I'm sorry for any mistakes or typos this is rushed because I haven't updated in a while I guess so yeah :-/ and I don't think I'll be any time soon either since I have finals now. But idk I hope this isn't too disappointing 

-

Baekhyun can't breath, he can't breath because Chanyeol is sitting causally with that sooyoung girl on a date in the coffee shop where he works.

Why did it have to be there? Does he want to rub it in his face? The fact that he's with someone better now? Why did he have to sit there laughing and smiling whist he himself was holding his tears trying to focus on his job. Of course he doesn't blame him because they're "still friends". And of course that's not true because the way their relationship ended isn't something to just forget about and be causal after it,at least not for him. Though Chanyeol seems perfectly fine but again of course he'd be okay because he was more than okay with their breakup, Baekhyun thought. 

They were friends for 4 years then lovers for 2 years, but the taller didn't seem to mind it when Baekhyun walked out tears running down his doll face. 

"Baek!" A certain someone snapped him out of his thoughts, he looked up surprised seeing it was the giant on his mind. "Sooyoung asked for a coffee like ages ago, is there something wrong?" He asked innocently furrowing his eyebrows. 

"I'll get her order. Don't worry" he smiled for a moment obviously bitter leaving a mildly confused Chanyeol behind the counter. 

"Here" he said mildly rude putting down the cup of black coffee not so gently making Chanyeol frown. "Anything else?" Baekhyun didn't intend to be rude really, but put yourself in his place. He's just stressed and sad. 

"Baek don't be rude" 

"Yes of course sorry" he said bitterly and shot Chanyeol a look he couldn't ignore. His frown deeper now he looked at the leaving male, Baekhyun had looked at him with such bitterness and anger but most of all sadness. 

He furrowed his eyebrows looking down and decided to talk to him later.  

-

It was now 11pm and Chanyeol had came back to talk to the shorter knowing it was his turn to close up tonight. As he was heading there he saw that indeed the lights were out only a small one coming from behind the counter, he opened the door and headed for the back. 

"Baekhyun?" He called as he walked in the staffs room, not expecting Baekhyun to jump suddenly and wipe his face obviously previously crying. 

"Chanyeol" he stated confused trying to wipe his tears away. "Why are you here?" He asked trying to distract Chanyeol from his depressing state though it was obviously not working as the taller had a worried look on his face. 

"What happened?" He asked approaching the smaller oblivious to the fact that it was him who was the reason. 

"I-uh well minseok isn't going to be here because of the wedding and all and you know how ridiculously emotional I get" he dryly chuckled making up something on the line, Chanyeol seeing right through him, before he can say something Baekhyun beat him to it. "So what's up? Did you forget something?" He asked casually, Chanyeol still confused as to what's happening right now. 

"I uh I wanted to come talk to you" he said turning when Baekhyun passed through him organizing some stuff. "Do you uhm not like sooyoung or something ? You know if something's wrong at all you can tell me" he said still oblivious. 

"I'm fine Chanyeol" he said monotoned. Chanyeol's frown deepened at the obvious lie again because Baekhyuns voice was just so weak and on the edge. 

"Baekhyun-" 

"And don't worry I think sooyoung is absolutely wonderful. You two are amazing together don't you think so yourself? You two should get married!" He said all at once like a crazy man walking around the room meaninglessly moving some stuff, bitterness all over his tone. 

"Hey whats with the act?" Chanyeol asked furrowing his eyebrows. 

"Nothing Chanyeol. J-just- just leave I um I have to close up anyway. " he said in a much softer voice now seemingly tired. Chanyeol became even more confused now as to why he was dodging the subject. 

"Baekhyun I just don't get it I mean you were even friends with her why are you acting like such an -" 

"How the do you want me to act!?" He snapped now quite angry. "How the do you want me to act when you're so ing okay with brining your new ing girlfriend all up in my face like I don't exist !?" When he stopped yelling his veins were still out and he was breathing hard shocking the other. 

"So you're saying it's my fault?" He said quietly furrowing his eyebrows looking mad, and if Baekhyun wasn't mad either he would've been scared cause a mad Chanyeol isn't a good Chanyeol. "YOU ing broke up with ME. YOU didn't trust me and YOU left" he yelled his deep voice blooming through all of the empty cafe. 

