Date Completed: 13 June 2017

Song Recommendation: Lawson - Standing In The Dark (Title taken from the song lyrics)

Minor Pairings: SeulDy/WenSeul, JoyGi

 

For our very own Shulgi, happy birthday! I'm sorry that there's not a lot of JoyGi in this fic but I will still pass this as your birthday update since my busy self can't find time or ideas to write new fics.

I'm a bit shy to say this, but this is one of my favourite fics among many that I've written. I hope you'll like it as much as I do.

 

 

[★BREAKING] Model Irene Bae Agrees to Star in Controversial Music Video

Irene Bae, who is known as the face for many famous brands such as Karl Lagerfield and Baskin Robbins has reportedly accepted a role in Seulgi Kang’s new music video. Irene has recently started to venture beyond runways and commercials and acted in several dramas. Her latest web drama, Game Development Girls has more than 20 million views and the views are still increasing rapidly worldwide at the time this article is written.

The plot of the music video she will be featuring in is deemed controversial as the focus will be on the love relationship of two girls. Irene will play as the love interest of Seulgi in the music video. While it is not the first music video that emphasise on same gender relationship, it is the most controversial yet so far as recently, singer Seulgi Kang has come out directly by saying that the song reflects the relationship between her and her current lover. The song lyrics are sweet and dreamy with lyrics such as ‘Girl, with you I’m complete’ and ‘The whole world might be against us, but I will hold on to your soft hands tightly’. (For full lyrics, click here)

Seulgi recently confirmed that the music video will reflect on the lyrics and will centre on the relationship between two girls. The opinions in Korea seem divided over this as some applaud her bravery and many criticized her ual preference.

Irene has refused to give any comments so far.

 

[+903, -805] Unnie, stay strong! Your fans will always be by your side no matter what! Let’s hit daebak, Irene unnie!

[+329, -143] Heol…is she trying to destroy her own career? I know it’s only acting but it’s still gonna reflect badly on her to accept such a role.

[+221, -115] Probably she wants to come out? I think I have a chance now ㅋㅋㅋ

[+305, -251] IT’S JUST ACTING. COME ON. IF YOU ARE A REAL FAN, YOU’LL KNOW THAT SHE’S DATING SUHO KIM!

[+102, -195] I’m disappointed in our country…I moved from US to Korea because I’m a Korean who put Korea above all but this homophobic attitude displayed makes me so ashamed of my own people.

Then go back to US, foolish kid. Do you think we want someone like you here ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Please ㅋㅋㅋ You should understand that the East and West cultures are different. Go study some more before you speak.

 

Irene knew it was over a long time ago, so why was her heart still aching over Wendy?

 

Probably it was her own fault, asking Wendy to stay as friends after breaking the girl’s heart. She was too selfish, too preoccupied with what the society might think of her if she got involved with a woman. She put aside both of their hearts in order to obtain success. Now that she was on top, she had everything she had ever wished for but not the only person she had loved in this life.

 

After their break-up, they kept in touch just like the two friends they were before they pursued something more. There was a name that kept popping lately in their conversation and much as Irene tried to dismiss it as something insignificant, it was eating her insides up more than she thought. Perhaps that was the reason why Irene was quick to offer herself when Wendy mentioned that they were looking for actress to act in Seulgi’s new music video.

It was daring of her, choosing to act in a music video that basically represented who she was, but Irene had had enough. She managed to crawl from the bottom to sit at the throne comfortably due to her beauty and talent but the more she worked, the emptier she felt. That was when she realized that she could never feel warmth and happiness again without Wendy. They were friends now and both of them were careful to not cross the line, especially Wendy. Even when they were a couple, Wendy was the one who made a lot more sacrifice just to make sure no one would ever know who they were.

 

Wendy had gotten used to sudden cancelled dates, broken promises and eating alone in restaurants. Wendy was used to celebrating her birthdays, couple anniversaries, valentine days and new years alone. Wendy was the one who always had to swallow her pride and apologized even when Irene was the one at fault; Wendy was the person patient enough to comfort her when she was hurt from rejections. Wendy was used to looking at Irene then, the rising model from afar when they attended events together. Irene would always be surrounded by her admirers and people from the industry while Wendy would in return, gave her a sad smile from afar and looked away.

 

It was to no one’s surprise that Wendy was shocked, since Irene was the one who was so adamant in breaking up with her because she was terrified of having her uality exposed. When the model offered to be the actress, Wendy repeatedly asked whether she was sure about this, yet Irene bravely said that it would be a great media exposure for her. It would look good on her resume too, for being courageous enough to challenge such a role. Irene could almost hear Wendy’s heart breaking when the composer replied, ‘Okay’ to her.

