O19. I've Got to Do This

A Broken Doll

 

"Lu Han, where exactly are you taking me?"

"Ke Xin kept a firm grip onto her boyfriend's hand because she couldn't see anything with the thick blindfold over her eyes. They were in some forestry area. She could tell because of the leaves and twigs that she heard crunching underneath every step she took.

"Oh, be patience." Lu Han laughed, just as he steered Ke Xin a little to the left, "We'll be there soon."

Ke Xin wondered why she even agreed to this. A few months ago, at her small birthday celebration, no one but Lu Han came empty-handed. That is, if you don't count the big smile he had on his face. She didn't care if he didn't come with a present, but he insisted that he had this "great surprise" for her.

"Aaaaaaannnnd," Lu Han dragged out the word dramatically, "Ta-dah!"

He swiftly, but gently tore off the blindfold. Ke Xin had to blink a few times to adjust to the brightness around her, but she gasped with awe. Under a large, golden red maple tree laid a plaid picnic blanket. But it wasn't that. It was the spot Lu Han picked out. Brilliant red leaves surrounded them, and the soft sunlight was warm and welcoming. And from this view, they could see the rooftops of houses and the city noise became a blur in the background.

“Wow.” was the one word Ke Xin could make out. She plopped down on the heavy, plaid blanket just in time to see Lu Han take out the picnic basket he had been holding behind his back.

“I’m not much of a cook, but I hope this will suffice.” He grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

And for a good two hours, the two ate, laugh, and talked, and talked, and talked.

-x-

“Lu Han?”

The two were lying down, facing the cloudless sky.

“Hm?”

She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to ruin a peaceful atmosphere like this. But it was now or never. Ke Xin had promised MiMi and she couldn’t break it.

“You know what I would really like for my birthday?”

Lu Han’s laugh resonated around them. She liked the sound of it, and hoped that what she was about to say next wasn’t going to stop her from hearing it again.

“What else does my Ke Xin want?” Lu Han rolled over to his side, using his arm to prop up his head. He played with her long hair that was sprawled across the blanket, running his fingers through it, undoing some tiny knots here and there.

“Do you think… do you think you’d be able to settle things with your family for me?” Ke Xin bit her lower lip worriedly.

Immediately, Lu Han’s face darkened. The usual animated face of his went blank and he sighed and looked off to the distance.

Did she go too far? Should she apologize? Was he mad?

After what seemed like eternity, he murmured, “What exactly do you mean by that?”

“I don’t mean to give up your dream,” she began slowly, trying to tread on safe grounds, “But I can tell you and your family had a deep connection and you care for one another. And having bad blood between you guys for choosing different paths to go down shouldn’t be why a family breaks apart. I mean, just look at what that did to my own family! I can’t see the same thing happening to you.”

After she finished, she noticed that she had been rambling and had this emptiness in her chest. It was the same emptiness she felt when she saw happy families together and she stood jealously on the side. Other people wish for power, for wealth. But what is all that without having a loving family and friends to share it with?

Ke Xin was surprised when Lu Han sighed again, but smiled softly. He her cheek, planted a kiss on her forehead, and nodded like he understood. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you felt like this.”

“Maybe…” He continued, struggling with his words, “Maybe you’re right… It’s just… I don’t know how… But, I promise I will, okay?”

Ke Xin didn’t feel reassured, and Lu Han could tell. She stretched out her hand towards the sky, as if she’d be able to hold it in her hands. Knitting her brows, she murmured, “But what if I won’t be here to see it happen?” The heiress felt her boyfriend stiffen besides her like she caught him red-handed or such.  

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know… what if I’m away at college or something like that?”

Ke Xin wondered why there was such a silence after she said that. She turned her head to face Lu Han, and yet again there was that blank expression of his.

“When you’re missing someone, what do you want?” Lu Han seemed to ask randomly.

Ke Xin, despite being confused, simply answered, “I want to be there with them and close the distance between that person and I.”

“Well, think about,” Lu Han turned his head also to gaze at Ke Xin, “No matter where you go on the earth, no matter how many thousands of miles you’re apart, you’ll be looking at the same sky. Isn’t that comforting?”

Ke Xin knows that it really isn’t, but Lu Han made it just that convincing. He smiled softly, and she couldn’t help but become entice by his words.

“So if you ever miss me, just look to the sky because I’ll be looking there too.”

-x-

Tell her, Lu Han told himself.

“Well, looks like I’m here.” Ke Xin gestured to the quiet estate just as they reached the tall, black gates. “Thanks for today. It was really fun, Lu Han.”

Tell her, tell her!

The couple pulled each other in for a hug, but Lu Han only half-hearted managed to wrap his arms around his girlfriend. Still, Ke Xin didn’t notice anything wrong with Lu Han’s demeanor, being too high in spirits.  

Tell her! You have to tell her!

His inner voice was urging Lu Han to speak, to spill everything. But he didn’t budge, and mustered something almost inaudible.

