Part 2 - Chapter 12

I Wanna Love
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A/N: Hi everyone! This is a note to say that my editor couldn't get to this chapter because she's like a week overdue to have her baby (soooo inconsiderate :p) Anyway, this chapter hasn't been edited by anyone but me, and I miss things so I'm sorry if there are any glaring mistakes.

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TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS AND SLIGHT MENTION OF ABUSE

12

Niel sat on a plush lounge in the lobby of an expensive hotel. His knee jiggled as he waited, feeling impatient and a little out of place. Not so long ago Niel would have felt rather at home surrounded by expensive art and antique furniture; now he was bored and knew it was all fakery. He was waiting for Chanhee to finish, they were scheduled to go to dinner and have a chat about the previous day.

Byunghun had ended up refusing to say anything more but Niel hoped that his outburst had at least diffused some of the pressure. Byunghun always attacked Niel’s family wealth when he felt cornered. Niel found he didn’t mind anymore. It had once been a sore point for both of them, Niel had grown up with everything and knew nothing. Byunghun had grown up with less than nothing but (in Niel’s eyes) knew everything. Niel was proud of how much he had matured.

Despite being proud of himself for not rising to Byunghun’s bait, Niel was concerned about his friend. They still hadn’t really said anything. There was no new information for Niel to work with. Byunghun had abandonment issues, he already knew that. Niel didn’t know how to fix that, that was always Chanhee’s job.

So, why was there a problem?

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Changhyun walked through the close buildings holding his phone tightly in his fist, knuckles white. This was not the best neighbourhood. The tall buildings either side were rundown with loud convenience stores and open-faced café-bars on the street level. Changhyun was sure this building was actually an industrial warehouse too. He slipped in the dark door, feeling as though he was stepping into a horror movie.

Jesus, I’m toast, the cute, dumb one always dies first, he thought, fear lining his face. He found the staircase Jonghyun had described in his text and began the climb to the next level where the apartments should be. The stairs were dark and dank, they switched back on themselves half way up with a tiny landing in between. A single yellow globe lit the way from the upper-floor. Changhyun reached the landing at the same time as someone above obscured the light. He let out a squeak of fright.

Heavy boots sounded in a rhythm as the person above him trotted down the stairs. Changhyun shrunk in fear.

“Hey there, Changhyun.” Minsu’s deep voice sounded from the step above him. Changhyun felt his soul leave his body. He sagged.

“Oh, hey,” He managed weakly.

Minsu chuckled darkly.

“Jong is still up there, doing his hair. I’m going out for a smoke. Did you want to come with me? There isn’t much room up there.” Minsu offered. Changhyun couldn’t help but feel that everything sounded ominous in that mumbling baritone Minsu had.

“Uh…” Changhyun floundered.

“I don’t bite. And trust me, it’s a mess up there. Come on.” Minsu motioned for Changhyun to follow him back down the narrow stairs. With a longing glance up at the light, Changhyun turned and followed the elder back to the street.

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Byunghun’s eyes stared vacantly at the television screen; zombies shuffled towards the bimbo as she screamed in poorly portrayed terror. He barely registered as the protagonist wielded his shotgun and splattered zombie on the wall. He was preoccupied with his thoughts. His first buddy shift with Jonghyun had been that morning. He had found it oddly satisfying to teach Jonghyun about coffee. A small part of his mind told him it was because he had taken Niel’s advice and tried to have a little faith, but Byunghun dismissed it.

Jonghyun was waiting for him when he reached the café that morning; standing casually in a God-awful leopard print jacket that, surprisingly, suited him. He smiled as he caught sight of Byunghun and bowed in greeting.

“Good morning sunbae.” He said politely.

Byunghun grunted in reply, not quite awake without his coffee. Jonghyun seemed unperturbed by his rudeness.

Once inside Byunghun switched on the coffee machine to heat, Jonghyun followed like a duckling. With a heavy sigh Byunghun turned to look up at the younger.

“Ok, morning jobs are: turn the machine on to heat, check your milk supply, check your take away cups, fetch the beans.” Byunghun felt himself smile in a menacing way, “Fetch boy, fetch!” He instructed.

