2012

“Yeobo!”

“Honey!”

“CHOI SEUNGHYUN!!”

She screamed at the top of her lungs, banging the spoon angrily on the table. He was smiling goofily at his phone when he finally looked up.

“Yes? Sorry I was distracted.”

“Who are you texting that’s so important that you won’t even look at my face?”

“It’s Alice. I was telling her about my weird dream last night.”

“Urgh, Alice this, Alice that, everything is Alice!”

“Well, yeah she’s my best friend and she gets my dreams unlike you. You only mock me to my face every time.”

“Choi Seunghyun, your dreams are silly. Maybe you should go see a therapist or get an MRI instead of Alice. What does she know? She’s just a waitress not a doctor.”

“See, that’s the thing about you. You always look down on her.” Seunghyun rebelled furiously. His fist clenched white and his teeth gritted.

“I love you Choi Seunghyun and I want us to last forever. I don’t want you to get sick. What if it’s a tumour of some sort that’s making you hallucinate.”

“Okay I know.” A small smile formed at the corner of his lips.

“Why do we always have to fight about her. Don’t you love me?”

“Of course”

“Then say it back”

“Say what back?”

“Say you love me.”

“Arasso, I love you.” Seunghyun confessed nonchalantly.

“THAT WASN’T EVEN SINCERE!!!”

“THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?”

Seunghyun face was stern and stoic. He was furious as he stared unapologetically at her. Irene’s face was flushed red and she threw the whisk she had in hand into the sink and gave one last glare at Seunghyun. She huffed angrily without a word and stormed out of the apartment.

“YAH! KIM IRENE! HOW DARE YOU WALK AWAY!” He shouted from beyond the slammed door.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

You are cordially invited to the curatorial debut auction, ‘Walking on the moon’ by Choi Seunghyun. Show casing contemporary artist from all over Asia. An all exclusive perspective of young Asians by NYU’s 2014 valedictorian.

Venue: The Plaza Hotel, NYC

Time: 8.30pm

Date: January 1^st

Curator: Choi Seunghyun (Master of Arts (Fine Arts and Art History), NYU)

From: [email protected]

To:[email protected]

OMO!!!!! Your first exhibition!!!! Chukae!!!! I’m so happy for you!Omo..omo..that tittle after your name makes u sound so smart. I wish I could come to support you…chu chu… Oh, Goodluck! Fighting!! U can do this hyunnie ah!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Thanks!!! I feel smart too with the tittle thingy! Oh please come…for me? What do I have to do to convince you to come?

From: [email protected]

To:[email protected]

neo michyeoss-eo?? I have a five-year-old. I can’t just up and go! Pabo! But I will send all our energy to you! Fighting Choi Seunghyun ah. Fighting Seunghyun samchon!

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Tsk, Seunghyun appa…Arasso, arasso…I knew you would say this…so… I actually called your omma and asked if it was ok and she was cool with it and thought you needed that break. So, Kaja Alice ya! New York! New York!

p/s: I bought your flight so you can’t say no…ke..ke..ke..

“Aigoo my baby. Omma is going to go see Seunghyun samchon. Listen to halmoni and harabuji, arasso?”

The little girl nodded understandingly as she clutched her teddy bear close.

“Ppo Ppo” Alice had her arms stretched wide signalling for a kiss and hug. Lily obediently pecked her mother and wrapped her tiny arms around Alice’s neck.

“Omma, I want candy.”

“Arasso my baby girl. I’ll buy you all the candy you can eat with condition, don’t forget to brush your teeth before bed and eat your carrots. Ok, be a good girl. I have to go now. Saranghae.”

