His shoes halt before the white hotel door, and he reaches up and knocks three times. It takes a moment before the door swings open revealing Jongin in that lavish white tuxedo. 

With a wave, Jongin invites him inside, “I’m almost ready,”

His steady footsteps follow Jongin further into the room and they stop behind the groom who examines his suit in a body-length mirror, “What do you think?”

“You look very handsome,”

“Thank you, I’m hoping everyone is focused on Jiyoon though, because I’m nothing but nerves right now.” Jongin loosens his tie and pats down his suit jacket, “Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“I will, soon...I wanted to tell you something Jongin,”

“Oh, okay, let’s sit for a second then,” After repositioning themselves beside each other on the bed, Kyungsoo slightly turns his body to face the groom. “So what is it?”

Kyungsoo grabs Jongin’s palm in a loose hold and squeezes it gently, “Things between us have been great, haven't they?” Jongin nods, “You know I remember when I first met you and I was in the library. You sat down at my table for no reason at all--”

“That’s where you're wrong,” He interjects, “I had a reason,”

“And what was that?”

“Someone told me that you had the best notes in the school, so I wanted to copy them,” Jongin playfully says, and Kyungsoo lightly chuckles.

“You're hopeless,”

“No, but seriously, I sat in that chair because you were always alone,”

“I know, and I’m thankful for that. You're a really great guy, and Jiyoon is lucky to have you,”

“Thanks Soo,”

“I’m proud of you Jongin...I’m so very proud of you. I wanted you to know that I’m always rooting for your happiness. This is what makes you happy and I would never want to see you hurt or sad. Do you know that?” 

“Same for you. I’m happy that you’ve helped us with everything. What could I have done without you, really? I say that all the time and I mean it every time,” Jongin squeezes his palm. 

“You wouldn't get much done, I’m the best at this,”

“Someone clearly has ego issues,”

Kyungsoo smiles which soon fades from his lips into a serious expression, “Jongin…” Said man looks at him expectantly, “Live a happy life, okay?” Jongin hesitates with his nod, but he nods regardless. 

“I will…” He says. Though it seems he wanted to say something more, Kyungsoo doesn’t allow him to continue. With another squeeze of Jongin’s palm, he stands to leave. He promptly returns to his room before taking the elevator to the lobby. 

In the lobby, Kyungsoo finds Baekhyun lingering near the main receptionist desk. 

“Hey Soo, what did you call me down here for?”

Kyungsoo places a manila folder and a folded piece of paper in Baekhyun's hand, “Here,” Is all he offers in response which thoroughly confuses the other. Kyungsoo turns on his heels to exit out the building, but his steps halt in the middle of the automatic sliding doors, “And Baekhyun…” He opens his mouth to continue, but simply closes it before giving the planner a terse nod. 

The perplexed look on Baekhyun’s face doesn’t yield until he unfolds the piece of paper in his palm which read:

Make sure Jongin and Jiyoon are happy. 
Take it from here.
I’m sorry.

When Baekhyun lifts his head, Kyungsoo is nowhere to be found.

He’s gone.


 

2 Weeks Later
 

The atmosphere wraps him in warmth which spills into an ambience of soft jazz and smooth blues. At Giulia's Lounge, he sits at the bar with a glass of whiskey in his palm and drinks his problems away as though he would never see another day.

The songs playing in the background bring along memories he rather leave to the back of his mind, but it marvels it so, how quickly those memories are to surface as if they happened yesterday. It does nothing to heal his aching heart or mend his broken soul. But there’s an odd comfort in lying inside misery and wallowing in self-pity. 

Just when you think you’ve hit the worst part, there seems to be a bit more to explore within your heart. That’s how heartbreaks feels. It’s a void, a dark pit in which you fall. 

The void itself isn’t what bothers Kyungsoo--not the steep blackness which is as deep as the agony he feels; not the absence of sound that stifles his deafening cries for help in this abyss of nothingness. None of these things truly bother Kyungsoo, but there is one thing.

It never ends. 

Kyungsoo doesn't know how long he’s been falling or whether he’ll ever reach the bottom, and the prospects of descending forever is what most frightens him. There’s no way out, there’s no end to this suffering.

