Clarity
Description
The vase collides with the wall and Yoongi narrowly escapes before the shards can reach his skin.
Taehyung's face is red and tracks of tears flow heavily on his soft cheeks. His chest rises and falls to the beat of an angry drum.
Yoongi just knows it will be another long night.
July 29th, 12 pm
Taehyung and Yoongi’s first meeting had been magical in the simplest of ways.
They were both getting back into the swing of being single. Taehyung, who was a sophomore in college at the time, had just left his lover of three years who had cheated on him. And Yoongi...Well, Yoongi was grieving the end of his five year relationship with his then-fiancee—his other half—who had left him; disappeared without a word the night they were supposed to get married. For months both Taehyung and Yoongi wandered around like zombies, their goals in life obscured by their significant others.
Then, one night, Yoongi decided enough was enough; that he would no longer let the man who had ruled his heart for so long create an even deeper hole within him. Taehyung, on the other hand, went out to appease his friends, who were concerned for his heartbroken state.
The two met at the beach during the dark hours of the morning, their stuffy minds finally getting a taste of fresh air. Taehyung had wandered knee-deep into the water when Yoongi had spotted him whilst strolling by.
Yoongi observed him for a little while before he noticed that Taehyung had been slowly making his way deeper and deeper into the water.
It was late into the night and Yoongi’s mind had been going a mile a minute. Taehyung didn't appear to have any intentions of stopping any time soon and, with the already dark cloud surrounding him, Yoongi had only assumed the worst.
Without much thought he tackled Taehyung, the water having reached his thigh by that point. Yoongi only realized how awful the idea of tackling Taehyung was after he had done so.
“Yah! What the hell, what was that for?” Taehyung exclaimed after resurfacing.
“I probably should’ve thought before tackling you, but what else was I supposed to do?” Yoongi asked, heat pinking cheeks at the realisation of his lack of foresight.
Taehyung rolled his eyes and huffed, “Uh… I don’t know, just let me be?”
“And let you kill yourself? I don’t think so.”
Taehyung’s eyes widened to an almost comical size before he threw his head back and burst into laughter. Yoongi’s eyes narrowed at him, not understanding what was so damn funny.
After having enough of being laughed at, and realizing that this guy could go on forever, Yoongi decided to say something, “Am I missing something or….?”
“Nothing much. I just thought it was kinda funny how you assumed I was committing suicide.”
At this, Yoongi turned red.
“So, you weren’t…?”
“No, not at all,” Taehyung answered, his voice trailed off. When he spoke again, he took on a heavier tone. “Just...thinking, is all.”
After ‘saving’ Taehyung they began to talk. At first, it was about meaningless things. They exchanged names, their favorite foods, favorite colors; as well as learning that Yoongi was older than Taehyung by two years and was a senior at the same college as Taehyung. But then, Taehyung and his ever curious mind could not bite down his question any longer.
“What is someone like you doing at a place like this at this time of night, Sunbae?”
Yoongi laughed at first, only really hearing the last part of the question. “You don’t have to call me that. Hyung is just fine.”
“Okay then...What is someone like you doing at a place like this at this time of night, hyung ?”
As the rest of the question registers, the smile falls from his face as Yoongi's mind stumbles over a myriad of instinctive responses ranging from shock to offense. However in the end he chooses none of them. Somehow, Yoongi feels Taehyung is someone he can open up to.
“I was left at the altar and all I've been doing since is staring at my ring and wondering where it all went wrong.”
Yoongi expected Taehyung to leave, to frown with his pretty lips after deciding that he didn't want to (or have to) deal with whatever baggage Yoongi was laying on him.
“I found my boyfriend of three whole ing years cheating on me with his best friend...with my best friend.”
Yoongi choked on his gasp, receiving an appalled look from Taehyung before he continued on with his story.
“We were supposed to be moving in together pretty soon. Both of our places were too small so we decided to get a new place. And, we did...kinda. We picked out different colors for each room, had furniture on layaway… I had even put up my half for the apartment—and the apartment wasn't cheap. But then he began flaking on the simplest of things...he stopped showing up. Stopped being there. And then he was everywhere. I think the guilt fueled him into being more caring…” Taehyung said, his voice cracked towards the end
Yoongi opens his mouth to respond to Taehyung but closes it, his teeth biting down on his lower lip, acting as a lock to keep his mouth shut.
He wanted to say something to Taehyung, to somehow express that he understood Taehyung and that he was sorry that he would have to go through such a thing. But, from experience, Yoongi knew that most ‘condolences’ sounded like pity to anyone in their positions. So Yoongi thought, what better way to express his understanding to Taehyung than to show him.
“He proposed to me. We’d been together for 5 years...today would have been our 6th year together. We were going to get married at night. It was my favorite time of the day. I like the thrill and the scariness of the dark—is that weird?
“Anyway, the best part was that if it did get too scary, he was there… But then he wasn't. He never showed and I had to stand there in front of our loved ones and explain to them that it was all for nothing. It was a mess. Our fathers got into an argument and I just broke down in front of everyone, my friends included. They've been worried about me ever since.”
Yoongi heaved a large sigh afterward. If he was being honest with himself, he felt lighter after talking about it with someone. Someone who didn't have a second agenda...
A long, tense silence enveloped them before they both broke out into loud, spontaneous laughter.
“That's ing awful!” Taehyung managed to wheeze between bouts of laughs.
“Nah, yours is worse.”
“They're both pretty ty to be very ing honest,” was Taehyung's reply.
“No truer words have been said.”
And again, another silence surrounds them. But this time, it’s different. It felt lighter, more carefree. And neither one of them could be happier (kind of). The pain was still there of course; it would be there for a long time. But having someone to talk to that wouldn't add their own opinions or try to convince them on how to feel felt good… it felt refreshing.
“His best friend huh?”
“Well...technically he was my best friend first. But, yeah. They hit it off way better than I could've imagined when I introduced them… Maybe this is the result of that encounter.”
“Don't blame yourself. Everyone has a choice and, apparently, it was their choice to behind your back,” says Yoongi.
“B-but, I should've seen the signs. In hindsight, they were everywhere.”
“Hindsight isn’t twenty/twenty and can easily be reconstructed by imagination. There is no way you could’ve known.”
Taehyung looks at Yoongi with a small smile. “Then I guess the same goes for you then huh?”
Yoongi's eyes widen and a wave of emotions wash through him. For the first time in months he feels free, the weight of his heart and mind off of his shoulders—all because of a few words from a guy he met on the beach. “Yeah…I guess you're right…”
“And, Yoongi?”
“Yeah?”
“I like the night time too.”
“For ’s sake Taehyung! Leave me alone!!”
“Maybe I will this time! I'm so sick of your bull, Yoongi!”
“Fine! Maybe then you'll stop bothering me. Pestering me and following me around won't make up for the fact you were oblivious to your ex cheating on you!”
“.....”
May 11th
After that night Yoongi and Taehyung met up many more times, usually at night. Adventures , Taehyung liked to call them; and although swinging on the swings at one in the morning in an empty park wasn't really an adventure, Yoongi enjoyed it nonetheless. And slowly but surely, it became routine.
Meet each other. Talk together. Be together. Leave. Repeat.
However on this particular night, they decided to do something different. They went out clubbing.
Neither one wanted to admit the other was looking downright sinful, but the quick yet frequent eye s were a dead giveaway.
It was after their third round of tequila shots (which of course, was not the third round for all the drinks they had) that things began to get a little crazy, what with the both of them deciding that the club scene wasn't for them and began looking for a change of scenery.
This new scenery just so happened to be the parking garage of Taehyung's ex’s apartment complex. Accompanying them was the spray paint, eggs, and bat that they picked up along the way.
“Do it, do it, do it!” Yoongi chanted drunkenly.
So Taehyung did, he first painted the out of the car, the shade went from a y black to piss yellow. (The color was all Yoongi's idea. “Since you're pissed at him, why not?” He had said.) Then came the eggs, something Taehyung had always wanted to try and, thanks to his ex, now could. Finally, the bat. The same one that belonged to his ex that he had taken when he had taken all of his stuff to his friend Jeon Jungkook’s apartment.
After a shattered window, broken taillight, and dented bumper, Taehyung handed the bat over to Yoongi.
“For real?”
“Yeah, for real,” Taehyung grinned, then added, “And since your ex disappeared on you, imagine it's his car.”
And imagine Yoongi did. By the time the two were done the once sleek, y, and incredibly expensive Douchebag Mobile definitely looked as if it had seen better days. But the two walked away quite happy.
They hid the evidence of course, the only thing possibly tying them to the crime being Taehyung's dissipating hatred for his ex, before leaving.
The two ended up passed out in Yoongi’s apartment. Only to later wake up with no memory of the night before, migraines at home in their heads, and tests in their classes.
Remember, tequila will te-kill ya!
“God, I hate you so much!”
“You little—” Yoongi halts himself before he can say anything more, sitting silent as he endeavours to keep his mouth shut. Nothing good has ever come out of them yelling at each other.
“You little what , Yoongi? Just what were you gonna say, huh?” Taehyung spits at him. “Don’t hold back, now. I bet you’re just dying to make me feel like even more crap than last time, so go right ahead. Do it—I dare you!”
Yoongi knows that he should bite his tongue. God, he knows. He knows and he’s trying so damn hard to do just that. But something in the way Taehyung spits the words like a venom he wants to kill Yoongi with makes him tremble with rage, his blood boil and his mind go white with fury.
Yoongi slams his fist on the nearest surface, making Taehyung jump—“You little that’s what! Don’t you dare talk to me like that. At least I tried to hold back! Hell, at least I try in this godforsaken relationship!”—but as soon as the words process, Taehyung’s face twists with more anger and he opens his mouth again to scream a retort.
Why do they never learn?
June 28th, 3:30 pm
They got caught...kinda.
Taehyung's ex cornered him one day, a whole month after the incident.
And boy, he was angry .
He screamed profanities into Taehyung's face without an end in sight. People gathered around to watch but no one stopped the verbal onslaught.
It wasn't until he brought his hand up, to do what looked like hit Taehyung, that someone intervened.
And that someone was, of course, Yoongi.
He had been on his way back to his own apartment a little ways away from the campus when he decided to stop by the library to turn in a book that was months overdue.
He planned to do what he always did, argue his way out of the fine. But he didn't even make it inside the library because a large crowd had gathered around near the entrance.
“You're a worthless ! I can't believe I even dated you! You're such a petty piece of !! You're gonna pay, and you're gonna pay right now in front of all these people!”
Yoongi, with all of his strength, pushed through the crowd to see what the commotion was about.
His mind stopped processing anything the moment he realized that the person taking the beating was none other than Taehyung.
Sweet, dear Taehyung who couldn't even hurt a fly (the drunken car fiasco an exception, obviously).2
Yoongi couldn't help but jump into action. He knew Taehyung. It would be easier to write it off as two friends fighting or something, but he knew. He knew that it wasn't, that it was something more. He knew because he was a part of it and it is because of this knowledge that he couldn't leave Taehyung in need.
His mind short circuited. His brain ed up. His body sprung into action before his mind could process what he was doing. Whatever it was, all he knew was that his first instinct was to protect Taehyung.
When Yoongi came to, Taehyung’s ex was knocked out cold. When he looked to the side Taehyung was crying on the floor and just like that and all of his previous actions completely left his mind; all thoughts now on Taehyung’s slumped, trembling form.
Yoongi was never able to clearly remember what he did to Taehyung’s former boyfriend after that. However, it isn't that he didn’t want to—he couldn’t. But Taehyung wouldn't question him about it. That had been one of the scariest days of his life, and not because he almost got hit, or that his ex verbally attacked him in front of at least 30 people. No, it was because Yoongi scared him.
