((a/n)) This chapter is dedicated to Jonghyun (SHINee) and all shawols, especially his fans. That includes me......

"Oppaaaa~" I run excitingly at the hallway. I don't care if the TV staffs look at me weirdly.

"Wwaaaa.... Haeju-da!" He receives my hug as soon as I catch him up. We're hugging not for so long tho. "It's been a while, Oppa! I'm actually surprised you still remember me!"

"You're an idol now. How can anyone not recognize you? Haha..." He looks so bright today. His white hair looks so neat, he's wearing a black coat and bringing a mic.

"Are you going to perform?" I ask.

"Ngg... Are you?"

"Yes, me too! Solo?"

"Ah, you're doing solo now? Congrats...."

"No no, I'm asking you. Are you going to perform solo?" I correct myself quickly.

"Aah.... Yes, I am. Where are the other members, Haeju?"

"Oh, you want to meet them?!" I get so excited all of sudden. That makes my cheeks warm as soon as I realize it.

"Yeah, I'd love to! I want to know what kind of friends this little girl has," He my head playfully.

"Ah, Oppa! Don't do that~ Arasseo, I will bring you but promise me to bring me meeting the other Shinee members too one day. Okay?"

He shows me his thumb and that sweet smile. "Okay!" After that, I grab his hand and lead him to our dressing room. On our way, he jokes, "So, you're into muscular boy band idols huh? My friends will be perfect for you."

"Aang~ What's wrong with you?"

"Haha... How are you, Haeju?" He suddenly asks.

"I'm fine!"

How about you?

He is so happy when I introduce him to the members. Sana, Dahyun, and Nayeon are so bubbly in front of him. Jeongyeon and Tzuyu treat him really friendly. Chaeyoung looks so shy in front him, especially when she asks his photograph on Chaeyoung's secret Jonghyun Oppa's solo album. Jihyo kindly introduces everyone to him. Mina gives him our latest album. He asks us to sign it. "Aren't you going to ask for their phone numbers too?"

"I can ask you that later," He whispers but we all can hear that. That makes us chuckle. "But seriously, I need your number, Haeju. May I?"

"Sure, Oppa! Ngg.... Wait, I'll look for a paper." I enter our room and take a notebook from my bag. I come out quickly and give it to him. "Ah, right...." I take it back, grab a marker and write my numbers on it. I rip the paper and give that piece to him. "Here...."

"Thank you! I'm afraid now I need to go back...."

"Aww...."

"I'll text you, okay?" He says to me while standing up. "Bye, guys! Sorry I can't give you anything in return" He waves to us.

"It's okaaay"

"Annyeong, sunbaenim~"

"Nice to meet you...!"

"Enjoy the album!"

"See you later, Oppa!" I shout to him. He smiles hearing that. "I'm really gonna miss you......" I mumble.

***

After that meeting, we text each other for several times. Not so often as I'm so busy (so is he, duh). One day, he asks me to meet in a cafe. He says there's something he wants to talk about. Important. I ask him if I may bring a friend with me as I'm afraid it will be awkward if it's just both of us. People who see it might misunderstand. He allows me. And now, here I am, walking to a cafe that's apparently not so far from our dorm. Tzuyu is with me.

"So, how do you know him, Unnie?" She asks.

"Ah, right. We met at my relative's wedding, Tzuyu. I didn't really remember why but we ended up talking so much that day. There was a little girl there, actually, who became the connector. He was so nice and friendly despite his status as an idol, that's my first impression of him. It was just one day but we got so close. Hmm.... I don't know why but I become a really lovely girl in front of him. I don't act like that in front of any man, you know that, right? Just with him. I think he makes me feel comfortable....."

"Was it in your trainee era, when you met him?"

"Hmm.... Maybe. But... Ngg.... That was before I got into JYPe," I answer her hesitantly.

"I see...." She says. I hope she understands that I don't want to talk about that topic. Ah, she must have known that. She's my best friafter after all.

"So, how's your life, dear?" I try to change the topic. She follows along. I'm glad.

Oppa is wearing a black hoodie and a black cap, hiding her standing out white hair. He is wearing glasses now, just like when I met him. He smells so nice when I'm passing him, masculine but gentle. Just like his personality. He greets us so friendly.

"Oh, Tzuyu is here! Onew is a big fan of yours. You know him?"

"Yes, I do, Hehe.... He said I was his ideal-type on TV."

"Right!?"

"Please deliver my thanks to him," Tzuyu says politely.

"Sure! Oh, you can drop formality with me. Haeju's friend is my friend too."

"Ngg... Mm.... Nae... Oppa," She looks so shy about it. We laugh at that because she's so cute.

After that, Oppa tells me that he wants to duet with me on a stage. He asks what I think about it. I'm so excited that I agree right away. I even suggest him an act to perform. "Oppa, I have this talent that can be useful for our performance."