He feels his head throb as he thinks about everything over the past months. Tears swell in his eyes for the nth time today while sitting on this barstool. He’s certain there’s a limit to drinking alcohol and maybe he’s reached it, but he wants to go further. To wash away his sorrows so that when he emerges from the ocean this time, he could be born anew. But he doesn’t take into the fact that there’s a very slim chance of being saved. Jongin isn’t here to pull him from the water.

His life is a collection of rough tides, vigorous and relentless currents that no one is willing to jump into. He is a series of radical waves rushing to a shoreline in search of land to latch onto. But he doesn’t--he couldn’t--and out to sea he drifts again.

“You’ve been drinking all night.” Kyungsoo hears someone say, but he thinks the words are directed toward someone else. Without giving a response, he brings the glass to his lips and chugs the alcohol in one go. After slamming the glass onto the bar, he raises a hand intending to call the bartender, but the stranger speaks again. “I think you’ve reached your limit.” His voice is closer now, and Kyungsoo notices that the man is indeed speaking to him. His ability to talk isn’t one he has at the moment, but he numbly nods in agreement. He’s been drowning for hours and maybe it’s time to allow his body to float to the surface.

All of the emotions come at once, and he feels his heart clench tightly. The swelling tears release down his cheeks, flowing over his delicate skin until they drop to his shirt. He doesn’t realize that he’s crying again until the warm pad of someone’s finger gently brushes his cheek. It’s soft and caring, the man’s touch.

Kyungsoo blinks and lifts his clouded gaze to find a distorted face. He blinks again, slowly running away the remaining tears which does nothing to help the spin of the room and how his head mercilessly pounds. 

Again, those fingertips swipe and caress his cheek in soft . Kyungsoo drops his gaze, damp eyelashes weighing heavy with cheeks coloring deep crimson. This is embarrassing and he knows how much of a mess he must appear to this stranger. It’s not something he’s proud of; to be at a bar alone drinking his troubles away. But it feels so good, and Kyungsoo wants nothing more than to feel good right now. 

“Kyungsoo,” His eyes return to the man’s face, and this time it’s much clearer. His vision focuses on the features engraved into his mind, those heavenly features that he loves so much. Kyungsoo inhales a quick breath as his eyes behold a man who shouldn’t be with him at this moment. “Kyungsoo, let’s stop now, and get you home.” He doesn't make any movements and remains seated. “Come on, I’ll take you. You’ve had enough.” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how, and he doesn't know why, but he complies with ease. It’s like Jongin possesses an utterance that invokes power over him, and makes him bend to his will. Even in the state of intoxication, he follows in his lead without question. 

Jongin supports his weight as they leave the bar and walk to his car. Kyungsoo doesn’t last five minutes into the car ride before he falls into sleep’s embrace. 






Instead of a ruthless migraine which assaults his head, it’s the twists and turns of his stomach that rouses him from his deep slumber. His eyes blink open, and he takes in the off-white colored ceiling. His head turns, dazed eyes falling upon navy sheets which he’s certain don’t belong to him. There’s a shuffle of feet walking toward the room, and Kyungsoo maneuvers to a sitting position on the bed. 

As he flips the sheets from over his legs, Jongin walks inside and stops when he sees that Kyungsoo is awake. 

It’s like a dream, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do other than gape. He hasn’t seen Jongin in two weeks and here he is, looking radiant and fresh in a white t-shirt and jeans.

“I’m glad that you’re awake,” Jongin says as he walks further inside.

“Yea,” Kyungsoo replies through confusion while looking over the striped pajama pants and t-shirt. Why is he at Jongin’s apartment? And why is he dressed in Jongin’s pajamas?

“I had to change you out of your clothes because you puked on them,” Jongin says, as though he could read Kyungsoo’s mind. The CEO figures that he must have been plastered last night because he doesn’t remember much of what happened. 

But that’s not what’s important right now. 

He hasn’t talked to Jongin in two weeks and fear begins to assemble inside his stomach. When coupled with the nauseous feeling, he just may hurl again. 

