Ke Xin was never too fond of taking baths. Not that she hated to bathed. One time, her dad had taken her to an aquarium where they showed a documentary about poor, cute little seal pups traveling miles just for some clean drinking water.  Ever since, she’s always showered to conserve water instead. Though right now, she was sure she was killing those adorable seal pups.

While lying in a tub of warm water and bubbles, Ke Xin vowed not to step a foot out of it until every single bit of stress was lifted. But that didn’t work out too well as the image of Lu Han leaning in towards her replayed itself — for the tenth time that day. And when she could recall just how soft his lips were, her cheek began to burn with embarrassment, which resulted in her ducking under head underneath the water surface again.

Under water, with her eye shut tight, she gave a frustrated sigh. Though she didn’t see them, she could feel air bubbles escape , traveling to the surface and popping.

So what happened was simple. She and Lu Han had kissed. And he dropped the bomb, um, question on the topic that had been dodged between them, but definitely was going through both their minds. Was she gonna be his girlfriend? Were they going to be in a relationship?   

Yeah, she got it. She could tell by the looks Lu Han got from girls everywhere they went that he was something that any girl in her right mind would want. Not saying, she was not part of that latter, it was just that her hesitation to give him an answer, along with ignoring his recent calls and texts from these couples of days, came from elsewhere.

She was scared.

Of him? Of course not! Lu Han was the gentlest thing ever! He wouldn’t even hurt a fly. He stays quite true to his name of a deer*.

What she was afraid of was her lack of experience and not living up to what she seemed to be.

She’s never dated a boy before. In fact, that was her very first kiss too! What if she did something wrong? Say something wrong? She really did like Lu Han — a lot. So she didn’t want to mess up and do something stupid that would land her and Lu Han’s friendship/relationship/whatever they were to a place unwanted.

Cai Ke Xin is not perfect. She is not.

To the outside world, she may seem like she is. Yes, she exceeded in ballet, yes, she plays the piano well too. Her grades are nearly perfect, and her teachers adored her. She’s the only daughter of an old money clothing empire and she was one thing so many girls strived to be — pretty. But if you take all those layers away, you’ll find nothing but your average teenage girl.

She knew at times she was a little short-tempered and when she was, she had a tendency to blurt rude comments. She knew that sometimes she was a little selfish and sometimes, she feared that she was being hubris from all the compliments she got for her performances on certain tasks. And a lot of times, she didn’t have much patience with all the activities she had to perfect, the dance routines, a new sonata, language exams — on Korean, Japanese, and English. She wasn’t always the loving, and seemingly caring girl that Lu Han saw. And she was afraid that her imperfections would just scare him away.

“Cai Ke Xin! You better come out of that bath tub this instant, missy!” Yi Mu’s voice and the pounding of her fist on the bathroom’s thick mahogany door could be heard as Ke Xin stayed beneath the water. She sighed, throwing her head up and splashing even more water around.

It was time to face the music.

-x-

 “Oh sweet Lord!” Yi Mu put her hand to her forehead.

Ke Xin didn’t know if Yi Mu was relieved or she was outraged. But she had just explained to her the reason behind her sitting in the bathtub for an hour and a half — with much difficulty of course.

“Dear, are you telling me you are worrying over being imperfect and making mistakes?”

Ke Xin shrugged. She really did want to tell Yi Mu that it wasn’t fair. Her hesitation did sound more reasonable in her head. But when Yi Mu said them out aloud, they came out sillier sounding than Ke Xin had expected.

“If that boy really liked you, do you think he’d care if you’re not flawless?” Yi Mu took Ke Xin’s hands in hers and gave it a firm squeeze.

“ I guess not.” Ke Xin murmured, almost trying to convince herself as she said it.

“Right,” Yi Mu nodded, continuing on with her lecture, “If he’s not able to stand with you through your storms, make sure he’s not there for the sunny days.”

Ke Xin smile slightly at her housekeeper. That line sounded so freaking cliché but in all, it was quite true. If Lu Han really could put up with her faults, Ke Xin didn’t see a reason why he should be there in the first place.