 

How foolish, Irene Bae.

 

On the recording day, Irene arrived at the set of filming with a nervous heart. She knew Wendy would be there too, the younger woman had mentioned it last night when she called Irene to discuss the final details. It made sense, since it was the company she worked for and she helped to compose the song. Another reason for her uneasiness was because Seulgi Kang had a reputation of being extremely serious while working and had scared a few of her co-workers before. Usually she was kind to everyone but people who had worked with her had said over and over how scary she was while she was recording her song or music video. Irene was about to experience that first hand today.

 

What she witnessed that day made her heart skipped a bit. She knew that Seulgi was involved in composing the song too but she did not expect that she was right on her guess, with the co-composer of the song was Seulgi’s muse. She watched as the always serious Seulgi lighted up when she saw Wendy strolled in the set. She noticed that no matter who Seulgi was talking to, her eyes would always find Wendy who was walking around the set, greeting everyone. She observed that when Wendy was talking to Seulgi, both of them were extremely touchy for no particular reason at all.

 

Sometimes Wendy would poke Seulgi’s stomach, inciting laughter from the singer. She would then retaliate by playfully pulling both of Wendy’s cheek and only stopped when the composer whined, a smile never leaving her face. Every so often, Wendy would hold Seulgi’s shoulder while she was talking. Seulgi was less subtle, reaching for Wendy’s hand with every chance she had. Their smiles were a little lovelier and a lot wider when they were together and their eyes only saw each other.

 

Irene averted her eyes when she realized she had accidentally made eye contact with Wendy. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it might jump out of her chest. Wendy walked over to where Irene was to greet her. The younger woman brushed her hair that was covering her eyes a bit, the way she used to do when they were dating. Irene was mesmerised by her every move, the way her eyes brightened up as she thanked Irene for willing to be in the music video to her playful smirk as she teased Irene.

 

Irene did not miss the eyes writhing with jealousy that was looking back at her.

 

 

“Don’t think she still loves you.”

 

A hiss from Seulgi almost made Irene jumped away from her but she forced herself to stay still, keeping her stone cold expression on. They were filming for the music video and it was quite an intimate scene, with Seulgi coming closer to Irene and supposedly whisper something in her ear while Irene kept a cold expression. From where Irene was standing, she could see Wendy. The composer looked nervous standing behind the director and her eyes kept darting back and forth from Irene and Seulgi to the camera screen. She was biting her right thumb anxiously and Irene felt an urge to go and pull out Wendy’s thumb from , kissing it then to remind the woman that it was a bad habit. But that privilege was no longer hers.

 

“Cut! That was great! We’ll move on to the next scene! Both of you have great chemistry, Irene-ssi, Seulgi-ssi.”

 

The director’s call distracted Irene from looking at Wendy. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Seulgi forcing a smile at the director before glaring at her, knowing where Irene’s attention was a moment ago. Irene ignored Seulgi and kept on looking at Wendy. Wendy now looked relieved and she was no longer biting her thumb. She gave the most beautiful eye smiles to Irene…and then she beamed at Seulgi. Irene would be lying if she said she was not hurt by that.

 

“Seulgi.”

 

“What?”

 

“She still loves me right? That’s why you’re so on edge.”

 

Seulgi looked as if she was taken aback by the question before her face contorted to anger.

 

“You don’t know what you’re saying. I just don’t want you to break her again.”

 

Irene hummed and stared straight into Seulgi’s eyes.

 

“The only way I can break her is if she actually care about me, right Seulgi? But don’t worry, I don’t like her like I did before anymore.”

 

Irene lied. She wondered when lies flow out faster and easier than the truth, when truth became imprisoned within the deepest chamber in her heart. But lies always made people happier; and Irene was an entertainer.

 

Seulgi appeared relieved at her words but she still appeared wary of the model. Irene walked away from Seulgi and talked to the director, discussing about their next scenes. She tried not to look but she could not help but to notice when Wendy walked over to Seulgi and shyly handed her a water bottle. In return, Seulgi gave her the sweetest smile before she pulled her away under the pretence of wanting to practice the song together with Wendy; but Irene knew.

 

Irene always knew. Probably the sharp pain in her heart would lessen if she did not know so much.

 

 

“Why the do you choose this job, Irene unnie?”

 

A furious Joy stormed in her waiting room.

