Jongin didn't go home right away. He knew that Taemin would be there, and then he'd have to deal with all of that right away, and he just couldn't do that right now. Instead, he stayed out until the sky pinked with the beginning of sunset, buying himself dinner from a vendor on the side of the street. When he finally headed home, all of the negative emotions he'd been trying to ignore came flooding back, making every step harder to take the closer he got to home. And then he was outside the door of their apartment, hand on the doorknob, hesitating. 

He opened the door, stepping inside to find the living room dark and empty. Jongin turned the lights on, looking around. 

"Taemin?" He called, not really expecting an answer. 

The door to their bedroom was closed. Jongin approached it, and just as he was about to knock, a sudden thought took his mind. 

Did I ever fight with Kyungsoo like this? 

An uncomfortable emotion that he couldn't quite place washed over him, and he quickly shook his head. Kyungsoo was different, he couldn't compare him to Taemin. He knocked softly, not sure of the reaction he'd receive. 

"Go away." Taemin's voice was muffled significantly by the door, but Jongin still heard him. 

"Taemin," Jongin said, hand on the doorknob. "Can I come in?" 

Silence. 

Jongin tried the doorkob, but it wouldn't budge. 

"You locked it? Really?" He couldn't keep the exasperated tone out of his voice, which he regretted, but to be fair, he had just been locked out of his own bedroom. 

"I told you to go away." 

Jongin sighed, leaning his back against the door. Uncomfortable, he allowed himself to slide down into a sitting position. 

"Taemin, listen," He began. "I''m sorry. I shouldn't have said all of that, I didn't mean it, you know." 

"That's a lie."

"What's a lie?" 

"You meant it. You wouldn't have said unless even a small part of you thought that. That small part meant it." 

Jongin rested his the back of his head against the door. 

"Okay, so maybe I did mean it a little bit. I still shouldn't have said it."

"So? You still did." 

"That's why I'm apologizing. I shouldn't have said it and I feel awful about it. I was just angry, and I didn't think before I spoke." 

"Excuses." 

Jongin was about to give up. What was the point of apologizing and trying to work through things if Taemin would shoot down everything he said?  He decided to try talking about something else first. 

"Did you eat dinner?" 

"Does it matter?" 

So much for that. 

"I need to go in there at some point, I have an early shift tomorrow and I need to get my scrubs. Also, where am I supposed to sleep?"

"There's something in the living room called a couch, I slept on it for quite a while, it's not horrible." 

Of course. 

"Are we gonna talk about this? I'm feeling ready to." Jongin picked at the carpet listlessly. 

"I'll talk when I'm ready to. Have fun on the couch." 

Jongin gave up. Slowly, he rose from the ground, walking back into the living room. He flopped down on the couch, frustrated and upset, just wanting to sleep. But he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd thought earlier, just as he was about to come in. 

Why did he almost compare Taemin to Kyungsoo?

*****

Jongin ended up having to borrow scrubs from one of his coworkers, he didn't think Taemin was even awake when he left, and of course, the bedroom door was still locked. 

Usually, Jongin's workday passed by rather slowly, with him always wondering when he could finally go home and sleep. But today, the one day he'd hoped it would drag, it passed by incredibly quickly, and before he knew it, Jongin was stepping out of the hospital doors and into the warm afternoon air. Briefly, he pondered making a stop on the way home, or even just taking the longest possible route home, but he knew that it likely wouldn't be of any use, not to mention, he was tired, and needed to get at least a little sleep since he was going back in for a night shift in just a few hours. 

So, Jongin reluctantly headed home, not knowing what was waiting for him once he arrived. He braced himself before entering, just in case Taemin was still acting the way he had been the previous night. He opened the door, stepping inside. 

"Jongin," Taemin was sitting on the couch in the living room. "You're home." 

He swallowed. Taemin still sounded irritated, though his expression was unreadable. 

"So," Jongin began nervously. 

"So. You said you were ready last night, and now I am. Let's talk." Taemin beckoned to Jongin, and he complied, walking closer to the boy.

"Right..." 

"I thought everything over, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to quit your job, it was stupid to suggest that. I did it because I'm worried, you know. And I guess it was out of greed, too, in a way. I haven't really seen you that much recently, whenever you're home at least one of us is sleeping, and I just want to see you more. Last night when I was reflecting though, I realized I can't just have you for myself all the time. , that sounds clingy, but you know what I mean, right? We need to live, and you're right, I don't really do anything..." 

"Taemin," Jongin still felt guilty for saying that.

"It's just- you know I'm holding out for the coffee shop. So why would you say that? I mean, I guess it doesn't matter as much now, because I'm going to get a job, but you know it's not something to bring up like that." Taemin looked at the floor, fiddling with his hands. 

"I'm sorry. I already said that last night, I'm sorry, I feel awful for saying that." Jongin stepped closer, unsure of what Taemin would do. 

"It's fine, you had a point. I'm gonna get a job, anyway. It's not fair to you that I do nothing all day while you're working all sorts of crazy hours, and I have absolutely no right to yell at you about your own job." 

"You were just concerned, I'm not even angry about that anymore. But you really don't have to get a job, I can support us both just fine for now, and the coffee shop is pretty close to being able to reopen isn't it?" 

Taemin shook his head, standing up from the couch. 

"I'll just quit my job when it reopens and go back to working there. But I want to do something for the time being." 

"But you really don't have to, this is my fault isn't it..." Jongin trailed off as Taemin closed the short distance between them. 

"It's not. Don't beat yourself up over my decision. I was being unreasonable, it makes sense that you got annoyed. It hurt, but I needed to hear it, you know? So it's fine now." Taemin reached up, cupping Jongin's face in his hands. 

"As long as it's really okay with you. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this." 

Taemin smiled, leaning up to give Jongin a quick peck on the lips. Jongin smiled back, arms wrapping around Taemin's slim waist. He was so glad they'd made up.

The rest of the afternoon passed by uneventfully, Jongin napping until he had to go back in for his night shift, all of his previous troubles forgotten. But as soon as he stepped outside of the apartment door, about to head off to work, that persistent voice at the back of his head reappeared, whispering the one thing he so badly wanted to avoid thinking.