that when he practices,” I reminded her. “I thought he was going to destroy my flute the last time I did that.”

 

“Today is different,” she said sadly. “Just try it.” She stopped the swing so I could slide off. I grabbed my flute and began to play a slow sad tune. Cao Feng stopped his intense practice and turned to face me. I kept my eyes closed as I played, too afraid of the death stare I was sure he was giving me. I heard his footsteps come closer to me yet I kept my eyes closed and continued to play. When the music was unable to leave me through my flute, I opened my eyes to see Cao Feng with tears in eyes.

 

“Thank You. That was beautiful,” was all he said before he left the courtyard to return to his room.

 

“You’re welcome,” I whispered as he turned to leave.

 

I stayed in the courtyard for awhile with Ping-Ping until my father came to get her. The expression on his face was of panic and concern.

 

“We need the doctor and hurry!” My father was practically yelling at Ping-Ping who didn’t wait around for the entire sentence to emerge before she was halfway across the courtyard.

 

“Li-Li,” my father turned his attention to me. “Go to your room. Someone will come for you when the baby has arrived.”

 

I skipped to my room without taking my flags or my flute. I asked the gods to send the little boy my parents wanted even though I wanted a girl. I knew a boy would make the both of them happier than they had been in awhile.

 

The light of the day was beginning to fade into the darkness of the evening. No one came to announce the arrival of the baby. I remembered my things in the courtyard and opened the door to retrieve them as Auntie Cao was about to come inside. Cao Feng was standing to the side of the door waiting to follow his mother to the next destination.

 

“Time to eat,” she said as she guided me out into the corridor. “Your father will not be joining us for dinner. He is attending to your mother. We should know something very soon.”

 

“May I go to the courtyard to get my things?” I asked Auntie as we made our way toward the dining hall. “I left them there all day.”

 

“We will gather them when dinner is over,” Auntie said sternly. “The courtyard is too close to your parents’ sleeping chamber and we will be in the way.”

 

The three of us ate dinner silently as we waited for news of the baby’s birth. As we finished up the last course of the meal, Ping-Ping entered the room wringing her hands. By the expression on her face and her hand wringing, we knew something went horribly wrong. Auntie Cao rose quickly and left the room with the loyal maidservant. Neither spoke a word to each other or to us.

 

Cao Feng and I watched the women leave the room and then looked at each other. Neither one of us was sure what to do next. We just stared at each other until Mr. Hu arrived in the doorway.

 

“Children, I’ll you to your rooms,” he said. “Li-Li, you will sleep with Lady Cao tonight. After I have taken you to your rooms, I will bring your things from the courtyard.”

 

The adults must not have wanted me anywhere near my parents’ bedroom. The guest rooms where the Caos usually stayed on their visits was on the opposite side of the compound. The situation was serious indeed.

 

“What do you think has happened?” I asked Cao Feng. Since he was older, I thought he might know more.

 

“The situation is serious if you can’t go to your own room,” Cao Feng replied. “Something is wrong with the baby. I don’t think it’s your mother. Ping-Ping would have come over directly to you.” Cao Feng was very observant for a child. He noticed things others didn’t think he would, which showed his intelligence.

 

Auntie Cao entered her bedchamber with my night clothes in hand. She didn’t speak so I asked the one question that was on my mind.

 

“Is my mother alright?”

 

“Your mother will be alright,” was her only response. After a few silent minutes passed I asked the next question.

 

“Is the baby a boy or a girl?”

 

“The baby was a boy.” Auntie Cao replied. “He did not survive the birth.”

 

I was still an only child. This was the second child that did not survive birth. How much sorrow could our little family bear I wondered as my aunt my hair and rubbed my back as I cried myself to sleep.

 

Three days after my parent's heartbreak, my dad, Auntie Cao and Cao Feng escorted the body of Uncle Cao home to his final resting place. The trio would be gone for at least a week. My mother was unable to make the trip in her condition and my father wanted me to stay close to her.

 

To pass the time, I played my flute, read stories and cheerfully participated in all the girlie activities my mother wanted to do. We cooked, sewed, embroidered clothing and painted together.  My mother was a talented painter and a musician.  She had the voice of an angel.  I, on the other hand, could not carry a tune. My talents were the flute, sewing, and embroidering.

 

“Li-Li, show me some of the things your father has taught you, “ my mother asked me as I played the flute for her after our midday meal. “I would really like to see them.”

“Sure,” I said quickly as I placed my flute on the table.  I had waited forever to hear my mother say these words to me.  I proudly displayed all the skill sets I had learned so far.  My mother smiled and clapped to encourage me to continue.  

 

“I love you so much Li-Li,” my mother said.  “You will make a good wife someday.”

 

“Thank you, mama,” I said as I smiled at the compliment I so rarely received.  The time I was sharing with my mom brought us closer together.  

 

The day was dark, gloomy and cold as a heavy rain poured steadily down.  We spent most of the day inside by the fireplace trying to keep the chill away.  There would be no lessons today as my elderly tutor never came out on days like this. The morning dragged on slowly as keeping busy was difficult to do on when the weather would not cooperate.  Everyone in the house was in a somber mood.

 

By the evening meal, the rain had begun to taper into a light drizzle so my mother asked one of the servants to go outside to see if my father, Auntie Cao and Cao Feng were approaching.

 

“They should have returned days ago,” mother muttered to herself as she paced from one end of the meeting hall to the other.  “I wonder what is keeping them.”  No letter had been delivered to explain their late arrival home.

 

When the servant returned and reported to my mother the carriage was approaching, she let out a sigh of relief. We left the dining hall to greet them as they entered the meeting hall.  To our surprise, only two returned home that evening, my dad and Cao Feng.  I looked at my mother with questioning eyes as she looked at my father with knowing eyes.  The devastated look on Cao Feng’s face said it all.  Auntie Cao was not returning because the heartache of losing her husband was too great.  She decided to stay with him forever. Cao Feng, newly orphaned, was now a permanent resident of our home.