Jungkook

I keep looking at the words on the laptop. Is he right? Did I write them because it’s like this how I really feel? I never gave much importance when I write songs because I always felt that no one would read them, so it doesn’t matter the meaning behind the lyrics. But now I think about it, maybe the fact that I don’t mind proves that actually they are a reflection of how I feel. For me, the lyrics are hard to write when you have to invent the feeling behind them. There is when the lyrics require that you think of it too much, when they aren’t genuine.

Oh, well. Jimin is absolutely right. I wrote these lyrics weeks ago, long time before find out about Hoseok and Tae. I lay against the head of the bed and open my laptop again.

Me: Alright, you win.

Jimin: It’s not a competition. I just try to help you see that maybe this break up is exactly what you need. I don’t know you very well, but base on the songs you wrote, I think that it’s been a long time since you have wish to be alone.

Me: Well, you admit to not know me very well, but you seem to know me better than myself.

Jimin: I just know what you told me with those songs. Speaking about that, do you feel like playing them all now? I was about to compile them with music to send them to Jiyong and I could use your ears.

I laugh and hit him with the elbow.

Me: Sure, what do I have to do?

He stands up and picks the guitar, and then he nods to the backyard. I don’t want to get out to the backyard. I don’t care if I was ready to let go Hoseok, but surely I wasn’t ready to let go Taehyung. And being there out, it’ll be too much distraction.

I wrinkle my nose and shake my head.

He gives a look to the backyard of my apartment, and then he puts his lips in a line and slowly nods understanding. He walks to the bed and sits on the mattress to my side.

Jimin: I want you to sing the songs while I play. I’ll watch you, so I’ll make sure that we’re on the same page when it comes to the sheets of music.

Me: No, I’m not going to sing in front of you.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

Jimin: Are you afraid that I laugh of how bad you sound? I CAN’T HEAR YOU JUNGKOOK!

He smiles with his irritating smile.

Me:
Shut up. Alright.

He puts the phone down and starts playing the song. When it supposes that the lyric starts, he looks up, and I freeze. Even though it’s not for being nervous. I freeze because I’m making that thing again, where I hold my breath because watching him playing is..is incredible. He doesn’t lose the rhythm when I skip the intro.

He starts again, from the beginning, and plays the opening again. I shake the pathetic amaze and start to sing the lyrics. Probably I never sung in front of someone like this, face-to-face. But it helps that he can’t listen to me. However, he looks directly at me, which triggers me. He stops after every verse and takes notes. I lean in and look what he writes. He puts music notes in a pentagram in white, together with the lyrics. He points at one of the lines, and then grabs his phone.

Jimin: What note do you use in this line?

Me: Si.

Jimin: Do you think it would sound better if you take it a bit higher?

Me: I don’t know. I guess we can try.

He plays the second part of the song again; I accept his advice and sing the note a bit higher. Surprisingly, he’s right. It sounds better.

-How did you know that?- I ask.

He shrugs.

Jimin: I just know.

Me: But, how? you can’t hear me, how do you know it sounds better and when it doesn’t?

Jimin: I don’t need to hear it. I feel it.

I shake the head, without understanding. I can maybe understand how he learnt to play the guitar. With enough practice, a good teacher and maybe a tone of study, is possible for him to play as he does. But that doesn’t explain how he knows in which note it should be a voice and especially which note sounds better.

Jimin: What’s going on? You look confused.

Me: I’m confused. I don’t understand how can you realize the vibrations or when you say you feel it. I’m starting to believe that you and Namjoon are trying to play with me and just pretending your deaf.

Jimin laugh, then he pushes himself behind until his back meets the head of the bed. He sits straight and holds his guitar to a side. He extends his legs, and then palms the point between them. What the hell? I hope my eyes aren’t open as I think. There is no way I sit close to him.

I shake my head. He rolls his eyes and picks up the phone.

Jimin: Come here. I want to show you how I feel it. Don’t be egocentric, and stop thinking that I’m trying to seduce you.

I doubt a few seconds, but the agitation on his face makes me think I’m being a bit immature. I slide through to the front and carefully I sit in front of him with the back against his chest but with many centimeters between us. He puts the guitar in front of me and wraps up his other arm around me, until he holds it in position. He puts it close, which puts me against him. Jimin stretches and picks up his phone.

Jimin: I’m going to play a verse, and I want you to tell me where you feel it.

I nod, and he takes his hand back to the guitar. He plays a verse and repeats it many times, and then he stops. I grab my phone.

Me: I feel it on your guitar.

He shakes his head and picks his phone again.

Jimin: I know what you feel on my guitar, silly. But, in which part of your body do you feel it?

Me: Play again.

This time I close the eyes and try to take it seriously. I asked him how it felt, and he’s trying to show me, so the least I can do is try to understand. He plays the verse many times, and I really try with strength focus, but I feel the vibrations everywhere, especially on the guitar pressed against my chest.

Me: It’s hard for me, Jimin. It feels like it’s everywhere. He pushes me to the front and I move to a side. He puts down the guitar; he stands up, and walks out of his bedroom. I wait for him, curious on what he’s doing. When he comes back, he holds something in a fist. He extends the fist, so I lift my palm.

Tampons.

He slides behind me, and I move again against his chest, then I put on the tampons. I close my eyes and lay the head on his shoulder. He puts his arms around me and lifts the guitar, putting it against my chest. I can feel his head lying softly against mine, and suddenly, I notice the intimate way we are sitting. I’ve never sat like this with anybody who I wouldn’t be seriously dating.

It’s strange, because it feels so natural with him. It doesn’t feels like it had something to do with music. I like that about him, because if I would be pressed like this with Namjoon, I’m sure his hands would not be on the guitar.

I can feel his arms moving slowly, so I know he’s playing, even if I can’t hear him. I focus on the vibration and focus all my attention on the movement inside my chest. When I’m capable