Forbidden Attractions: Intertwined

Description

There is a charm about the

forbidden that makes it

unspeakably desirable.

- MARK TWAIN


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Foreword


 


 


 

This is my entry of Vanillasushi's First one-shot entry contest

Started: 22-03-2017

End:31-03-2017

BLOSSOM ROADS


 

Poster credit: 

...Lazy Graphic Shop...

                        


 


 

A/n:Polyamorous concept...I never tried writing this genre this before but I have been reading a lot of them to learn a few things.Specially Cara's ones. All the best everyone taking part in this contest.

Also, Cara, thank you so much for hosting this contest to give us newbies a  chance to write and learn from others. You have always been an inspiration for me.

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Comments

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preciousloey61 42 streak #1
Chapter 1: Even though it was short, loved it till end... aww.. fall in love with her supposed to be killers turned out to be her soul mates..really enjoyed reading the whole story from beginning till end.. thank you authornim for writing such an amazing short story.
ukisslover26 #2
Chapter 1: i wasn't expecting the ending to be like that djdjd. but i'm happy it ended the way it did, heh.
Baozisaur #3
Chapter 1: She fell in love with all her killers!! XD
Baozisaur #4
I got here from ms. Vanillasushi's Blossom Roads. I really love her writing style. And if she recommended this then i trust that you are a great writer yourself :)
Amekel #5
Chapter 1: I... Was NOT expecting that ending haha
brutal beginning, happy finish. The characters are all very unique, I loved reading this, good job!
vanillasushi #6
Chapter 1: Polyamorous r/s with SeKaiBaek as leads will always have a special place in my heart! Hahaha and I LOVE how she's always falling in love with her killers, it's kinda sick but also quite funny LOL

Your grammar was great! Paragraphing was also good but I think they would have been a little longer -- but then again that is just how I like to write my paragraphs, so you don't have to follow that advice. Another thing was that, this one shot had a more... serious and dark vibe to it? But when you used "control, you hoe!" it just disrupted the whole atmosphere... I was laughing at that just because it sounded so out of place, especially with the word "hoe." This story was short too, which I appreciated since I have so many entries to read. But I think with such a... rich plot, I think it might have been better if you actually made this one shot longer with more development (character and plot wise). Because it got a little confusing to understand and the characters were not introduced much, so it was a little distant? Because with more development, readers would feel more attached to the story but with this one, it's a little hard to feel that way. I don't think I have any other critique to add!

Thank you for joining Blossom Roads! I hope you had fun writing, and that you will stay motivated to write more and to improve as you go along. It is always encouraging to see writers improve!

xoxo
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