Part 1 - Chapter 6

I Wanna Love
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6

Niel sighed heavily as he reached the top of the last flight of stairs and pushed through the heavy door into the hallway. It was late and he was tired. He had wanted to go home 3 hours ago, after work, but his co-workers had insisted on taking him out for a drink and dinner. When he protested, they had made faces and guilt tripped him until he gave way. Now, at 11pm, he was finally in front of his door.

Jingling his keys he slowly unlocked the door and stepped inside. The lights were already on and he could hear his TV from the entryway. Someone must be there. His stomach rolled strangely as he thought of Jilly, sprawled on the bed in just her bra and shorts, as she loved to do. He would enter the bedroom and she would have some comment; a complaint about the TV show, a complaint about the mess, a complaint about her work. Niel was realising that she almost always had complaints but rarely a sweet greeting for him. He would always nod and kiss her in greeting anyway as she complained about whatever was annoying her that night.

But of course, she wouldn’t be there. She wouldn’t have come back after refusing to even talk about things. Despite knowing this Niel still moved into the bedroom with a mixture of reservation and excitement.

It wasn’t Jilly. It was Byunghun, sitting on the bed with his knees curled up to his chest and his head resting on them. Niel’s eyes widened in shock before he regained composure and raised a hand in greeting.

“Hi hyung, been here long?” Niel asked as he began to the pressed shirt he wore to work.

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Changhyun paid the taxi driver and climbed out onto the bustling kerb. The currents of people moving along the footpath made him think of brightly coloured fish moving in schools. He joined the flow heading towards Shinhwa and stopped by a street sign, waiting for Jonghyun to arrive. He wasn’t waiting long before he heard someone shout his name.

Looking around he found Jonghyun waving him over to the end of the line moving into the club. With a bright grin Changhyun walked over to join him. Jonghyun laid a hand on Changhyun’s waist and bent to kiss him in greeting.

“Hello gorgeous.” Changhyun grinned up at his date.

“Hey.” Jonghyun mumbled, looking into Changhyun’s eyes. “It’s nice to see you.”

Changhyun’s heart thudded loudly and he felt a blush threatening to colour his face.

“You too.” He managed to reply.

Someone nearby cleared their throat and Jonghyun looked up at the man. Changhyun followed his gaze and felt himself shrink slightly. The target of Jonghyun’s gaze was a cyber-punk, dressed in black leather and ripped cotton. His hair was a mass of long braids held down with goth-style goggles. Changhyun was more than a little intimidated by him, and worse, the stranger’s eyes were scrutinizing every inch of Changhyun.

“Changhyun, this is Bang Minsu. He’s one of my old friends from home and he’s letting me stay with him. He tagged along tonight because I’m worried about him.” Jonghyun introduced them.

“Yo.” Minsu said shortly with a nod.

“Hi.” Changhyun raised an awkward hand and waved a little.

Casually Jonghyun laid an arm over Changhyun’s shoulders as they shuffled forwards with the line. His touch helped Changhyun relax; there was no need to be nervous of a friend of Jonghyun, even if he looked like he could kill people.

-----------------------------

Byunghun looked up as Niel entered the room.

“Hi hyung, been here long?” He asked, exhaustion clear in his voice and movements as he stripped off his work shirt.

“Hey. Mm, a while. I was lonely at home. Chan is working nightshift.” Byunghun replied, eyes turning back to the TV.

“Mm, he said he was busy this afternoon.” Niel replied, “Why did they even bother hiring that other guy?”

Byunghun shrugged, looking glum.

“Is that what the problem is with you two lately? How much Chanhee is working?” Niel probed, too tired to be subtle.

“What? We’re fine, Niel.” Byunghun defended, arms tightening around his legs.

“Alright hyung, I’m too tired for this so we’re going to clear it up right now.” Niel snapped, halting his search for tracksuit pants to change into after a shower and pinning Byunghun with his gaze. “Drop the act. Things are not ‘fine’, nor ‘ok’, nor ‘dandy’ or another synonym for ‘good’, alright? Things are . For both of us. I know why mine is , I wish you would at least talk to me about why your life is . You have everything. You have Chanhee, and I have nothing… not anymore.”  

