Ever since she was young, Yerim was never truly able to get a good night’s rest. She would lie awake, staring at her ceiling, willing her overactive mind to quiet for just a moment so she could close her eyes. She’d tried literally everything. From herbal remedies to melatonin supplements to meditation, there seemed to be no way for her to comfortably enjoy the sweet embrace of sleep.

Her mother attributed it to the fact that she was never home. That the ever-changing environment of the SM dorms coupled with the increasing pressure on her to perform was too much for her young mind to handle. That her brain was just so used to being on overdrive that it didn’t have an “off” function. It was true that she had the most trouble sleeping when she was moved somewhere new, but Yerim would never admit that her mother was right. She couldn’t go home now, not after all she’d been through. After all the literal blood, sweat, and tears that were put into her singing and dancing career. After all the false hope of possibly debuting that year, only to be told she was too young and that the newest SM girl group, Red Velvet, would debut as a four-person group instead of five.

Yerim could still remember the night that she’d been told the news, could still remember how she’d cried herself to sleep in her dorm, all the other girls ignoring her muffled sobs. The female trainees had all become increasingly spiteful towards her since she’d been (possibly) chosen to debut with the group. Even though she’d been rejected, they still harbored a sense of resentment that made the young girl feel both confused and angry at the same time. The only ones she’d been able to take solace in were Seulgi, Joohyun, Sooyoung, and Seungwan; and they were leaving her behind. And she was going to be all alone. She hadn’t slept for days after that.

But now, it was different. Now, she lay in a bed across from Joohyun Bae herself, the girl regarded with both envy and adoration from her fellow trainees back when she was a rookie. Now, Yerim was living in a dorm with the four girls who’d treated her the best, the four girls who she’d wanted to debut with so badly, the four girls who provided her some measure of solace in the sea of hate that had washed over her following her failure to debut. Everything paid off in the end.

So why was she still unable to go to sleep? She’d slept a cumulative six hours during the previous two nights, so it was only logical that she should be absolutely exhausted, right? Nope. Her stupid brain had to keep her stupid awake, on the stupid night before SM announced her joining the group. She found herself beating her pillow with her fists, her eyes filling with tears of anger and frustration at her inability to just fall asleep. It was almost four o’clock in the morning, she had to be up in less than three hours in order to get ready, and here she was, wide awake and crying. Th