It is risky. 

Yongguk knew it. He knew what they were getting themselves into.

Everyday, it became more and more difficult to stay without the other's touch, it became more and more intense and the guard knew a time will come where they will just not be able to control themselves anymore. 

Jongup had turned more and more beautiful in his eyes everytime they met. His face would glow and his smile! That adorable smile of his was what Yongguk will do anything to keep it on. He wants to protect him more than ever before. Ever since his brother's release, Jongup has looked much more relaxed and more open, he believed and trusted in Yongguk even more. 

Yongguk started training with Youngjae in the dark hours of the night, he excelled in hand to hand combat and his melee combat skills were top notch, but it was still difficult to train with a sword. It was too heavy and not so easy to move around. He still practiced tirelessly, binding his hands with a cloth to keep them safe from cuts and scratches. 

"Woah... You have really gotten a lot better in just a few months! You're truly amazing!" Youngjae complimented the other man who blushed and covered his face with his hands as he smiled widely. "It's not like that!" he whined and Youngjae laughed, pinching one of the guard's cheeks and pursing his lips in a cute way, "why do you act so cute, Yonggukkie?" They both giggled as they lay on the cool grass and watched the stars above.

"I am so glad you're here with us in this palace. The prince has become so much more expressive and even convinced his parents to let him follow his dreams of making music. He was never like this and would've never been like this without you. He even finishes his meals with you!" The smaller but a lot stronger head soldier couldn't stop admiring the effort Yongguk put to change the prince.

The truth was, the guard really didn't do much at all in his opinion. 

"Oh... I remembered his parents were talking about how he said he was interested in males... I guess we weren't wrong about his and Prince Daehyun's relationship."

Yongguk sat up straight, his heart thumping painfully, "What...?"

"Yeah, it is surprising but since his brother has already decided to take the role of the next in kingship, he can easily live his life with a bit more freedom now." 

"No, no... I meant, he likes another prince?" Yongguk asked, trying his best to keep his voice normal. 

"Hmm.. It's just an assumption, but prince Daehyun for sure always hits on our Jongup! He's always around our prince and always tries to get him alone. It's actually pitiful to watch since our prince would rarely give him a chance, but who knows, right?" 

There was silence. They went back to their designated rooms but Yongguk couldn't stop thinking about the news he had just come to know.

He thought of all the times they met but Jongup never told him he loved him.... He never said he wants to marry him... He never said he wants to live with him.... Have a life with him... 

He slapped his face from both sides multiple times as tears started welling up in his eyes. No, no,no,nonononononono..... Did he think I'm an idiot?... No, it's my fault... I'm an idiot. How could me... a slave... a mere poor "guard"... ever be with the royalty?... Then what was this all about uptil now... Was.. Was it just a fling!? Yongguk bursted into hotter tears. He couldn't believe it. No... It's better if I ask Jongup myself tomorrow... there's no way... but.. even then... what can we do... I'm... nothing...  His breath started leaving in gasps and it was getting more difficult to breathe. His heart was beating much more painfully and it felt as if the world was weighing on him.

He woke up with a broken body. His head aching so bad that it felt as if his brain was thumping behind his eyes. He took a cold shower to help his swelling

"Good mor- Woah. what happened to you?" Junhong asked the guard who sat for breakfast. 

"Nothing." The guard answered. 

"I know you're not the type to share your problems but today you look terrible." 

There was no answer. 

As Yongguk saw the prince's face that day, his heart throbbed painfully and he didn't look up for the rest of the day. He even denied eating with the prince and that's when Jongup knew something was off.

"What's wrong why are you acting this way?" 

There was silence and the prince got more frustrated, pushing the guard against the wall while holding him by the collar, "What happened, huh? What's wrong with you? What did I to you that you're acting this way towards me!?" He yelled. 

Yongguk was quiet. He didn't know how to approach the other, why was he so foolish? 

He looked at the prince with sad eyes and the prince, upon noticing it, loosened his grip, "I-I'm sorry... Yongguk, take your time. Tell me what happened when you're feeling better." and like that, the prince left his guard alone. 

Yongguk slid down the wall, holding his face between his hands as his heart broke more. The tears had started pooling again and he didn't know how to take care of it. He has never felt emotions like this before. Love is truly complicated, and if it hurts this bad. He doesn't want to do it. 

He got up and walked towards the prince's door, knocking softly.

Jongup was quick to open the door and with a quick glance at Yongguk's reddened, wet face, he pulled him inside, shutting the door behind them and pulling him into a tight hug, patting his head and whispering comforting words as the other cried harder. 

"Seriously... What happened?" The prince's own voice was heavy with sorrow. Watching the other cry, made him want to cry too. He had never seen anyone so broken before in his life. 

"Jongup... I think... we shouldn't see..." His grip tightened around Jongup, almost tearing off his shirt, as if  he was finding strength to hold him up as he uttered the next words, "I'm sorry but... Neither you or me, are worth each other."

"What do you mean?" The prince almost whispered, not believing what the other said, his heart tightening in his own chest. 

"Jongup... we need to stop seeing eachother. I'm nothing more than a guard and we have no future together. You are far, high above me while I'm nothing compared to you." Yongguk gasped, almost convulsing, it was getting harder.

"No! Don't say that! We can figure something out!" Jongup tried to convince himself more than the other through tears.

The guard chuckled painfully, "You were always in a dreamworld and I followed you, believing I could have a place in it too.

But, I forgot that you were able to dream your dreams, while I was only supposed to watch you achieve them. I'm sorry, Jongup."