Baekhyuns eyes flashed with obvious hurt but Chanyeol didn't comment on that. "Baekhyun I don't get you I mean you broke up with me 7 months ago and you said that you're okay now. You don't care, I asked if we're okay and you said we are, so why the hell are you coming on to me now saying all this nonsense" 

And it was true that Chanyeol had asked him if they can still at least be aquatintists, and it was also true that Chanyeol saw the fake smile and fake happy attitude but didn't say anything. He felt guilty but didn't think too much about it, he wanted to believe for once that maybe Baekhyun would be happy without him. He didn't deserve someone like him. 

"You- you just - just leave Chanyeol please" he looked down and shook his head preventing the tears. "Just leave" he said his voice breaking. Chanyeol gulped. 

He turned his back to the small male and walked to the door, his hand on the handle but not moving, Baekhyun hadn't moved , waiting for the taller so he can burst into tears. 

Chanyeol was mad though. Chanyeol was mad at everything. Why was this happening ? Him and Baekhyun were so happy. They were so happy and he said he'd always be there for the smaller knowing how insecure he was but he still did that. He still left and he still thought they'd be okay. 

"Baekhyun-" he tried to cover what he said because he knew he sounded cruel and the shorter didn't deserve that. Baekhyun turned around surprised that Chanyeol was still there , he furrowed his eyebrows impatiently.

"No" 

"Just let me explain-" 

"Chanyeol leave!" 

"No! Okay I know it's partly my fault but why w-" 

"No! No Chanyeol! I'm not going to ing listen to you talk like this is all because of me! You know what!? I've been beating up myself over his for so ing long and yes I said that I was jealous when you went out with sooyoung 7 months ago but you said you loved me! You ing said you'd do anything for me! So why the hell didnt you at least deny that huh!? You have always known that I'm just an ugly insecure piece of who needs comfort but you just went on talking about how great she is and how I'm being delusional! And yes I was the one who ing walked out and maybe I wasn't expecting much but do you realize how ing bad it hurt when you didn't go after me!? When you didn't even call or text me!? You didn't ing care! You didn't care! How the was I supposed to react to that!? Just be okay with it!? Do you realize how ing pathetic I was !? I thought you loved me! You don't know Chanyeol! You don't know how it feels to think that someone loves you but they don't! And the worst part is that I really did think I was being too jealous and clingy when we had the fight but here you ing are with her as her boyfriend! " when Baekhyun took a breath he glanced at Chanyeol's shocked face, the taller had never seen his ex this mad- this sad he'd never seen him so broken and so tired. And it was all his fault, he thought Baekhyun was done but then he started talking again. "Y-you're with her now a-and I'm not m-mad about that, she's mature and beautiful a-and nice and she's perfect for you b-but I - isn't it a bit unfair?" He looked up at him for a second with the biggest saddest and most lonely watery eyes ever. "To think I'd be fine with seeing you smile and laugh with her like I don't exist? I- it's not fair and I- I really hope you'd be happy with her because that's I ever wanted b-but please Chanyeol y-you're over me b-but I'm still the pathetic kid I was when we broke up, I-I can't handle that so just please d-don't think it's okay to love anyone in front me as if I'm okay. I'm not. And I don't want you to pity me I just want you to understand that. " Baekhyun was talking so quietly that if they weren't the only people here and barley anyone on the streets he'd never hear him, he sounded so broken it made guilt eat him alive. He didn't want that, he'd never want that. Tears were still streaming down his pretty face quietly and he wasn't looking the taller in his eyes. 

Chanyeol didn't know what to do seeing as it was all his fault. He couldn't deny that and he couldn't make it any better now because Baekhyun trying to hold in his sobs was the most heartbreaking thing he'd ever seen. He's seeing the guy he loves breaking down in front of him and he doesn't know what to do. He did this to him. 

"Baekhyun-" he tried stepping towards the crying male. 

"No no no" he kept repeating as if he was scared. He held himself and kept stepping back till he bumped into the wall. He looked down and kept shaking his head whispering "no" Chanyeol then quickly walked to him and squatted down to meet the letters eyes seeing they were closed now. 

"Baekhyun calm down" he tried, he didn't know if he could actually touch the other so he didn't, he was trying to calm him down with his words as if the shorter was having a nightmare, it was heartbreaking. 

"Baekhyun-" 

"Make love to me" a broken whisper came out of the soft lips. 

"What?" Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, Baekhyun opened his eyes but looked down, still hugging himself together like a ball. 

"Just one more time" he looked at the taller, Chanyeol's chest actually hurt seeing the look Baekhyun was giving him. Such sadness and loneliness. 