Yoongi looked so...gone. Like he was no longer the Min Yoongi he had grown to know. That day Taehyung promised to be Yoongi’s source of happiness and would be there for him so that that would never happen, ever again.
It's amazing how promises break.
Taehyung walked out.
Not out of the room, out of their apartment.
Yoongi sighs and begins to pick up the pieces of the broken glass, being careful to not cut himself, but even more careful to pick up every single piece. Last time Taehyung had stepped on a piece Yoongi hadn't seen and cried a lot. Yoongi hates when Taehyung cries and even though Yoongi likes to pretend he's a wall of impenetrable ice, seeing Taehyung cry makes him cry too.
When he finishes, he puts their forgotten dinner in the fridge and turns the television on so that when Taehyung gets home he'll know that Yoongi hasn’t left. Afterwards he gets ready for bed. He doesn't close the bedroom door so Taehyung can come in when he gets home. At least, that's what he always tells himself but he knows that's not the truth. He does it so that when he wakes up he'll know that Taehyung is home—even if Taehyung isn't sleeping beside him, and on the couch instead—because Taehyung can't sleep with the television on.
He goes to sleep with a small smile on his face knowing that when he wakes up, Taehyung will be beside him and they'll both be happy again.
July 15th
Not too long after the ex incident (as Taehyung and Yoongi like to call it), the bond between Taehyung grew, and grew, and grew.
The two were attached at the hip. They were so close it was as if they could read each other's mind. To say that their friends were irked was an understatement.
Yoongi’s friend, Namjoon, had even complained that Yoongi no longer showed up to the studio. That was a lie—Yoongi still worked in the studio after all. It’s just that Namjoon didn’t find him dead asleep with his face smashed into the keyboard anymore. Rather, he was working hard to catch up on work he hadn’t done because he was with Taehyung.
Their friends took them out to celebrate their obvious recoveries. (But this time the duo stayed away from the tequila.)
“Hyung, why won't you tell him?”
Taehyung turned to Jungkook and asked him what he meant.
“You know exactly what I mean. You li—you love him.”
Before Taehyung could try to deny it Jimin, cut him off. “You might want to make it fast—Hobi-hyung looks about ready to confess to Yoongi-hyung with the way he keeps leaning in.”
What neither one of them decided to tell Taehyung was that Hoseok was already four shots (and one sneaky blunt) ahead of everyone, placing him much farther down the track of complete mindlessness.
To Hoseok, Yoongi was starting to look more and more like a marshmallow.
But Taehyung could (and would, much to his horror) figure that out later.
Taehyung marched over to Yoongi and Hoseok with a determined look on his face. But it faltered as he began to rethink his actions.
“Yoongi-hyung!” Jungkook shouted, making the elder turn towards the voice, his legs moving with the effort.
And then, with the assistance of Namjoon's carefully placed leg, Taehyung stumbled ungracefully and landed with his legs across Yoongi's lap, lips dangerously close to Yoongi's.
At first he hesitated but then he went for it, dipping his head down and catching Yoongi’s lips in a kiss. Yoongi kissed him back after a beat, easing along with Taehyung’s movements gently. However, there were no fireworks. No butterflies being released, only a feeling of warm contentedness settling over them. But, they were both fine with that because if being in horrible relationships taught them anything, it was that romantic cliches couldn’t make up for the things that those relationships lacked.
At the end of the day, it's all about how the two of them truly feel.
July 21st, 2:25 pm
Yoongi would never admit it to anyone, but he was nervous—and he was never nervous. Yet there he was, standing in front of the little cafe with tight black jeans, a dark blue button up, and sweaty palms. Not to mention a bottom lip chewed raw.
He knew Taehyung well by now. Very well, in fact. He knew his favorite color, his favorite season, the story behind the scar on his leg, and even how many kids he wanted. Taehyung liked the simplest of things and Yoongi knew that taking him to this cafe, the cafe he had always wanted to go to, would more than please the boy. But that was the problem, for someone who found the joy in even the smallest of things, what else could Yoongi offer?
The sound of a car door being slammed was all it took to snap Yoongi out of his thoughts. Taehyung ran to Yoongi like an excited puppy, a large smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes. But the mood was cut a little short by Taehyung’s best friend (and possible blood brother), Park Jimin.
“The table is all set up, why don’t you go inside Tae?” Yoongi suggested
After giving Yoongi a small peck on the lips Taehyung disappeared inside.
“He wouldn’t stop talking about how excited he was...” Jimin sighed, scratching the back of his neck
A small smile danced across Yoongi’s face before he pushed it away, having realized that wasn’t all Jimin had come to talk about.
“...Also, you should already know this, but Taehyung is still a little... fragile . His last boyfriend ed him up really bad so be careful with him,” Jimin cautioned.
Yoongi nodded in acknowledgment of his statement before looking over at Jimin with his eyebrow raised. “Am I safe in assuming that you’re not the best friend that also screwed him over?”
Jimin scowled. ”Of course not. I would never do that to Taehyung. I’m his former second best friend.”
Yoongi raised his brow even higher at Jimin’s words.
“Think of it as me getting a promotion...but I digress. Since you know what happened to him, you should know that everyone that cares for him is a little... skeptical of you.”
Yoongi’s original (and much more snarky) reply died on his tongue. “Oh...”
Jimin sighed again, ran a hand through his hair before looking Yoongi in the eyes, it was a look Yoongi would never forget. It was one of a deep, strong promise that Yoongi knew would never break.
“I like you Yoongi-ssi,” Yoongi inwardly cringed at his use of the honorific (it made him sound old in his opinion), ”But I like Taehyung a whole lot better and if you with his heart, make him sad, or cause him any bit of pain...well...let’s just say that things won’t be so pretty.”
A sharklike smile stretched across Jimin’s face and for the first time since having met him, Yoongi was genuinely terrified of the boy. But then, the smile was gone. Vanished into thin air and replaced with a friendlier smile.
“Now, don’t keep Tae waiting!”
-
“Hyung! What took you so long?” inquires Taehyung. Yoongi comes up to him.
“Ah, sorry, I was just...chatting...with Jimin,” Yoongi replies while sliding into the booth to sit down beside Taehyung.
Taehyung visibly tensed before relaxing which caused Yoongi to give him a look of confusion.
Taehyung sighed, a small, embarrassed smile on his lips,“I’m sorry. I just have to remember that not everyone is my ex or ex best friend.”
“Don’t sweat it. I knew what I was getting into the moment I kissed you back.” Yoongi assured, pulling Taehyung closer.
At that, Taehyung cooed and Yoongi smiled and all felt right with the world.
October 2nd
Gross.
Annoying.
That's what Taehyung and Yoongi’s friends called them. But, they couldn't help it—they were in their honeymoon phase and everything was great. They loved each other with open, honest hearts.
There was no hiding the insecurities that they developed after their former relationships. But, they were a work in progress and no relationship was perfect, after all.
“Taehyung-ah,” called Yoongi.
“Yes, Hyung?”
“Open wide,” The elder said as he spoonfed Taehyung with a happy, content expression on both of their faces.
“This is absolutely unsettling,” Jimin said, an annoyed groan of his following soon after
“I know. Who knew Yoongi hyung could be so... cute .” Hoseok replied, agreeing wholeheartedly
Hoseok and Jimin received equally terrifying glares from both Taehyung and Yoongi, which caused them to shut up.
November 29th
“Hyung! Come back!” Taehyung yelled, his voice almost completely hoarse from all the yelling he had been doing.
“Never!” Yoongi shouted back
At the sight, Jungkook inched himself closer to his hyungs, watching the adorable couple play in the first snow of the year.
“Did...did you guys know Yoongi-hyung could run?” He asked, his voice low in fear that Yoongi would somehow hear him.
“Don’t be ridiculous! I knew he had it in him! It might be the last of what he has in himself, but he had it in ‘im,” Hoseok replied cheerily, his tan cheeks red from the cold.
Jungkook watches in awe. “But like...wow. What stamina.”
“And his endurance too.” Namjoon joined in, a whistle of surprise stuttering out of his mouth
Jin chuckled softly as he pulled his boyfriend close for warmth. “You know, you’ve never been good at whistling.”
“He better be careful. Taehyung doesn’t look like he’ll last much longer,” Jimin piped in after having taken a seat on Hoseok’s lap.
“You’re too protective of Taehyung, let him live,” Jin told Jimin. Although, as soon as he did they all watched Taehyung drop to the snow blanketed ground.
They all watched and waited, waited until Yoongi realized he wasn’t being chased.
It took him barely even two seconds.
“Taehyung? You okay babe?”
Taehyung avoided eye contact, not wanting Yoongi to see how embarrassed he was.
“I’m fine…” he mumbled.
Taehyung looked up to see Yoongi hovering over him and, without thinking, he kissed him. He pulled Yoongi in until he was laying on top of him, and kissed him. Kissed his breath away.
“What was that for?” Yoongi asked between pants for fresh air.
“I...I love you hyung.”
Yoongi turned an adorable pink before he dropped his face into Taehyung’s neck and sighed. He felt content. He felt happy. He felt loved, but most importantly, he felt himself in love.
“I love you, Taehyung.” Yoongi told him.
January 17th, 9:23 pm
“Hey… Hyung? Can I share something with you?” Taehyung asked as he shuffled into bed beside Yoongi.
Yoongi set down his book and put aside his glasses. They weren’t glasses he needed. As a matter of fact, they were non-prescription, but the moment Taehyung told him that he looked completely gorgeous in them, he refused to let them go and bought them, regardless of the price. It is with this value in mind that Yoongi carefully sets the glasses inside their case before giving Taehyung his full, undivided attention.
“Go ahead, babe.”
“So, it was around winter time of my sophomore and I wa-”
“Taehyung, what story is this?” Yoongi asked warily.
“Hyung, shh!” Taehyung replied.
“Anyway, it was the winter around my sophomore year—a bit more than two months before I met you, actually. I had just saved up enough money for the lease for the apartment my ex and I were going to share…”
Yoongi realized where the story is going but said nothing.
“As soon as I got the money for it I paid for my half. I was so ing excited. I mean, every couple is excited to finally live together, right? Well my ex...he kept dragging his feet. First he told me that he had to pay off some bills, which I had been okay with, but then, more and more, it sounded like he was just trying to avoid moving in with me altogether.
“I told myself that I was just being stupid. I had even asked Jimin who, at the time, wasn’t my best best friend. He told me to just ask directly, but I was a coward. So instead, I decided to surprise him with dinner and hope to get the truth out of him indirectly...and I sure did. You remember those ugly, dingy apartments two blocks away from campus hyung?”
Yoongi chuckled a little bit, nodding in confirmation as he rubbed circles into Taehyung’s thigh.
“Well, anyway, he lived there at the time. I had the spare key he made for me in one hand and the ingredients for dinner in the other when I opened the door. And of course, at first, I assumed no one was home. Until I took off my shoes of course. I thought I had recognized the other pair of shoes. I thought the splatter of black paint on the blue canvas was similar. But I told myself that he could have just gotten a new pair of shoes that he had, coincidentally, messed up the same way.
“So I began to do what I normally did when I visited his apartment. I cleaned for him. I threw out old pizza boxes, wiped the counters, I even dusted. I was on my way to his room when I heard it. And you know that moment when you see the protagonist of a drama or movie walk towards the door. And you yell at them to not be so stupid, that pressing their ear up to the door doesn’t make sense, that they already ing know what that noise is and shouldn’t be so dumb?”
