Date Completed: 11 August 2017

Minor Pairings: JoyGi

It's been a while! I've been busy with work and some other stuffs since it's my school's semester break so my writing pace has slowed down rapidly, not to mention the massive writer block that I had for quite some time. Anyway, hope you will enjoy this still. Thanks for all the subscriptions, comments and upvotes. Those really motivate me so much :) Oh! I have a SaeRi fic in the work. If you're interested, keep your eyes on that ^^

Joohyun knew heartache all too well. She had been living, breathing and surrounded by it for the past three years after all. The feeling of her heart twinge had lessened as time passed by but it still beat a little faster when she saw a person with a long blue hair walked among the crowd. She would desperately try to beat the crowd to get closer to the person only to be disappointed. The blue haired stranger would then walk away as Joohyun watched, forcing herself to be rooted at wherever she was standing, pinching the inner side of her arm as she murmured repeatedly to herself.

‘It’s not her. It’s not her.’

In some mornings, when sleep was still in her eyes and it was colder than usual, Joohyun would walk to her kitchen and started to run the coffee machine. Only when she was looking for the missing jar of coffee beans would she remember that the only person who used to drink it was gone, taking along her prized coffee beans.

And leaving Joohyun behind.

There were times when Joohyun felt like eating western food and she whipped herself a quick pasta. She usually preferred Korean food but some days, the memory of arguing whether to eat Korean or western food came to mind and her stomach, or probably her heart suddenly craved for western food. The emptiness she felt was reflected in her action as she ate her pasta slowly. But one glance at the unoccupied seat in front of her and tears started to form in her eyes again.

She would then shove large portion of pasta in , one spoon after another, not even attempting to swallow. She hoped it would stop a sob from escaping but it eventually found its way out, as always, when she’s alone. Joohyun always cried alone as she sat on her dinner table with full of food that had never tasted the same since she was gone.

It pained her that when something good happened in her life, she would think of sharing the news with her first and the smile on her lips would die down as quickly as it came. When she was sad, she would wrap herself tighter in her wool blanket, trying to imagine that it had the warmth and comfort of another person’s embrace but how could it be the same without a soft voice slowly lulling her to sleep?

Hollow. Joohyun felt hollow in a place she called home. It was a hollow in shape and size of another person but it slowly grew in size until it consumed Joohyun whole.

Days and years would pass by just like this, and Joohyun did not know how to keep her head above water sometimes. It was like she was trapped within a deep well and whenever she shouted for help, the echoes just came back to her. As if she was begging herself to save her. But in real life, Joohyun was never someone who asked for help from others. In pain, she would grit her teeth and kept going on like she was never hurt. Even if she cried tears of blood, she would never give in to the call from her darkest side.

She was her cure, but she walked away.

‘I miss you. But you’re gone.’

“And our last song for this segment will be by Kim Bum Soo with the title, I Love You. This is DJ Bear and DJ Tablo, and you’ve been listening to ‘Piece by Piece’ in STARFM.”

Seulgi leaned back and twirled in her seat, pleased for finishing another good session. She saw her co-DJ and scriptwriters giving her thumbs up and she grinned in return as she showed them a peace sign.

‘Piece by Piece’ was a popular segment in their slot that ran from 11PM – 12AM. Normally a radio program would last for at least 2 hours, but since their program started just as a filler in the beginning and was only supposed to be temporary, the time span was maintained and it became a trademark for their show.

Seulgi and Tablo focused on dissecting the meaning of songs, especially sad songs and sometimes, they read the stories sent by the readers that fit the song. The segment quickly gained popularity since they started one year ago as the DJs were really good in discussing the meaning of the chosen songs and were able to provoke further debates about it. They were also able to empathize with the songs and the letters sent to them, and they quickly became among the nation’s most beloved DJs.

The slot was advertised as a ‘healing’ program for broken-hearted people and the two positive DJs were very good at their job. However, the listeners would never know that the producer of the program, the one who suggested the idea in the first place, was inconsolably heartbroken still.

