The park is quiet, a nice reprieve from the fan sign across the street. A long line of eager fans stretches from inside the music shop to around the corner, each person standing on their tiptoes hoping to get a glimpse of Jonghyun, Korea’s hot new solo artist, through the large store windows.

Jinki observes the crowd from across the street, sitting quietly on one of the many benches that line the walkway of the peaceful park. He fidgets with his bag, idly touching his new copy of Jonghyun’s cd that he had hoped to get signed. However, it seemed that today was not going to be a good one.

His hands land on the worn out cover of Jonghyun’s poetry book, the one he can’t seem to leave home without, and his fingers trace absently over the slightly raised title on the gray cover over to the soft edges of the pages. His stomach begins to settle and his equilibrium returns as the minutes tick by.

He sighs, his focus returning to the line across the street, flitting from the eagerly awaiting fans to the large windows where he can see Jonghyun sitting on a raised platform. A security guard helps direct people as they come up to speak with him and Jinki can’t help but feel that maybe it just wasn’t his fate to ever meet Jonghyun, to say hi to him or have that bright, welcoming, comforting smile directed at him.

The thought hurts, but it doesn’t ache like it used to; like most things used to. He has Jonghyun to thank for that.

It had been just another day, another square to mark off on the calendar. But unlike other days that passed by in a blur, this day, a good day, had gotten Jinki out of bed, in the shower, and out the door. Jinki never questioned good days, he just let his feet guide him, let his whimsy take him wherever it wanted to go.

On that day, like most of his good days, he ended up in the coffee shop where Key worked. More accurately, where Key flirted with the other barista, the one they swore up and down they didn’t like, not in the slightest. Even Jinki, who was often accused of living in his own little world, knew that Key was hopelessly in love with the tall, frog-eyed girl with the open smile and warm laugh.

Jinki had sipped quietly from his cup as he waited for his best friend to take their break, humming along to the radio.

“I got a present for you, old man,” Key said, finally joining him at the little table in the back. They slid said present across the table until it was pressed against Jinki’s arm.

Jinki looked at it suspiciously, “It’s not my birthday…” His question trailed off, the serious look on Key’s face enough to make him pause.

“Oh,” the realization hit and Jinki knew that this was a get better present.

“Jinki-yah, I just…” Key took a breath, shifting forward in their seat so that they were clasping Jinki’s hands in theirs. “I just want you to know that you’re not alone.”

Jinki leaned away, his eyes beginning to sting in response to Key’s teary gaze. Taking the present, he slowly tore away the wrapping until a small gray book was lying on the table between them.

“It’s poetry by a new artist, Jonghyun. He’s apparently really popular,” Key winked but Jinki missed this as he flipped through the pages, breathing in that new book smell and hoping that Key was right, that this would help.

Jinki had stayed up all night reading through the tiny book. The words had cut deep, had taken root in the black hole of his chest that made him numb, that made most of his days bad and only a few good. For the first time in a long time, Jinki felt like he wasn’t alone, that someone else understood. That someone else knew.

He flips through the book again, enjoying the way the leaves cast shadows on the familiar pages, taking in the scribbled notes and remembering the hard days, the ones where he couldn’t get out of bed but still managed to read through a poem or two. The way that Jonghyun saw the world, the beauty with which he painted it made things better, if only a little. And Jinki would forever be grateful.

The line across the street slowly dwindles until the very last fan is ushered out of the store. Jinki watches as the manager locks the door and flips the sign to Closed, noting that Jonghyun is leaning back in his chair, eyes closed and shoulders slumped in exhaustion. Jinki wonders, not for the first time, what it would be like be an idol; to be put on a pedestal where everyone was eager to keep you up there and tear you down.

The thought reminds him that everyone has hard days; they just don’t usually look the same.

Jinki stays on the bench, content to watch the sun sink behind the line of buildings that outline the city skyline. Jonghyun has long since left the store window, the lights now turned off and the employees sent home. Even though he hadn’t completed his goal for the day, Jinki is content to sit in the park and simply listen to the quiet thrum of life in the city.

“Care if I join you?” a soft voice asks, the tone light and surprisingly familiar.

Jinki’s eyes snap open, taking in the man standing before him. The creamy white turtleneck peaking out of an oversized black coat is familiar as his eyes scan up to meet Jonghyun’s wide brown eyes.

He nods quietly, in shock at the idol’s appearance.

“Thanks,” Jonghyun smiles at him, sitting down to stare across the street like Jinki had been only moments before.

They sit in silence, Jinki sneaking glances every so often just to take in the sight of Jonghyun sitting quietly next to him. He has a soft smile on his face, the setting sun casting a radiant glow to his gentle features and Jinki can’t help but think that this is a dream.

Jonghyun turns and catches his eyes, making Jinki’s cheeks blush and his body still, afraid to make a mistake. He smiles kindly at him and Jinki feels his shoulders relax, his own lips turning up in a shy smile.

“I love this park,” Jonghyun muses, his head turning to take in the peaceful park where Jinki has been sitting all day. Jinki nods, a euphoric sense of wonder settling over him as he opens his mouth and begins to talk.

“This park is my favorite. It always helps when I’m having a bad day.”

Jonghyun hums, his bright hair illuminated by the sinking sun as he shifts in his seat, hands fiddling in his lap as he looks at Jinki. He looks so small and soft all cuddled up in his too big jacket and his too big turtleneck. Jinki can’t hold back the smile at the thought.

