As soon as he awakes he knows this day is bad, he has no sore muscles, he can smell breakfast cooking, the sun is already shining outside his window and it’s quite warm in his room, but it’s still a bad day. He feels like there’s a gray cloud over his head and rain constantly raining down on him, forcing him closer to the ground with its force and soaking his body to the point of shivering.

He shifts out of bed reluctantly and stands up on a pair of shaky legs that feel weak to the bones and like their muscles have fallen off in his sleep. The feeling is indescribable but to attempt, he feels like his body is not completely and wholly his own and as if he’s creeping into someone else’s life, opening them up and crawling into their skin. It’s just as unpleasant as it sounds and Chanwoo shakes his limbs in a weak attempt at getting rid of the sensation.

The pursuit is fruitless as his body remains in it’s rigid and tense state no matter how much Chanwoo decides to shake. His feet are chilled and his hands quiver despite the room being just as heated as it gets, his eyes feel droopy and his lips drier than a desert and reaches for his bedside table where he keeps a glass of water.

Unfortunately, his fingers are still unsteady and his grip around the glass never truly forms and all he can do is watch it slowly fall to the ground and shatter, emitting a high pitch noise that alerts Jinhwan outside.

“Chanwoo?” his strawberry blonde hair sticks in through the doorway but Chanwoo does not have the energy nor the will to look up and greet him, so he falls to his knees heavily not minding the piece of glass cutting his knee and starts to pick up the pieces of the glass now shattered and beyond repair.

“Chanwoo,” this time he speaks up louder and doesn’t linger half outside of the door contrary he opens it halfway and steps in quietly, at first it doesn’t seem too strange to see Chanwoo picking up the pieces from the glass he broke, but what shocks Jinhwan is not the state of the younger’s unmade bed or by his lack of appropriate attire, it’s the blood on his knee and the few drops dripping from his palm where he’s gathering the glass.

“Chanwoo stop,” he hastily races forward and grabs at the boy’s arm, “let go of the glass, you’re hurting yourself,” he grabs the boy’s other hand and stops him from picking up any more glass. Jinhwan frowns at him as Chanwoo doesn’t struggle, there’s no whining, no childish bickering, no trickle of taunts or snappy remarks, there’s nothing besides the vague sound of people in the living room and their conjoined breaths.

Jinhwan lets go of one arm and turns the other one around, the one filled with glass, he barely has to touch Chanwoo’s fingers for the boy to open his hand and Jinhwan again takes notice of the lack of struggle and complaints, there’s nothing but quiet compliance and somehow that disturbs him and angers him more than the usual nagging. He picks the glass up from the boy’s hand and places it on the bedside table to handle later, first he’s got to take care of the younger’s hand and knee, there’s not a lot of blood but it’s the fact that there’s not supposed to be any blood at all that worries Jinhwan. Chanwoo didn’t even mind when he fell to his knees and nicked himself, didn’t even care to adjust his grip as the glass cut into his palm.

“Chanwoo, you need to dress those wounds,” Jinhwan adds softly but gets nothing in response other than a small bow no more than a tilt of his head. He rises stiffly and with difficulty before hurrying as fast as his tired legs will carry him to the small bathroom connected to the room. He locks it after and Jinhwan knows not to disturb. So he doesn’t.

Chanwoo’s stomach hurts and you would think it’s because he skipped breakfast and went to dance practice on an empty stomach, however that’s not the case. He ate his breakfast, he’s had lunch as well, and yet it feels so empty, like a black hole in the middle of his body in all the energy he has and making it disappear into thin air. Completely draining him of his ability to do anything.

His stomach grumbles and twist and turns and his lungs feel stuffed like it doesn’t matter how deep of a breath he takes it’s not coming anywhere except to his throat. His voice is weak and his mouth feels like sandpaper and there’s nothing he can do about it because no matter how much he borrows someone’s inhaler or drinks liters of water it’s still the same.

His singing sounds atrocious and his dancing is no better, his moves are sluggish and offbeat and his voice is hoarse and doesn’t want to go any higher, it’s like it stops mid-note and falls flat. It’s a horrible feeling but at the same time, the feeling is barely noticeable. It’s a rainy day although the sun is shining.

He dances for however long it takes for his limbs to go numb, he dances for however long it takes to forget what song he’s actually dancing to, and he dances until he’s not sure he’s doing the correct dance or just flapping his arms in distress and moving his feet like Mumble. He dances until his legs give out and he doesn’t notice them not carrying him anymore until he’s in Junhwe’s arms and being held centimeters from hitting the ground.

“Chanwoo,” Junhwe says and Chanwoo wonders when they decided to jump into the pool because his ears are clogged and it’s like listening to someone yelling on the surface, he thinks he manages to whispers something when he feels his lips move but it seems to fall on deaf ears as Junhwe doesn’t answer or react in any way. Strange, maybe de didn’t say anything after all. He tries again and this time he’s pretty sure the rumble in his throat means that he did some sort of noise, Junhwe’s brows furrow but he doesn’t say anything and Chanwoo feels so trapped. He’s speaking so why isn’t he being answered.

The third time he tries to scream, he in a deep breath, as deep as it wants to go, and yells, he yells and yells and yells til his throat feels raw and his mouth dry but Junhwe makes no move. It’s like he’s screaming at the top of his lungs in a crowded room and no one hears him.

He closes his eyes in anguish and desperation and he feels a single tear make its way down his cheek, it’s no more than a single drop of salty water but it makes an intense pressure lift from his shoulders and suddenly he can inhale the air just a little deeper. The single tear holds so much importance because it’s a feeling, perhaps not a positive one and not one to feel good about having, but it’s a rainy day and if sadness is the only thing he can project, he’ll take it.

“Don’t cry,” this time he hears Junhwe’s voice clearly and it causes, even more tears to spill because it sounds so clear, so deep, so real and so Junhwe, it’s like sunshine on a rainy day and Chanwoo craves it. Junhwe helps him sit up a bit and only then does he notice that they are in fact alone in the practice room, the clock on the wall is broken and Chanwoo feels a bit lost, how and when did he end up here?

“I can’t help it,” he mumbles as Junhwe wipes his cheek and the feel of his fingers doesn’t feel as cold and unwelcoming as Jinhwan’s had in the morning, this time he enjoys the contact and when Junhwe goes to pull it away he grabs it and holds it in his own. He’s usually not this brave, sure they hug on camera and joke all the time but never is he so sensitive and so desperate for touch, he’s never this vulnerable. He guesses that’s why Junhwe lets him hold on, why he lets him cling to him, why he lets him ground himself, and why he doesn't pull away.

Chanwoo couldn’t care less as to why he lets him hold his hand, all he cares about is the feeling of warmth spreading through his fingertips and touching at his heart, grazing his lungs and his throat and his stomach and his legs, it’s like a magical touch as he feels himself heal. Feels himself be sewn back together under Junhwe’s touch, feels himself be mended by the simple touch of another hand in his and revels in it.

“Why are you crying?” Junhwe asks and moves himself closer to the younger, pressing up against him and grabbing their locked hands with his other, Chanwoo leans into the comfort of Junhwe, into the comfort of his friend, his bandmate, his teammate, his brother.

“Because it’s a rainy day,” he says quietly.

“But the sun’s shining,” Junhwe answers, clearly confused.

Chanwoo looks up at him and wonders what more he should say, what more is there to say?

“I didn’t notice until now.”

Hope you enjoyed. Have a lovely day and stay healthy.

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