“But now dear, you have to realize that there may be fights, there may be disagreements, and there is bound to be craziness” Yi Mu looked Ke Xin square in the eyes, “But if you truly care for one another, nothing should be important enough to keep you two apart.”

“And what if things don’t work out with Lu Han?” Ke Xin asked in a small voice.

“Well my dear, you’re still a pretty, lively thing. There are millions of fish in the ocean and fish sure love pretty things.”  

Ke Xin burst out laughing, all tension suddenly leaving her, “What? Fish love pretty things? That’s all you’ve got for something inspirational?”

“What? Eating fish is good for you…” Yi Mu muttered indignantly, but still, a small adoring smile remained on her face.

-x-

Ke Xin was startled out of her deep thoughts as chords of Rain Has Gone, her classical ringtone, began playing. Her iPhone was laying next to her stack of workbooks and pens where Ke Xin was supposed to be finishing homework but had ended up daydreaming about saying yes to Lu Han instead. The number of the caller was not familiar and the area code was definitely not somewhere within the province. Ke Xin hesitated to answer, yet she had a strange feeling about the number. After her finger hovered between the red and green button for a good few seconds, she quickly pressed the answer button.

“Yeoboseyo?” A familiar boy’s voice said in Korean on the other line with uncertainty.

“Se Hun?” Ke Xin quickly answered, a big smile almost splitting her face in half. She knew that voice anywhere and plus, who else does she know speak Korean?

“Noona!” Se Hun cried as soon as he realized that it really was Ke Xin on the other end.

“Se Hunnie, how’ve you been? Is everything alright?” Ke Xin couldn’t contain the many questions she had and she quickly moved from her desk to sit on her bed, eager to talk with the boy.

“I’m fine,” and from his voice, Ke Xin could tell that he was grinning, “So fine, that I’ve made it into one of the biggest entertainment companies in Korea!”

“Really? That’s great!” Ke Xin felt excitement and relief for him. He was going to get a shot at his dream while all that worrying she had done about him was beginning to pay off.

“Yeah, this means getting away from my dad and stepmom since I’m going to be dorming.” Se Hun seemed like he was holding off on something though.

“Why do I feel like there’s a bad part to this Se Hun?”

There was silence on the other line and then a sigh. “Because there is. The thing is that I already broke part of the contract I signed with the company. There’s this confidential clause, which says that I can’t tell people outside of my family about being a trainee.”

“Oh…” Ke Xin trailed off, “So why are you telling me this?”

“Because I think this might be the last time I’d get to talk to you in a long time.”

More silence.

“What do you mean?”

“Training’s pretty hard. And I had to sneak out to make this call to you, noona. I can’t do it often.”

Ke Xin nodded, even though Se Hun couldn’t see her, “I understand. You really have to focus on training, right? You’re going to train hard and make me proud?”

Se Hun’s laugh could be heard and then he answered, “Yeah! You better be cheering for me when I debut!”

It was Ke Xin’s turn to giggle for this lovely boy. She was really going to miss him even though they hadn’t really spent much time together. And maybe she’ll sit in the audience one day and watch her lovely boy perform. Who knows?

“Noona?”

“Hmm?

“Why do you sound like you’re being bothered by something?”

“It’s nothing important, really.” Ke Xin tried to steer the conversation away from herself. She didn’t know she was being that obvious.

“But,” Se Hun continued, “Even if it isn’t, I fully support you, noona!”

Ke Xin laughed and nodded, “Alright, alright. Don’t forget me, okay? Remember what I said about the Rubik’s Cube and don’t ever give up!”

“I won’t! I have to go now, noona. Thank you for everything.” Se Hun sniffled and then clicked off.

“Goodbye Se Hun.” Ke Xin whispered even though he was no long on the other end. Her little wounded bird was taking flight. 

* The 'lu' in Lu Han's name means deer.

I could apologize for not updating in a month, but I'm not because this last month of school was so freakin' hectic. Yesterday was the last day of school and graduation was the day right before that (I got the spot of salutatorian :D). So yeah. I'm going to try to spam with updates because I really want to finish this story before the new school year starts.