“Fetching!” Jonghyun pretended to salute and turned to head into the kitchen towards the bean storage. Byunghun smiled in spite of himself, at least Jonghyun could take a joke. As Jonghyun was fetching, Byunghun restocked his takeaway cups and opened the door for Lola. She scowled and stalked into the office to stow her bag and coat. When she emerged, she was tying her apron around her waist. Byunghun didn’t bother to greet her, none of them talked until the first shot had been poured.

Jonghyun returned, arms loaded up with bags of beans. Byunghun indicated the space beneath the coffee machine for him to set them down.

“Beans go in there. We only open bags as we need them. It’s too humid here to keep the beans out, they oxidise and it changes the flavour.” Byunghun instructed, rubbing his tired eyes. Jonghyun nodded silently. “Now we need milk.” He led the way into the kitchen waving sleepily to Elton. Elton waved a knife in reply before returning to his chopping. Byunghun and Jonghyun carried a few bottles each and returned to the machine.

“Now. Beans go in the grinder. Grinder goes on.” The machine whirred loudly, “Grind goes in the portafilter.” He clacked the brown dust out, “Tamp it down a bit. And the portafilter goes into the machine. You have 4 seconds to pour the shot or its ed.” Byunghun secured the filter in the machine and pushed the button, whipping a cup beneath it efficiently. When the shot was poured, he splashed a little milk in and handed it to Lola as she stalked past.

“Your turn.” Byunghun said wearily.

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Jonghyun shifted his hair meticulously, running the gel through again to keep it in place. Changhyun would be there any minute. Jonghyun wasn’t sure that he wanted his boyfriend to see this place. There was no room for anything other than the bare necessities and no matter how hard he tried his clothes just spread across the small floorspace. Not to mention two men living in a small space with no windows, it was musty in here. Jonghyun couldn’t wait to find a new place. He knew Changhyun would faint if he saw the way Jonghyun lived at the moment. Changhyun kept his apartment neat and tidy, he had mentioned to Jong once that mess gave him anxiety.

Minsu had already gone out for a cigarette so Jonghyun collected his new favourite jacket and the keys. Slipping his wallet into a pocket he flicked the bare light off and locked the door as he left. He sauntered down the hallway towards the staircase. Tonight was huge for Minsu, Jonghyun knew that his hyung was nervous. He had stepped out for a cigarette about 12 times in the last 2 hours.

Jonghyun wasn’t worried though, he knew that the set would be awesome. Minsu had already played some of it for him and Jonghyun had freestyled to it.

It’s going to be a fantastic night, Jonghyun thought as he descended the stairs. Lord knows I need it after this morning.

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Chanhee finished up in his office, setting the last of his paperwork in the communications book for the night manager to review later. He collected his overcoat from the cupboard in the corner and left the office. He emerged behind the reception desk and spotted Niel in the lobby. His dongsaeng wore his favourite trench coat, a shiny satin with flashes of colour showing through the dark navy, and drainpipe jeans. Niel almost always looked good (outside his own apartment), and he fit right into the expensive surroundings of the hotel.

Chanhee caught his eye and waved. Niel stood and met him halfway to the doors.

“Hi hyung, how was work?” Niel asked.

“It was fine. Normal. Let’s go. Sorry I’m a bit late.” Chanhee said quickly, motioning for Niel to leave first.

“Have things with that other manager gotten better?” Niel asked as they stepped onto the street.

“Yeah. He’s still learning, but at least he seems to be trying now.” Chanhee nodded. “What happened with Byunghun?” He asked impatiently.

Niel stayed quiet for a moment and then sighed. Chanhee held back his irritation.

“Not a whole lot really. I mean I told you the basics yesterday. He got really worked up over this new guy at work, said he didn’t want to work with him. Then asked how to stop being so standoffish all the time and when I gave my advice he went off.” Niel shrugged when Chanhee looked at him hopefully. “Said all the usual stuff. Insulted my family, told me I knew nothing, all that stuff.”