Taehyung’s voice cracked towards the end and there was already a steady stream of tears cascading down his face. At first, Yoongi was stunned, and then, he did the only thing that came to his mind. He enveloped Taehyung in a hug, wanting to somehow radiate enough warmth to soothe the chills that ran all along his boyfriend’s skin.
Taehyung sniffled but continued. ”Well I figured out why they don’t listen, hyung.”
And god , the way Taehyung’s voice broke just made Yoongi want to shut him up and never allow him to speak a word of his painful past relationship. But he knew that he needed to allow Taehyung to let it all go.
“It’s because, deep down, you don’t want to believe it. Your brain begins making up all kinds of excuses, telling you that you’re wrong and no way can two people you care for so much hurt you so badly. And it’s for that exact same reason that, no matter how many times you yell or how loud you yell, they still open the door. It may be the last bit of sanity they have left, but it’s also the last piece of the two thousand piece puzzle that they need, that I needed. Everything in your body is telling you ‘no, you’re wrong,’ except your eyes, your eyes are telling you,“ ‘i’m sorry, but you’re right.’”
Yoongi in a breath, looked down at Taehyung, and then let it go, knowing that there was one final piece that needed to be laid out.
So, he initiated it. ”So then what happened?”
“I screamed, and they pulled apart, both looking extremely scared. I screamed, and I fought, and I argued. But at some point you get tired of screaming, and yelling, and arguing, so then I left. I felt too embarrassed to get my money back from the apartment building we were going to move into so instead I left my own shabby little place and moved in with Jungkook. But of course, not before stealing my ex’s beloved bat.
“With the money I paid for my half of the apartment, he bought it and moved in with my ex best friend. The parking garage of that place is where we trashed his Douche Mobile…”
“What? What is it that you want to say?” Yoongi asked, looking down at Taehyung who seemed to not have finished yet.
“It’s like I set them up together. I introduced them, I forced them to hang out so that they would get along well, I even paid for their first apartment together,” he answered, the tears in his eyes collecting before spilling over.
Yoongi choked down his own lump in his throat at the sight. “Hey, do you remember what I told you the night we met?”
“‘Hindsight isn’t twenty/twenty and there is no way I could’ve known’?”
Yoongi nodded his head. ”Now repeat that.”
“Hindsight isn’t twenty/twenty and there is no way I could’ve known.”
“Again, ” commanded Yoongi.
“Hindsight isn’t twenty/twenty and there is no way I could’ve known.”
And so Taehyung repeated it until he no longer had tears in his eyes and instead, was on the brink of sleep.
“Hey Yoongi-hyung?” Taehyung mumbled, his voice low, weighed down by sleep.
“Yeah?”
“Just because I shared my break-up story doesn’t mean you should feel obligated to share yours. I’ll hear it when you’re ready for me to.”
And while Yoongi was too shocked to respond, Taehyung was off in his dreams.
April 12th
“They keep staring at us.” Taehyung whispered
“I know, what the do they want us to do? Jump each other’s bones?” Yoongi whispered back after covering his face with the menu
“We can hear you!” Jin exclaimed
“Well? Aren’t you going to explain why you’ve been staring at us?” Yoongi asked to all of them, though he was looking directly at Jimin
“Did you guys break up?” Was Jimin’s response
“No! What the hell?” Taehyung yelled, which earned him looks from the other diners
“You two aren’t acting like lovestruck high schoolers anymore. You haven’t been as touchy or as kissy.” Hoseok answered
Yoongi and Taehyung looked at each other.
They hadn’t broken up. That was the farthest thing from the truth.
The night before, Taehyung and Yoongi had had a long talk about what they were comfortable with. It first started out with things in the bedroom since the couple had decided that they were both willing to take that next step in their relationship.
But when Taehyung had blurted out that he hadn’t felt comfortable with the state of something within their relationship, the conversation took a turn.
Anyone who had ever come in contact with Taehyung knew that he was no stranger to skinship, at times he was overflowing with it. But, at times, he wasn’t and he didn’t want to continue on under the guise that he was a super cuddly boyfriend, always down for giggling and not so secret pecks in front of their friends.
And Yoongi agreed, wholeheartedly. They were both well aware that their honeymoon phase was wearing off, but before that, before anything was set in stone, they wanted to clear the air. That didn’t mean no more touches or kisses, but that they had both realized that neither one of them were really the type to do so in the first place.
They weren’t like Namjoon and Jin, who were more than annoyingly adorable and affectionate 24/7. They were Yoongi and Taehyung, and they were okay with that.
“Have you two somehow become telepathic now?”Jungkook asked, his food stuffed in his mouth as he did so
Taehyung rolls his eyes at him, “No Jungkook. And no, we haven’t broken up. We’re just Yoongi and Taehyung. Right, hyung?”
Yoongi grabbed his hand under the table and smiled softly. “Right.”
May 11th, 2:24 am
“Taehyung,”Yoongi groaned,“what are you doing? It's two am.”
“Just texting someone, no worries.”Taehyung replied dismissively
No worries? Yoongi sat up and rubbed at his sleep filled eyes before looking over Taehyung. Indeed, he was texting someone. But at two am?
“Come on Tae, go to sleep. Whatever it is can be handled in the morning.”Yoongi said
“But it can’t. You don't understand, just go to sleep hyung. Everything will be fine in the morning.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes but listened, if only because he was exhausted from the previous day’s work and didn't want to fall asleep during his class.
-
Taehyung giggled,“Keep your eyes closed hyung.”
“Well it won't be too hard with your hands pushing my eyeballs in.”Yoongi grunted in reply
“Open!”Taehyung exclaimed
Yoongi opened his eyes to see his car, but, it doesn't look like his car. His old, black Ford looked brand new. Every dent and scratch erased.
“You were always saying that one day, very soon, your car would give out in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t want that to happen so I called a few friends who owed me favors and they fixed up your car.”Taehyung explained
Yoongi gaped,“ Fixed ? It looks brand new!”
“That isn't even the best part, look!”
Yoongi walked around to the back of the car and on the bumper read two very different stickers. Stickers that match their personalities to a T.
“Do you like it?”Taehyung asked hesitantly
“Like? I love it!...I love you.”Yoongi replies as his arms circled around Taehyung and drew him in close
June 30th, 8:45 pm
“Hey, Hyung?” Taehyung asked, his voice soft
“Yeah Tae?” Yoongi replied, adding the same softness in his voice teasingly.
“Why did you let me kiss you that day? When did you decide that I was worth it?”
Yoongi almost balked at Taehyung. But, realizing how fragile the situation was, he decided to hold his reaction in. Instead he guided Taehyung until his head was resting on Yoongi’s lap.
Yoongi began to run his hand through Taehyung’s hair, something he knew would calm them both down.
“Let me tell you a story, and I want no questions until the end, okay?”
Taehyung nodded his head.
“Once upon a ti-”
Taehyung playfully groaned. “Really, hyung?”
“Yes, really,” Yoongi chuckled, playfully flicking Taehyung’s head in return.
“Anyway, once upon a time there lived two princes. One, whose skin had been blessed by the sun itself, whose smile made flowers bloom, and whose voice reached even the deepest depths of the ocean. One who, like the sun, radiated warmth that all craved. And the other, pale as the moon, and as lonely as it too.”
“But hyung,” Taehyung said, cutting into Yoongi’s story once again, “The moon has the stars to keep it company.”
“You would think so Taehyung, but even in a crowded room someone can feel lonely. Now will you let me finish my story?” Yoongi asked.
Again, Taehyung nodded his head.
“It’s funny, because the two princes were so close but so far away. Their kingdoms so close to each other, but they were worlds away. The sunlike prince—we’ll call him Taehyun—was being courted by a commoner; someone who, despite being the complete opposite of the warm hearted prince, had wormed his way into Taehyun’s heart. Taehyun loved this commoner with all of his heart. No one could ever hold a candle to the commoner in Taehyun's eyes.
“But, alas, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Something the commoner had to learn the hard way after being caught in bed with Taehyun’s most trusted advisor. After having his heartbroken before his very eyes, Taehyun locked himself away and cried day in and day out. No one had seen or heard from the prince for quite some ti—”
“What about the other prince hyung?” Taehyung, again, cut in.
This time Yoongi gave him a not-so-light smack on his head, grumbling, ”I’m getting to him.”
“Anyway, the other prince—who we’ll call Yoonshi—was...well, lonely. Very, very lonely. Unlike Taehyun, who had a whole kingdom of people supporting his every decision and move, Yoonshi had basically no one but his two trusted advisors. Anytime this prince made a mistake, it was sure to be thrown back in his face. There were times when Yoonshi wanted to leave his kingdom, and never return with the belief that he wouldn’t be missed, but he stayed. He stayed in hopes that he was wrong. He wasn’t. He left when he realized he could make it on his own, or at least...he thought he could.
“This prince, this quiet, sad prince had left in the dead of night and heard from no one for a whole year. A whole year went by without a word from his family so he began to try and move on. Yoonshi and his two advisors moved to the capital and began to live as normal citizens. And, as luck would have it, Yoonshi met someone who finally asked for his opinion, who finally cared about what he thought. As their relationship progressed Yoonshi began to crave his partner more and more.
“He craved the sense of belonging he felt with his partner, he craved the feeling he got from feeling wanted, from feeling needed. He fell in love… Or so he thought.. Belatedly, he realized that he hadn’t fallen in love with his partner, but with the feeling of being loved. So he threw himself into the relationship, desperate to find love. Next thing he knew he was engaged, and he briefly felt as if he were genuinely happy. By then his relationship with his family had somewhat mended. So much so that they would be attending the wedding. But, apparently, he was already too late. The night Yoonshi and his partner were supposed to get married, Yoonshi was left at the altar.
“He cried, he screamed, he yelled right in front of his wedding guests. It wasn’t until things became physical between Yoonshi and his lover’s fathers that Yoongi broke down, crumpled to the floor in agony because, even though Yoongi hadn’t loved his lover the way a married couple should, he loved him nonetheless and the pain was still there, as clear as day.
“And then, one night, the two princes met on a beach. Both with heaviness in their hearts. Yoongi-”
“Hyung, you said Yoo-” Yoongi cuts him off with a glare and continues with his story.
“Yoongi made the idiotic—but totally worth it—mistake of tackling Taehyung into the water. From the moment Yoongi laid eyes on Taehyung he knew. He’ll never know now if it was the warmth that the sunlike prince radiated, his smile that made flowers bloom, his voice that was reached even the deepest depths of the ocean...Or if it was something more, like the way he looked at Yoongi without judgement or pity; without contempt and spoke to him with so much love and compassion that it almost physically hurt Yoongi to hear. Whatever it was, no, regardless of what it was, Yoongi knew.
“On that night he knew he had fallen, not in the idea of being loved, or of being in love, but he had in fallen, complete, unadulterated in love with his arms and heart open to catch the sun-like prince as he was falling, too.”
“... Is the story over now? Can I talk without getting hit?” Taehyung asked after a beat, his voice small.
Yoongi chuckled, but assured him that yes, he could speak now.
“First off—” Taehyung launched himself into Yoongi’s arms, almost toppling them over. “—You have a way with words like nobody else.”
At this, Yoongi blushed but said nothing knowing that that wasn’t all his boyfriend had to say.
“And last of all: You...I....I love you Min Yoongi. More than words can describe and I am so glad that I am the one you fell for.” And then, Taehyung’s lips were on Yoongi’s
And it wasn’t like their normal kisses. Not the pecks not so secretly shared in the presence of their friends, not the toe curling, moan inducing kisses shared between the sheets (or any available surface really). No, this was a different kiss.