“How…” He doesn’t know what to ask first and tapers off. Jongin soundlessly moves toward the bed and digs a hand inside the nightstand drawer. He removes a book. 

The book is ivory with a golden line traveling down its side. A book that Kyungsoo has held in his palms during many nights before he went to sleep. 

His eyes widen in shock as Jongin walks to his side of the bed. The pediatrician sits on the mattress, and Kyungsoo involuntarily moves back to create space between them. His mind is a jumbled mess as he thinks about the entries in his journal. His most sacred thoughts, and how he felt about the wedding lies inside. If Jongin has read them, then he knows everything. 

Jongin stares at the wall in front of him, “You know, I always thought I was such an upstanding guy,” He begins, breaking Kyungsoo from his torturous thoughts, “I always had a sense of preservation when it came to others, but when I saw this…” He places the book on the bed and slides it to Kyungsoo’s side, “I found it in your hotel room.”

Kyungsoo couldn’t breathe. Over the past two weeks, he looked everywhere for this diary and thought he lost it at the airport. If any random stranger found it, he could live with that. There was no way they would know his identity and under that anonymity, he felt safe. 

But in the hands of Jongin, he feels as though his life is over. 

“I told myself not to read it, but I needed to know why you left. When I saw Baekhyun, he told me that you had an emergency and had to leave. But I knew you wouldn’t leave without telling me, I was certain…” Jongin brings his gaze to look at him, “I rushed to your hotel room to see if I could catch you before you left, but you were already gone. Then, I saw this book lying on the floor just under the nightstand. It’s a diary, I know your handwriting anywhere. And I tried to respect your privacy, I fought hard...but I needed to know,”

The walls begin to close in on him, smothering him within its clutches. His breath staggers, and his fingers tremble as he begins to feel lightheaded. This couldn’t be happening to him right now.

“I sat on the bed with my tuxedo still on, and I started from the beginning until the last entry…” 

“So you know...” He hears himself speak, and Jongin nods. There isn’t anything to hide anymore and it’s oddly liberating to Kyungsoo. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to steady the violent thumps of his heart. The subtle tremors of his fingers begin to dwindle as well. 

Everything is done. There’s no turning back now, and a deep part of Kyungsoo feels that this is fate at work. Perhaps, this needed to happen for his emotions to finally reach Jongin. 

“I don’t understand,” Jongin’s gaze is rich and deep with worry, “How could you do that? How could you allow me to do this to you?” Tears begin to accumulate in Jongin’s eyes, “Answer me Soo,”

“It’s simple...because I love you, Jongin,” There, he’s finally said it, and it’s every bit as satisfying as he imagined. 

“I hurt you,” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” He mutters.

“But, Kyungsoo. Do you know that when someone hurts you, you begin to love them less?” A single tear rolls down Jongin’s cheek. If he fears that Kyungsoo harbors no feelings of love toward him, then Jongin has deeply misunderstood the CEO. Kyungsoo loves him all the same, purely, passionately and unconditionally. There’s nothing Jongin could have done for him to ever stop loving this man. 

“I loved you then, and I still love you now,” He says, but it does nothing to placate Jongin whose tears now stream down his face. 

“But I can’t help but feel that I’ve changed you. I’m the reason you’re this way. It all makes sense now. When something was off with you but I couldn’t figure it out. God, I’m so stupid.”

“Jongin, you’re not stupid. You did what made you happy, and I could never fault you for that. Do you remember what I said back in the hotel room? I meant every word,”

“I know, but I still can’t help--”

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo reaches up to caresses his cheek. “It’s okay,” He swipes the tears from the other’s face with a small smile. It brings along a memory of Jongin doing this very same thing to him the night before.

“It took me hours to finish reading your diary...” He says, and it’s in this moment when Kyungsoo truly listens to what he’s saying. 

He missed it before. He didn’t think much of it because it seemed improbable, it simply couldn’t be true. His eyes move downward until they reach Jongin’s left hand. There’s no wedding band, and Kyungsoo stares as realization dawns upon him. 