"Baekhyun I don't think-" 

"I'm sorry" he whispered, Baekhyun was now just staring at the floor not minding the crouching male in front of him, he didn't know what was going on in his head. He just needed someone right now, no. 

He needed Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol seeing the Baekhyun now sadder if it was possible, freaked more. "Baek let me take you home yeah? You need some pills to calm you down completely right?" He tried softly touching the smallers shoulder slightly afraid that Baekhyun would shoo him but he only flinched slightly . 

He had mildly expected Baekhyun to put on a small fight but he figured he was just drained so he didn't really do anything. He just let Chanyeol take him, he let chanyeol carry him and he let Chanyeol drive him to his own house, he let Chanyeol put him softly on his bed that he missed so much. 

He has so much memories in this bedroom with his ex lover, how they made love for the first time, how they even kissed for the first time here, they said their first "I love you"s here. They loved each other here. But they also broke each other here. 

-

Baekhyun woke up with a killing headache cursing the day he was born as it was unbearable. He looked around and saw that he was indeed in Chanyeol's room and not just dreaming, he looked over to the night stand finding two painkillers and a glass of water with a small note saying 

"I knew you'd get a headache after this so please take the painkillers. I'm out to get some food 

Don't leave. -Chanyeol " 

He gulped and bit his lip deciding to gulp down the painkillers, he sighed slowly getting up noticing that his clothes have been changed, he furrowed his eyebrows not knowing how to feel. In his mind it was like a voice was telling him to leave but another million voices were telling him to stay, 

so he chose to stay.  

He looked around  again and wondered about something. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but curiosity ously was killing him, he knew he'd be heartbroken if he didn't find what he wanted but he still chose to take the risk. 

He gulped down the anxiety and opened Chanyeol's closet door, of course his clothes would be there but the top shelf had a box in it. And that's what he wanted, he wanted to see if the box Baekhyun gave him was still there.  

On their 2 years anniversary Baekhyun had given him a box with a small book in it that had all of the pictures they've taken together organized really pleasingly, and a small chibi because Baekhyun said that it reminded him of the taller. 

Would it still be there? 

He tiptoed to reach the box and successfully did. Sighing, he opened it anxiously and his heart skipped a beat when he found the baby pink notebook that had all their pictures still there. Seeing that he went to sit down on the bed again and decided to flip through the notebook. Not knowing why he wanted to do this to himself. 

The small male looked at the first page seeing as it had a couple of their first pictures together 7 years ago. He bitterly smiled at the picture of them laughing together not wanting to see this anymore but his hand wouldn't stop flipping though the pages, the last couple of pages were about 9 months ago making him frown deeply, he always loved the picture of them where it was Christmas and they were hanging out with their friends, sehun had taken a Polaroid of the small male on his boyfriend's lap kissing happily. He thought it was absolutely precious because Chanyeol looked like he truly loved him, the kiss felt and looked real. 

He didn't notice that he was tearing up until a tear had slipped and fell onto one of the pictures, he sniffled and wiped his tears away in a hurry, still not closing the small book in his hands. He flipped to the last page and regretted ever doing so because it was the Polaroid from their anniversary where Chanyeol had taken him to France, and again he used to love this one because the taller was looking at him with such adoration and love, it all seemed too good to be true, he thought. 

He didn't notice he was sobbing until his throat started to hurt again, he took the water from the nightstand and gulped it down deciding that this was indeed enough and was going to put the book  back in the box when he saw that a couple of things were there that he didn't recall giving him as a gift. 

He looked through all of this stuff seeing it was all from their dates and even a couple of CD's were there which were labeled stuff like "spring break" which Baekhyun recalled was when all of their friends and himself went away to jongin's beach house and had the most amazing 2 weeks of their life together. He dropped the CD though when he suddenly heard a knock on the door.

He looked up and saw that the man in his thoughts was standing by the doorframe looking nervous and sad. He immediately looked down and wiped his tears putting everything away. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have uh-" 

"It's fine" Chanyeol said softly approaching the male on the bed. 

"How are you feeling?" He sat on the bed next to Baekhyun. 

"I'm fine, though I should p-probably leave now uhm y-yeah-" he tried to get up but Chanyeol took his wrist and pulled him back to the bed making him lay there. 