“Wait, Ke Xin…”

“Hm? What is it?” She smiled so brightly, enough to make the stars above them dull.

He couldn’t do it. Not like this. She looked beautiful tonight. Her eyes were twinkling, a perfect smile stretched across her face… And her long hair dancing along with the little, late winter breeze.

If this was the last time he was going to see her, he might as well keep this picture of her in his mind for the struggles ahead. Lu Han blinked a few times, taking mental snapshots to take with him in the upcoming journey.

“I just want you to know that this past year has been the best.”

“Lu Han, I —”

Ke Xin didn’t manage to make out the words as Lu Han pressed his lips against hers. At first she was caught off-guard, but then became lost in his gentle kisses.

Unlike Ke Xin, Lu Han knew that this might be their last, and so he tried to take in as much as Ke Xin as possible. Her scent, the feel of her soft hair, and the taste of her lips.

“Cai Ke Xin, I love you.”

And good-bye.

-x-

“Are you sure about this?” Yi Xing asked nervously. He had his letter in his hands, and Lu Han had his.

What else did Lu Han had left to say? After all that they’ve been through, was Lu Han just going to throw it away for some girl? But Yi Xing knew Ke Xin wasn’t just some girl, and so did Lu Han.

But his dreams were shining just as bright in front of him.

“Aren’t you going to tell her? Don’t you think you owe her that much?” Yi Xing voice had dropped to a whisper, almost like he could feel the pain that she was about to be hit with.

“I wish I had the courage to.” Lu Han smiled sadly, “But I know if I did and if she even showed the slightest bit of pain, I would throw it all away to wait my whole life for her. I know myself well enough, Yi Xing. I love her to the point that I’ll forget that I have a future too. I have to do this.”


 

 

Sorry, not sorry (for the month late update). 

But honestly, I won't give up on this. I'll see it to the end because this is my pledge to the people that we lost in last week's shooting. I know they have no connection to EXO but since I feel that writing is my one and only forte, I feel like this my way of paying tribute in the memory of the twenty, innocent and beautiful children and six brave adults. 

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-aurora
[A Broken Doll] I should have the new chapter up by this week :)

Comments

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yifancakes #1
One of the most beautiful and heartbreaking, exo x oc fics i read in the earlier days with my old account. You have a wonderful writing style although the ending did throw me off at first, but it was practical and realistic. It made the fic memorable. :)

(January 27, 2012??? I feel old lmao)
NinjiPandi #2
I know this is kinda late but i just finished your story. I'm gonna be honest and say that I liked the ending. It was realistic and practical. Sure it wouldve been nice if Ke Xin and Luhan ended up together, but i mean hey, its not like first love is always going to be he last love. Anywhos, awesome job author! I'll definitly be looking foward to your future works.
alizarin #3
Chapter 11: OMG author-nim, you're the admin of FY-Exo tumblr and twitter??
_-Sumin #4
Chapter 20: The ending , no offense.
But the rest of the story was on point!
lululemon_lover24 #5
Chapter 20: I was disappointed with the ending...
I totally understand why you might want to stray away from the happy endings that readers typically love, but I just don't think this ending was the best fit for the story. I respect that it is your story and you have all rights to do whatever you want with it. I loved the first 18 chapters and am grateful that you wrote them, as they were such an intriguing and captivating read.
I feel like with this ending, there are still quite a few loose ends. But, as the chapter is titled, happy or sad endings depend on where you decide to end your story. I think I would've been happier with the ending if we were given more time to see Ke Xin without Luhan and with her current husband, so things wouldn't have felt so rushed. It felt to me that going into this story, it focused on this young girl, who seemed to lead this perfect life, and a boy, and the two of them opening up each other's worlds. The ending didn't really seem to conclude or address the focal point of the story. But those are just my thoughts. Anyways, thanks for the story.
PorcelainCreations
#6
Chapter 2: omg Cai's my last name. i can actually try to feel more for this story^o^
Perpetual #7
I really like your flow of writing and the way you made the entire story very realistic. I wasn't happy with the ending and I just felt really empty inside and the entire ending just made me feel very unsatisfied. I completely respect your ending though I guess I'm just a er for happy endings :') thanks for writing this and I'll be looking forward to your other stories in the future.
dawnxiamara #8
Chapter 20: I guess her father's prediction didnt come true that Luhan and Kexin would be them but with a happier ending. And as for me who really loves happy endings would have an alternative ending in which Luhan and Kexin found each other again after so many years and realize that their feelings are still strong for each other and with purple lilacs as the background, Luhan proposing to his girl ending it with the wedding of the century.... I am just romantic girl maybe who loves Luhan i suppose.....
AeroRyuu
#9
Chapter 20: I completely understand why you decided to end the story the way it did but it still seems off. The way this story began and flowed seemed like it would end either happily or contently but you just completely turned it on its head. It made me feel like I had been lied to or cheated on. I always learned not to lie to your readers so I guess that's why it's so strange to me. I'm not trying to sound mean or anything but this is my opinion on the ending.