Tablo left the DJ studio slightly earlier than Seulgi. He was rushing since he had not seen his daughter for the whole day but Seulgi took her time in leaving. She chatted with the team for the next slot and after bidding goodbye to her own team, she began her daily after-work routine. Seulgi casually walked to the pantry, where she knew she would see someone although it was already midnight.

True enough, when Seulgi arrived, she was greeted with the sight of Joohyun staring blankly at a half empty mug. Seulgi was too used with the sight in front of her to be fazed by it. She cleared , hoping to catch her friend’s attention and got a startled Joohyun as the response. Seulgi smiled widely; this routine was all too familiar for her.

“Hey, it’s already 12?”

Joohyun frowned as she fumbled with her watch, trying to check on the time. Seulgi nodded and took a seat in front of Joohyun.

“You knows, producers usually stay until the end of their show.”

Joohyun made several weak gestures with her hand, trying to find words to defend herself but she just gave up and sipped on her drink.

“I just took a 10 minutes break before the show ends every time. It’s late at night after all and you know I always have schedules since morning.”

“I told you to take care of yourself better. You can always refuse, you know that right? And what if me or Tablo oppa mess up? You’ll be the one who has to clean up after our mess.”

Seulgi pouted but Joohyun just replied with a small, proud smile.

“It’s okay, I trust you both. Good discussion today on Jonghyun and Taeyeon’s Lonely.”

At this, the DJ studied her friend carefully. Other people would not have noticed past the poker face Joohyun was putting and the way she casually chugged her drink, but Seulgi had grown to know Joohyun all too well over the years.

She could notice the slight quiver in Joohyun’s fingers as she held the mug a little too firm and she saw the pain of longing behind the older girl’s eyes. It had been three years, but Joohyun had never moved a step from where she was standing back then. Seulgi sighed.

“Was that why you ran away, Joohyun unnie?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Joohyun took a tissue out of her handbag that was beside her and wiped with both hands covering it.

“I’m not a stranger, unnie.”

“And I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

Now Seulgi was annoyed with Joohyun’s nonchalant act. She quickly whipped out her own phone and googled the lyrics for the song they were discussing. She stole a glance at Joohyun and now the older girl looked dismayed. Joohyun stood and took her mug to the sink to wash it, her movements seemed to be rushed and desperate, unlike her usual calm and gentle demeanour.

“Maybe we trapped each other, in our own misunderstandings.”

Seulgi read out loud a line from the song, knowing all too well the effect it would have on Joohyun since the line fit a little too well. She could only see Joohyun’s back from where she was sitting but Joohyun’s figure stilled and stopped whatever she was doing. Seulgi pushed on, hoping that Joohyun would finally opened up to her after keeping her feelings inside for so long.

“No, you don’t understand me. Whenever I see your worried eyes, baby I’m so lonely.”

“Seul, stop. Please.”

Joohyun’s hoarse, whispering voice reached Seulgi just fine and she stopped, staring at the producer. Joohyun was positively trembling now and Seulgi walked over to her.

“Joohyun unnie…”

Seulgi tugged Joohyun’s arm and she was met with a broken Joohyun. Joohyun did not cry loudly, no, she was never one to express her emotions as such for the world to see. Instead, her tears fell freely to her cheek although not a sound escaped . She bit her bottom lip, trying her best to hold back her sob. Seulgi sighed and hugged Joohyun. She preferred Joohyun crying like this rather than putting up a strong front. She rubbed calming circles on Joohyun’s back, hoping that it would help to comfort the girl.

“Somehow, it feels like it’s our story, Seul. Me and her. It’s like…the parts that Jonghyun sings speaks of my heart and Taeyeon is telling Wendy’s feelings that I pretended to not notice before she eventually left.”