Niel plonked onto the mattress, the picture of a defeated man. Byunghun unfolded himself and scooted to sit beside Niel at the foot of the bed.

“I know. I’m sorry Niel.” He said quietly, genuinely guilty. “Look, things with me and Chan… they’re… they’re ok. We’re just going through a little rough patch, ok? But it’s us, we’ll work it out. We’ll be fine.” Byunghun wasn’t sure if he was convincing Niel or himself. “I came to see if you were ok. I wanted to see if you wanted to talk about this, because like you said, you’re not ok.”

Niel nodded sadly.

“Let me have a shower, ok?” Niel stood once more, “There’s beer in the fridge hyung.”

He strode into the bathroom and shut the door. Byunghun stared at the closed door and repeated to himself It’s ok, it’s me and Chan, we can get through anything. It’s just a rough patch.

As he stood to go to the kitchen, a cruel voice sounded in his mind; Yeah, like Niel and Jilly’s rough patch…

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Jonghyun held Changhyun protectively beneath his arm, he wanted everyone else here to know that the smaller man was off-limits. His insides turned somersaults as he re-evaluated his date. The expertly styled hair, grey pants and a plain black tee with a fashionably gaudy jacket over it. Jonghyun examined the pattern of brassy roses on a black background, it should look horrendous but Changhyun passed it off easily with flair.

He considered his own all black outfit and felt a little underdressed. He frowned.

“What?” Changhyun asked quietly, looking up at Jonghyun.

“You just look really good. I don’t think I match up.” Jonghyun mumbled, making Changhyun smile.

“Don’t worry, you look damn fine.” Changhyun mumbled in reply, expressing his appreciation of the tight jeans by squeezing Jonghyun’s . Jonghyun grinned openly, hand slipping from shoulder to hips as he repaid the gesture.

Changhyun’s eyes sparkled with mischief as he slipped the wandering hand into Jonghyun’s back pocket and left it there.

Jonghyun replaced his hand on Changhyun’s shoulder, stomach swooping with joy and excitement.

“How much longer do you think it will be?” Jonghyun asked, now slightly desperate to get inside and feel more of his date.

“Not too much longer, it’s still kind of early.” Changhyun replied, “Why?”

“No reason.” Jonghyun blushed.

“Tell me!” Changhyun replied playfully.

“Nooooo…” Jonghyun shook his head, trying not to just give in and let Changhyun have whatever he wanted.

“Tell meee.” Changhyun said again, a cajoling tone in his voice.

“Ah. I just can’t wait to have you pressed up against me.” Jonghyun mumbled, slightly embarrassed at being caught.

“Hmm.” Changhyun seemed to revel in the desire, “Me too.”

Jonghyun grinned and kissed Changhyun again, this time deeper and longer. The line shuffled forwards and the pair broke apart to follow.

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Chanhee knew the Gods had sent this VIP couple to torture him. It felt like a punishment for whatever misdeed he had done to Byunghun. The Jones’s were painfully adorable. They never seemed to stop holding hands, they laughed and giggled together over the smallest things. Mr Jones had even called down to ask Chanhee to set up a romantic dinner date and boat ride for them. Which he had; it had felt like pulling teeth.

He was currently reviewing paperwork at the front desk as his receptionist had her dinner break. He didn’t seem to be getting far though, his mind was preoccupied with the Jones’s; the memory of Mr Jones waiting for his wife to descend the stairs from the mezzanine bar. The shining look of pure love and adoration in his eyes as Mrs Jones negotiated the steps in her heels. Chanhee knew he had looked at Byunghun like that before, they had looked at one another that way not so long ago. What had gone wrong? Why was everything so different now?

He heard a voice call his Western name and looked up, quickly plastering a blithe smile on his face. Mr and Mrs Jones wandered across the lobby waving to him in a friendly manner.

“Good evening sir.” Chanhee called in reply and bowed politely.

“Thank you for everything Troy, my man.” Mr Jones called.

“Not a problem, sir. Did you enjoy your evening madam?” Chanhee replied easily.

“It was perfect. Thank you so much Troy.” She replied graciously.

“Not at all madam. It was all Mr Jones.” He bowed again.

The couple chuckled together before continuing to the elevators.

“Good night Troy.” Mr Jones called back.

