Oh, my Yoongi.

Time really had a toll on us, didn’t it? Through the teenage years promises and the growing process of time, we had little to nothing to say, this I’ll concede.

I will always remember the way we met, like if that was exactly the moment my life- my story- began; with you. You were so sure that you had the best piece of the school in between your hands when you sat at the grand piano and started to play. The music, as hypnotic as I can remember, hitting everyone right through their hearts. Each touch on the white and black tiles more meaningful than the last. I was there, watching over you from the backstage and waiting for my own turn to arrive. We always liked to express ourselves through our art and that’s where we linked.

You with your music and I through the moves I would come up with on the stage.

I was next in line when you came back and hit me with your shoulder. “Oh, I am sorry.” You whispered without much care. I forced you to look right back at me when I sent you to heaven with my trademark smile.

“ Don’t worry about it.” I simply answer, dismissing just how bad I was physically hurt. “It was amazing, Yoongi.” I said with an honest smile and that’s how you learned that I already knew you. I bet you were curious so you stayed the time of one dance.

I knew you were watching and I made sure to impress you. My moves were fluid and I tried to pass the emotion that had just won me over. I danced like I never danced before, in front of the parents there, in front of the teachers and student, all buffaloed by such passion. I knew boys like you needed to see right through me to even give it a second glance.

Luckily, you stayed long enough for me to get to know you. When I was done, all breathless and confused, I reached the backstage and you were there, right behind my dance teacher, to congrats me. I smiled at you before you told me about the songs you were composing.

I might have been young, but I knew you were genuine and so was I when I said I was interested.

We stayed there, behind the curtains, showing each other our passion for our art as the other performed and when you mother arrived to pick you up, I was sure to never see you again. You were barely 15 and as confused as one can be at this time. In the time of a heartbeat, I jumped on my feet and caught your arm, writing my number into your flesh.

It was like that that I wanted our first encounter to remain, imprinted into your flesh forever.

***

When you turned 18, I was by your side. As I had been for every day of my life after that night of August when you finally called me back. We grew closer and that day, you wanted to spend it with me and me only.

You lead me through the large fields near the college we just got into together and near the edge of the forest, where a tall tree, large enough to cover the both of us from the harmful reach of the sun. We both sat there and I silently prayed for it to mean more than it was.

You looked at me, weirdly holding onto a little package I had wrapped up with all the care in the world. “ What’s that? I told you no gift, Y/N.” I smiled and tried to hide the blush creeping on my cheeks.

“Like I would ever listen to you,” I said. The gift I had prepared you wasn’t much anyway. with a hesitant smile, I handed the gift to you, our hands briefly touching as you took it from me. “Happy birthday, my little Mozart,” I said with a giggle.

Right then, you blushed for the first time at me. You were probably curious as to what I had prepared you but nothing really got you ready for the little, but very meaningful gift I had prepared for you.

It wasn’t much, but it was coming from the heart. You opened the little package, worried to have me spent too much money, but when you saw the little book meant to compose your songs, you grinned. “Y/N.” You whispered and I giggled even more.

“Oh, it’s not much, but I know you were done with yours. If you flip through the pages, you’ll see that I put photos on the pages. You know, to get you inspired.” I said amused, but I doubt you even listened to me. You were too busy flipping through the pages, smiling like the little child that you were still only a few months before.

“Thank you, it’s perfect. “ You said to me and I blushed hard. You looked up to me and that’s only then that I realized how physically close you were to me. How close I was to fall for you. You stared so intently at me that my heart skipped a few beats and I bite my lower lips. “ But may I request one last thing? You already did so much for me, but there is only this one little thing missing for me to call it a perfect day. “ With even more confusion written in my eyes, I tilted my head to the side, confusion taking over.

You smiled at me when I answered. “Sure, Yoongs, anything.”

“May I kiss you?”

Of course, I knew how blunt you could be at times, but this, I have to admit, I never saw it coming. with all my shyness put together, I softly nodded and that’s when you benched closer.

My back was against the tree when you hovered me with your body, your lips, and your love. I closed my eyes almost instantly and you surprised me with the sweetest of gestures. You cupped my cheek, your fingers reaching the side of my head, digging holes to forbid me from moving.

Your lips were like heaven from the start and I let myself fall.

Little did we know that it was the beginning of a endless story and that you would steal my heart to never give it back. You smiled into the kiss, your lips shyly beseeching for more and I granted you with all I had. The love I had keeping from myself from the day I was 15 ‘till that exact day, I let it all go.

Once you let me go, you placed your head against mine and whispered the words that got me going for years. “ This way, I’ll never forget the day I confessed to you.” You said, making me reach the doors of heaven. You were not a fool and you knew love was a risky game, mostly for a man who just turned 18. But you still took the chance.