Because within that kiss the two expressed everything they couldn’t say. Between the soft, plush, pillow-like lips; between the teeth that occasionally collided and the tongues that pursued one another with vigor. Between all of that was a secret language only the two of them would understand. And as Taehyung playfully nipped at Yoongi’s bottom lip, they told each other, I got you; trust in me; I love you; let me take care of you and appreciate you the way you deserve. As well as, Thank you for looking past my faults and loving me regardless.
And if the calm that had settled over their pounding hearts was anything to go by, the message was well received on both sides.
July 19th
“They’re so cute, it honestly makes me want to throw up,” Jin sighed, a small smile on his face despite himself.
“They’ve been dating for almost a year, don’t you think they should be out of that honeymoon phase by now?” Namjoon asked.
Jin gasped. “Yah! Don’t jinx it for them! Be happy for them. Remember our first fight?”
Namjoon shuddered at the thought.”It was awful. I honestly thought we were going to breakup.”
Jin nodded his head as he watched Taehyung and Yoongi build sand castles under the umbrella. The smile on his face returned, but this time much softer.
“Just let them have this moment,” Jin said, his voice so soft it was almost drowned out by the noises around them.
February 20th
“Yah! Kim Taehyung, will you kindly shut the up?”
“Seriously? What the , Yoongi, I'm only trying to comfort you.”
“You're suffocating me!”
“‘ Suffocating ’ you? Oh my god, could you stop being so goddamn sensitive for once in your life? I’m trying to help you, for heaven’s sake!”
“If you actually wanted to help then you would go somewhere else and stop being so ing noisy .”
“ I don’t know why I even try. You know what, fine, be like that!”
“Fine!”
May 15th
“Hyung, what are you doing?”
“I'm still working on the song. It's the same thing I was doing when you asked literally two minutes ago.”
“But I want attention…”
“I can't always have you as the center of my attention Taehyung, no matter how much I want to.”
“Why the hell not!?”
“Because that's not healthy! I'm also trying to graduate and get into a good grad school!”
“But I want attention right now! You can finish that later!”
“I can't it's due at midnight.”
“You should've started it earlier then!!”
“I tried . But then you wanted my attention and so I gave it to you!”
“You're so...ugh!”
“I refuse to argue with you on this.” Yoongi got up, work supplies in hand, and slammed the front door. If he couldn't work in his own damn apartment he would work in the studio.
July 20th
“You’re insufferable!”
“ You’re selfish!”
“You’re too demanding!”
“ God , I hate you so much!”
Yoongi balked. He didn't like that. He didn't like hearing that come out of Taehyung's mouth. No, not at all. The only words leaving that mouth should be clean, pure, loving, happy.
At the sight, Taehyung immediately amended himself. “I...I didn't mean that Yoongi. I love you so much. I love you so much it hurts,” Taehyung blinked rapidly, hoping the tears in his eyes would go away. He stepped forward and rested his forehead on Yoongi's shoulder. “I just...you make me so mad sometimes…”
Yoongi wrapped his arms around Taehyung. He was still a bit shaken by Taehyung's words.
“Don't worry, Baby. I love you too. I understand. Just...promise you won’t say that again?”
“Promise.”
It's amazing how easily promises can be broken.
September 28th
Yoongi knocked on Jin’s door. As soon as the elder answered, he sighed. “He's not here.”
“Do you know where he might be?”
“You could try Jimin and Hoseok's place. But, by the welt on your face I'm assuming you already have?”
Yoongi nodded his head.
“Yoongi...” He sighed, his usual cheerful demeanor gone, “Come in for a sec,” Seokjin said.
He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell his hyung that he will later. But at the moment, he was worried about Taehyung, who stormed out after their fight. So, Yoongi chose to comply.
“I'm just going to cut to the chase,” Jin said, his arms crossed and his eyes stared into Yoongi's. “I think whatever your relationship with Taehyung has turned into isn't healthy. For either one of you.”
Yoongi was ready to listen. To nod along and agree so he could leave. But his words made Yoongi ball his fist up. He reminded himself that Jin was older and that he couldn't slam him to the ground without breaking any cultural (and moral) rules, and his mother's heart.
“Taehyung seems to always be crying and running away, and you always seem to be angry and running after him. It's horrible game of cat and mouse that we are all sick of watchi–”
“–Then turn away.”
“What?”
“You wouldn't understand. Your relationship with Namjoon is different. He gives you butterflies and flowers and that works for you. But that kind of thing doesn't for us—we aren't that kind of couple. We've tried, trust me, but it’s just not the way we are. So don’t tell me what you're sick of seeing. Do you think I enjoy seeing him cry and run away? Enjoy being angry all the time? No, of course not. Now, if you'll excuse me…”
Yoongi bowed at his hips so as to be respectful before he stood up and leaving.
“See, I told you. You shouldn't have said anything. Let them work it out themselves,” Namjoon murmured in Seokjin’s ear from where he was hugging the elder from behind.
“They’ll kill themselves—or each other—before that happens, Namjoon-ie,” the elder said with a heavy sigh
“Somehow, I highly doubt that. But if it happens, then it happens.”
The television is still on.
That's the first thing he notices.
Taehyung never sleeps with the television on. And he's never gone for more than 4 hours.
Yoongi tries not to panic as he tries to go about his daily routine. But then he realises there are huge gaps in it. A gap between brushing his teeth and showering, where he’s usually kissing Taehyung breathless. One after getting out of the shower that is meant for helping Taehyung put his head through the right hole of one of his own “custom designed” shirts. One during breakfast, where he watches Taehyung and wonders how he got so lucky. And one, today, where Yoongi realizes he'll receive nothing of sort.
So Yoongi skips his morning shower, just in case Taehyung decided to come home when he's showering and he doesn't hear him. Instead, he swaps his pajama bottoms for the pants he wore the day before since Taehyung isn't there to help him look better.
Yoongi makes breakfast and almost burns it. But he sets it out regardless, just in case Taehyung comes home when he's at school and is hungry.
But Taehyung doesn't come home.
When Yoongi returns at half-past three in the afternoon to find their home the exact way he had left it that morning, he begins to panic.
Immediately he grabs his keys and rushes out the door, pulling out his phone from his pocket and dialing Jin in the process.
“Jin-hyung! Have you seen Taehyung at all today?”Yoongi all but shouts into his phone
“No? What's wrong— Namjoon, shush! —you sound panicked. Is everything okay?”
“He didn’t come home last night.” Yoongi explains, biting his bottom lip as he does so
“Oh boy... Namjoon and I will go look now,” Jin replies as Yoongi hears hurried shuffling from the other line
“Thank you.”
Next call.
“Jeon Jungkook!” Yoongi exclaims, startling an elderly couple on their afternoon stroll. Yoongi bows and offers them an apologetic smile before taking off down the street.
“It's too early for you to be yelling, Hyung,” Jungkook groans from the other end of the line.
Yoongi wants to berate the younger for partying and sleeping so late that waking up close to four in the afternoon is early, but decides that’s not his priority.
“Do you know where Taehyung is?”
“No.” Jungkook sobers up and is on high alert so fast it’s almost comical.
“Do you know where he could be?” Yoongi continues
“No, but I’m getting my keys now.”
“Thanks.” Yoongi hangs up before he can hear the “No problem” leave Jungkook's mouth.
Yoongi dreads the next phone call, not wanting to make it, but knowing he must.
“Jimin…”
“Jin hyung has already called me, and Jungkook-ie just texted me. Hobi and I are have already begun looking.”
Yoongi sighs.
“I'm so-”
“He better be alive for your sake, and mine, because if he's in a ditch somewhere no one will be able to stop me from putting you six feet under, and I'm too pretty to go to jail. Bye Yoongi...hyung.”
Yoongi thinks about saying that if Taehyung were to be dead, then Yoongi might as well be too, but then decides against it. Jimin doesn’t need to know that.
“Nothing.” Jungkook runs his hand through his hair sweat-dampened, breathless from having run around the city. He bends over, hands on his knees as he pants out, “I checked everywhere—even at the pet shop.”
“Ditto. We checked the ice cream parlor as well,” Jin says, explaining the ice cream in Namjoon’s hands.
“We checked the park, but then Hobi wanted to stop and some cotton candy so it took us longer,” Hoseok shoots Yoongi a half-hearted look of guilt. Jimin doesn't seem amused—they all know why.
“I'll keep looking. It's getting late. You guys head home,” murmurs Yoongi after a long pause.
“Yoongi! We're going to help you look!” Jin exclaims.
“No. Go home,” Yoongi looks at him resolutely.
All at once everyone begins to protest. But then, one by one, they notice the red in Yoongi’s eyes, the sag of his shoulders, the way he can't seem to stay still, and silently leave.
Yoongi wants to be left alone with his thoughts, but his thoughts are screaming at him and he just wants to cry because he doesn’t know what to do .
Taehyung would know what to do. He is Yoongi's remedy to everything.
But, Yoongi reminds himself, he’s not here .
A sharp pang blooms within him and Yoongi clutches at his shirt.
It doesn’t ease the pain.
-
With how his mind is running a mile a minute it's a wonder to Yoongi how he even made it back to his car safe, let alone drive it somewhere. He’d been so spaced out he hadn't even realized where he was driving, or that any time seemed to have passed by and it is now dusk.
He ends up parking at the place he goes to clear his mind—and that’s what he needs, a clear mind. He ends up that beach. But, that beach is also the same beach he and Taehyung met for the first time. Seeing it reminds him of Taehyung and how empty his life is and would be without him.
Yoongi looks down at his hands, at the bracelet Taehyung gave him on their second anniversary.
It’s then that Yoongi begins to cry, begins to sob. Out in the middle of the road, tears racing down his face, and wails pouring out from his lips.
The bottled uneasiness of their four-year long relationship finally cracks down his walls, reducing them to a pile of rubble on the ground.
His thoughts are screaming, his heart is screaming, his head and legs are screaming, his voice is screaming. Everything is screaming. And everything keeps on screaming. Screaming awful things at him and mocking the things he’s done. Screams until, suddenly, Yoongi finally gets it. He understands. Like waves washing against the shore in front of him he understands.
This whole time he had been comparing his relationship with Taehyung to his former relationship. The relationship that made Yoongi build a wall around his heart—the same wall Taehyung had been trying to break down, but failed to because Yoongi’s insecurities were far too many.
He had been afraid that, like his former boyfriend, Taehyung would leave him when he least expected. It was why, regardless of the length of the time spent together, he never let Taehyung get too close to his heart.
Yoongi began to weep at the revelation.
He was aware Taehyung was dealing with his own insecurities. But realizing that he had been pushing the love his life away because he was insecure in himself—because he didn't trust himself— hurt .
And then Yoongi looks up.
He sniffles and squints, barely able to make out the figure in the distance, watching the waves. However, regardless of how far the figure is, Yoongi knows that it's Taehyung. He knows because he's memorized the swell of his chest when he takes in a deep breath, and the broadness of his shoulders that Yoongi swears hold could carry even the heaviest burden.
He rolls down his window so that he can see Taehyung better. From here Yoongi can see that his hair's a mess and he's still in the clothes from the day before, but he’s alive and okay and Yoongi can finally breathe again.
Yoongi opens his mouth to say something, anything to grab Taehyung's attention. But he doesn't. Instead he watches Taehyung, watches his boyfriend look at the water with an expression of calmness Yoongi has never seen before.
He rolls his window up and almost drives away, not wanting to disturb Taehyung in what Yoongi figures to be his only moment of peace. But then, abruptly, Taehyung turns around.
Before Yoongi can do anything a blaring horn, a bright light, and an impact cut him off, and then everything goes quiet.
—
“Y-Yoongi….?” Taehyung calls out, standing up from his cowering position.