Seulgi hummed. She was not surprised. She had the same thoughts in mind too when she was discussing the song with Tablo and the listeners just now. She saw from the DJ studio how Joohyun’s expression grew darker and when they moved on to discuss the final song, Joohyun had disappeared.

Joohyun missed Wendy still and Seulgi knew something had to be done before Joohyun lost herself in her own maze of sorrow.

Joohyun and Seulgi were both in Seulgi’s car, since the latter insisted on sending Joohyun home out of worry for her friend. Joohyun was reluctant at first but when Seulgi pouted and whined, she eventually gave in with a deep groan. Seulgi just chuckled at Joohyun’s reaction. As Seulgi took a turn of their radio station’s parking lot, Joohyun started a small talk with her.

“You look happy.”

“Joy is coming back today. My happiness is coming back to me, finally! It’s been months. I’m going to the airport to pick her up later, her flight will arrive at 3AM. Do you want to tag along, unnie?”

Usually Joohyun would refuse and Seulgi prayed that Joohyun would do so this time too, since she was hiding something from Joohyun right now.

“Hurm, I don’t think so. I have a meeting tomorrow morning with new advertisers. Send my love to Joy, okay?”

Seulgi sent all her thanks to the heavens above in her heart and she outwardly hummed as a reply to Joohyun. For a moment, the car was quiet without any sound before Joohyun asked Seulgi a question.

“Sseul. Did…did Joy go to the art galleries in the US this time around? And Canada?”

Oh . Joohyun was the one opening the topic now. Seulgi was starting to regret her insistence in driving Joohyun home. Joy would kill her if she spoke something unnecessary.

“U-US, yeah yeah. Not sure about Canada. She said it was likely but she didn’t tell me about going there so I guess it was cancelled?”

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Joohyun ‘ahh’-ed at this and nodded. Seulgi wanted nothing more than to stop the conversation but she had to keep poking now that Joohyun was more open in talking about topics relating to Wendy.

“Are you…are you hoping that she’ll find Wendy there?”

Cue a silence so long, Seulgi began to sweat as she cursed herself in her mind. Joohyun had been talking about her feelings more lately and Seulgi had to go and ruined it.

Seulgi was one lucky bear though.

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

Joohyun seemed to hesitate in saying what she was going to say next since she mumbled them quietly, just enough for Seulgi to hear.

“She chose to leave, will she want any of us to find her?”

Joohyun’s voice sounded so broken, Seulgi wanted to comfort her so badly but she took a deep breath and steady herself.

“Who knows, maybe she’s lost and just waiting to be found?”

Joohyun looked out of the window and stared at the sky, a sad smile was carved in her face.

“I was her north star. She could’ve come home at any time she wanted but she didn’t, Seulgi. She didn’t.”

Seulgi was lost in thoughts, pondering over her conversation with Joohyun when a girl suddenly stopped right in front of her.

‘I wonder how can Joohyun be so strong and hold it all inside like that when it’s killing her. What will she do when she sees Wendy once again?’

 “Hi miss, do you perhaps know the direction to the restroom in this floor?”

Distracted, Seulgi pointed vaguely somewhere on her left and continued thinking about Joohyun and Wendy.

‘She keeps crying in the pantry recently. She thinks I don’t know but I do, is it because she knows Joy is in the US that she’s been so distraught lately?’

“Miss, would you mind showing me the way to the Starbucks?”

Now Seulgi was a little annoyed. She gestured generally to her front without looking and hoped the woman would leave her alone. She was shocked when she felt her stomach got pinched instead.

“YOU INSOLENT BEAR. IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND AFTER YOU HAVEN’T SEEN HER FOR MONTHS?”

“SOOYO-I MEAN JOY. My baby Joyyyyy. I miss you so much.”

Seulgi broke out into a full grin and tried to gather Joy into a hug but the younger girl pushed her away. Cold sweat was starting to form in Seulgi’s forehead.

“You didn’t even recognize my voice!”

“I’m sorry baby, it’s just that I was thinking about a lot of stuffs, so I wasn’t paying attention. Forgive me my honeypie sweet bun baby munchkins.”