“I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

***

I said yes, even though I knew that it didn’t mean we would have the last word. 18 was the beginning of many things for a lot of people and it was also the age where our names would end up being put on the big board. Where we could also see the one of our soulmates.

If you didn’t want to go, too afraid to see someone else’s name written next to yours. I didn’t have the chance to avoid it. 8 months later, I had to go with my family and I saw the name of the person I was destined to be with. I prayed, night and day, to have the opportunity to see your name next to mine.

We were different, this we knew. But we met somewhere in the middle and we liked to be stuck with one another. We knew more about the other than anybody could ever. In a way, wasn’t it enough?

Apparently not.

Apparently, my name was to be forever intertwined on this marble stable with someone going by the name of Kim Taehyung.

Sure, knowing what is name was, surely put things into perspective. I knew I would eventually meet him someday, if only I would want to go through with the process, but I was too in love with you to even consider it. The first step was done; I knew his name. Now, finding him was left on my behalf and I couldn’t care less.

The man I wanted, the only one I truly loved and needed was you.

The night of my birthday, you came to me, knocking on my window, making me force it open and let you in. You were covered in sheets after you had climbed by the trees, and you were also out of breath. You welcomed me with a smile then a kiss. I kissed you back, knowing the truth would hurt all the most when it would come.

You sat me on the bed, placing a hand on my knee. “You went, didn’t you? “ You asked me and I nodded, shyly looking at the ground. I couldn’t keep up your gaze, Yoongi, your eyes knew things I avoided for so long and I wanted to remain oblivious to all those feelings.

None of us needed to speak, the truth was loud enough as it was. But I felt like I was the one who needed to speak. “I don’t want to meet him. I am not going to go through the process.” I affirmed and you looked at me with wide eyes. The meeting of your soulmate was only the result of two willing souls. If one of them didn’t want to go through the process, finding them would be as hard as it would be to find that special person throughout the entire country.

Sure, you never believed about soulmates that needed a name on a rock to be brought together, but you never thought that I, the hopeless romantic, I would ever refuse that. The ‘I love you’s were common in our relationship, but you probably never knew just how much I meant every one of them. “ You are literally avoiding your one true love? “ You asked, your voice deep as ever.

I shook my head violently. “No,” I whispered. “You are my one true love. I don’t care about him.” Your eyes spoke the truth and you smiled at me, you pulled me in for a kiss that I could not refuse you. The both of us would be able to fight against everything.

My parents would cringe, that man would have to deal with himself, knowing that his soulmate never wanted anything to do with him, but so be it. That was my choice, yours too. Our choice, leading to our life together.

***

Big cities rimmed with big dreams.

For two lovebirds coming from the countryside, Seoul seemed to be so huge and so full of life. We had the good life for a while and I will always recall these times as the ‘ good times’ of my life. School was over when you asked me to elope and try our chance, leaving everything behind for the big city.

I was in for the ride of my life, but it was alright as long as I was with you.

Money wasn’t easy to find for two graduates like us. Chances to pursue our dreams were even less casual than a good cup of coffee at midnight. You were the most brilliant compositor I had ever come across, and as a professional dancer, I had seen quite a lot. Your passion, your pain, your hatred, your love, everything could be represented in the touch of your fingers the long of the white and black tiles of your piano. I would often hear you play until the early morning, finding the peace of mind to close my eyes only when the melancholy would consume you enough to play the most forbidden of accords.

I found a little job at a convenient store and you at the local pub, where you worked as a barmaid. Sure, it wasn’t what we first dreamed of, but we were barely 21, ready to conquer the world upon demand. We knew it was a bad side that would soon vanish to let us shine.

Also, that’s because of that hard earned money that we had been able to rent that one room studio on the main street. It was high enough not to hear the traffic and abandoned enough not to cost us a fortune. Sure, it was small, it was sometimes stinky, noisy and hard to endure, but it was our home.

Our little space in time, that we could really call our harem.

I remember everything, Yoongi. The late night snacks, the early morning, cuddling in front of our little-borrowed TV and the afternoons of creation and dance.

To make me happy, you would often push the mattress against the wall, allowing me enough space to spin around to your notes of happiness.

I perfectly remember that one time.

You were gone working and I was back early. Through the rain pouring outside, I pressed the start button of the radio.  The sound playing was a familiar song, one we would often hum along together. It wasn’t your skillful fingers on the tiles, but it was enough to get my body rolling in every direction.

I felt the vibes and let myself go in every direction. It was my way of expressing myself. We could no longer see outside and the night was the best company possible. The music died in a sad echo when I stopped dancing and I noticed you. “Why did you stop?” You then asked.