“You didn’t get married?” He asks, eyes still transfixed on the ringless finger. 

“I didn’t,”

“Is there a reason?”

“I couldn’t,”

“You loved her,”

“I did,”

“Then why?”

“I love someone else more,” Jongin grabs his hand, and Kyungsoo’s entire body begins to shake, “I never thought about it, but you’ve been there all along...”

“J-jongin d-don’t. Don’t do this to me,” Kyungsoo feels a tug on his heart which pulls tears to his eyes. This moment feels surreal, like he’s wandering in a daydream that he’s once envisioned before.

“I mean every word,” He moves closer to Kyungsoo’s side on the mattress, “Listen to me, when I read your diary, I began to understand you more. I could feel your emotions and in response to that, I finally realized my own. It wasn’t an epiphany, Soo. Why do you think I haven’t contacted you all this time? I thought about if for weeks, trying to understand my own feelings. And when I did, I knew I had made the right decision…I loved Jiyoon, but the feelings I have for you are much deeper, stronger. I feel ashamed that it took me so long to look at you. To finally see you. You were always there and I took that for granted, but I want to make it up to you, if you will allow me,” He takes a deep breath, “I love you Kyungsoo, I love everything about you.”

Kyungsoo longs to say something. He had always thought that if this moment was to ever present itself, he would jump for joy. However, he never assumed how the experience would feel while it happened. Denial of the situation hits him hard, but the more he allows Jongin’s words to sink in, the closer he is pulled into this reality. 

“I couldn’t get married because my feelings weren’t the same the moment I began reading. I wavered, and I wasn’t certain anymore, so I couldn’t marry her...Kyungsoo, please say something,”

“I don’t know what to say.” He means it when he says this. Speechless, his thoughts are still seized by Jongin’s words, and he tries to sort them through filters of disbelief.

“Say that you will allow me to make this up to you. Say that you will try this relationship with me because I want to try it with you. I will tell you that I love you every waking moment of every day if that’s what it takes, but just please...Please say that you will give us a chance.”

The pour of Jongin’s emotions washes over him in a profound sense of love and care. It overwhelms him, and tears of happiness rain down his face. 

He never thought he would find his happily ever after, those things only happened in fairy tales. 

Life isn’t always kind or fair, he knows, but he does believe in miracles. He is certain that there is an angel watching over him to grant him such a blessing, and to fulfill his ultimate wish. 

After all of these years, his suffering has finally ended.

He clasps Jongin’s hand and interlaces their fingers, “Yes,” He whispers, and Jongin’s face breaks into a grin.

“We’ll give this a try?!” He asks in excitement.

Kyungsoo nods enthusiastically, “Yes, yes!” He feels light, his body weightless on a cloud of bliss. 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin brings his other palm to rub his cheek, “May I kiss you?”

Kyungsoo smiles, tear-stained cheeks stretching wide and eyes curving into crescents, “Please.” 

Jongin leans forward, and Kyungsoo quivers when those lips he’s yearned to feel meld with his own. Jongin’s lips are warm and soft, just as he imagined they would be. Kyungsoo allows him to lead and places his free hand on Jongin’s bicep. 

Their lips move in fluid motions, mountains of emotions spilling into the rapturous atmosphere. They kiss until the need for air forces them apart in hard breaths of elation. Staring into each other’s eyes, they engage in an unspoken conversation through the exchanges of their hearts. There isn’t much else to say because with a love as genuine as theirs, it could be felt in the air, nearly tangible. 

Kyungsoo chuckles, “This is unbelievable,”

“Not really,” Jongin says, “I mean, when I really think about it, you and I suit each other well,”

“You know, I once thought that exact same thing,”

“See? That just proves my point. Oh!” Jongin hops up from the bed and heads for his closet. He emerges with a pearly white book in his hand, “I’ve also decided to start my own diary, to be fair,” He says while taking his previous seat beside Kyungsoo, “I’ll even let you read the first entry,” Jongin hands him the book which he accepts. 