A few more hugs and kisses with my little girl and her teddy, I pulled on my luggage towards the departure gate and 20 hours later I finally arrived at JFK airport, New York in the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t do much on the flight yet I felt so exhausted. I was technically dragging my luggage reluctantly towards the arrival. I wonder if Seunghyun was already waiting for me. We haven’t seen each other in person since the last he came home a few years ago. Why was my heart pounding so hard? Am I nervous? Silly me, why would I? He’s my best friend. I wonder what is Lily having for breakfast, I thought, trying my best not to think how to react seeing Seunghyun. I looked around at the sea of faces standing in front of the arrival gate. Some had placards with names like Mr Nicholas, Ms Akita and such. It was then that I saw a familiar face. He was wearing all black with a really stylish trench coat. He still had his platinum blond hair and sweet smile. My blood was rushing through my veins and adrenaline pumped through out and in a snap second my hands had let go of my luggage and legs were running towards him. He welcomed me with open arms and a bouquet of sunflowers. The warmth of his body transferred to mine as our bodies touch and my feet barely reached the ground as he lifted me up. I could feel that his once scrawny arms were no longer as thin as I remembered and his chest was a lot firmer than before.

Seunghyun had a sheepish grin on his face as we finally pulled apart. He stared intently at me before patting my head and handing me the flowers.

“Aigoo, I miss you so much! How was the flight?”

“It was a little bumpy as we flew in to Japan but the rest was fine. Bored to be exact.”

“Ok. So have you had breakfast yet? Cause I’m starving like crazy.”

“Sure. I only had airplane food. Take me to the best in New York! Oh can I use your phone? I can’t get reception and I’d very much want to talk to Lily.”

“Wanna know a secret?” he asked.

“What?”

“I forgot how to drive a car.” Seunghyun confessed as a cheeky smile cracked on his face.

“How is it possible to forget how to drive?” she asked mockingly.

“This is New York. It’s either you hail a cab or you walk and take the subway. But I like to use my skateboard.”

“You skate to work?”

“No silly, I have to be classy for work.”

“Wuuu, the all classy Choi Seunghyun.”

“Shut up. You’re spoiling the moment. It doesn’t get better than this I swear. I’m so happy that you’re here.”

Seunghyun exclaimed happily with a mouthful of egg sandwich over the endless sound of honking, cars passing by and people shuffling about to their destination. It was a really cold and windy morning but the sun was up high shining down on the big apple. Alice nodded as she indulged on her bacon sandwich. The two of them enjoyed their meals in front of the iconic signboard on the fifth avenue and 57^th street of Tiffany and co.

“I feel like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

“But you are so much prettier and cuter. And short.” Seunghyun teased.

“Aigoo, so cheesy that my breakfast just crawled back up into my mouth.”

“Kyeopta” Seunghyun pouted his lips playfully. Alice could only rollback her eyes in disgust.

“Ok, where to next Tour guide-nim?”

“Erm, what time is it now?” He asked glancing at the black worn out watch on her wrist.

“Wah jinjja! You still have that watch after all these times?” he exclaimed in excitement.

“Of course, it’s still good. Urgh, I need to use to toilet.”

“We can use the one in here.”

I smiled cunningly at Alice before grabbing her hands into mine. I pulled her along despite her resistance and entered the ever famous boutique. We were greeted by a blond haired girl who stood behind the counter displaying an array of beautiful and marvellous rings and jewelleries.

“Good morning! Welcome to Tiffany’s. Is it for a special occasion?” she asked chirpily. I glanced at Alice by my side who had flushed red and shaking her head viciously. I smiled politely at the sales girl.

“She needs the girl’s room.” I answered.

“Oh I see. It’s right by that statue on the left.” She pointed and Alice quickly ran towards the restroom.

“Anything I can interest you in sir? A ring for your beautiful girlfriend?”

I couldn’t hide the smile from forming on my face and I could feel the blood rushing into my head.

“I wish she was. She’s a friend, here for a visit.”

“Ah, I see. Anything I can interest you in?”

“A beautiful watch for a beautiful lady and a necklace to go with it.”

“Can you tell me a bit more about her? Does she need the watch for a professional setting or just for casual days?”

“Something for both casual and professional. She’s my best friend since we we’re 5. She’s beautiful, playful, so full of love and smart. She’s the best mother ever to Lily. She lights up my darkest days with her smile and warmth. She’s practically the only thing that makes me want to get up every day.”