I looked at you with a smile when the next song came in. “Just letting go. Come on.” I said, offering my hand to you. I remember you contemplating it with hesitation when I giggled. “ My love, come on.” I repeated and that’s when you took it.

Your soft palm against mine, I pulled you closer. Your dark hair made a perfect contrast to your white skin and I smiled at how handsome you looked. I often would get jealous. How come a handsome man like you would ever lay eyes on me? But you did and I was lucky enough to call you mine.

You surprise me with a sweet smile and spun me around, gaining a gasp from me. “I didn’t know you could dance,” I whispered and you kissed the corner of my lips.

“I’ve learned from the best.” I giggled as you pulled me closer.

Right there and then, closer than ever, you made me waltz around like I never did before and probably never would by after. You reminded me of the smallest things. The dance floor wasn’t wide, the music a bit greasy and the humidity at its peak but I had the best partner.

No, I could never dance again the way I danced with you.

***

The day I learned that I was received into the musical as a backup dancer, I screamed and walked into the bar you worked in. I couldn’t possibly wait until you finished your 6 pm- 3 am shift.

You were there, behind the bar, as speechless as ever, but when you looked at me, you recognized that smile. We knew each other way too well not to know.  You rapidly walked around the place and hugged me to death, right in front of the eyes of everyone around. “You really got it? “ You screamed, your head into my neck. I hummed and nodded rapidly. You placed me back down, looking me into the eyes.

“Did you?” I asked and I saw the veil of darkness come over your eyes.

You didn’t.

I smiled and caressed your forearms. “ It’s alright.” I looked down. “I’ve never really wanted to be part of it anyway, you know-” I started before you stopped me.

“Are you kidding me? It’s your dream.” You said with a voice that was meant to be happy. “ I’ll be there to support you. If I am not good enough for this one, it doesn’t mean you should stop yourself-”

I punched you arm. “Don’t start about that, Min Yoongi.” I said and you smiled. “You are more talented than so many other people and they will realize that one day. I believe in you and I know you will become immortal one day. You were meant to be.” I said with confidence and you smiled back at me.

I knew you were still afflicted by your defeat. You wanted so bad to be a musician and compositor for the soundtracks. It was a pretty big deal that would have been able to get us out of our ‘day jobs’ for a while. None on the less, you started. “You know what? Tomorrow’s my day off. I’ll treat you to dinner to celebrate.” I gasped as I knew

“Are you out of your mind? You know we have been short these past few months-”

“It’s my business, okay? I’ll manage.”

And you did. More than that. I felt bad, honestly. The city restaurants were nothing like the ones directed by locals from where we were from. The restaurant you brought me in wasn’t at least. It was one of those ‘overly chic’ ones when everyone seem to be oh-so-snob. We actually kind of laughed about how serious some of the old couples seemed before we arrived at the entry.

You had put on your best suit, the one you would usually put on when you had an occasional concert to give. I had put on my little red dress you had bought for my 20th birthday. It was nothing from the high priced dress code the other had been putting up with, but it was enough for the both of us. We were actually looked down upon from the moment we entered.

The valet at the entrance asked for us to wait and from this point we looked around. You were answering a call when I spotted one of the servers, a man a bit clumsy, almost bumping into someone with a bottle of wine. That made me cackle on the spot, but when you were done with you phone call, I was back to you. Like I always had been.

The man led us to a little table at the other end of the restaurant. We were especially well seated, but that wasn’t the point. I was there with you and that was all that should have mattered.

“You look dashing tonight.” You said to me with a sweet smile once we were sitting down and looking through the menus.

That made me blush and I wanted to answer before I was taken aback. “She does indeed. “

The voice seemed to be coming from above us and when we both turned to the side, we saw a dark blond haired guy clumsily smile at us with a pad in his hands. “ Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to steal your date for tonight, sir. I only meant to complement.” That made me laugh and you ended up relaxing.

Our waiter was at least relax enough not to make this whole date blow up. “It’s alright.” You said, smiling upon looking at me through your eyelashes. “ I gather other might stare.” I remember hiding behind the menu while I felt scrutinized by the both of you.

The silent grew a little awkward when the man continued. “Anyway, I guess that breaks the ice just well. my name is Taehyung and I will be your waiter for the night. May I recommend you some wine?”

I knew your face froze when you heard the name. I did too but I told myself there was no way such coincidence was possible. I tried to make as if the whole ordeal was nothing much to worry about. “Sure, could you suggest us something not too strong among your reds?” I tried to be councilious. I remembered you didn’t like it much but your eyes seemed to be growing holes on the man’s face.