There is no reply.
Taehyung stops, his heart nearly beating out of his chest as his blood freezes. “Yoongi!?!”
He then takes off running towards Yoongi as the other drive gets out of his car, completely unscathed. “Hey, is everything okay? What was that car doing in the middle of the stre-”
“ You ! What have you done !?” Taehyung screeches, launching himself at the other male.
“I–I...holy . Is he dead ?”
Taehyung stills, looking over at Yoongi’s car. It takes him only a second to react. He turns around to see the other driver frozen and looking dazed.
“W-what am I supposed to do?”
“Call the police, the ambulance, I don't know, but do something !” Taehyung yells over his shoulder as he tries to locate Yoongi within the wreckage
“No way, I could go to jail! I don’t want to go to jail! My cousin went, said it was awf-”
“HEY!” Taehyung cuts him off. “I’m going to need you to shut up and call the ing emergency number so I can see if my boyfriend is even alive. And if you don’t call the number and instead run away, jail won’t be the only thing that you have to worry about!”
Turning away from the man, Taehyung wills his hands to steady as he finally locates Yoongi’s neck to check for a pulse. His heart skips when he feels one, faint, but there. He tries to find Yoongi’s seatbelt next. There’s blood on his hands and he worries about whether or not it’s even safe to pull Yoongi out. He quickly decides against it, not knowing how bad Yoongi’s injuries are and would beat himself ten times over if he made it worse. Instead, he checks to see if the ignition is off to avoid a fire and sighs when he sees that it is.
He looks back, seeing that the other male had, in fact, taken his warning and called for help. A moment later he runs a hand through his hair. “They’re on their way. Can I go now?”
Taehyung cuts him a look which quickly puts an end to any further dialogue.
However Taehyung, who for the most part has been able to put on a calm facade, doesn’t feel his anxiousness ease upon finding out help is on the way. He refuses to take his eyes off of Yoongi, even as he proceeds to vomit everything in his stomach and then some at the motionless body of his boyfriend.
—
Fifteen minutes.
It takes the authorities fifteen minutes to arrive. Fifteen minutes that could mean the difference between Yoongi living or dying. Taehyung nearly chokes at the thought.
They move quickly, pulling an unnervingly still Yoongi out from the totaled car and onto a stretcher. Taehyung watches, completely ignoring the officer and the other driver, who introduced himself to the officer as Minjae.
“Sir, are you listening?” The officer asks Taehyung.
Taehyung momentarily looks at the officer before focusing back on Yoongi. “Listen. I’ll give my statement later, but right now I need to be with him. Now, excuse me.”
He bows before racing over to the ambulance.
“Excuse me, are you family?”
“No. I’m his boyfriend and I’m the only one here with him,” Taehyung bites his lip, offering the EMT a pitiful look and hoping she takes the bait.
She rolls her eyes, “Fine. But you’re only allowed to ride in the front.”
Taehyung nods his head and climbs in, refusing to sit facing forward as he keeps his own eyes on Yoongi.
Jin sighs, running his hands down his face in exasperation. ”I’m so worried about him—about the both of them, actually.”
Jungkook pats his hyung’s leg before reaching over to get a hand full of popcorn. “Don’t worry, Hyung, they’ll make up. They always do.”
“But they never fight for this long, and Yoongi always sends me a text telling me that the storm is over. The storm should’ve been over hours ago,” Jin replies.
Namjoon plops down beside him and wraps his arm around him, trying to comfort him the best way he knows how; though Namjoon is just as worried.
Jimin settles himself into Hoseok more and grunts, “Maybe they finally decided to break up.”
They all shoot him a glare, Jin even going so far as to yell. “What the hell Jimin?!”
“I’m just saying...Taehyung is way too good for Yoongi,” is Jimin’s reply. He seems unaffected by the negative auras around him.
The room gets quiet as tension starts seeping in. It’s no secret that, as soon as their relationship had begun to take a turn Jimin began to disapprove of Yoongi. But to finally voice his thoughts, and at such a time?
“Oh really? Because last time I checked Taehyung isn’t so innocent either,” Namjoon retorts with a snort. Jin gives him a thankful pat on the thigh in return.
Jimin is on his feet in seconds, his fists clenched and his chest heaving. “What kind of man always causes his boyfriend to cry? What kind of man lets his own insecurities get in the way of being the source of his boyfriend’s happiness?!”
Jin eyes widen and he, as well as everyone else in the room, is left in shock at Jimin’s words.
“Listen, Park Jimin, because I will only be saying this once; I met you, Jungkook, and Taehyung through Yoongi so I don’t know you as well as you three know each other. But I was there when Yoongi broke down. I was there when he wouldn’t leave his apartment for days and threw himself into his work. I was there . And while I’ve grown attached to you three, know this; Yoongi’s well being is my top priority.
“I have not turned a blind eye to Yoongi’s faults and missteps in their relationship, but you know damn well that Taehyung isn’t faultless here either. So if you would kindly shut it and let us enjoy this lovely news program Namjoon has decided to put on for us, that would be just great.”
And with that, Jin turns back to the television.
Jimin opens his mouth to say something, but before he can do so Hoseok has him by the wrist and is dragging him into the kitchen.
Hoseok runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Jimin, look, I know that you’re worried about Taehyung but that is no excuse to take it out on us. And it definitely not an excuse to take it out on Yoongi. We’re all worried here.”
“I know you’re right, but I ju–”
“Hoseok! Jimin! Come here!” Namjoon yells, cutting Jimin off and leaving him even more annoyed.
“What?” Jimin grunts.
“Look at that car and tell me if it looks familiar,” Jungkook answers him as he squints up at the television. Jimin and Hoseok look at each other before turning towards the screen and looking at the aforementioned car.
It’s a black, like many cars Jimin has seen, and a Ford. The only difference is that this one looks like a crushed soda can.
Jimin sighs, “It’s black and busted, so what?”
“No, Jimin, look closer,” Hoseok responds. His voice sounds shaky.
And so he does, and he notices two bumper stickers that read: “I Saw That.”-Karma and “Caution: Rabbits on the Moon”. He nearly chokes.
“Did you guys check out the bumper stickers?” Jimin croaks, not wanting to believe his eyes.
A few seconds later Jin in a loud breath.
“That’s a coincidence...right?” Jungkook asks.
“Taehyung had two bumper stickers custom made for him and Yoongi and then stuck them on Yoongi’s black Ford...the stickers said exactly that.” Jimin hears himself say
They all scramble around, looking for their coats, gathering their wallets, and throwing on any shoes within their reach before rushing out of Jin and Namjoon’s apartment and piling into Namjoon’s van.
No one says a word throughout the whole car ride as they hope, pray to be wrong.
“He’s in surgery. He’s been in surgery. He was in surgery that last time you asked me, kid—and that was twenty minutes ago.”
Taehyung sags at the nurse’s words before taking his seat once again. He clutches his knees as he stares down the hallway vacantly. His mind somewhere so very far away. That is, of course, until he feels a hand on his shoulder.
He looks at the hand, which looks familiarly chubby, before looking at who the hand belongs to. Taehyung cracks a wobbly smile at Jimin before standing up and walking into his waiting arms.
“I’m sorry I forgot to call you guys. I was just so... busy …” Taehyung mutters, looking at each of his friends in their various states of shock
Namjoon looks at Jin, who looks like he is nowhere close to being able to speak coherently, before he sighs and pats Taehyung on the shoulder awkwardly. “It’s fine, we just...what happened ?”
“I was at the beach, our beach just thinking things over when I decided to stop worrying Yoongi and just go home. I turned around and saw Yoongi staring at me. I said...what did I say? Something along the lines of a greeting I think. He didn't hear me because his windows were rolled up. For a good reason too, I mean, it may be summer, but the nights still get kinda cold. Especially by the ocean. Which reminds me, why didn’t I bring a jacket with me? I mean it was so cold I thought I was going to freeze to death and I wa-”
“Taehyung?”Jimin whispers, his voice hesitant
Taehyung’s eyes refocus as he looks at Jimin. “Y-yeah?”
“You’re rambling…”
“Oh...sorry,” Taehyung chuckles emptily, clearing his throat before he continues.
“So anyway, I turned around to go home and saw someone staring, which was Yoongi. I said something to him but he didn't hear me. I think he was going to say something to me but then...then…”
“… His car got hit?” Hoseok supplies carefully, trying to help Taehyung with his story.
Taehyung nods. “And the guy who hit him, Kim Minjae, was such a douche about the whole thing. He wanted to just leave. Can you imagine that? I made him call the emergency number while I did my best to see if Yoongi was okay. I got...I got his blood on me hyung. I—oh wow. It’s still… there…”
“I’ll take him to go wash his hands, you guys wait here.”Jungkook announces before grabbing Taehyung’s wrist and dragging the dazed boy away.
Jin takes a seat with the rest following soon afterwards. “He isn’t doing so well…”
Jimin scoffs, “He watched as his boyfriend get crushed like a fly. Of course he isn’t going to be doing so well. Who would?”
Jin’s eyes narrow, “You know what Jimin? I have had just about en-”
Taehyung reenters with cleaner hands and saggy shoulders.
“The nurse banned me from talking to him. He said that he’ll come to me if he has any news on Yoongi,” he huffs before taking a seat beside Jimin
“He’s visited the nurse’s desk thirteen times in the last two hours,” Jungkook whispers to the rest of them as Taehyung stares at the black screen of his phone.
They all share a look before Jin clears his throat, “Tae, you okay?”
There’s a long silence before Taehyung perks up, a smile on his face before he turns to his friends.
“You guys thirsty? I sure am. How about I get us all some water?”
And then he disappears.
“Okay...wow…” Jin says, but mostly to fill in the silence
Fifteen minutes later Taehyung comes back with a water bottle for everyone and a smile on his face. No one comments on the dried tear tracks on his cheeks.
—
Two hours later and the anxiety and fear begins to set in. Namjoon has taken to pacing; Jin is biting his nails; Jungkook has cried two times already; Hoseok has left twice, only to return with his breath smelling of vomit; and Jimin distracts himself from dread with the games on his phone.
All the while Taehyung watches the clock, a smile permanently on his face and his knuckles white from their grip on his knees.
“Do any of you guys want a pillow? Some food? Chips maybe?” Taehyung asks a little too loud, breaking the silence and frightening his friends
Jungkook sniffles before looking up, “But you just bought us sn-”
Jimin cuts him off without any hesitation. “I’ll take a bag of doritos, Jin would like some gum, mint to be exact, Namjoon would like a fluffy pillow, get Hoseok some altoids, a couple waters, and some crackers. Jungkook, need anything?”
Jungkook gives Jimin a confused look before clearing his throat,“Uh...whatever is fine with me.”
Taehyung nods before leaving down the hallway yet again.
“What are you doing?” Hoseok asks, his hand covering his mouth.
“It’s all painfully clear to us that Taehyung is not coping well. Whether he blames himself for what happened or not doesn’t matter. What he needs right now is a distraction. So I gave him one,” Jimin answers as nonchalantly as he can muster
Jin nods his head before his eyebrows begin to furrow. “Okay, that part makes sense. But why such a random list of things to get?”
“Easy, I just said what everybody needed. You need to keep your mouth busy, Namjoon-hyung needs to rest, Hoseok can't stomach much and needs breath freshener. And me? Well, I’m just hungry.”
Jin opens his mouth to say something but Jimin beats him to it.