Chanhee nodded, that sounded like Byunghun. It was strange that the new person at his work was the trigger though. Niel continued as they approached the restaurant.

“Then something weird happened, like I said yesterday, he went all quiet and started crying and was talking about being abandoned by people.” Niel sighed heavily. “I didn’t know what else to do so I just hugged him until he pushed me away, grabbed his bag and left. I assumed he went home.”

Chanhee nodded again, feeling a strangling, pulling sensation in his chest. They remained quiet as they were shown to a table and brought menus. When the waiter had retreated they simply stared at one another in shock.

“I don’t know what’s going on with him.” Chanhee mumbled, opening his menu.

“Me either. I thought it was just a little rough patch. Like one or two fights but this is serious, isn’t it?” Niel asked, not bothering with his own menu yet.

Chanhee looked away from him. Slowly, painfully, he nodded.

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Minsu led Changhyun out onto the street. He was trying not to laugh at how terrified the smaller man had been inside. The hilarious image of Changhyun cringing in fright was still fresh in his mind though and keeping his thoughts away from the nerves he felt about the upcoming gig. He let out a little laugh and turned to face his friend’s boyfriend. He could see Changhyun was blushing, even in the dim light.

Minsu found his cigarettes in one of his many pockets and the lighter in another and put a cigarette between his lips. Before returning them to his pocket he offered one to Changhyun.

“Sorry for startling you in there.” He said, motioning for Changhyun to have a smoke if he wanted one. The shorter man considered the cigarettes for a moment before extracting one and holding out his hand for the lighter too. Minsu was mildly surprised. He hadn’t expected Changhyun to take one.

“It’s ok.” Changhyun shrugged, lighting the cigarette. “This isn’t my usual neighbourhood. I’m a little uncomfortable.” He grinned toothily, holding the smoke with flair.

“It doesn’t seem like you come here often.” Minsu chuckled.

“Are you excited?” Changhyun changed the subject.

“Mm. I guess,” Minsu let out a sigh.

“Nerves?” Changhyun took a drag of his cigarette.

Minsu nodded. He felt terrified. But excited. And completely terrified.

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Niel heaved a sigh and opened his menu. He had wanted to talk to his best friends about his recent revelations about his uality, but the timing was off. Whatever was happening with Byunghun overshadowed everything else at the moment.

Byunghun had always been sensitive about new people in his life. Only pure desperation and fear that they would be homeless had led to Byunghun begging for a job in the café. Even after he got the job he spent a good 6 months warming up to the rest of the people that worked there. The only exceptions Niel had ever known of were Chanhee and himself.

“Do you think it’s this new guy at work?” Niel asked, finally browsing his menu.

“I don’t know…” Chanhee replied, shutting his menu again and toying with the knife by his bread plate.

“Have you already decided?” Niel asked, nodding to the menu.

“Mm.” Chanhee dismissed his question, he was distracted and impatient with Niel. Trying to keep his hurt muted, Niel quickly selected from the menu and shut his as well. Their waiter whisked into sight almost instantly. When they had both ordered drinks and dinner the waiter took their menus and disappeared once more. Niel waited for Chanhee to speak, but nothing came.

“Hyung? Tell me what’s been going on. Last time I talked to Byunghun he said everything was fine and it was just a rough patch. Yesterday you send me to talk to him and he screams at me. Then you order me to come to dinner with you. What is going on with you two?” Niel was leaning forward and speaking in rapid Korean. Their drinks arrived and Chanhee simply stared into his white wine, eyes vacant and glassy.

“We stopped talking just over a month ago. We had one or two fights before that but I don’t even remember what they were about. Then everything just stopped. We don’t really speak unless its dinner plans or work shifts. He’s almost never home anymore. If we both make it home and sleep in the same bed he won’t let me touch him.” Chanhee sighed, sipping his wine slowly.

Niel’s mind boggled. This was serious. The couple he knew as ‘so affectionate Niel had once left the room to cry’ were suddenly as cold as ice?

“What happened? Why did he…?” Niel was silenced by Chanhee’s look; his eyes were steely and his mouth in a thin line. “You don’t know either?”

