When I Fall In Love With You

~CRUSH~ ( ParkHyoShin x OC x Hongbin )

Its all begin when Hana was in primary school… when you go to school and meet some new friend, of course, you will share some interest, what do you like? What you don’t like? What is the new trend? and other typical thinking becomes important to your life… its natural things to survive, you have to follow up with others… Her grade never bothers her… whatever her parent or family say about her grade… she is an excellent student, but she has no ambition and fixed path…

It happens a few months after her 1st day at school, near her school there are several other schools… of course, not primary, her school was the only primary school in the neighborhood. There is a high school near her school, that high school is well known in that neighborhoods because of the Go Mi Nam (handsome boys)… and for the certain good voice(I mean there are certain boys that are good at singing). Even though Hana was not the type who will admire and follow their crush but Hana end up with this one boy… He was not a Go Mi Nam but Hana addict to his voice… he was 8 years older than Hana. She was not the type that will show her feeling. She constantly follows his voice. He performs at many competition and event… Couple years later Hana starts to wonder what kind of boy is he… she starts to wonder him around, always thinks about him… she always reviews his lyrics… Hana was touched by his lyrics. As she study about the lyrics, she always finds a suitable place to hear his song(different song different places)to get into the mood *weird habit* ... it becomes a habit to Hana after a few years, she secretly admiring him… Its happened a few times that she coincidently bumps into him around the neighborhoods including that places(the places Hana used to hear his song)… 

Hana was only 10 back then, she had a glimpse thought that this might be fate…but at last Hana consciousness wake up and she started wondering if she going to far from the line… since then Hana just hears him singing without seeing his face at all… every time Hana had this strong feeling when she is facing his face… that she thinks she is in love with him… but Hana nature remains strong… she thought that kind of feeling and thinking will destroy her future. The feeling that she must move on to something that will benefit her future more, not to stuck with the hopeless feeling. Hana rational thinking buries her love towards him. Eventually, she feels that her feeling towards him become more impossible, as he(PHS) become more successful... Since then she just thought she was a mere fan… equal to others. She just thought that he is in a different level from her, he’s not the neighborhoods oppa anymore… he’s just the singer that she admire… she thinks maybe she is hoping too much and she need to get over that so she can get matured enough to get into the real world. That thought once again succeed to bury her “sasaeng” feeling towards him.

When she was in senior secondary school, she had a hard time to handle with her feeling(maybe you can call that’s puberty^^). She start again her habits and she always follow up with his concert and event. She was always there with him… she knows that’s little too much to be “sasaeng” fans… she join PHS fanclub. She become closer with the club member but she keep her identity where she come from…because she thinks that someone might call her weirdo, follow him around since kid.

Its happen till senior high school… she become more bright and daring than before… She get to support him as fans more openly than before. When he was perform she keep her eyes close because of her habit (before this she just get to hear his voice only) even tho like that she feel connected to him…sometimes when Hana open her eyes she notice that he glimpse at her, its happen several time(that is what Hana feels). The more Hana get involve with him, the harder Hana can control her feeling. She hate the feeling that she is going after the things that is impossible… her grades drop, she didn't focused on her study and her daily life... a few weeks later she post  letter to him as his fans…she wrote

To you,

 At first I want to apologies because I just address your name as “you” . I don’t know what to call you, I hate to call you Park Hyo Shin because its too much formalities , I hate to call you as oppa either dongsaeng because its reminds me our and it will be awkward if I just call you as Hyo Shin…

 First time I meet your voice I was just mesmerize and I cant bear to look up to your face,I was afraid to get near you. Everyday I just hope I’ll bumps into you and get to hear your voices. When I was sitting at the park wondering the scenery you passes infront of me,for a second I just thought it’s fate. But the more I get involve with you I hate myself…its feels like I lost my identity…I feels greatfull when you move out from the neighborhood to purchase your dream and there is the time that I only hear your voices. I feel like my feeling to you was more sincere if I only hear your voice but I was wrong…I miss when you’re around…Sometime when I listen to the lyrics, I thinks that we might be connected somehow. You are like my soulmate.…I start to follow up with you as a fans…and now I realize that I went far from the line once again. I always want to know you more but at the end I fall in love with you and end up as sasaeng fans I thinks ^^…now I’ll end all of this…don’t worry I’ll still support you. From now on I just want to get matured and thinks about my future…I hope the best for you…thanks for sharing your voice and thought. 

                                                                                                                       Sincerely,

                                                                                                                        Your neighborhood soulmate

 

   Several weeks later he appear on television for the interview of his new album, Hana was shock that he mention about her letter…

He said

“thanks for your letter, I’m greatfull to have fans that love me so much…you make a good choice to move on” .

Hana feels so happy that he realize Hana existence but at the same times, she feels sad about what he said. She emptied her minds for a few days to thinks what she gonna do for her future… she work as a part-timer at several places to fill her free time, sometimes she hangout at the park alone to re-write all his(PHS) past song… sometimes she still thinks about him… one day she wondered that she should try to become like him too or what…from 10 years experience for get involve into his music, Hana has a talent that she don’t realize… she enjoys to sing and she is capable to make a song. That thought just temporarily, she just don’t want him to become her life once again…

Its has been a year since hana change her lifestyle… her CATs result was really good and she was accepted into one of the best universities in Seoul.…she coincidently meet her old friend from PHS fandom… she was a lot older than Hana, maybe around 5 years older. They had a very long conversation but Hana doesn’t talk much because most of the talk are about him(PHS)… that unni was asking where is Hana been all year long, there is many people asking for you.

They become bestfriend long after that, always goofing together, sharing stories and lot more. She was asking Hana to company her to his concert but Hana always decline her request. Hana feel bad about that… and when her birthday, hana throw a big birthday party with fandom member and she was extremely happy(its common for fans in the same fandom to know each other birthday), it was easy to gather member together because she is quiet well known in the fandom(she was a board member). After that, they have some conflict between them… she thinks that Hana was ignoring her because Hana always decline her request. After a few week, Hana asks her why she act coldly to Hana… she tells Hana all the reason why she behave like that. Hana tells her why she always decline her request…

Hana said

“if you want to request something else other than something that connect to him, I’m fine…I’ll accept your request”.

 She(unni) was very disappointed with Hana confession

“we become friend because of him and now you want to get out from the fandom?”…

Hana explain thoroughly

“unni I’m sorry if I disappointed you…Its not like I had no interest in him anymore…its because I had interest in him too much I had to behave like this, actually I had crush on him since kid we live in the same neighborhoods but never attend the same school together… he doesn’t know me at all and we never talk to each other… I just watched him from far and always love to hear his voice because of that I become his fans… I thinks to much about him and I dont want this hopeless feeling to go on... its hard for me to focused on my future, I decide to take a break or remain like this for sake of my future… I still listen to his voice but I’m not active as before. Please understand me, I have let him conquer my life for many years and now I want to stand alone and find my path for future, the reality one.” 

She(unni) was speechless… She pat hana and smile

she(unni) said

“I’ll try to understand you from now on"

Hana was greatfull because she still accept Hana after this shocking confession...

 

 

what is gonna happen after this... Can Hana runaway from him? Can she avoid him?~> next chapter

 

 

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