“Yes. I’m attentive, I pride myself on being so. I know I’ve been a but I don’t hate Yoongi-hyung. In fact, I really look up to him. I’m just very, very protective of Taehyung and when bad things happen to him I get tunnel vision. I’m just as scared as you guys, but I know that if we all continue to lose it, then so will Taehyung. And that is not something I want to see.” Jimin says
Jin accepts Jimin’s apology with a soft pat on his shoulder and they all agree that the last thing they want is for Taehyung to lose it.
And then, the nurse walks in.
“I’m looking for a Mr. Kim Taehyung in regards to the condition of his boyfriend, Min Yoongi? Is he here?” The nurse asks
“Oh! He’s here, he just left to get some water. We’re with Taehyung though. Can you tell us what you were going to tell him?” Jin asks after practically jumping up from his seat.
The nurse looks at the five of them before sighing and nodding his head, “Sure, why not? Mr. Min is awake and in stable condition. He has requested to see Taehyung as soon as possible.” And with that, the nurse walks away
“Well that's good. Yoongi is in stable condition. And he's awake—that's good news.” Namjoon says as he runs a hand through through his hair. He wants to collapse in relief at the words but forgoes it. He’s afraid that if he does, Taehyung will shatter into the millions of pieces of himself that he’s trying to hold together ever since the accident.
“Taehyung will be so relieved,” Jungkook mumbles through a yawn, exhaustion finally coming through.
It is then that Taehyung makes his appearance, his arms full with the things Jimin requested. He busies himself with distributing each item to its rightful owner before he finally realises that they're all staring at him.
“Y-yes? Why are you all staring at me?” Taehyung asks, his voice cracking and wavering
“Yoongi's awake hyung,” Jungkook tells him.
Taehyung does not react the way they expected.
What they expected was for him to break out into a huge smile and run straight to Yoongi. Or maybe even cry a little. What they hadn't imagined was him shutting down completely. His face his void of any expression and his eyes look, well, dead. Like no one is inside.
“T-Tae? Taehyung, are you okay?” Namjoon asks, lightly touching him as he does so.
Jimin's shoulders sag and his lip set into a deep frown, “Don't touch him. He’s shut down.”
“What do you mean shut down ? Yoongi is waiting for him, he needs to get up.” Hoseok mutters through a mouthful of mints.
“You try getting him out of this, because trust me, it's not easy,” Jimin retorts, his attention never wavering off of his best friend
For a while they just watch Taehyung, they watch as he stares, unblinking. His body not moving.
“I hate to admit it, but Hoseok's right. The longer we stay here the more we keep Yoongi waiting. I can only imagine what he's thinking at this point after no one has showed up to his room,” Jin says.
Jimin sighs, looking at his vacant eyed friend before turning to the others, “Look, why don't you guys go see Yoongi while I try to ‘wake’ Taehyung up.”
“No way I'm letting you do this by yourself, hyung; this is a two person job. You guys can go. I'll stay with Jimin-hyung,” Jungkook replies.
The others hesitate before leaving, allowing the two younger ones to try pull Taehyung out of whatever pit he's placed himself in.
“Do you think he'll be, like, hooked up to a whole bunch of machines?” Hoseok asks, his steps slowing down as they reach Yoongi's room.
“There's a huge possibility. Will you be okay?” Namjoon answers
Hoseok hesitates before nodding meekly.
Jin draws in a large breath before letting it out slowly, “Just….try not to stare okay? You all know how much Yoongi hates that.”
Namjoon and Hoseok agree and then follow Jin inside.
“Self pity never did look good on you,” Jin says as he walks in and notices Yoongi crying
Yoongi sniffles and glares at him, his eyes are a deep red and his skin is a sick pale. But, he's alive.
“Well excuse me if I'm not ting out rainbows right about now. Did you even see my car?” Yoongi replies in typical Yoongi fashion, sarcastic and blunt.
Hoseok finally looks at Yoongi. He swallows down the lump in his throat to reply, “Yeah. We did actually. Your car was on the news. Not sure if you were too, we left before we could find out.”
Yoongi groans, “Oh …”
The mood in the room isn't nearly as heavy as Jin, Namjoon, and Hoseok thought it would be. But of course, that's all thanks to Yoongi. Who, despite having just come out of a long surgery, has enough energy to calm his obviously worried friends.
“We're so glad you're okay, Hyung,” Namjoon says
Yoongi looks at him and smiles a tired smile. He turns his attention towards the window, showcasing the dark night that is illuminated by the moon and stars.
“ Even in a crowded room someone can feel lonely .”Yoongi says, mostly to himself
“What was that hyung?”
Yoongi turns back to his friends. “Nothing,” he replies, assuring Hoseok.
“H-hey, how's Taehyung?” Yoongi blurts out, not meaning to voice his own thoughts.
“He’s–uh–fine… actually, he—”
“Nevermind, you don't need to tell me,” Yoongi mutters, waving his hand dismissively.
Namjoon looks at both Jin and Hoseok, his eyebrows raised, “Why?”
“Because...because I'm going to break up with him.”
A heavy silence drags into the room, and Hoseok, Namjoon, and Jin stare at Yoongi as though he's grown a second head.
“How exactly did we ‘wake him up’ last time?” Jungkook asks, sitting down across from Taehyung.
“It was a combination of literally smacking him out of it and him deciding to snap out of it.”
“Well we cou–”
Jimin cuts Jungkook off with a sharp look, ”I will not hit him. Not here in public at least; I'm not sure people will take kindly to that.”
Jungkook slumps. “So what do we do then? Wait?”
Jimin stares at Taehyung, at his shallow breaths and the vacant expression in his eyes. “No, that's not it. We'll give him words of encouragement and reassurance, but after that? Yeah, waiting is the only thing we can do.”
It goes quiet between the two as both go off into their own worlds, and for a moment Jungkook really wishes he had left with the others.
“So… what should I say?” Jungkook asks, breaking the silence.
Jimin rolls his eyes, “I dunno, what do you want to say?”
Jungkook shrugs his shoulders.
Jimin rolls his eyes again, turning away from Taehyung to face him. “He's your friend too you know.”
“But you've known him longer,” Jungkook replies petulantly.
Jimin looks Jungkook dead in the eyes, not in the mood to entertain Jungkook, especially at a time like this.
“Then leave. Why stay if you're going to be useless here? You could be comforting Yoongi right about now,” Jimin tells him, his tone full of ice and his tongue spitting venom at Jungkook.
“H-hyung…”
Jimin shakes his head, not willing to hear what Jungkook has to say, “No Jungkook, just no. I will not deal with your whining and complaining right now. We need to be here for Taehyung and if you can't do that then you can just leave.”
Jungkook slumps in his seat, “I wasn't going to whine or complain...it's just...I don't know what to say…”
“You were there when he went like this last time. Isn't there something you want to say that you didn't get to last time?” Jimin asks, sighing and leaning back into his chair.
Jungkook shuffles over to Taehyung, he looks at Jimin with hesitation in his eyes only to be pushed towards Taehyung in what Jungkook knows to be assurance.
“Hey...Taehyung-hyung...um... !,”Jungkook says as he sighs and runs a hand through his hair “Just...what the hell ? Stop pouting! I honestly have no idea why you would even do such a thing; Yoongi-hyung isn't dead, you're alive, and you're still together. Can you just get over yourself for one second, please !? Do you know how frustrating it is to see you get like this and not be able to do anything but hope that you can somehow understand me?!
“We're all so sick of watching this! Maybe if you weren't so petty and argumentative you two wouldn't fight so much. Yoongi-hyung is a good person, he cares about you a ton! But then again, maybe you don't deserve him because heaven forbid he need space or time to himself! You're going to suffocate him until he leaves. Your insecurities are ruining your relationship and it's no one's fault but yo-”
He's cut off with a slap across his face.
The slap, Jungkook thinks, is highly warranted. His voice had risen to a completely inappropriate level for a public hospital waiting room, his words, while true, were very raw and unfiltered, and of course, who wouldn't slap him for yelling at someone who is obviously very upset.
He had expected the slap to come from Jimin, maybe even the nurse Taehyung had been bothering earlier. But, of course, certainly not Taehyung. Taehyung, whose chest is heaving and fresh tears are streaming down his face.
“Do you think that I don't know I'm ing up my own relationship?! Do you think I somehow enjoy this? I don't. But...I don't know how to stop being so overbearing and clingy. Or petty and argumentative. So please , for the love of all things holy, don't tell me what you're tired of seeing in my relationship,” Taehyung says before storming away
Jungkook clutches his cheek, his cold hands soothing the stinging skin. He turns to Jimin, his eyes round in shock.
“Well…. that was unexpected,” Jimin says, a soft chuckle bubbling out.
All Jungkook can do is nod his head in agreement.
After much guidance from hospital staff Taehyung makes it to Yoongi's room...or rather, outside of it.
He can't seem to muster up enough courage to actually go inside. What will he say? What will he do? What will Yoongi say? What will Yoongi do?
“What do you mean you're going to break up with him?!” Taehyung hears.
He immediately stops pacing, instead he listens in with his ear pressed up against the door.
“Exactly what I said, I'm going to break up with him.”
Taehyung recognizes the voice as Yoongi's. Although, before he can react he realizes that he is pressing too much weight on the door, causing it to open. He hadn't even realized that it was a push and not pull type of door. Next thing he knows, he is on the floor looking up at his hyungs.
“Taehyung, what are you doing here?” Jin asks, his voice weak and trembling.
“Well that's a stupid question Jin-hyung. My boyfriend is in the hospital, of course I'm here for him,” Taehyung replies, his fake smile hurting his face and his cheerful voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard.
“Ex.”
They all turn to look at Yoongi.
“What did you say?” Namjoon asks
Yoongi doesn't look up from his hands, “Said ex. As in, ex boyfriend.”
The fake smile on Taehyung's face drops completely and his shoulders sag as if he were a balloon that had been popped by a pin.
“W-why?” Taehyung stutters, his eyes trained on Yoongi
Yoongi sighs, still refusing to make eye contact with anyone, “We just...Taehyung, we just don't work together. We just aren't happy together. I no longer make you happy. Actually, did I ever?”
The others take that as their signal to leave, allowing the crumbling couple some space. Jin lingers in the doorway, pleading with Yoongi to look into his eyes and assure him that he's making a completely rational decision. But he doesn't, and Jin knows he isn't.
“Why would you even say something like that?” Taehyung asks, sitting down in a chair next to Yoongi's bed
Yoongi begins picking at a loose thread on his hospital blanket, “Taehyung, look at us. Look at me , this isn't what happiness looks like.”
“Well how do you know?” Taehyung counters, his stomach feeling like it's tying itself into a knot
“You can't honestly tell me that you've been happy with me. With us ,” Yoongi mumbles
“Of course I am...most of the time. Aren't you?” Taehyung asks.
Instead of responding Yoongi sighs, looking out the window. Taehyung lets the silence between them permeate. He waits, hoping Yoongi will respond. But the longer the silence drags on the angrier he gets.
“Would at least look at me while you break my ing heart!?” Taehyung yells, causing Yoongi to jump.
“I just don't—We...we aren't good for each other Tae-yah. We're always arguing and I know now that it's because I have continued to let my past relationship haunt me. I'm scared you'll just disappear on me like he d–”
Taehyung opens his mouth to speak, his eyebrows furrowed and his hands in a fist. Yoongi rests his hand on his but doesn't allow him to speak.
“And I know that this insecurity, this fear , is unwarranted. Even when you leave after an argument you always come back. But I'm still scared Tae. Deep down, for some reason, I still feel like I have to guard my heart. Deep down, for some reason, I feel like I can't trust you. And relationships should be all about trust.
“I'm just...I want to break up for me , not because of you. I want to break up so that I can learn how to love properly, not because I fell out of love with you. I need to find me first, before there can be an us,” Yoongi says, his eyes never wavering, never looking away from Taehyung's
Taehyung wipes away his tears with one hand, and with the other he holds Yoongi's hand tighter.