 

Joy was an actress under the same company as Irene and she used to be Irene’s best friend when Irene was with Wendy. After Irene broke up with Wendy, Joy had not picked any sides and stayed friends with both but they both knew Joy thought Irene was an absolute that did not deserve Wendy.

 

“Why can’t I? It’s a good exposure anyway. A lot of directors have already contacted me for job offers because they admire my bravery to challenge new roles.”

 

Irene said this calmly and Joy started to laugh maniacally. Irene winced listening to Joy’s laugh but she stirred the glass of wine she was holding, trying to keep her calm appearance. She trained her stare at the glass without looking at Joy until the actress’s laughter eventually subsided. Joy scrutinized Irene who was acting like nothing in the world bothered her. Joy took a deep breath before she spoke her next sentence.

 

“Unnie, she’s dating Seulgi.”

 

No response. Irene was still intent at staring at her wine, seemingly fascinated by the deep red liquid swirling in the glass. Joy was annoyed by Irene’s indifference now.

 

“Unnie, Wendy Son is dating Seulgi Kang! Are you listening? Why the hell do I even try to care about your feelings?”

 

Joy ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. She walked towards the closest chair and slumped herself there. A few moments passed before Irene broke the silence.

 

“I know.”

 

That caught Joy’s attention.

 

“Wen looked at Seulgi the way she used to look at me.”

 

A pause.

 

“And when I see how Seulgi look at Wendy, I wonder if that is how I look at Wendy every time.”

 

Joy perked her head, looking at Irene. The model has stopped swirling her glass. Irene’s head was tilted backward, rested on the chair. She realized then that the model was trying not to cry. Irene somehow had this crazy idea that if she looked up whenever she felt like crying, the tears would not be able to come out. So far, it had worked on her, at least that was what she told Joy.

 

And Irene used ‘is’. That did not escape Joy’s attention.

 

“Joy.” Irene’s voice broke. “Joy, I’m stupid. Stupid. STUPID!”

 

Irene started to cry. She cried in a way people did not usually cry in front of everyone else. Every single sob that escaped made Joy’s heart broke along with her. She was pouring out her grief and mourning her stupid actions in pushing Wendy away. There was sorrow, there was regret, there was immense pain but the love was what overwhelmed both of them. Joy went over and hugged her; she felt her own tears were threatening to fall. Her friend was suffering so much and she had never felt this helpless.

 

“I thought by letting her go, she can find someone new and be happier. And she does. God, she does. I see the sparkle in her eyes. I’m happy that she’s happy. I really ing am.”

 

Irene choked a bit as she spoke.

 

“So why am I crying, Joy? Why do I feel like there’s nothing left for me to look forward to in this life?”

 

 

Wendy felt safe in Seulgi’s hug.

 

When Seulgi hugged her, she knew the singer was making promises for her. The promise to protect her, to love her and to cherish her for as long as both of them live. They may not be married but she knew that she did not need validation from anyone else about Seulgi’s feelings. The sense of security she felt when she was in Seulgi’s hug was greater than the one marriage contract could ever provide.

 

Currently, Seulgi was back-hugging her in her waiting room, waiting to be called to the set again. They had less than 10 minutes and Wendy knew she should let Seulgi get ready before her next scene, she did not want anyone to catch them cosying up to each other. Not yet, at least.

 

Wendy gently pried away Seulgi’s hand from her wrist but the slightly older woman whined.

 

“Honey, why are you chasing me away?”

 

Wendy smiled as she could hear the pout that was forming as her lover was speaking. The endearment used by Seulgi tickled her heartstrings too. Seulgi had once told her that because a lot of her fans called her a bear, then Wendy would be her honey…for reasons Wendy could not bring herself to recall without blushing. Seulgi leaned her head and buried her face by Wendy’s neck, sighing in content.

 

“Sseul, your filming is about to start soon. You’ll have to get ready.”

 

“I don’t want to go. I just want to stay here.”

 

“Really? Because I thought you will look super-hot in that leather jacket that they’ll make you wear later.”

 

Seulgi backed away from Wendy at this and gasped; she put one hand above her heart to add to the dramatic effect.

 

“I know it! That’s the reason why you chose this theme for the music video! You just want to see me in that jacket.”

 

Wendy laughed at her girlfriend’s actions and squished Seulgi’s cheeks between her palms. The singer whined cutely and Wendy pinched both of her cheeks, making her whine again.

 

“Honey! The cheeks are the million-dollar cheeks. What if they appear weirdly in the music video later? It’s all your fault!”

