It was quarter past 5 PM. I took my bag and put on my shoes, ready to get out of the apartment when I remembered that I had no money. I approached my mother who was in the living room and webcaming with a family member. I asked her for some money and she gave it to me. I then headed out and made my way to the bus stop.

It wasn't really hot although it was June. I put on my earphones and heaved a deep sigh while listening to "River Flows In You" by Yiruma. The bus came and I got in. Just a few minutes later I arrived at the streets of my favorite district. I put on a small smile and skipped through the streets without caring if I bumped any other people.

Suddenly the song played which brought memories from my childhood back. I couldn't resist but smiled even more when I remembered how I went into every fashion shop with my younger cousin. I went into one of them and chuckled as I remembered how we always commented on each ugly dress we saw.

Now, we're not talking to each other anymore because of a specific incident.

I then got out again with my head lowered and went into the nearest coffee shop I used to be with two of my older cousins. We laughed about silly jokes and I nearly choked on my hot chocolate. This part wasn't really funny, but I'm glad about the fact that I'm still alive.

I then went the stairs down I used to go when I had my first communion lessons.

The street really changed: Across the bus stop was now a Burger King instead of the small pizza restaurant. Even now are more people here than it used to be. This street was actually one of my favorite places since it was peaceful and silent until all those tourist attractions came.

I sighed and went towards the bus stop when an older lady approached me.

"I'm sorry, may I sit down?" She asked expressionless. I told her yes with a surprised expression.

"Thank you. At least there are some foreigners who aren't stupid." I've never thought of that, but the people here became also strange. They cursed around and told their friends and families that foreigners are stupid human beings who are snatching their jobs away which I can't understand.

 

The bus arrived and I got in. I watched as the old lady got in too and glared at me. I shook my head and fished my phone out of my pocket. While looking through the never ending list of songs, the bus stopped and I hopped off of it. I went past the alleys and the pond.

Suddenly a small playground with a few laughing children caught my eyes. I went towards them and a smile formed on my lips. Why? Because I met someone special in this very place. A person which I haven't forgotten for years. A person who used to be by my side when I was down. That person was my best friend. But we lost contact to each other. The reason: me.

I rejected him in a cold way. I couldn't even remember the reason. A cold breeze brushed down my spine. I looked down and was about to make my way when I heard my name being called. This voice. So familiar, yet totally foreign. How come?

I turned my head and saw a tall guy coming towards me with a smile. Was it him?

"I-I'm sorry, bu-"

"Taemin!"

My heart stopped and my eyes widened. This can't be.

A girl around his age - take or give a year approached him. Isn't this Jinri?

"Sulli! Look who's here!" The guy who was supposed to be my best friend back then yelled. The girl's eyes widened and her smile became bigger.

"Hana!" she squealed and hugged me tightly. It was her.

"Gosh! How come you're here?" She asked excitedly. I didn't response. I was still shocked about the fact that he was also here.

"Sulli, don't pressure her." He said and wrapped his arms around her waist. What is he doing?

"Umma! Whe- Who is this?" A little boy asked.

"Seyoon, may I introduce you Hana? She's an old friend of us." Sulli said and took the boy in her arms. Please, don't let this be true.

"Hello." The boy greeted shyly and jumped off of Sulli's arms. She then kissed my best friend's cheek and walked back.

"What are you doing here?" He asked with a smile. I gulped and turned away.

"Hey, do you have something?" He asked. He was worried, I could hear it. I shook my head and forced a smile.

"Your son, he looks like you," I said but unfortunately, my voice cracked. I was about to run away when he grabbed my wrist and hugged me tightly.

"Do you know how much I missed you?" he muttered under his breath. Tears began to well up in my eyes.

"I was waiting every day on the swing hoping you would come back and accept my feelings. But do you know what I've got?"

Nothing.

"You never came back. Never. I wanted to visit you, but I was too late because another family moved into your apartment.vDo you know through what I've gotten through since then? I got into a clinic because I became a drug addict. I started to hurt myself because I wanted to kill the pain you caused me. I even nearly died because I jumped from a house."

I'm sorry.

"Now I'm living a perfect life thanks to Sulli and all because of you." he whispered. I felt my shoulder getting wet, but I didn't dare to look back.

"But I feel like a prisoner even if she keeps supporting me."

I looked back and met his puffy red eyes with mine.

"What?" he chuckled.

I couldn't stand it and began to cry. I got myself out of his grip and took a cab back home.

 

I threw my bag on the floor and cried my heart out.

Why do I feel so guilty?

Suddenly my memories came all back. Memories I always denied until now. Memories which shouldn't have come back. Memories of pain and sorrow.

I was playing tag with my best friend at the park for hours. Since our parents didn't want us to faint, they told us to stop and so we did. He then asked me if I wanted to get on the swing while he would push me. I nodded and got on it. He then began to push. I looked back with a wide smile and he smiled back, but somehow, it wasn't the same I was used to. It had a hint of nervousness. I told him to stop it and so he did. I took his hand and led him under the slide where none of the elders could see us.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He sighed and looked down.

"Will you promise me not to hate me if I tell you something?" he asked. I nodded innocently and made a pinky promise.

"Hana..." He looked straight into my eyes.

"I love you." My eyes widened. I pulled my hands away from his and shook my head.

"Hana! You promised me not to hate me!" he yelled. I shook my head even more as tears welled up in my eyes.

"But we're best friends." I murmured as I stepped further back.

"But I don't just see you as a friend!" he exclaimed. He wanted to reach out for my hand, but I snatched it away. I turned around and began to run. I ran away without saying goodbye. I ran away without thinking. I ran away proper without reason.

 

I sobbed into my pillow as I heard my phone ringing. I wiped the tears away and took it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hana, I will give a party tomorrow, wanna join?" Jonghyun asked. I sighed and agreed. He hung up with a cheer and I rolled to the other end of the bed.

I then decided to stand up and went towards the closet to  take out an old photo album. I opened it and there, my journey from my childhood started to replay.