“What if I say no? What if I refuse to let you go? What then?” Taehyung’s voice is rough and barely above a whisper.
“Then we'll be back at square one. We'll always fight and argue, and maybe one day you won't come back. Maybe one day I'll say something that will go too far, that will hurt you too much and then you'll leave. Or maybe our love will slowly dissipate, we'll slowly fall out of love. It maybe a week from now, or a year from now.
“But I don't want that to happen because I love you so much. So much that it physically hurts to even think about. My love for you stretches beyond this galaxy and the next. It runs deeper than twelve oceans, and burns brighter than dozens of suns. I love you so much Kim Taehyung, and it is because of that love that I want to break up.”Yoongi replies, tears of his own cascading down his face
Taehyung's lips tremble, he wants to say something. To fight, to argue, but then he realizes that's the point. The point is that Yoongi is done arguing, done fighting; he just wants to love. And Taehyung realizes that he feels the same way.
He sniffles, letting his hand rest on Yoongi's cheek, “I love you so much Yoongi-hyung. And...I agree. It pains me to say this, it pains me so much, but maybe we should break up. Admittedly, I have my own problems that I need to deal with.”
Yoongi smiles softly, resting his face in Taehyung's hand.
“Come here,” Yoongi mumbles.
And so Taehyung climbs in beside Yoongi, careful of all the wires and tubes. He pulls Yoongi in and runs his hand through his hair, something he knows will calm them both down. But even then, even as they lay in each other's arms, as Taehyung runs his hand through Yoongi's hair to calm them both down, even after all of that they both begin to cry.
They cry silently, mourning the loss of their relationship. Mourning over the idea of waking up alone. Of the holes in their daily routines from now on, of not being able to do the simplest of things like laying in each other's arms.
“We're going to be okay.”Yoongi whispers, looking up at Taehyung through the tears in his eyes
Taehyung sniffles and nods, a small smile forcing it's way onto his lips.
And so they stay like that for a while, long enough for Yoongi to sleep and wake up three times. Long enough for Taehyung to realize he hasn't slept at all, and instead of going to sleep he watches Yoongi. Memorizes every minute detail of his face. Of his body. Of the way Yoongi latches onto him as he sleeps. Or the way familiar way his chest rises and falls in time to Taehyung's.
When Yoongi wakes up again he looks up at Taehyung and smiles softly,“You should probably go now.”He tells him
“You don't want me to be here for you?”Taehyung asks, his voice cracking at the end
“I do, so very much. But staying will only make leaving harder.”Yoongi answers
So Taehyung climbs out of the bed and shuffles towards the door, before he can make it out Yoongi calls his name.
“Yeah hyung?”
“Don't...don't wait for me. Don't sit alone and wait until we see each other again. If-I'm going to hate myself for saying this-if you meet someone that makes you happier. Don't hesitate okay? Can you promise me that?”Yoongi asks, his voice the softest Taehyung had ever heard it
“No, no I can't promise that.”Taehyung replies, shaking his head vehemently
New tears collect in Yoongi's eyes but he clears his throat to speak anyways,“Taehyung. Please . Don't let me hold you back from the happiness that you deserve. If you have someone who makes you happy. Go for them, love them. Okay? Can you do that for me?”
Taehyung hesitates before nodding, a lump in his throat forms as he does so.
“Thank you.”Yoongi replies
And then, Taehyung walks out
*One year later*
“Taehyung-ie, come on. The café is this way!”
Taehyung rolls his eyes at Jimin's childishness but doesn't comment on it. He lets Jimin drag him into the café, which, for some reason, seems very familiar to Taehyung.
“Jimin-ie, have we been here before?”Taehyung asks as they sit down in a booth
Jimin furrows his eyebrows, thinking hard. “I don't think s–” his eyes widen before controlling his facial expression.“Y-yeah, you have.”
Taehyung's own eyebrows furrow at Jimin's crypticness“ I have? What do you mean?”
“You've been here...with Yoongi-hyung.”
Taehyung's eyes widen as he wonders how he could have possibly forgotten. It was for their first official date.
“Do you want to leave?”Jimin asks hesitantly
Taehyung thinks, does he really want to leave?
He thinks back to the last, and only memory he has of this café. He thinks about the fun he had with Yoongi, he thinks about how afterwards, his face hurt so much from all the smiling and laughing he had done. He thinks about how Yoongi and he had scared that old married couple when they were caught making out.
He smiles a little at that thought, but does he really want to taint that memory?
“No, we can stay.”
“Yoongi! Would you please shut up?”Jin asks, completely annoyed with his friend
Yoongi looks at Jin, his gummy smile making a rare appearance,“I can't. Did you even hear that? That's my song! That's the song I composed. That’s the song I slaved over for weeks on end. And it won an award. Are you kidding me!? We're popping champagne for this!”
Jim rolls his eyes,“Here we go again. Brace yourselves guys.”
Namjoon and Hoseok nod, already knowing what to do without being asked. They clear away any valuables and hide the vodka from Yoongi. It makes him act... different .
—
“Where's Yoongi? I thought you said you would watch him this time!”Jin yells at Namjoon
“I was . But he just disappeared!”Namjoon replies
Hoseok cuts in, his expression gloomy,”Guys, he's over there...with an almost empty bottle of vodka.”
“For 's sake!”Jin exclaims
The three of them slowly make their way through the party, making their way towards their now sullen friend.
“You okay hyung?”Namjoon asks tentatively
Yoongi shakes his head before laying his head down on the very dirty table,“Of course I'm not okay. How could you all let me let him go!? Huh ?! He was my world. He- -I miss him so much. Can I lay down? No! I can't, I'll just think about laying down beside him. How about we go for a walk?”
The three of them look at Yoongi before exchanging a look. If either one of them had known that they would have to deal with Yoongi like... this , then they wouldn't have let Yoongi break up with Taehyung. Granted, the intent was good. But Yoongi has been a mess ever since.
“Why don't we get you to bed hyung?”Hoseok suggests, wrapping his arm around Yoongi's shoulder
Yoongi grunts in response so Hoseok takes that as a yes and picks Yoongi up and, with the help of both Namjoon and Jin, puts him onto his back to carry him. They barely make it a block before Yoongi appears to be fast asleep, slumped against Hoseok's shoulder and drooling messily.
“He's asleep.”Hoseok announces
“Good. Maybe then he can rest.”Namjoon says with a sigh
“I said he was asleep, not that he's resting. There's a difference Joon-ie.”Hoseok tells him, his eyebrows furrowed
Jin sighs, looking up into the cloudless, starless night,“Well, he's not wrong . When was the last time any one of us saw Yoongi genuinely happy? And not the kind of happy he gets on a night like tonight, I mean genuinely , completely , happy. Not since before that argument with Taehyung.”
“So, why did he break up with Taehyung then?”Namjoon asks, slightly annoyed at his hyung
Hoseok rolls his eyes before stopping to hitch Yoongi up higher on his back,“Why has Yoongi done anything for the past four years? It was fo-”
“For Taehyung. They were both ticking time bombs. I mean, Taehyung was immature and unwilling to compromise. He was over-emotional and very insecure.”Jin says
Hoseok doesn't even bother biting his tongue as he speaks in reply to his hyung,“In his defense, you can't really blame him. Not only did he walk in on his boyfriend with someone else, but that someone else was his best friend. And to be honest, Yoongi was just as insecure. He was untrusting, and-if there is such a thing- under-emotional.
Now, don’t get me wrong, Yoongi is full of emotion. More than people give him credit for. He just isn't the best at expressing those emotions in a way someone like Taehyung, who needs constant reassurance, can understand. Yoongi, and this is just something that I've thought, but Yoongi may have developed a form of abandonment issues after his ex wh-”
Jin cuts Hoseok off with a scoff, “ That's ridiculous. I mean, sure Yoongi messed up in the relationship. There is no doubt about it. But abandonment issues? No way.”
“Jin-hyung. We love you, but maybe you should take a step back from the situation and reevaluate a few things. There's no doubt that you're Yoongi's best friend and that you've been with him through a lot. But maybe it's because of this that you've become blind to a few things.
Yoongi, as we all know, was deeply hurt by his ex. It is because of this hurt that he distanced himself, emotionally of course, from Taehyung. He probably thought that one day, Taehyung would just up and leave him. And maybe, the reason why he's such a mess like this is because instead breaking up for the reason he told Taehyung, he did it so that he could leave before Taehyung did.”Hoseok says, finishing his statement right as they make it the apartment Taehyung and Yoongi once shared.
The same one Yoongi lives alone in now.
The three of them are silent as they think over what had been said. Maybe Hoseok was right, maybe he wasn't. But one look at Yoongi and all three of them knew that whatever it was, Yoongi needed to snap out of it quickly.
After making it into Yoongi's apartment, with the help of the key in Yoongi's pocket of course, Hoseok laid Yoongi in bed with a glass of water and painkillers for the morning.
“Have you talked to Taehyung lately?”Namjoon asks to no one in particular
“Yeah, I was out with Jimin and Taehyung had come back to the apartment they're sharing.”Hoseok answers quietly as the three of them stare at Yoongi
Jin hesitates before asking,“How is he?”
“I….fine I think. He was a mess for a while. Like, god , that boy was so gone for a while. It was scary, and now?...I don't know. I just really hope Yoongi gets over whatever this is.”Hoseok mutters
Namjoon turns to Hoseok,“Why? Is everything okay?”
Hoseok sighs,“Taehyung is doing very well. He's growing, and not just physically. I visited him and Jimin yesterday and he had been talking about going out on a date. I don't know about you guys, but regardless of the they put each other through, I think Yoongi and Taehyung were made for each other and I don't want them to miss out on each other because a couple of stupid mistakes.”
And with that, the three of them leave, wanting some sleep of their own.
As soon as Yoongi hears the door close and he turns over, biting down on his blanket as he begins to sob.
He feels angry, angry at himself for leaving Taehyung. Angry that Taehyung, even though he asked him to, had listened to him and is moving on. Yoongi misses him. So much it hurts, so much that every song he writes is about him; be it the softness of his hair after a shower, the tenderness of his voice, or how Taehyung knew Yoongi better than anyone else, including himself.
Yoongi wails in agony, his tears stinging his face as he clutches at the other side of the bed; Taehyung's side.
It's only after his voice becomes hoarse and sore that Yoongi wills himself to stop crying, and it is only after twenty minutes that he actually does. As he stares blankly at his ceiling he makes a promise to himself, to Taehyung, and to the memories that they shared.
“I will get better. And it will be for me, and in doing so, I will be better for Taehyung.” He repeats to himself until he eventually falls asleep
*One year and a half later*
“Stop, not right here!”
“Taehyung-ie, why?”
Taehyung rolls his eyes in faux annoyance,“Because, we're in public and I can't have you putting hickies onto my neck in front of the elderly and children.”
Bogum pouts but listens, backing away from Taehyung. But only a little. He rests his face in Taehyung's neck.
“You guys are disgusting.”Jimin says, his void of any amusement
Hoseok nudges him under the table, “So, how have been Bogum-ssi?”
“Good. I've been kind of busy with my schedule, but other than that, good.”
Jimin rolls his eyes and scoffs.
Hoseok nudges him under the table again, only this time it's harder. Jimin doesn't even flinch but, he does decide to finally enter the conversation. “Park Bogum-ssi, I saw you on a magazine yesterday.”
Bogum smiles a little,“I told you two to call me hyung. I'm fine with it, I swear. And, was it the GQ one?”