 

Wendy shook her head at this and grinned. She placed both of her hands on Seulgi’s shoulders and gazed into the taller girl’s eyes deeply, as if she was searching for something.

 

“How can you be so charismatic as a singer and such a dork with me? If only your fans could see you know, they would cry in disbelief. The charming Seulgi Kang…a baby in real life.”

 

Seulgi chuckled softly at this and grabbed hold of one of Wendy’s palm, placing it by her cheek.

 

“You’re the only person who could make be this way…you know that right?”

 

Seulgi returned Wendy’s gaze. Wendy could see the love that shone in the eyes; the love that was only for her but she did not know if her eyes were projecting the same amount of love too. She averted her eyes and rested her head on Seulgi’s chest, letting the singer enveloped her in a hug.

 

“I don’t like shooting this Wendy. I’m acting as a lover to your ex, how weird is that?”

 

Seulgi’s voice was laced with frustration and Wendy understood why Seulgi, who was usually dedicated to her work now seemed so reluctant to finish it.

 

“Seulgi, that was all in the past. We are only friends now. Don’t think too much about it.”

 

“I saw how you looked at her on set.”

 

Wendy was shocked by this statement and she tried to pull away from Seulgi’s hug but her girlfriend only held her tighter.

 

“It’s okay. It’s okay if you still have some lingering feelings for her. I can love you better than she ever will. I’ll show you, Wendy.”

 

Wendy scrambled for words but Seulgi let her go and kissed her forehead once before she rushed out of the waiting room, leaving Wendy with unfinished words on her tongue and a touch of pain in her heart.

 

 

Irene went home earlier than Seulgi, since the latter had to perform additional shoots. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She was hoping to see Wendy after the short break they had during the filming but to her disappointment, Wendy was nowhere to be seen. She could not help but think that Seulgi had something to do with it since the singer had a smug smile plastered on her face in their scenes together. Probably another reason for that smile was because Seulgi had to play her part in the music video, but Irene could not shake off her suspicions.

 

Irene was still proud of herself anyway, since she had enough self-control to not ask Seulgi where Wendy was although she wanted to so badly. In a way, Wendy’s absence was better for Irene since she could focus getting into character better instead of trying to steal a glance at the composer every few minutes.

 

When Irene saw light peeking from underneath her front door, she almost cursed. She was too tired to handle whatever drama that was about to come but she would have to face it eventually. With a grimace, she unlocked her front door and the sound of TV that was faint just now grew louder.

 

As she walked in, she took note of the figure sprawled on her couch. For a moment, she thought she was saved from any confrontation tonight but when he suddenly spoke, Irene’s hope was shattered.

 

“Ah, the esteemed model has finally reached home.”

 

“Save it, Suho. I’m tired.”

 

Suho Kim, Irene’s boyfriend.

 

They had been together for almost a year and the media was starting to suspect there was something more between Irene and Suho than just being close celebrity friends. They had never confirmed or denied the suspicions, they just ignored those and eventually, they fell under the radar except only for their shippers who actively seek for their interactions.

 

“Why are you even here? I thought you have an event tomorrow.”

 

Irene continued talking as she walked into her room while being followed by Suho. She threw her handbag on her king-sized bed as she moved to sit in front of the mirror, taking of her earrings and accessories before proceeding to take off her makeup. Suho just leaned by the bedroom’s doorframe and watched over her as she carried out these tasks.

 

“I do, but the company figured it will be better for some of your fans to see me at your apartment area. And they ask us to go public soon, since it’s better to stop all of your gay rumours.”

 

Suho said this nonchalantly but Irene could sense the underlying anger hiding beneath the calm, spoken words.

 

“Wouldn’t you like that? You’ve been pushing me to reveal our relationship since months ago.”

 

“This isn’t about what I want, Irene.”

 

“It’s not? Could’ve fooled me for a moment.”

 

“Let’s not start fighting again.”

 

“It’s just work, Suho. That’s all. We don’t need to go public just because people are suspicious of my uality. I can do what I want and it shall be nobody’s business.”

 

“What about me? I have feelings too. Seulgi Kang is in it for real, and not just acting like you do. My group members have been making fun of me and –“

 

“So this is what it’s all about? Being made fun of? Then tell them to ing shut up for god sake. You’re their leader.”

 

“It’s not just about them, Irene.”

 

“Do you think Seulgi will just jump in at the very first opportunity to get together with someone who she suspects might be even remotely gay? I’m pretty sure she has her own standards too, Suho.”