“Candles and soft, fuzzy blankets always help me,” he says softly, his voice warm and comforting.

“I know,” Jinki says, remembering all of the late night confessions Jonghyun had shared on his radio show. The one Jinki never missed.

Jonghyun laughs quietly and Jinki blushes, realizing his mistake too late. “So you are a fan?”

Jinki ducks his head, giving a short nod and refusing to look back at Jonghyun, who just minutes ago looked soft and comforting, but now is real and a little bit intimidating.

“I want you to have this.”

Jinki doesn’t understand at first, just sits there quietly with his head bowed and his heart racing before a bright orange blur catches his eye. He sits back up straight, eyes scrunched in confusion even as he reaches out to take the object from Jonghyun. The bright orange pedals stand out in against the black and white of Jonghyun’s outfit, the flower, large for this time of year, but beautiful nonetheless.

“Thank you,” Jinki breathes, unsure what to say.

“You’re welcome,” Jonghyun returns, smile once again bright and comforting.

Once again they sit in silence; Jinki staring down at his flower and Jonghyun staring at him. He can feel his eyes on him as he turns the flower this way and that, can feel that smile continuing to grow and radiate its warm familiar glow. The achingly beautiful glow that always helped to make Jinki feel that much less alone.

“I-I want to thank you,” he says now, turning to look at Jonghyun.

His eyes rise in surprise but he waits patiently for Jinki to continue.

“For saving me.” He doesn’t know what else to say so he remains silent, his hands fidgeting with the flower as tears start to well in his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jonghyun lean in, place a comforting arm around his shoulders and brings him in, tucking Jinki into his shoulder.

“You saved yourself,” Jonghyun says quietly, face turned so that his lips brush the top of Jinki’s head.

Tears fall down Jinki’s cheeks and he wipes them away, moving out of Jonghyun’s embrace to dig in his bag and the worn book of poetry at him.

“No, you saved me, Jonghyun. You saved me from myself. Without you I wouldn’t, I c-couldn’t,” but he breaks off, Jonghyun’s small finger placed gently on his lips to stop his disjointed mumbling.

“Sh, it’s okay. You’re okay,” his soft voice soothes Jinki and his heart rate returns to normal. He had needed Jonghyun to understand; to know just how important he was to Jinki.

Jonghyun removes his finger from Jinki’s lips and they tingle in his absence. Jinki stares intently back at Jonghyun, urging him to look through the book and afraid that he’ll tear those big brown eyes away.

He shifts subtly closer to Jinki so that their sides are flush against each other before looking down at the book Jinki had given him. His breath shudders in surprise to see his own book, his hands trace over the worn edges just as Jinki’s had done countless times, before he finally flips the book open.

Jinki watches as he flips through the pages, sees the way his eyes scan over the phrases Jinki had underlined, the tear stains, the doodles. His hands trace over the words that Jinki had scribbled into the margins, his lips moving as he mouthed the words.

“Don’t you see?” Jinki said, leaning in until his hand was covering Jonghyun’s and he was once again looking into Jinki’s eyes. “You helped me in way no one else could.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Jonghyun said, eyes big and lost as they stared back at Jinki.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know… That’s why I came today,” Jinki paused to draw in a deep breath to steel himself for the moment he had been rehearsing in his head for months.

“Jonghyun, thank you for everything. Thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with me, with the world. Thank you for being kind and caring and confident. Thank you,” Jinki’s voice broke but he swallowed and pressed on. “Thank you, for saving me when I didn’t think I could be saved.”

Jonghyun blinked at him, tears falling down his cheeks and plopping wetly onto his too large turtleneck.

“T-thank you,” Jonghyun said, his voice small and watery. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you for wanting to be saved and for coming here to tell me.”

Jinki nodded his head, using the motion as an excuse to look away from those big soulful eyes. The orange flower rested in his lap and he picked it back up, bringing it to his nose and inhaling the sweet scent.

“What’s your name?”

“Jinki,” he smiled into the flower, a blush forming on his cheeks at the realization that he hadn’t even told Jonghyun his name before he confessed everything.

“You have a beautiful soul, Jinki-yah,” Jinki’s breath caught and he glanced up questioningly at him. “You also have a beautiful smile.” Jonghyun’s voice was cocky this time, flirtatious even. The thought made Jinki’s stomach dance.

“Wanna grab coffee?”

Jinki said yes before he had time process the question. Within seconds Jonghyun was standing before him, one hand gripping Jinki’s book and the other reaching out toward him. Jinki stared at it for only a moment before he was reaching out, grasping Jonghyun’s warm hand in his own and allowing Jonghyun to pull him to his feet. He shouldered his bag, careful not to squish his flower as Jonghyun tugged him closer, bringing their bodies flush against each other and he smiled up at Jinki.

Jinki returned the smile, relishing the warm tingles shooting up his arm from where Jonghyun had intertwined their fingers and was gripping his hand tightly as if afraid that he would slip away. He squeezed Jonghyun’s hand back, teasingly bumping into him and enjoying the faint blush that crept across his cheeks.

They walked down the street, leaving Jinki’s peaceful park and the music store behind them as the city lights came to life around them, illuminating the soft texture of Jonghyun’s hair and the fuzzy texture of his sweater, his chapped bottom lip and his easy smile. Jinki’s heart felt light and he couldn’t help but wonder if this is what great days felt like.