Chanhee shook his head.

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Changhyun watched the goth fidget as he smoked; fiddling with his bag strap, rolling his lighter around in his fingers, shifting from foot to foot slightly. Now that Jonghyun wasn’t here to distract him, Changhyun could get a proper look at his friend.

He wasn’t really that tall but held himself with such a confident air that he appeared larger than he was. He was wearing a tired looking army jacket over a plain black shirt, ripped jeans and heavy combat boots. An interesting black and white bandana was tied loose around his jeans, Changhyun could see the white outline of an insect on it. His long braids were held in a half-pony style with an elastic. He seemed to notice Changhyun’s interest in his outfit and grimaced.

“Don’t tell me you think you look any less strange than I do.” Minsu joked.

“Well, there will be more people there dressed like me than you.” Changhyun replied with a shrug, blowing smoke out in a thin stream.

“That’s only because it’s a gay club.” Minsu laughed.

Changhyun looked down at his own outfit. It was one of his more outlandish choices he had to admit. He didn’t care, he pulled it off. He grinned squarely at Minsu and shrugged again. He ground his cigarette out and was looking for somewhere to leave it when Jonghyun appeared from the shadows.

“Are you smoking?” He asked loudly. Changhyun cringed a little.

“Maybe?” He replied guilty.

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Byunghun turned his phone over and over in his hands, still thinking about his morning with Jonghyun. The kid hadn’t done too badly, really. He had followed instructions well, taken everything with light-heartedness. It didn’t seem to matter how much shade Byunghun threw at him, he would let it roll off his shoulders. There had only been one moment when Jonghyun had shown anything but fierce concentration or good humour.

Feng had arrived half an hour before they usually got busy, sauntering over to Jonghyun and sizing him up. The younger had simply stared back with a blank face. Feng grinned and shrugged.

“Yeah, he’ll do.” She turned to Byunghun, “Alright, I’ve beaten you four days in a row, are you ready for this?”

Jonghyun looked confused. Lola appeared with a box of Animal Crackers, shaking it ominously. Byunghun held his breath and reached into the box, hiding his animal from Feng and Lola. He flashed it to Jonghyun quickly between his palms before covering it again. Feng picked her own animal, smirking in a cocky way. Lola stepped back and shook the box again. She reached in and pulled out a cracker.

“Elephant!” She cried, like they were playing Bingo. Both Feng and Byung shook their heads. Lola chose another biscuit. “Kangaroo!”

Byunghun jumped up and down in victory, waving his Kangaroo cracker at Feng with relish. Feng scowled and bit the head off her losing rhino.

“Ah ha ha ha ha!” Byunghun taunted.

“What does that mean?” Jonghyun asked Lola quietly.

“It means!” Byunghun said loudly at Feng, “We get to run the coffee machine all day and she has to help Lola when she isn’t making coffee. Ha ha.” Byunghun poked his tongue out.