“Good night sir.” Chanhee replied.

He loved them, they were such a wonderful couple and some of the easiest VIPs he’d ever had. But he also hated them and fiercely resented the searing pain they left in his chest.

----------------------------

Minsu repressed the urge to make gagging noises as he listened to Jonghyun and his date. They were disgustingly cute and, while it irritated him to no end, he also didn’t have the heart to stop them. At least one of them was happy and had someone. Minsu knew it was pure jealousy so he kept a tight lid on his feelings and simply scanned the crowds around him.

His mystery man was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and looked again. And again. And again. Until they were ID checked and allowed entry to the club. As the three of them slipped into the atrium and descended the steps to the lower level Jonghyun seemed to remember Minsu was there too.

“Which level hyung?” He called over the pounding bass.

“Upper! I think Raz is spinning upstairs tonight!” Minsu replied, more interested in seeing his DJ friend than dancing or hooking up.

Jonghyun nodded and led the way towards the stairs across the room. Minsu scanned everywhere for the object of his obsession but found nothing. They climbed the stairs in a group, Jonghyun holding Changhyun’s hand and Minsu trailing along behind. One of the glasseys spotted Minsu and waved in greeting. Minsu waved in reply, splitting away from the other two to go and greet his friend.

“Minsu! Bro! I haven’t seen you in a while!” The glassey yelled over Raz’s tribal techno.

“Yeah man, been busy! Is Scout about tonight?” Minsu asked after the manager who booked the DJs.

“Yeah, totally, head over to the bar I think she was there.” The glassey hoisted his rack of glasses up again and moved off into the crowd.

If he was going to sulk in the club and search for his beautiful mystery man he could at least beg a gig from Scout. He set off through the crowds of dancers to the bar.

---------------------------------

Showered and dressed, Niel emerged from the bedroom and into the kitchen. His moppish hair still damp and hanging in his eyes. Byunghun handed him a can of beer and they sat on the floor of the lounge, across from one another at the small table.

“Feel better?” Byunghun asked.

“Mm.” Niel grunted noncommittally.

“Niel? Do you wanna talk about it?”

Niel flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

“Hyung… something happened…” Niel started nervously, he was scared to talk about any of it but simply couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“What happened Niel?” Byunghun’s voice sounded softly.

“I… things were going badly, Jilly and I were fighting a bit, or just not talking. She was always complaining, always tired, I was so tired of it. I felt so stuck, you know? No , no talking, no laughter. Just routines all the time. Work and seeing you guys and work.” Niel heaved a sigh thinking about how miserable he’d been for the last year. “Then something happened. I… I did something…”

Byunghun remained silent, waiting patiently for Niel to continue.

“I kissed someone else.” Niel admitted in a light voice. It felt wonderful to finally say it aloud. Niel glanced at Byunghun to read his reaction, his friend was quiet and thoughtful. Niel continued, “And then everything was different. It was like I woke up from a trance. And I saw Jilly. And I saw myself… And we just weren’t happy. We were so unhappy, but staying together. I fought it for a while. I thought ‘No, no it’ll get better.’ But it didn’t.”

Niel sat up again and sipped his beer. Byunghun stared into the black opening of the can for a long moment.