"Wh-what-" 

"You said you wanted me to make love to you" 

"Chanyeol-" 

"Once more time Baekhyun" he said pinning his wrists to the bed, Baekhyun searched his eyes for something and only saw that they were also broken. He didn't move nor say anything he just let the latter do what he wants wanting to know where this would end.

"Let me show you" he whispered before pressing his lips on Baekhyuns trembling ones, chanyeol lead the kiss trying to get a reaction out of the smaller who seemed stoic but he smiled slightly when Baekhyun put his small palms on the sides of his face. 

-implied -

Baekhyun was laying in bed with a frown and furrowed eyebrows trying to contain his tears as he thought about all the things Chanyeol has said to him from the I love you's to all of the compliments because he was sure this was a one time thing and even Chanyeol said so, he doesn't know why he let himself be taken like that because now he's even more depressed if it's possible, they way his past lover touched him in the right way in all the right places made his chest tighten, how warm Chanyeol's touch was against his sensitive skin was unbearable. 

The taller got up to take a few wipes to clean up the mess they made on each other's bodies. He noticed that Baekhyun was clenching his own pillow looking like he just made the biggest mistake in his life, he gulped but grabbed the pillow out of the smallers hands to clean his tented stomach. 

He kept glancing at the others face looking for any signs of discomfort since he didn't want to make him uncomfortable by touching him like this, ironic.

"Ba-" 

"I need to leave" 

"Wh-what?" 

"I need to go Chanyeol let go of me" he said but Chanyeol only held his waist and pulled him to his lap. 

"Please don't leave" he whispered through watery eyes as he held the small waist tighter, burying his face into the soft hair. 

"Ch-chan-" 

"Baekhyun just two minutes. Let me convince you to stay with me, give me two minutes" he raised his head and looked at the shorter in his lap who was still stark , he himself though was wearing boxers, when he noticed that he got a sweater that he found on his bed, and put the huge clothe on the small babe, Baekhyun bit his lip nervously, he put his hand on the firm chest and buried his face in the crook of the tallers neck. Chanyeol took it as a "yes"

"I- I have no excuses for how I acted 7 months ago Baekhyun I - just it was all too much for me okay? I'm not saying that you were a burden because you got "too jealous" but I was insecure myself because you wouldn't of gotten jealous if I were a good lover. I- I didn't know what to do Baekhyun, I just though that maybe you would be happier with someone who treated you like the most important person in the world like you deserves to be treated, and how I didn't treat you because if I did you wouldn't of doubted me, but I do want to say that I love you so much byung Baekhyun, I always have and I always will, I never want you to feel like what I said to you whenever we would cuddle or make love were lies because everything is true, I don't 'deal' with your insecurities because I have to I do it because I want you to realize how amazing and wonderful and beautiful you are, I tried to get over you because i thought that maybe you would do too. Baekhyun not one day passed over these 7 months where I didn't think of you or missed waking up next to you and kissing you, you're still in love with me and I am too, I promise you that if you give me just one more chance I'll never let you down. The worst feeling the world is knowing that I made you cry or sad I hate that and I want to make it better for you because hays what you deserve. Just give me another chance to try to be a better lover, please?" 

After that long speech Baekhyun had tears silently running down his face sniffling here and there, his head hurt from all of the thoughts going through his head. 

Maybe Chanyeol did love him. Did he? 

"It was never your fault. "

Was the only thing the fragile male said in a broken whisper. 

"W-"

"It was never your fault Chanyeol. You were the best lover someone can ever have, you made me feel special so many times and I just - it was me that got jealous at the smallest things. I was stupid and I still am. Chanyeol I couldn't even bear seeing you talking with a pretty girl because it just always felt like you'd be taken in a second from me - y-you're so perfect- too perfect. Too perfect for me, I just always had this thought that you'd leave me someday when you realize how pathetic I am And how you're too good for me, I- if you want us to get back together i- I still dont think I'll change - I'll always be this pathetic and you don't deserve that-"

"Baekhyun stop" the blonde was still sobbing in Chanyeol's chest though he was trying not to. "You are not pathetic. I- I didn't know that's how you exactly felt I- Baekhyun I would do anything for you okay? I said that before and I did mean it, if you see me talking to someone and you didn't like it you just slap me okay?" He said mildly jokingly, successfully making the other chuckle slightly which made him beyond happy. "Seriously though, I don't mind if you get jealous, I mean jealous Is the best isn't it?" He tried to lighten up the mood more. "Baek i love you so much, please be mine again? "

"I've always been yours. "