[IN A MAKEUP ROOM]

I've been trained!

The members help me so I cannot cry too easily. They make me tougher. They keep motivate me to become a strong girl. These days I can no longer get moved by the saddest drama. No love story can give me a sentimental feeling. Even the sad videos that Jihyo finds on youtube are resistable. I've changed. Now I'm mentally strong. Nothing will make my tears drop anymore.

Right now I'm getting ready to be on a talkshow. I'm here with Sana as the guests. It's a good opportunity to show the new me. I have said that I'm also trained by Jype, right? I become Twice's representative in variety show. Showing people Twice's new image. Jype trusts me because I'm witty and vocal in front of the public. They only train me the basic rules of being a variety star, how to be funny and attracting, how to treat the seniors, how to develop my persona, etc. They help to find the best mask for me.

"Are you ready, My Love?" Sana asks me as she has done with her makeup.

"Almost there. But mentally, I'm ready," I answer boldly.

"Aww~ Glad to hear that. I know what the members have done to you, by the way. Please don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"

"It's not like that...... I'm not being hard on myself. I just need to do this, Sana."

"I understand.... Hey, I support you no matter what!" I look at the mirror to see her smiling at me. Somehow I'm glad she is here with me at this moment. She makes me relaxed.

Suddenly the door is opened harshly. "Where is Haeju??!"

"What is it, Oppa?" I ask our manager who looks so serious.

"We need to cancel your appearance now!"

"Huh? No! Why?"

"Your mom.... She's just got a car accident."

"Omona....!" Sana sounds shocked to hear that. She close with her hands automatically and her eyes gets teary.

"Hold your tears, Sana!!! Makeup...." I tell her.

"Ah yes, so sorry...."

"Where is she now, Oppa?"

"She has been brought to the nearest hospital. Thay are trying to save her life now."

Suddenly a man comes to the room. "3 MINUTES BEFORE ON AIR!"

"Let's see your mom, Haeju! She is in a really bad condition. We will let Sana stays here to be the only guest," My manager speaks again.

"No, I'm okay....." I whisper.

"No??!" Sana exclaims.

"Agreeing to be on the show is a promise, Oppa, and I'm not going to break it. The other business can wait after the show ends."

Sana grabs my hand. "NO, JU! You need to see your mom! Ah, I know what's going on between the two of you, but still, you are her daughter. This might be the last time you see her......"

"1 MINUTE BEFORE ON AIR!"

I smile to her. "I'll take that risk. I've been trained for this. Oppa, tell them I'll stay here." I get up from my chair. "The show must go on."

[IN THE STUDIO]

I smile to the MC, PD, and all the TV crews. Sana follows me. One of the crews escorts me to wait with the other guests. I greet them nicely as nothing happens. Except the PD and Twice managers, no one has an idea about my mom's accident.

The show begins. I try to be as steady as possible. I'm remembering all the lessons about variety that Jype has taught me. And I think I nailed it! The show feels so fun and much alive. But I see Sana eventually takes a peek on me. Checking if I'm fine.

I whisper to her when I get a chance, "Don't worry, Sana, I got this."

"Are you really okay, Dear...?"

"Yeah..." I smile.

"Seriously, Ju, I don't get it. Why are you still here? Do you hate her that much?"

"It's not like that, Sana....." I turn my face away from her and continue to pay attention to the MC. Telling some joke and sharing my stories to the cameras actually remind me of what I've said to my mom, especially a few days ago. ".....I just have a promise to keep," I whisper to her again.

***

[IN A CAFE]

"Why do you call me, Mom? What's so urgent?" I asked her as soon as I sit on my seat, face to face with her. I'm wearing a hat and a mask to disguise myself.

She is looking at the window. Looks empty. It's so unusual. "Are you in hurry, Haeju?"

"10 minutes. They are waiting." I notice some medicines on the table. "Are you sick?"

"Yes, I just visited a doctor before going to this cafe. Haeju, listen to me...." She talks robotically before gives me a deep gaze. "I just want to say that I am sorry."

Eh? What is this, all of sudden? Actually, I feel like it's not my mom I'm talking with right now. It's like she is tamed........ "For what? Did you just do something?" I ask her.

"It's not like that. I'm sorry for what I've done to you all this time. I know I'm not a good mother." I can't believe what I just heard but she sounds so serious.

"Huh, okay I forgive you. Don't worry about it. Just tell me what's going on. You are acting really weird....."

"Ah, probably it's because of my medicine. It's an anti-depressan, Haeju."

"What? That means-"

"Yes, I'm diagnosed with depression." She smiles.

I feel like I just struck by a lightning. She has a mental issue? Like, for real??? I don't think depression is something simple to deal with. She is not 'insane' right? How long has it been? Was it started after dad leaving us?

"I've been suffered with it since I'm a teenager," she says like she can read my mind, "But it gets worse days by days, especially after your dad dies. This depression.... Sometimes it just doesn't make me sad. It makes me angry too. That's why sometimes you see me get mad on small things or say mean stuffs. The doctor said that it how I coped from my depression....."

Aaah.... That explains why she treats me so bad this whole time.............

