it's easier

come as you are
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Title: It’s Easier
Pairing/s: Exy/Seola. Side-pairings include Seola/Soobin, Bona/Xuanyi, Eunseo/Chengxiao
Summary: People can’t seem to tell the difference between Seola and Hyunjung and Exy hates it.
Word count: 2720 words
A/N: Set before Taking Courage [boxuan]. Even though Exy calls Seola  'Hyunjung', Seola will remain 'Seola' in the narrative to avoid confusion. Angst incoming. You have been warned. 

 

 

 


Exy still can’t call Hyunjung by her stage name ‘Seola’ after all this time.

Having a stage name is a way of branding oneself, a form of rebirth. Image marketing. Most members remain the same off-cam and on-cam, though with their stage names, sometimes it feels like meeting someone for the first time all over again.

Sojung doesn't mind being Exy for all the world cared. She likes the name. Jiyeon and Bona took some time getting used to mainly because the name reminded her of f(x)’s Krystal role in The Heirs. Juyeon and Eunseo are one; the name fit her perfectly like a glove that it still amazes Exy to this day. Yeoreum and Jinsook, well, Exy knows Yeoreum more than Jinsook, since she's one of the last ones to be added to the group.

But Seola feels like acid on Exy’s tongue, a name she’d rather not speak should she have a choice.

“Seola? What kind of a name is Seola?” Exy laughs when she first hears it.

“What kind of a name is Exy? Please.” Seola deadpans. “That’s just y without the s.”

“Exy is cool and edgy. Where does yours come from?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you look it up?”

Soon Exy finds out among other various references that Seola is a book published in 1878; a translation of an ancient journey written by a woman named Seola, a biblical character, a wife of one of Noah’s sons.

Exy doesn’t make fun of her Seola after that, although she still calls her Hyunjung except on broadcasts.

People can’t seem to tell the difference between Seola and Hyunjung and Exy hates it.

 

 

 

 

i.

Seola reminds her of something not quite right; a light drizzle in high noon, a crown stolen from the rightful heir, tears hidden under the pretense of apathy.

Hyunjung reminds her of laughter in the moonlight; an hour past twelve, lilting promises of spending the weekends and holidays together even after debut.


+

 

It’s not something the members openly talk about but Seola’s got the biggest pride. Exy wishes Seola didn’t have to swallow it in full whenever people ask about her age, weight and how long she trained.

Being friends with someone for a long time has its limits. Exy can’t remember when or who started it but somewhere in the middle they drifted too far apart to be pulled back together.

Even Eunseo says so.

Exy misses their years as trainees yet it’s a place she never wants to go back to. Being a trainee was never easy. It’s a limbo; perpetually suspended in flight above an endless ocean, waiting for a breeze strong enough to send them to shore.

They lived each day on surges of ambition and died each night starving on a meal per day because they were criticized for their weight. Being with Seola made it all worthwhile.

The change was laughable at first because it was so inevitable yet so astonishing. Two girls, barely out of adolescence, turned lionhearts propelled by dreams and desire, relentless and invulnerable.

At a time when more than a dozen trainees graduated all at once, acquaintances and some almost friends, Exy and Seola spared them neither words nor tears nor pity.

Up to this day Exy wonders just how rigid they've become.

 

 

 

 

ii.

Seola reminds her of Soobin; secrets whispered into giggles and stolen kisses when they think no one else sees them; never running out of things to talk about, twenty seconds of heartfelt unbroken stares during duets because together they sound like a choir of angels.

Hyunjung reminds her of them; trapped in the days of their youth, knowing side-glances and smirks; treading through the chaos of the world together, barefoot and fingers twined, words too fast to be comprehended by anyone else with hip-hop blasting from the speakers.


+

 

“For a group with thirteen members, you spend a lot of time with Soobin.” Exy says, pretending not to care.

Seola smiles fondly. “She’s adorable.”

“I’m sure she is.”

“Is that jealousy I hear, Chu Sojung?” Seola drops her pizza dramatically.

Exy’s gotten so good at pretending that her lies manage to eat through her words easily. She scoffs. “You wish. I’ve had enough of you, Kim Hyunjung.”

“We basically spent almost half of our lives together, you think I haven’t had enough of you as well?” Seola’s frown turns to an accidental pout.

“I didn’t know Weepinbell would be paying us a visit today.” Exy says flatly.

Seola gives her that signature look of hers. A mix of resentment and indifference, cold and angry and uncaring rolled into a drop of her lips and a glare of her huge round eyes.

Exy believes Seola picked it up from being the Sagittarius representative but she loves it all the same.

 

 

 


iii.

Seola is a masterpiece by a world-class painter; layered with hundreds of shades of all named colors, brush tipped with acrylic and oil and watercolor.

Hyunjung is a single smear of leftover paint, an unknown color on the first page of Exy’s diary.


+


Unlike the rest of the members, whose beds mostly contain of stuffed plushies, fantaken photos, gifts, and several pillows, Seola’s bed has nothing else but a single pillow and a crumpled blanket. When they were trainees, Exy used to put a random plushie in the middle of Seola’s bed to annoy her.

Imagine Exy’s surprise when she finds a stack of coloring books on the corner of Seola’s bed. Exy waves the pile up in the air, unable to hold her laughter. “Coloring books? What are you, five?”

“Mei Qi’s also into coloring books. She’s pretty good.” Bona says, as she continues to rearrange their cosmetics on the dresser.  “Not a child’s coloring book, though.”

It’s been a long time since Exy last saw Seola’s face  just as red. “T-They’re not for me.”

Bona clears . “Unnie, I suggest you get the ones for adults.”

“I did, originally. But I was in a such rush that I picked the ones in the wrong pile.”

The grin on Exy’s face drops. She puts the coloring books back. “Oh. Were these for Soobin?”

Exy mumbles a curse under her breath a second later because Soobin’s peaking from the doorway.

“I heard my name.”

Seola is quick on her feet. She blocks the door with her arms. “Not

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Comments

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kasterian #1
Chapter 16: my first reread of this story this year 😌 prob won’t be my last either LOL
emilytjoa #2
Waiting for more, especially Seola Soobin.. They are the original Royal Couple but with rare fan fic.. Really hope author-nim can make more SeolBin fanfic.. Thank you very much..
TzuwiZhou #3
Chapter 15: Hello! I'm a new ujung and a new reader! And I'm gonna wait patiently for back and gold chapters like I will wiat patiently for the next wuju cb (or ot13 😭). Your writings are a blessing, thank you!
gazwashere
#4
Chapter 15: woke up to a need to read ludawon and thats what led me here... black and gold come home <3
markaxel
#5
Chapter 16: This is so good 😭 more seolbo please 🥺
chocochipc00kie
#6
Chapter 16: T.T this is so good! It really takes both parties to put effort for something to work. At least this time, they heard each other and compromising to make it work. Thank you so much for sharing this!
bakwoongang
#7
Chapter 16: holy shayt this one is craaaayyzyyy
bakwoongang
#8
Chapter 16: holy shayt this one is craaaayyzyyy
heemejin
#9
Chapter 16: wait you're back, YOU'RE BACK
H0lm3z #10
Chapter 15: Screaming off the top of my lungs. The Black and Gold series is so sgshdgdh exciting