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JooHunnit
#1
Chapter 27: This...this was one of the best things i have ever read
Really amazing writing, superb plot- placement and everything was perfect. I loved every character and....it was really spectacular.
IHaveRuinedMyLife
#2
Chapter 27: WOW! Just wow! It's been so long since I read a great, chaptered Teen Top fic, that I almost forgot that this is what I'm living for ㅋㅋ it's just that people don't seem to write them anymore... which is too sad ㅠㅠ
But it also means that I'm incredibly thankful you wrote this story!! I loved it so so so so much!! I'd even go so far, saying it is the best Teen Top fic I've read in... probably two years. I loved your way of describing the characters and the dynamics of each couple. ChangRick was SO ADORABLE in here~~ and ChunJoe were so bittersweet at first and perfect towards the end ♡ as for N.A.P.... it actually drove me crazy ㅋㅋ the moment Minsoo stood Niel up I was literally screaming at my phone ㅋㅋ but it also turned out to be so cute and fluffy and just the right amount of sap xD
so yeah... thumbs up for this!!! thank you so much for sharing~~ (and please continue writing Teen Top fics!! I sometimes feel like I'm the only person with an ongoing Teen Top fic that nobody even reads... it's sad... we need more Teen Top again~~)
chunjixbyungie
#3
Chapter 27: Do i have one ? Rofl . Byunghun can be hilarious sometimes ! I really liked the staring part and the whole what are you staring at.. Why ..because i like them .
Byunghun blushing and playing with the carpet too . very natural ~ he actually confessed first ! How surprising ! It was funny when chanhee said bec you are my best friend lol i bet Byunghun felt his stomach drop . That aside though , I get why he got angry the first time . i mean .. I may too with chanhee laughing in such situation . but the second time i was like .. does he have split personality ?
What angered him in " you better get used to it "?
The part where chanhee thought the doubts would come back but he'd be there to chase them off was so sweet and perfect as a closure ! Really liked it .
And of course we can't forget niel's part . so enjoyable and so funny * thumbs up *
chunjixbyungie
#4
Chapter 26: your brain is fantastically bad at sticking to one project and mine is that way with procrastination , which explains why I just got to read this NOW . I have no word to describe how fluffy and adorable ( Chanhee calling Byung a marshmallow is seriously the best thing ever ) this was ( realistic too ) Byunghun's thoughts about niel having everything he himself lacks and still being scared , unsure of himself .
it's ironic how someone may seem to lead a happy life when they are in fact being bullied .
I'll see you in about four months when i stop being lazy and finally read the next ch .
Dotoriji
#5
Chapter 27: My hearttttt is melting!!! This confession honestly explains so much more why Byunghun was the way that he was throughout the story... his doubts and insecurities. I love how Byunghun was the first to confess and say “I love you” but chanhee was the one to reassure him and really be there to chase Byunghun’s doubts away. Ahhh they’re just perfect for each other <3
Dotoriji
#6
Chapter 26: This is so sweet!!! Ahhhh I love this friendship T^T
Papoufruits
#7
Chapter 25: It felt a little sad that it's completed, though I'm really GLAD it is in a way too, haha. Unfinished fanfics are the worst sometimes... anyway, I love the theme of this story and how you wanted to include everyone's point of view. It kept the interest going.

As a suggestion, I'd love to read more about Byunghun and Chanhee's story when they were younger and how their relationship developed (maybe that's what you meant with "Byunghun's confession story"?). Thank you for this lovely story and can't wait to read more from you! <3
chunjixbyungie
#8
Chapter 25: Waah... Such a sweet ,satisfying ending ~
I enjoyed every moment of it !
Happiness was practically radiating from everyone . Minsoo's thoughts were so heartwarming along with Niel's of course whereas Jonghyun and Changhyun were so cute ~
Byunghun and chanhee ... Well the part when bh thought 11 years hadn't changed anything and not an even eternity will . * squeals *
It's awesome how you managed in just 25 chapters to write a story that's not rushed and not slow-paced either . It was perfect .
Thank you for sharing it with us !
<3
Dotoriji
#9
Chapter 25: I am so emotional omg I can't believe it's finished ㅜㅜ
The ending is perfect they're all together and happy...
I don't even know where to begin how to describe how much I enjoyed reading this story and just looking forward to the updates every week ahh I'm going to miss it
Thank you for making the ending so wonderful ㅜㅜ
Chanhee & byunghuns long strong relationship... it's like I can feel the love through the screen;; it's just so precious;; I definitely would love to read about byunghun's confession! (oh and if you're taking requests maybe about their first time?? askfkskdk)
Okay and Changhyun and Jonghyun can they be anymore cute?!? Throughout the whole story they were just so into each other and ugh the best. Now they both have rings to propose to each other! I wonder how that'll turn out lol
Niel being so happy for his best friends and minsu being happy for his new younger brothers made me so emotional ㅜㅜ those two are the perfect match and just so attached to each other seeing them so in love is so heartwarming like they finally found the one they've been looking for their whole lives~

Thank you again for writing this wonderful story!
I enjoyed it so much and I'll definitely be coming back to re-read it~!! <3
lazyfaceu #10
Chapter 25: i'm crying oh my god i screamed when i saw the "completed" status on this book