"Your dad... He... He........" My mom's voice is trembling. "He believed I could cure myself. I shouldn't depend on the medicines. When he was still alive, he calmed me down everytime my depression attacked. Sometimes he gor tired and frustrated but he always supported me to fight my depression until the end. And after he left I..... Just..... Couldn't......." My mom can't continue her sentences. Some people are looking at us right now. "Huh, I think the effect of the medicine has gone....." She grabs my hands. "Look, I'm really sorry for being such a bad mom! I know it's not easy for you to accept my appology. But your dad told me to explain this to you one day when I'm ready. He really believed that you were a great daughter, Haeju! He kept supporting me so I could see you be success one day. And I am seeing that right now. I am!" Tears flow from her eyes. "Unlike your brother, you are mentally weak too. But you overcome it! I'm proud of you, Dummy. You know that?" She laughs. "I'm sorryyyyyyy.....!!!!"

I'm crying to see her bowing to me. Her head sticks to the table. "Stop it, Mom......"

"I am sorry...... I am sorry...... I am sorry......" She says while still crying in her bow.

"No, Mom, don't!" I move to her side, pull her up, and hug her. "Forget everything that has passed. It's over now," I say to her.

She releases me, looks at my eyes deply, and gets silence for a while. "I am sorry.............."

I open my mask and throws that to the table. "One more time you say 'I am sorry' and I will freakin' leave!"

She is startled for a second but then smiles as she understands what I mean. I know she can't say anything anymore. So I do. I hug her for the last time before leaving her. This time, I hug her so tight and deeply. It's been a while since I hug her like this. Maybe even the first time I'm doing it. The first time I feel the hug of a mother..........

"I always love you, Mom. Trust me!

I promise I'll always be a strong girl for you....."

***

[IN THE STUDIO]

The show is still going on, but slowly I lose my focus. I surpress my feeling as hard as I can. I won't let my eyes get teary anymore. Not in this kind of situation. I force myself to stay calm, but suddenly I remember what Nayeon said while trying to make me cry before........

Yeah, hold it, Ju. Hold it! You are an idol.

I clench my fist secretly.

Straight your back, pull your mouth, and make a wide smile.

I smile widely.

You cannot cry in front of the fans! In front of the people who love you. You cannot let them know what you truly feel.....

I grit my teeth.

Yeah, hold it, Ju! Hold it!!!

My heart is tingled. Mouth is shaking. I'm sweating.

Straight your back, pull your mouth, and make a wide smile.

My eyes gets warm.

You cannot cry in front of the fans! In front of people who love you. You cannot let them know what you truly feel.....

That's it.............

Yeah, hold it, Ju! Hold it!!!

The show is suddenly stopped. Everyone is surprised to see someone cries in the middle of a recording. With the tears that has ruined her makeup, Sana hugs me very tight. "FOR GOD SAKE, JU, I KNOW YOU ARE STRUGGLING. JUST CRY ONE MORE TIME!!!!!"

***

[IN TWICE DORM]

Thanks to Sana, the show was canceled. I was brought immediately to the hospital to see my mom. That way I could talk to her in her last minutes. Haneul was there too by a video call. I told my mom that I loved her. Calmed her down. I promised to take care of my brother and made sure he could reach his dream. "I'm proud of both of you" was her last words before she left us. Peacefully. I could see how happy her stiff face was. I was glad to be able to hug her until the very end.....

Right now, all the members are sitting around me. "Haeju, we are really sorry," Jihyo says.

"Yeah, we shouldn't make you surpress your feelings that bad."

"We did it just because we thought it was a right thing to do. We just wanted our Unnie to be strong."

"No, our Unnie is already strong enough! She is also kind-hearted and soft. I bet it's not easy to be someone like that."

"Yeah, I agree...."

"Yeah....."

"Again, we are sorry, Ju. Especially me. I've said terrible things to you," Nayeon says.

I smile to all of them. "You know.... I don't just get stronger because of you guys, but I also grow. I learn that I should be confidence with however I am. With all my flaws. With this easily-crying habit. And that's all thanks to you!" They look relieved to hear me say that.

"Aww~ That's so touching, Love!" Sana exclaims cheerfully.

Tzuyu raises her hand. "Unnie..... May I ask you something?" 

"O, what is it, Dear?"

"Can you........ Cry now?"

"Haha..." I'm suprised with she says. "Right now? Again?!"

"Hehe yeah....."

"But why?"

Tzuyu gulps. "Because I hate to see you always being too hard on yourself, Unnie. So, please...."

.....Just one more time.

((author's note))

Yeah, this story has nothing to do with the lyrics of Twice - One More Time. I just use the title. The purpose is just to celebreate their comeback. Now I'm ready for their Korea comeback: Likey!!!! >.< By the way, OMT lyrics are quite similiar with Cheer Up. I like the beat, but one of my friend said that it was boring. So sad :(

I'm glad to tell you this story since it's based on what I really experience. Can't tell you my real story tho. What Tzuyu said in the end is a statement I hear the most from people these days. Do I look really trying so hard on myself? I'm wondering.... But anyway, I hope you enjoy the story. See you, guys, thanks so much for all the supports so far >.< I hope I can make more sweet stories about how Twice treats Haeju haha :3