LAST DANCE      Artist: BIGBANG

 

“Yuri?”

 I hear mom say behind the close doors. The snow has subsided. As I watch it endlessly falling down from the sky, I hate to keep myself from assuming the fact that you are the one conjuring this natural occurrence. In my lap lay the music sheet you did not even bother to finish. How dare you left this piece of crap to me. And then you expect me to finish this just because you are not here anymore?

 

“Will you be happy if I finish this song, baby?” I asked the empty room. Hoping that maybe my plea will eventually reach you to wherever you are. In most certain cases I will say you are in heaven? Enjoying those praises of your beauty. Baby, you can sleep there like you always wanted. There are no problems there, no more jobs to worry about. Yet why do I want you to stay in my heart? This fragile little thing is full of guilt and sadness but I assure you, this only shouts your name.  Beats at every utter of your name. I want you to stay. Never did I thought of letting go because I am such a selfish person when it comes to you.

 

The music sheet laid still in my lap. The constant gushing of air coming from the window sill is making it move in a delicate way. I held the piece of paper in my hands gently but I saw some creases in its ends already. By then I realized that I have been holding it in a rather tight grip. I don’t feel anything. Feels like space without any void. Just trying hard to breathe when in fact I don’t have any reason to be alive.

 

Christmas is here and our couple sweaters are all pressed and ready. All folded cleaned in the wardrobe. Like an excited child, I bought those with glee only to be informed that I am supposed to keep that forever because you have been taken away from me. Is there any reason to celebrate when this holiday is the birth of the one who supposedly took you away from me?

 

I wiped my flowing tears as I approached the piano. Touching its black and white keys with my fingertips. Hoping to find any sense of warmth since you gave this to me. You are the one who is good at making music and clearly you excel in piano. How am I supposed to even grasp the basics of this instruments when I only knew how to pay do, re, mi? But then I realized, I have to finish the song. How romantic are you to even gift me a song on Christmas when I only have that warm sweater to give you? I felt small. Really small.

 

“Coming mum.” I went down the hall where my family and yours are all sitting in front of the humble fireplace. Eyeing me with sadness. Some of our friends are also here, but the majority of them are already away to celebrate their own Christmas in their respective towns.

 

“How are you Yul?” Sooyoung approached me with a pat in my shoulder. I gave her a little smile in return.

 

“I’m fine. I can get through his. Come on! Let’s celebrate. It’s Christmas.”

 

Everyone stood up from their seats, grabbing a plate in the table. I settled in the couch looking absentmindedly at the blazing fire in front of me. The carols and the songs are playing in the background. A lone tear came rolling down my face as I remember how each Christmas Eve is celebrated with you around. You would play the piano for all of us and Taeyeon and Tiffany will sing those excited carols with a ballad tone since you play it like that. The by the ends of the new year, we would snuck out of all the ruckus and you will give me your yearly present, and I would also give mine. Actually, there is no need for that, you will always be the best gift, my blessing. I couldn’t ask for anything more. It pains me to all of this reality in my own limited capacity that certainly needs your presence to get moving.

 

“What are you doing?” I held you in my arms in a loving back hug. You are spending more of your time doing god knows what in my piano. Jessica returned my affection by intertwining our hands together. With a gentle hum and a knowing smile playing on your lips, I know she will not tell me what is exactly on her mind. She is a secretive little sleeping beauty. And as much as I want to explore every bits of her brain, I know that our relationship needs a tinge of mystery. I want to learn all of her as our time together progresses, hence I would be asking her if she would be with me in through rough and smooth terrains of the future.

 

I hope she’ll say yes.

 

“Nothing. Just punching random keys here and there. Why are you here anyways?” Jessica asked me with a smile in her face that surprisingly didn’t reach her eyes. It is strange. So strange.

 

“Well because it is my room?” I replied, giving her a peck on the lips. She giggled like a child, my best music.

 

“Are you clearly using that card on me Yul?”

 

“Yes. Now come on, Taeyeon is already waiting for us, we don’t want Sooyoung to devour all of the food will you?” Grabbing her