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JooHunnit
#1
Chapter 27: This...this was one of the best things i have ever read
Really amazing writing, superb plot- placement and everything was perfect. I loved every character and....it was really spectacular.
IHaveRuinedMyLife
#2
Chapter 27: WOW! Just wow! It's been so long since I read a great, chaptered Teen Top fic, that I almost forgot that this is what I'm living for ㅋㅋ it's just that people don't seem to write them anymore... which is too sad ㅠㅠ
But it also means that I'm incredibly thankful you wrote this story!! I loved it so so so so much!! I'd even go so far, saying it is the best Teen Top fic I've read in... probably two years. I loved your way of describing the characters and the dynamics of each couple. ChangRick was SO ADORABLE in here~~ and ChunJoe were so bittersweet at first and perfect towards the end ♡ as for N.A.P.... it actually drove me crazy ㅋㅋ the moment Minsoo stood Niel up I was literally screaming at my phone ㅋㅋ but it also turned out to be so cute and fluffy and just the right amount of sap xD
so yeah... thumbs up for this!!! thank you so much for sharing~~ (and please continue writing Teen Top fics!! I sometimes feel like I'm the only person with an ongoing Teen Top fic that nobody even reads... it's sad... we need more Teen Top again~~)
chunjixbyungie
#3
Chapter 27: Do i have one ? Rofl . Byunghun can be hilarious sometimes ! I really liked the staring part and the whole what are you staring at.. Why ..because i like them .
Byunghun blushing and playing with the carpet too . very natural ~ he actually confessed first ! How surprising ! It was funny when chanhee said bec you are my best friend lol i bet Byunghun felt his stomach drop . That aside though , I get why he got angry the first time . i mean .. I may too with chanhee laughing in such situation . but the second time i was like .. does he have split personality ?
What angered him in " you better get used to it "?
The part where chanhee thought the doubts would come back but he'd be there to chase them off was so sweet and perfect as a closure ! Really liked it .
And of course we can't forget niel's part . so enjoyable and so funny * thumbs up *
chunjixbyungie
#4
Chapter 26: your brain is fantastically bad at sticking to one project and mine is that way with procrastination , which explains why I just got to read this NOW . I have no word to describe how fluffy and adorable ( Chanhee calling Byung a marshmallow is seriously the best thing ever ) this was ( realistic too ) Byunghun's thoughts about niel having everything he himself lacks and still being scared , unsure of himself .
it's ironic how someone may seem to lead a happy life when they are in fact being bullied .
I'll see you in about four months when i stop being lazy and finally read the next ch .
Dotoriji
#5
Chapter 27: My hearttttt is melting!!! This confession honestly explains so much more why Byunghun was the way that he was throughout the story... his doubts and insecurities. I love how Byunghun was the first to confess and say “I love you” but chanhee was the one to reassure him and really be there to chase Byunghun’s doubts away. Ahhh they’re just perfect for each other <3
Dotoriji
#6
Chapter 26: This is so sweet!!! Ahhhh I love this friendship T^T
Papoufruits
#7
Chapter 25: It felt a little sad that it's completed, though I'm really GLAD it is in a way too, haha. Unfinished fanfics are the worst sometimes... anyway, I love the theme of this story and how you wanted to include everyone's point of view. It kept the interest going.

As a suggestion, I'd love to read more about Byunghun and Chanhee's story when they were younger and how their relationship developed (maybe that's what you meant with "Byunghun's confession story"?). Thank you for this lovely story and can't wait to read more from you! <3
chunjixbyungie
#8
Chapter 25: Waah... Such a sweet ,satisfying ending ~
I enjoyed every moment of it !
Happiness was practically radiating from everyone . Minsoo's thoughts were so heartwarming along with Niel's of course whereas Jonghyun and Changhyun were so cute ~
Byunghun and chanhee ... Well the part when bh thought 11 years hadn't changed anything and not an even eternity will . * squeals *
It's awesome how you managed in just 25 chapters to write a story that's not rushed and not slow-paced either . It was perfect .
Thank you for sharing it with us !
<3
Dotoriji
#9
Chapter 25: I am so emotional omg I can't believe it's finished ㅜㅜ
The ending is perfect they're all together and happy...
I don't even know where to begin how to describe how much I enjoyed reading this story and just looking forward to the updates every week ahh I'm going to miss it
Thank you for making the ending so wonderful ㅜㅜ
Chanhee & byunghuns long strong relationship... it's like I can feel the love through the screen;; it's just so precious;; I definitely would love to read about byunghun's confession! (oh and if you're taking requests maybe about their first time?? askfkskdk)
Okay and Changhyun and Jonghyun can they be anymore cute?!? Throughout the whole story they were just so into each other and ugh the best. Now they both have rings to propose to each other! I wonder how that'll turn out lol
Niel being so happy for his best friends and minsu being happy for his new younger brothers made me so emotional ㅜㅜ those two are the perfect match and just so attached to each other seeing them so in love is so heartwarming like they finally found the one they've been looking for their whole lives~

Thank you again for writing this wonderful story!
I enjoyed it so much and I'll definitely be coming back to re-read it~!! <3
lazyfaceu #10
Chapter 25: i'm crying oh my god i screamed when i saw the "completed" status on this book