As he opens the cover, he throws an appreciative smile toward Jongin, who looks at him expectantly. Kyungsoo begins to read aloud, “September 10th, 2016. So this is kind of weird, I don’t know what to write,” He laughs loud, but continues reading, “Today was the best day ever. I was finally able to confess to Kyungsoo…” He trails off and reads the remainder of the entry in silence. His eyes become glossy as they travel the words on the page.
 

He finishes with a soft exhale, then looks at Jongin with a playful glint in his eyes, “You don’t know how much I love you by now? To the moon and back could never suffice,” 

“Are you making fun of my measurements? It says right here...” Jongin points to a line on the page, “That it could stretch through the galaxies!” He defends.

“Nope. It’s still not enough,” Kyungsoo teases.

“So we’re really doing this? Teasing people’s journal entries?” Jongin snatches Kyungsoo’s diary from the bed and hurriedly flips through the pages. He skillfully dodges Kyungsoo’s attempt to snag the book back and runs around the bedroom.

While running, Jongin begins reciting loud and clear, “Especially when I saw my personal favorite, macaroni and cheese,” He poorly imitates Kyungsoo’s voice. 

Kyungsoo chases after him, and Jongin jumps on the bed to continue running to the other side of the room.

“Hey! Give that back!” Kyungsoo trips and falls face first into the mattress, but props on all fours and crawls to the edge. He leaps toward Jongin, colliding into the pediatrician and sending them both to the ground in a disarray of limbs.

Jongin flattens out on the floor, limbs sprawled out under Kyungsoo who lies atop of his body, “So our trip to Paris was outdone by a plate of macaroni? Well I’ll be…” He says, both men breathing out puffs of air from the short sprint. There’s a beat of silence before they both erupt in laughter. It fills the entire room, and Kyungsoo is the most elated he’s ever been.

He no longer drowns or drifts in the vast ocean. Finally, his waters have calmed as he reaches a shoreline where Jongin stands waiting for him with an opened palm. They embark on a new journey founded by a love which is genuine, honest and true.

For true love is found with the person who owns your heart.










 

Epilogue

It's Christmas morning and Kyungsoo isn’t sure what to make of his boyfriend’s giddy nature. He’s only woken up moments ago but Jongin is already dressed, standing at the foot of the bed with a charming smile. This behavior would be considered creepy, but he lets it slide due to the holiday. It’s their first Christmas as a couple, after all. 

Jongin soundlessly pulls one hand from behind his back. Inside his palm is a single rose, the color of dark crimson, and he hands the flower to Kyungsoo, who accepts it with a grin. 

As he shifts into a sitting position on the bed, he says, “Thanks Jongin,” 

“That’s not all,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, anticipation at an all time high. This time, Jongin pulls a red, medium sized gift bag from behind his back and gives it to Kyungsoo. 

After rummaging through the jumbles of gift paper, Kyungsoo’s palm grabs the present. It’s a framed photo. Within the dark rectangular wood sits a picture of Minseok appearing healthy with a wide smile stretching those puffy cheeks of his.

“This is lovely,” Kyungsoo's eyes soften, “How is Minseok doing?” 

“Better. This photo was taken during a reunion with his family. I’m glad he was able to be home with them.” Jongin sits beside him on the mattress, and Kyungsoo leans over to peck his cheek. 

“That’s really wonderful. I miss him. I haven’t seen him since he moved, but it’s nice to hear that he’s doing better now. This is a great gift, Jongin.”

“There’s a bit more,” Jongin hints while pointing to the same gift bag. Kyungsoo perks up and digs a hand inside once again. When he catches the item in his fingertips, he pulls it out of the bag. 

Instantly, thunderous laughter erupts from his lips. The convulsions bubble out of him without control, “J-jongin,” He continues to laugh with his entire body, head thrown back as the humor overwhelms him, “I can’t believe this.” He stammers. 

Jongin smirks, “Hey, I never back down from a challenge.” 

Kyungsoo shakes his head with a smile. What he holds in his palm is no ordinary Christmas gift, but a thick, red and blue scarf, that is checkered with polka dots, and stripes.

A/N: Last chapter and the end! I hope you guys enjoyed the read. I will make a final note later! Comments and feedback are much appreciated! ^^