Joy did not say anything but she just stared at Seulgi for a few moments before she gasped in shock and closed with one hand.

“Oh my god, you’re cheating on me! You have other girls don’t you?”

Now, it was full panic mode for Seulgi.

“NOOO! Oh my god I only have you, Joyiee. Please trust me.”

“Is that the girl’s name? Joey? Or is it a guy?”

Seulgi was close to tears when suddenly Joy laughed and pinched her cheeks.

“My cute baby bear. I was only joking. I miss you so much.”

Joy gave a quick peck on her cheek and now Seulgi was back in her grinning mode. She pulled Joy into a tight hug and murmured to her girlfriend on how much she missed and loved her and also tried (but failed) in threatening her to never ever freak Seulgi out again.

“Seulgi! It’s been too long!”

A cheery voice coming behind Joy made Seulgi released her hug with Joy. She saw a thin and pale lady walked over to her direction and a lump formed in . She knew about this but she still could not help but to cry as she rushed to hug the lady.

Joy did not come back alone.

“Are you sure about this? You don’t have anything else you want to change?”

“Yes, Seulgi. Now, can you please please leave for work before I change my mind?”

“Just so you know, I’ll turn off my phone so that you can’t call me and tell me to cancel. You know if you do that, I’ll just go along with whatever you want.”

“That’s…a bit extreme. But yeah, probably it’s best if you turn it off.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I’m really glad. I missed you so much.”

Soft, feminine laughter filled the air.

“I know, Seulgi-jjing. I miss you too. See you later.”

“See you later.”

30 minutes before the show ends and Seulgi started fidgeting in her seat. She came to work today with a mission and it was time to execute the mission. She still had 2 minutes before the commercial break ended and she took a deep breath, afraid that her nerve would be getting the best of her. Tablo, having worked with her for several years, sensed this and he sent a gentle smile at her direction, trying to encourage her without words and Seulgi mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ at his direction.

When the countdown started, Seulgi put on her DJ Bear persona and prayed for the best.

“Welcome back, everyone! We hope you enjoyed the discussion about Divine by Girl’s Generation just now. Alright, time to move on to our next song. Before that, I’ll have to warn you that this will be a bit different from other times.”

She stopped and pulled out a letter, carefully folded and placed in her folder. She was aware of the eyes watching her but she kept calm and continued.

“The reason why our program is called ‘Piece by Piece’ is because we hope that the program can provide healing to the people out there who are tired, or have been hurt by their lives. DJ Tablo and I are always thankful by the messages we receive from the listeners, who always share how they start to have a different and more positive outlook in lives after they become a listener to our program.”

Seulgi paused. This was not in the script, however she had warned the people in her team and the only person who did not know about this was Joohyun, who looked bewildered in the control room. She vowed she would ask for forgiveness from Joohyun later but now, she had to fulfil her promise to Joy.

“I think that ultimately with our show, we want to show everyone that hurting is normal is human’s lives. We get hurt, we receive rejections, experience failures and stumble so many times in life but humans are resilient creature. We are toughened by our desire to survive, to be alive, to believe that it will all be better and that desire is called hope. If I may tell you a story, this show was initially started by a good friend of mine, who was so broken hearted, she had almost given up on living if not for this show.”

Joohyun’s bewildered expression changed to something resembling anger now and Seulgi watched as Yeri, their intern, tried to calm the producer while the other members of the team retreated slowly. Seulgi’s voice was wavering as she proceeded but a reassuring smile from Tablo gave her the courage to continue doing what she had to do.

‘I will help you to heal, Joohyun. Wendy, you better pay for my hospital bills and treat me nicely after this. Joy, I love you.’

Seulgi closed her eyes for a few seconds before she continued to speak.

“My friend had helped so many people to heal and smile again with her idea but she never showed to anyone how much she herself is hurting. She has been such an inspiration to me