Even more when he leaned near me to look over my shoulder at the wine card. “Oh euhm-” He seemed a bit shy at once. “ To be quite honest, this is kind of my first week here. The patron really wants us to push people to consume but I have no idea what’s good or not. But I gathered that many people liked the chardonnay here.” I hummed and looked back and forth between you and the card.

“We’ll take this then,” I said, handing him the card with a polite, yet disinterested smile. He disappeared when I asked him to and you sighed. I knew what you thought. “What? Is there a problem?”

You smiled at me, as bitterly as you could when you were mad. “Nothing’s wrong.” But I knew something was. Moreover, I knew exactly what.

“Come on, Yoongi, you don’t really think that could be him? I mean, what would be the chance that I met someone, my so called soulmate, here tonight, at that same restaurant, miles away from the city he apparently was from? Wouldn’t it be a bit too far-fetched?” Your jaw was tensed when I mentioned this and you only seemed to be able to stretch your cold hand to touch mine.

“It’s just been a little bit tiresome this week. I’ll go to the bathroom and I’ll be back, okay?” You murmured and you were gone before I could refrain you. My heart went away with you and when the waiter came back, he seemed even more confused than me.

“Did I do something wrong? I really didn’t mean to put a stop to your date when I called you pretty.” He said, the bottle of wine in his hands. I smiled at him, shaking my head.

“No, no. You did nothing wrong. We had a pretty long week, if not month. He only went to the bathroom.” He looked at me, his mouth shaped like the perfect ‘O’ vowel. I found myself looking at his face. I didn’t believe it really could be him, I’ve never met him, but he was from Daegu, just like us. This was clearly informed next to his name on the rock. This man, no matter how handsome and charming as he seemed, could never be the Taehyung that once was destined to be mine. Upon the possibility I ever even wanted of him.

“I know it might not be my business, but I’ve always been interested in young couples. Has it been long that you both have been together?” He asked as he pulled out the top of the wine bottle. I bite my lower lip when he started by pouring in my flute some of the drink.

“For as long as I can remember. We grew up far from here and we made our way to the city together. “Don’t ask me why I agreed to say so much to him when I literally didn’t know a thing about him. I just felt confident enough to do so.

“Oh really?” He asked, turning from his task to look at me with the brightest of square shape smile. “I’ve come from far too. That’s kind of nice to find another ‘ foreigner’ here. Where were you guys from?” I saw nothing but small talk there, so I continued.

“Daegu.” He then poured a bit too much and it spilled on the white nap.

“Oh sorry.” He almost cursed and place the bottle on the table, wiping away the mess he made. “ I just never thought I would hear you say that ma’am.” He said and was too focused to look at me in the face.

“And why’s that?”

“Because that’s exactly where I am from too.” He said and I stopped myself from breathing. “That’s a shame we never met you guys before, we could have shared a room or something. I mean it would have saved money and all-”

Under my breath, I took the courage to ask. “ May I please know your full name?” I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know, but a part of me needed to know. Even though ignorance was kind, knowledge would probably save our couple.

He looked at me with a sweet smile and handed me his name. “Kim Taehyung, ma’am. “ My face lost its color and he noticed. “Are you alright, ma’am? Do you need some water? “I gasped and shook my head.

“N-No. Sorry about that. “ So it was him.

I guess, my dear Yoongi, when karma’s against you, there is only so much you can do. As I was there, looking right into the eyes of the man I tried to escape from, I had nothing else to say. “I know this is against the rule of mannerism of the place, but I mean I kind of already spilled wine on you and made your boyfriend run away, so I guess it won’t hurt to ask for your name. May I?” He asked with a smile and I didn’t know if I should really give him.

Was it my life trying to turn around on itself? “Y-Y/N”

By the way his eyes brightened up at once, I concluded that he also caught up about who I really was. He opened his mouth but closed it soon after. He seemed in awe and I could see his chest alter up and down as he took some deep breath.

It was awful.

I could sense it. His eyes were screaming at me thousands of questions. One more than the others; why I didn’t go through the process to meet him? However, he got his answer when you came back to the table, my love. You sat down with your usual presence, and looked at him.

Taehyung seemed to regain his vigorous smile after a while, but he couldn’t help sending glances at me from time to time. He was observing what he missed, what he was missing. You commanded for the both of us and the night went on.

But behind the smile, behind the curtain of your nice appearance and attitude, I looked at you.

You looked back and that’s when I knew that you knew.

***

You were there, at my very first presentation. Also at the second, and so far. After five, I thought you wouldn’t take the chance to lose 15 buck on the entrance, but you still tried your best. I knew you felt bad for the night you reacted so bad at the restaurant. The shadow of th