“That was lovely sir. I think I may have the thing for you.” She answered as she pulled out a rose gold watch from the drawers behind her.

“I think this would be the perfect gift. It’s made of 20k rose gold and stainless steel. Made in Switzerland with white flinqué dial and gold pounder numerals. It can complement this necklace.”

The sales assistant handed me the watch and necklace. The necklace was in the same colour as the watch and had an infinity pendent. I examined both closely, thinking whether Alice would like the watch and necklace.

“The necklace is 16 inches long made of 20k rose gold. The infinity sign symbolizes continuous connection, energy and vitality. This design is also available in sterling silver.” She added.

“Kyaa, what are you looking at?” Alice asked as she poked on my side with her fingers.

“Do you like this?” I asked, showing her the necklace and watch.

“Yeah of course, it’s pretty. Who are you buying it for?”

“Would you like to try it on ma’am?” the girl asked. Alice nodded enthusiastically.

She pulled her hair up to allow me to put the necklace on. The necklace looked perfect on her.

“We’re getting it. The watch too.” I announced. Then I casually grabbed her hand and took off her old watch and replaced it with the new one. I then pocketed her old watch before she could change it back.

“Wah jinjja? Why are you doing this?” She asked in disbelieve.

I was glad I could splurge on her after all that she’s been through, raising a child she didn’t intended and putting a stop to her own dreams. I felt that she deserved it the very least.

“Choi Seunghyun, why are you doing this?” She asked as she halted by the red light at the crosswalk. She looked up at me with doe eyes, the same eyes that made my stomach churn and giddy even as a child.

“Do what?”

“All this? Bringing me all the way to New York, buying me things that you know I can never be able to pay you back?”

“What? I don’t expect you to pay me back. I was being sincere. And we have not celebrated your birthday in years. I know its belated but can you just accept it?”

She nodded acknowledging my explanations.

“Come on. I have something to show you and it’s really cool!”

We spent that afternoon admiring the world famous Rockefeller tree and we went ice skating at Central Park. Everything felt like a dream. This was how I’ve always pictured my life to be when I was a young boy and we both had dreams of conquering New York in our adolescent years but a single twist of fate leads us to very different paths.

“You Alice Park, is gonna have the best New Year’s Eve ever in your entire life here in New York. I swear!” Seunghyun shouted over the roaring crowd that was beginning to flood Times Square.

“Surprise me!” She said as she raised the beer bottle in hand, which Seunghyun gladly knocked his beer bottle to.

“Cheers”

Times Square was jammed pack with people from all over the world. Everyone was dancing in the cold to nonstop performances by world class superstars. Seunghyun held Alice close to him with his hand firmly clasping on her shoulders. They were really enjoying the annual ball drop concert.

“Omo! It’s Taylor Swift!” Alice gasped in excitement, as the singer took to the stage. Seunghyun simply chuckled as he watched her singing every word in Taylor Swift’s song. No expenses were spared for all the performances as pyrotechnics and streamers were projected all over the stage and onto the crowd. The bright blinding lights of the billboards all around Times Square was overwhelming yet exhilarating. Horns could be heard from all over the mosh of people around them. Everyone was hyped as they all stared at the gigantic LED geodesic sphere on the roof of the One Times Square building. The huge sphere was lit by a hundred incandescent lights and its descend indicated that it was a minute to midnight. The crowd was cheering hard and everyone united for the countdown.

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

The crowd was singing Auld Lang Syne as some hugged the person next to them. Couples were kissing as the confetti and streamers came down. Fireworks banged and boomed above the crowd.

“sae hae bok man i ba da Alice ya”

“Happy New Year Hyunnie ah!”

