Taehyung opened the door to the hospital ward where Hoseok was hopefully waiting for him. Another day, another bouquet of flowers, a few exchange of words and another moment of silence between them which none of them could stand. Taehyung looked at the bed at the end of the row, right next to the big window which allowed the golden sunlight of winter to fall on Hoseok’s already sun kissed complexion.

Hoseok was asleep on this particular afternoon. His eyes shut close and breath steady. It had been way too long since he had seen Hoseok in such a state of peace. It was difficult to look the other into his eyes now; the eyes Taehyung wanted only upon him. The same being who made Taehyung work hard for his exams so that he could join the other at the university he was no longer able to attend. The same hallways and classrooms were now empty to Taehyung.

Hoseok was always eye catching, physically and in aura. No matter where he went, all eyes would be upon him. The first time Taehyung had met Hoseok was when his elder brother Yoongi had brought him their home. Hoseok was only a little taller than his own elder brother and a year older than Taehyung, unlike his older brother.

Hoseok had immediately impressed their parents to the point they’d ask Yoongi where Hoseok was, how he was doing and why hadn’t been visiting, every single day. Hoseok and Yoongi had been closest of friends ever since Taehyung has been born; ironically, the day Taehyung was born was the same day Yoongi and Hoseok had been reunited.

Hoseok now slept in a bed in the same hospital he had met with Yoongi two decades back. Life was sadistic in its own way; that the place where they had shared their very first memories was where it all had ended. Taehyung at times wondered if it was Karma hitting him for his inner demons and he prayed to know what he could do to repent for his sins.

Taehyung was fourteen when he had realized he was in love with a boy a year older than him. The fact that he was developing feelings towards someone of the same gender was shocking on itself but the fact that it was his older brother’s best friend at that time was even more astounding and sinful. He often stayed back at the church to confess his sins and pray to the lord for mercy.

At the begging, he would apologize for his emotions towards Hoseok; his desire to touch the elder, his desire to be with the elder and his desire to be loved back by the elder. It wasn’t until he had walked into his older brother being ually intimate with the man he was in love with when he was sixteen; he had started to apologize for other emotions.

He at times loathed his brother for having what belong to him, jealously would result to his knuckles turned white and palms bleeding from the pressure of his nails and his everlasting lust when he could hear Hoseok moan against his elder brother. His emotions were no longer clear to him and no matter how many times the father cleansed him from his sins, he would wake up to nightmares where he bathed in the pitch black water of his own sins; a water so black that it could no longer reflect light.

He loathed his brother for touching what was h