 

Suho sighed as he walked closer to Irene and hugged her from behind. Irene did not reciprocate the hug. She just stared in the mirror with defiantly, her eyes boring hole at Suho’s reflection in the mirror.

 

“How can you not meet anyone’s standard, Irene? You’re too perfect for this world.”

 

Irene felt a sudden burst of anger at this statement. How could she be perfect when all she had ever done was hurting everyone who loved her? She should not be angry at Suho but since he was the closest person to her, she could not help but just let everything out at him. He was not much better than her too. Being a leader of a famous boy group in Korea was never easy and some days, the anger and frustration caught up faster to him than his rationality and in those days, Irene would be at the receiving end of his pent up feelings.

 

“Get out of my house. And don’t come back. Don’t ever come back.”

 

Suho was taken aback by Irene’s sudden outburst and his mouth gaped open in shock. He looked at Irene’s eyes in the mirror and realized that the model was serious.

 

“Wh-why? What did I say wrong?”

 

“I’m not perfect, Suho. I’m far from it. And I can’t put up with this anymore. You know that I’ve never been in love with you and yet you still want to hold on to something that is not even there.”

 

Irene sounded sad when she spoke again. Suho gripped the chair that Irene was sitting on, tightly and Irene could see his hands shaking from the reflection on the mirror. She did not know whether he was angry or sad; his face was red and he looked as if he was trying to say something before he shook his head.

 

“All these time…not even once?”

 

Suho’s voice came out in a whisper and Irene saw the answer she was looking for in the man’s eyes. The pain was palpable in his eyes and Irene almost took back her words but she bit her tongue and hardened her resolve. She should not torture the man any longer, she had to let him go for both of their sakes.

 

“I care about you…but not in the way you want me too.”

 

It was as if that was all Suho needed to hear as he let go of his grip on the chair Irene was sitting at and nodded to himself. For a while, there was only silence between them. Irene was more interested in staring at her makeups while Suho seemed to be deep in thoughts.

 

“Irene.”

 

Suho suddenly broke the silence with a gruff voice. Irene was startled but she quickly gained her composure and looked at the man, using the mirror as a barrier again. Suho seemed to be training his eyes on Irene’s through the mirror. He hesitated a little before he spoke.

 

“Was it, was it her that you love?”

 

Irene felt her heart stopped for a few seconds. By reflex, she avoided the indirect eye contact before she took a deep breath and steadied herself to look at Suho through the mirror.

 

“Who?”

 

“Your friend…the composer.”

 

“What made you arrive at the conclusion?”

 

She did not even have to confirm it, because Suho just threw her a sad smile, as if he had expected that reaction instead of flat out rejection.

 

“You look at her differently from how you look at others. It’s like…you’re a lost ship on the sea during storm and she’s the lighthouse that will guide you home.”

 

He paused and Irene widened her eyes, she never knew he noticed how she would look at Wendy in the events they attended together.

 

“At first I didn’t understand it, you know? Even when both of you are talking, you still have that look in your eyes. And although you girls are friends, you don’t really talk to each other, in fact you almost seem to avoid each other. Especially you. But I guess…I guess it makes sense now.”

 

Suho’s head was hung low in defeat. Irene finally turned around to face Suho; it was time to stop speaking through fog and mirrors. She had to admit her mistakes and faced her fears, she had hurt too many people.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I was a coward then…and you were just there, offering me the normalcy that I thought I needed.”

 

Suho waved his hand, silencing Irene. He gave her another sad smile that appeared to be more genuine this time. Both of them knew that ever since the beginning, it was always Suho who had loved Irene more and put more effort in their relationship. Suho was the one who approached her and confessed and Irene just accepted out of the emptiness in her heart.

 

For a moment, they were both happy with their own illusions. Suho, with getting the girl of his dreams and Irene, with the thoughts that she did not need Wendy after all to be happy.

 

The illusion had turned to dust. And now that the dust had settled, what lied underneath was clear – they were only two misguided people being brought together by their unfulfilled longings.

 

“It hurts, I’m not going to lie to you, Irene. And I’m angry too. But I can’t beg or force you to change your heart, can’t I? It may take a while, but I’ll learn to let you go.”

 

That was the end. Suho turned around and left. As Irene heard the front door being closed, she fell to the floor. There was a jumble of emotions within her. She felt happy, sad, relieved and guilty all at the same time. When her phone rang, she crawled to where her handbag was and fumbled with the object a little before she found the device. Joy’s name was displayed and she pic