“I knew this was going to be a mistake. I can't stand sitting here.”Jimin groans
“Jimin, what are you doing?”Hoseok asks warily
Taehyung bites his lip, a nervous habit he had picked up recently.
Jimin stands up abruptly,“I can't sit here across from him and act friendly. I don't like him. I don't like him with Taehyung. And I'm not going to hide it. I'm leaving.”
Taehyung's mouth hangs open, he gives Hoseok a pleading look.
“I got him, just…. stay okay?”Hoseok asks before following Jimin outside
Bogum gives Taehyung a sad look,”They'll come around. Don't worry about it.”
Taehyung knows that's a lie, but he doesn't try to correct him.
“Jimin! What the hell?!”
“There's no way in hell that I can play nice with him Hoseok, I've tried.”Jimin replies
“When? When did you try? When you glared daggers into his obscenely nice forehead, or when you refused to speak more that five words to him until now?”Hoseok asks
Jimin scoffs but doesn't argue against Hoseok any further.
“You're the one who wanted him and Yoongi to break up, you're also the one encouraged Taehyung to find his happiness when they did break up. You got your way and now you're not happy. You need to get your priorities straight.”Hoseok tells him
“I-I know . It's just…”
“It's just what Jimin?!”Hoseok yells, causing Jimin to flinch
“It's just...I want to help Taehyung. You know him, he….he just never knows what he wants. He's immature, he's young, he’s easily influenced. And because of this he always gets stepped on and I'm just trying to help him. I want what's best for him.
And Hobi, Park Bogum is not what's best for Taehyung. Taehyung is best for Taehyung, and when he becomes enough for himself then he'll realize that letting go of Yoongi was the worst mistake of his life.”Jimin answers, his voice clear and the expression on his face resolute
And Taehyung, who had left Bogum at their table to confront Jimin, agrees wholeheartedly.
*Half a year later*
“Yoongi, you're looking…. healthy .”
“You mean, I'm not looking heartbroken”Yoongi says, completely unamused
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
“You know Park Jimin, I never took you as one to beat around the bush…”Yoongi teases, although there is a sharp glint in his eyes that makes his seemingly innocent smile unwelcoming
“You're right. I'm not. What have you been doing since you broke Taehyung's and, consequently, your own heart?”Jimin asks, making himself comfortable in Yoongi's office chair
Yoongi smirks,“Well, for a long time I was a borderline alcoholic and workaholic. But after a few words from Hoseok, I turned that around really quick. I'm doing well, writing and producing many major hit songs. I even feature on a couple. But, of course, that's not what you came here to talk about.”Any friendliness in his demeanor immediately vanishes
Jimin clears his throat,“No, it isn't.”
“I'm not going to see him Jimin. Not until he asks for me. Not until he decides to see me . I broke his heart. I can't and won't just come crawling back into his life. Especially not if he's genuinely happy.”Yoongi tells him, wasting no more time
Jimin opens his mouth to speak but Yoongi cuts him off,”No means no Jimin. Now, if you would like to hang out, as friends and not….well….whatever this is. Then I'm open to that, but I refuse to talk to you, or anyone for that matter, about Taehyung.”
Jimin smiles a small smile,“Okay hyung.”
“Jungkook-ie! Hurry up!”
Jungkook rolls his eyes at Taehyung but decides to entertain him,“Okay. Just….be careful okay?”
Taehyung absentmindedly waves his hand in what Jungkook hopes is in assurance before going even farther ahead. Jungkook runs faster, willing his legs to catch him up to Taehyung.
He finds Taehyung on the floor at the end of the trail.
“Hyung, what are you doing on the floor?”Jungkook asks
Taehyung doesn't answer nor does he turn around to face Jungkook. Jungkook sighs before sitting down beside Taehyung.
“Look Kookie, do you see this?”
Jungkook looks at Taehyung with a raised eyebrow but obliges his hyung and looks at the small plaque in the dirt.
“So it's a plaque in the dirt so wh-”
“No Jeon Jungkook. Read it. What does it say?”Taehyung asks, and by the tone of his voice Jungkook feels like he's offended him in some way
“ The infinity trees. No matter how much the park caretakers tried to cut the trees apart, they always grow back together. Why do you think that is? ”
After reading it aloud Jungkook looks at the connected trees and then turns to his hyung who had ceased to make any noise.
Taehyung brushes the plaque lightly, but fondly,“I found this about three months after Yoongi and I broke up. At first, I was upset and angry. Even at these trees who did nothing wrong. I kept thinking, ‘why do they get a forever and I don't?’ I mean, it’s not even like they'll use it. They're just trees. But when I became less upset and angry I began to come here, not to vent, but to find comfort. You wanna know why?”
Jungkook isn't sure he wants to know why but he doesn't stop his hyung.
So Taehyung continues,“Because, if you really think about it. These trees went through a lot of . I mean, they had been cut apart again and again. Broken apart. Pulled away from each other. But, through it all they always managed to find each other over and over again. I think I envied that. But I don't now, I admire it. I wish I had been more like that. They faced adversity and didn't run away…”
Jungkook hesitates before speaking up,“Like… like you and Yoongi-hyung?”
Taehyung nods his head sadly.
“I miss him.”He whispers
“What about Bogum hyung?”Jungkook asks
“I...we...it's not going to last. I don't think it was meant to. I think he's in love with someone else too.”Taehyung answers
Jungkook puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder but Taehyung just laughs. It's an airy laugh. A light hearted, almost carefree kind of laugh.
“I'm not upset Kook. I don't think I have the right to be. Why would I be mad at him for falling in love with someone else towards the end of our relationship when I was in love with someone else from the beginning? Matter of fact,I'm happy for him.”Taehyung says, and when Jungkook looks into his eyes he knows he means it
Jungkook smiles fondly at Taehyung, at his new found strength and resolve,“So...where do you want to go from here?”
“I'm going to break up with Bogum-ie. And then? And then I want to see Yoongi.”
Jungkook smiles.
Yoongi stirs his now lukewarm tea, staring out of the window of the café. Of the café the one he took Taehyung to on their first official date. The one he hadn't visited until now.
He thinks about what Jin and scoffs.
“I think it's time you try to move on. Go out, go to that café and don't come back until you're over him.”
Yoongi shakes his head. He can't move on, even if he wanted to. He's drawn to Taehyung, like a moth to a flame. And there is nothing that can change that, even after all this time.
“Can I sit here?”
Taehyung smiles softly at Yoongi who is trying, and failing, to hide his shock. He just stares at Taehyung, his eyes wide and his mouth open.
“H-hyung?”
“Oh! Yeah, no, for sure. Sit down.”Yoongi says, wondering just how long he had been staring. “I didn't know you were going to be here…”
Taehyung smiles again,“Yeah. I asked Jin-hyung to keep it a secret.”
Yoongi had never felt an urge to hug Jin more.
“H-how have you been?”Taehyung stutters
Yoongi sighs, placing his hand on Taehyung's. He caresses it softly and smiles gently at Taehyung. “There's no need to be nervous Taehyung. I'm right here. I'm still Min Yoongi. Just talk to me like before.”Yoongi tells him
Taehyung clears his throat and nods. He agrees with Yoongi, not much has changed about either of them. Physically of course. Taehyung has probably grown another inch or two and Yoongi’s hair is now dyed gray. But not much else has changed.
“How have you been?”Taehyung asks again, but this time his voice is clearer, calmer
“I'm fine in all honesty. I wasn't really before but I won't bore you with the de-”
“No,”Taehyung says, interrupting Yoongi,“Tell me.”
Yoongi blushes, “Well, after you left...after I forced you to leave I-uh-wasn't doing so well. I remember once, while in the hospital, I had a nightmare with you in it. Something really awful had happened to you, I think you died or were extremely hurt. I can't really remember. But what I do remember is waking up and I was just screaming.
“I was screaming and hollering and thrashing around in my bed. They had me pumped up on so many pain meds I could barely form a coherent sentence. But I was able to scream your name. They ended up giving me some stuff to calm me down. But, it was awful. It felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. And I mean, I think some days were better than others. But I don't think that pain ever fully left.
“Day in and day out I would call for you. In my dreams, in my head, sometimes I would accidentally say your name out loud. Those were the days that I got the most looks of pity from Jin, Namjoon, and Hoseok. I even looked for you in...well, everything. I found you in the stars at night, the wildflowers growing on the side of the road, even in my own lyrics.
“Well, the last one wasn't too hard. You were, are the muse for practically all of my songs. Every heart pumping beat, or gut wrenching lyric. They're little pieces of you.”Yoongi admits shyly
When Yoongi looks up from where he had been staring at his napkin he sees Taehyung's mouth open and a steady stream of tears swimming down his face.
“Did I say something wrong?”Yoongi asks, although it's mostly to himself
Taehyung shakes his head and chuckles a little. He smiles as he wipes the tears away,“No, not at all. I just...I'm being a cry baby and I know this won't make you feel any better, but I wasn't doing too well either.
“I was angry a lot. I was angry at everything really, even at these trees. And I know, why trees? But I'll have to take you sometime, you’d love them. Anyway, um after I was angry I just became indifferent. It really worried Jungkook and pissed Jimin off, I mean, nothing amused me, nothing excited me. But also, nothing angered or saddened me. I was, for all intents purposes, a shell of who I was.
“And then I decided to throw myself into the dating scene, and I did. I met a guy who I thought I liked, hell, I thought I loved him. But after a few words from Hoseok and Jimin, I realized that I didn't want to make the same mistakes again. I've been letting people steer me, tell me what to do, tell me what's good for me.
“And maybe that's because I was young and unsure of myself. Or maybe it's because, when things go wrong, I can point the blame at someone. But I've come to realize that that isn't the life I want for myself. A month or so ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. I wanted to talk to you right away but I didn't.
“I realized, maybe that was our problem last time. If you break your leg you need to rest it and take medicine to allow it to heal. It's the same thing with your heart after a breakup, especially ones as traumatising as ours were. But we never let ourselves heal fully. We just dove into another relationship. So, I let myself rest. I fed my heart good medicine; comfort foods and time with good people. And, honestly, I feel so much... better .”Taehyung tells him, his hand clutching Yoongi's
Yoongi breaks the silence with an amused snort so Taehyung kicks him under the table, but then they both begin to laugh hearty, loud, but happy laughs. “That's ing awful!” Taehyung managed to wheeze between laughter
“Nah, yours is worse.”Yoongi says, referring to the things they went through while apart
“They're both pretty ty to be very ing honest.”Taehyung replies
“No truer words have been said,” Yoongi says as his laughter begins to calm down
Taehyung agrees, his laugh tapering off into a soft chuckle before dying out altogether.
“You sure have grown Taehyung-ie”Yoongi says teasingly
Taehyung nods in agreement and then it goes silent between them. Neither one of them say a thing. So instead, Taehyung reaches his other hand out for Yoongi and smiles when Yoongi grabs hold of his hand.
“Are you willing to begin again with me?” Taehyung asks, his voice barely above a whisper and shaking immensely from nerves
Yoongi smiles fondly, “Yes, of course.”
“Well then, hello. I'm Kim Taehyung. I am twenty five years old, twenty-six in December. I like dogs and a certain guy named Min Yoongi.”Taehyung says, smiling at his own cheesiness
Yoongi rolls his eyes but can't hide the large smile on his face,“My name is Min Yoongi, I'm twenty-seven years young . I love basically everything about music, but I love a certain guy named Kim Taehyung even more.”
If you'd like to request anything or just wanna talk (or yell/rant/cry/etc.), hit me up on my tumblr!
Foreword
'Cause you are the piece of me
I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly,
still fight and I don't know why
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
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