"What is it?"

"I can sing steadily while crying." He laughs at what I just said. "I'm serious! I can cry so hard and sing at the same time. I practice it!"

"Ahaha.... Sorry. I'm just surprised to hear that. It's unusual. Unique, actually. You really practice that?"

"Ask Tzuyu" Oppa looks at her giving a sign that I mean what I say. "I'll do that in our performance. I think it suits our song. By the way, before I tell my idea, I wanna ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Why this song?"

"I don't know. I just feel like it. Is it too hard for you? Ehm.... I'm not tryi--"

"Nah, it's fine. I love it! But this is an old song, just that."

"Mhm... I know."

We are discussing my idea and how we will practice it. We don't have so much time so we decide to just sing while sitting on a chair. We have a few weeks to practice. I'm really glad I can do this in the middle of Twice's super-tight schedule. It's a really rare opportunity for me to sing with my role model. After the discussion and talk about our selfs for a while, Oppa's expression's changed.

"What's wrong, Oppa?" I ask her.

He sighs. "I know you're a sensitive person. I'm worried, Haeju-ya. I know you're the softest member in your group."

"So you are, Oppa." I smile.

"Right...... But the thing is....

I just want you to know that life will be tough after this. I'm not trying to scare you. I just want you to be prepared. You'll be exhausted. People will hate you. You will be worthless, even for yourself. There might be a point where there is no more way ahead except pain. You should know the risk of your job.....

....You're sensitive, Haeju. It's not a bad thing. A great artist is usually the most sensitive one. Just remember that this is a really dark route. Not bad, just dark. You might get lost at any moment. " He looks at my eyes deeply. Many things come to my mind. He sounds so depressive. I look at him back. I'm seeing my reflection in her eyes. I shed a tear.

"Oppa.... Don't say that......."

He takes time to respond that. "Arasseo, mian." Smirks, before continuing his sentence, "I guess I'm just too worried. You know what, I see you have some great friends around you. Tzuyu is here too. I'm sure she is a great person too.... Listen! Even though you'll feel lonely one day, just remember that your friends will always love you no matter what. There will always be someone who loves you. You're never alone.

There might be a point where there is no more way ahead except pain. At that point, please don’t try to be alone in the darkness. Just don't. Okay?

Promise me."

I link my pinky finger on his. "I never tell you this before that you're my role model. You're not just the greatest man main vocal I've ever known. From you, I learn about hard work. You have a really beautiful voice and a good sense of music, yet you keep practicing so hard. You always give your best on the stage. Ehm... I know that. You just never stop and I really appreciate that. I also want you to know that you can come to me if you need someone, okay?" I release my finger and grab both of his hands. He is listening. I feel guilty to make her eyes that red. "Oppa.... Huh......" I chuckle. "YOU ARE JJANG!"

He smiles. But the tear flows faster passing her lips, falls on the table. 

Arasseo, I will remember that~

***

The day has come.

I wear a Twice's cheerleader costume as the outfit. I'm wearing a white coat to cover. My hair is tied only on one side. I'm pretending as an idol after doing a performance. Oppa is wearing an ed black suit with a white shirt inside that's not tucked in properly and a loose tie around his neck. We are sitting in two high chairs like the one they use in a bar. I can hear the fans are cheering so excitingly. They all stop as soon as the light down and the spotlight is directed to us. The music plays. I close my eyes.......

[OPPA] (sighs)

Hold out your hand, wrap it around my neck

A little below, massage my shoulders

At the end of a tiring day, even if the sun has already come up

I’m finally closing my eyes.....

[ME] I close the door on my day later than others

You playfully tickle my earlobe

Because even though we’ve been in different worlds all day

We always end the day together

[ME] My small shoulders, my small hands

Become your cozy blanket at the end of a tiring day

[OPPA+ME] You did a good job today, you've worked so hard

[OPPA] I hope my shoulders and my thick hands

Will become cozy comfort for the end of your tiring day as well

I want to naturally sync my breathing with yours.....

Like water in a bathtub that wraps around you with no space left

I wanna warmly hold you without any space left

[ME] At the end of my day, filled with awkward mistakes

You, my prize, are waiting for me....

[OPPA+ME] Your small shoulders, your small hands

Become my cozy blanket at the end of a tiring day

You did a good job today, you've worked so hard

[ME] I hope my shoulders and my thick hands

Will become cozy comfort for the end of your tiring day as well

[OPPA+ME] I want to naturally sync my breathing with yours

[OPPA] I can’t cry all I want....

Or even laugh all I want......

At the end of a tiring day but, still, if I’m next to you

Like a child, I can whine and then laugh till I run out of breath

I’m not used to seeing myself like this

[ME] Sugohaesseoyo, Oppa.... Jeongmal gosaenghaesseoyo......

You are my prize.....