I smiled at him as I wished him happy new year. I stared deep into his brown eyes, and it was then that I realised somehow his eyes showed pain. Scars that I’ve never seen him have before. In that split second and with nothing in my mind I moved closer to him and held onto him tight. As always my head would only reach his chest but I could still smell his peppermint aftershave. His body was warm against mine. It was then that I realised that my feet had left the ground. I was fully dependent on my arms around his neck and his grasp holding me by my back. We chatted happily amongst the sea of people. We have been talking to each other the whole day yet we still had so much to catch up on we were talking a hundred words per second, barely even listening to the ends of one another's sentences before moving onto the next. And there was laughing. Lots of laughing. Then the laughing stopped and there was this silence. What the hell was it? It was like the world stopped turning in that instant. Like everyone around us had disappeared. Like everything at home was forgotten about. It was as if those few minutes on this world were created just for us and all we could do was look at each other. It was like he was seeing my face for the first time. He looked confused but kind of amused. Exactly how I felt. Because I was standing in the middle of the crowd with my best friend Seunghyun, and that was my best friend Seunghyun's face and nose and eyes and lips, but they seemed different. So I kissed him. I seized the moment and I kissed him. I moved in deeper, something about this felt right as if all that was wrong in my life was coming back into one piece. Suddenly he pulled back and reality hit me hard. His face was sombre and he couldn’t look me in the eye but all he could say was sorry. I don’t understand what he was sorry about and because of that moment I finally realised that I was in love with him. I loved him more than I should and he meant more to me than how a best friend should mean to someone.

We reached his apartment as I silently followed him from behind. The whole cab ride back was silent; he didn’t utter a single word nor did he glance a look at me. Maybe I was wrong for initiating that kiss. I only wished I could take it back now but it was too late. I stared at his broad back as he took off his shoes at the door and I followed suite. I really wanted to hug him but I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire because clearly, he doesn’t feel what I feel for him.

“Choi Seunghyun! Where were you?! I called you a million times, I was worried sick. I thought you died! Were you out drinking again?”

We were both taken aback as a tall black haired woman stood in the living room of his apartment with arms across her chest. She was wearing a black satin dress with gold sequin details. She was clearly irritated when she suddenly caught a glimpse of me. I was trying my best to hide behind Seunghyun.

“Irene, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming tomorrow night?” Seunghyun asked with a stutter in his voice. He was overwhelmed by her.

“HOW DARE YOU BRING A INTO MY HOUSE CHOI SEUNGHYUN! YOU SEUNGHYUN! CAN’T I COME AND SURPRISE MY FIANCE WHENEVER I WANT?”

Fiancé? I thought to myself. The feeling in the room was so intense and deafening.

“THE HELL IRENE! THIS IS MY HOUSE, MY APARTMENT SO I CAN BRING WHOEVER I WANT AND SHE’S NOT A , SHE’S ALICE. I WAS OUT PARTYING WITH HER. She just arrived this morning, Jesus!”

It was then that Irene smiled forcefully at me as she extended her hand at me for a shake. I took her hand in mine.

“Sorry about that. I’m just so hormonal at times. I’m Irene. Pleasure to finally meet you, I’ve heard too much about you.”

I simply nodded and smile.

“Alice, never heard of you.” I replied coyly.

I stood staring at the painting in front of me, puzzled. It was nothing but a mess of colours to me and yet cost so much. These artists are being overrated I thought to myself. It was either I was invisible or everyone that attended the auction had manage to ignore my existence. No one talked to me and from the looks of it, I didn’t fit into their class. Everyone was wearing a fancy dress and expensive tux. All the girls there seemed to be a fashion clone of Irene. I heaved heavily as I looked at my watch. I’ve only been here for 10 minutes and I already feel like dying of boredom.

“Hi” said a voice from behind. Irene stood behind me with a fake smile plastered on her beautiful face. Yes, I have to admit she looks pretty even more with the expensive jewellery she had dangling on her neck, ears and around her wrist.

“Oh hi.” I replied.

“Let’s just cut to the chase. Why are you here?” she asked.

“What do you mean? Seunghyun wanted me here. It’s his first auction.”

