Arriving the earliest, Chaeyoung walked groggily to her seat and plopped herself down in a limp-ish manner.  It was only a little bit after 6:00 AM but Chaeyoung already had her forehead flat on her desk; sluggish and drained. She loves to sleep so much, don’t get mistaken, but ever since Mina came in the picture, she has gotten used to the fact of sleepless nights often times. Even though if it was just a small thing, when it involves Mina, her mind gets proactive resulting to the dissolution of the word sleep in her brain. She groaned then kicked nothingness below her desk. Was she making a huge deal over something trivial such as a question that carries no evidence of truth? All night she laid down on her bed wide awake, trying to connect all the dots on her own- What kind of relationship does Momo and Mina have? Was it deeper than theirs? How come she believed Momo’s words almost immediately after their encounter? Does that suggest how weak and fickle her feelings for Mina were? Or is it the opposite? She wanted to bang her head until the desk cracks in half but that wasn’t even necessary any longer since her heart ached a ton more.

Chaeyoung tried to tell herself that maybe she was just overthinking; maybe all this was nothing but rubbish thoughts and needless worries. She wanted to talk to Mina about this, but, along with the maybes that were already bothering her, were the pestering what ifs. What if Mina gets disappointed by the unfaithfulness that Chaeyoung accuses her of? What if she says that Chaeng was nothing but a pawn on her chessboard; a jester to entertain her for the meantime? What if she gets angry that Chaeyoung doubted their relationship? But she never gets angry; we never had a fight. Is that even normal? Chaeng anxiously asked herself. Furthermore, there was none of any kind of confirmation if they really were in a relationship. It scared Chaeyoung to the point that she hugged herself. What if Mina really was just looking for someone to pass time with and the easiest target would be a drunken short girl who easily loses control of her hormones when influenced with alcohol? That was her- Son Chaeyoung. All of a sudden, she felt stupid and so… used. The deeper she dug, the more her feelings wavered.

“Sonchaeng, for the love of God, get a grip, woman! You’re drooling all over my desk!” A shriek cut her off her thoughts. Chaeng sighed and felt relief of some sort from the sudden intrusion.

“Shut up. I didn’t drool.” Chaeng coolly responded but bit back a curse when she realized she really was on Dahyun’s desk.

“You look the ugliest this morning, Chaeng.” Tzuyu straightforwardly said as she dropped her bag on her seat and sat with proper posture.

“How rude, Choutzu. Just because everyone, except for me, calls you a goddess, that doesn’t mean you have all the liberty to call anyone ugly. Now, be a good Samaritan and buy us coffee!” Dahyun commanded and jumped behind Chaeng when Tzuyu stood up and glared daggers at her.

“Would you two please stop talking? My head hurts!” Chaeng whined just before Dahyun and Tzuyu could commence a game of death tag.

“Why? What’s wrong, Chaeng?” A soft voice asked and an agonizing pain crept in her heart. It sounded too damn innocent that she was back to questioning her beliefs yet again.

“It’s nothing, Mina, just lack of sleep.” Chaeyoung bowed her head. She didn’t want to sound harsh but the way she said it obviously portrayed so. She cursed herself once again. Was it guilt that was consuming her after hearing Mina’s voice? She had no idea. But what she’s sure of is that she no longer had the guts to look Mina in the eye. After all, it was her who had doubts in them. It became difficult to the point it came close to impossibility.

Chaeyoung’s weak response was picked up by Mina. There was definitely something bothering her. And if that’s the case, Mina could never let it go. She sat on the chair in front of Chaeng and studied her face for hints but the cub looked away a millisecond after.

“You’re not okay.”  Mina said in a barely audible voice and her face was an epitome of worry.

It was Chaeyoung’s time to intently study Mina’s expression but for a different reason. She was trying to analyze if Mina really was worried or was it just a guise? And as if a sharp spear punctured her heart, Chaeng clenched her chest as she gasped for air. What the hell am I doing? Her mind was, indeed, full of doubts while her poor fragile heart was seeking for a breathing space from all the painful residues of her thoughts. Her eyes watered from the joust between her heart and mind.

“I’m sorry, Mina.” That was all the words her strength could afford to let out. Everything else was stuck in hindered by the fear and shamefulness after seeing Mina’s pained face.

Mina was about to say something but their teacher came in and she was forced to go back to her seat with a heavy heart. She prayed that what she thinks Chaeyoung meant about that was wrong but… everything else screamed that she was breaking; that they were breaking. Mina got paranoid. She thought back about the past few days and tried to find something she did or said or just literally anything that might have hurt Chaeng, but only to end up with nothing. She wanted to cry so badly, her heart was on the verge of exploding. What went wrong? Mina blamed herself over nothing. I must have done something.

The whole lecture felt like days. Mina was impatiently tapping her fingers on her desk and was biting her bottom lip. She checked her watch hastily. Five more minutes, she pleaded to herself. Her heart rampaged in her ribcage, the sheer force as if threatening to escape, if only humanly possible. Every tick of the clock heightens the sting that excruciates her heart. All she could do was stare at Chaeyoung’s back and wait for the discussion to be over. She can’t let anything bad happen between them, not now when everything about them was falling into the right places. Except this. Chaeyoung’s avoidance of eye contact was something that always happens but it felt wrong earlier, like she was hiding a secret from Mina. Two minutes left. Just when Mina was ready for dismissal, Chaeyoung shot up her hand and excused herself to the washroom. Mina was startled. She mindlessly stared at Chaeyoung’s disappearing back and felt the world shatter in front of her. The dismissal bell rang and it brought Mina back to her senses. Is she avoiding me? It was too early to conclude but Mina was so restless about the whole thing. She bolted up from her seat and was almost at the exit when the professor called out her name. For the first time in her life, she wanted to give 5000 stab wounds to a teacher.

“Miss Myoui, you are an exceptional student; topnotch and an over achiever, even. It has come to my mind that you are well aware of that but to space out in my discussion looking all grumpy and hasty is very inconsiderate just because you already have high remarks, I’m disappointed. Perhaps, is something bothering you?” He, in Mina’s point of view, asked in a painful slow motion.

“I’m okay.” That was all Mina could muster to say. She was fighting the urge of pulling the wig off her ‘secretly’ bald teacher. And before he could enunciate his retort, Mina dashed off from the scene after quickly bowing for, at the very least, respect.

●

She knows she was close to losing everything; to losing Mina, if she continues to do this but Chaeyoung can’t get herself to act on it; to fight for it. She wasn’t like Dahyun who was molded by her prejudicial past to be a person with fortitude to face dragons bare-handed, and unlike Tzuyu who has the courage of knowing what has to be done; what was right and what was w