“Well, Alice. I’m a really honest person and truth be told I don’t like you. And you being here just, well…you’re clearly out of place. Seunghyun has a better life here with me. We’re gonna have a baby together and you being here is pulling him back to being the dump he was before. I hope you get it. It’s for Seunghyun’s sake and also our unborn child.” She said as she patted the tiny baby bump that was visible under her tight dress.

A jolt of electric went through my whole system. A baby? I thought to myself. I couldn’t contain the pain I felt. I couldn’t even comprehend what I was feeling. I nodded understandingly and forced a crooked smile across my face. I could feel the hot flush on my face as tears began to my eyes. I dashed out of the hotel as fast as my two feet would carry me. I was hurt by her words but most of all I was hurt by his actions.

Seunghyun

From a far I could see Alice standing alone in front of a painting by Daniel Wang. I wanted to go to her but countless important people were approaching me and talking to me about the art pieces I have chosen for the exhibition. I couldn’t cut them off without being rude. After a few rounds of wine with potential collectors and investors, I noticed that Alice was running out of the hotel with her head bent down and hands covering her face as if she was holding back tears.

“Alice! Alice!” I shouted as I followed her out.

“Alice are you ok?”

“I’m going back. And I mean back to Seoul. This is just a huge pile of mess.”

“What? What’s a mess?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I wanted to have a little fun and for goodness sake you’re my best friend Alice.”

“Fun? Am I just your fun time friend? We were out all night. What was that? A rendezvous? While you have a fiancé waiting for you at home with a baby on the way and you didn’t care to tell me about it?”

“Nothing happened. We were only celebrating new year.”

“Then what was that kiss? You kissed me back. Was it all in my head?”

“It meant nothing Alice. It happened on a whim and everyone around us were kissing.”

“Nothing? Wah! You are really a mess Choi Seunghyun. You are ed up.”

“Me? Oh I get this; I know it is hard on you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re projecting Alice.”

“What? You think I’m jealous?”

“I know you’ve had a rough couple of years and everything in New York reminds you of your dreams.”

“No Seunghyun, you’re wrong. Let’s just stop the psychobabble. You needed me here, someone from your past to point out at you how much of a mess you are. Your snobby friends and how you are compensating in someone like Irene. You needed me to tell you that you can do better than her.”

“Compensating? What in the world am I compensating? I have a great apartment, an awesome life, a career, a stable relationship and to top that, a baby on the way with not one but two parents.” I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.

And all of a sudden, the anger in Alice’s face turned glum and dark clouds appeared around her. It was then that I realised that I slipped my words. I shouldn’t have said about Lily having no dad. It was a deep rooted sensitive issue to her. I should have known better since I promised her that I’d be the father Lily needed. Alice simply looked away as she wiped the tears on her cheeks.

“Thank you so much for that reminder Seunghyun. Just don’t come crawling back to me if ever you find yourself empty on the inside. Have fun climbing that greasy pole of success of yours.”

Alice bowed her head and turned her back on me and began walking away. She stomped furiously. I wanted to stop her. To run over to her but I couldn’t take back my words after throwing them so bluntly at her. My words stabbed her in deep. I watched as she walked away, further and further. I could no longer contain myself. I had to make this right or else I might never see her again.

“Alice wait! I’m sorry.” I shouted as I ran over to catch up to her. She wouldn’t turn around nor will she stop walking. I swiftly grabbed her by her shoulders so she would turn and look at me.

“Alice, mianhe. I shouldn’t have said that. I was wrong. Lily has an appa. I’m her appa. I promised you that I’ll be the appa she needs.” I whimpered helplessly with both my knees scrapping the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m her appa.” My sobs were muffled. My suit was ruined. My hair was messed up. My words I couldn’t take back. My words that will forever hurt her.

Alice’s eyes were red as tears continued to stream down her cheeks.

“You’ve never been a father to her so don’t try to pretend that you are.” She said as she yanked her arms from my grip and she continued on walking, making a turn at the corner of the street.